There was darkness. The terrifying, life consuming emptiness of complete nothingness. Tellion's eyes remained closed. There was no point in keeping them open when there was no difference in her current state of existence. Tellion was laying upon her back in the water, Susan's hair flowing about in the liquid, tickling their thin ends across her shoulders and face. Tellion had nothing to do in that moment other than just lay there, and try her very best to not let the terror of the unknown consume her. Every beat of Susan's heart left like a hundred years passing. Each moment Tellion laid in complete fear.
She dreaded this state. It reminded her of that horrific instant, just before she had fallen into the nourishing pool of Kandrona soaked Yeerk Pool liquid. The moment when she had witnessed Temrash's final embers of life extinguished, and saw the eye. That almost galactic in scale orb that poured forth more malice and terror into her very existence in that single instant than every instance of fear of throughout Tellion's entire life of being in the Yeerk Empire.
Tellion endured this agonizing state for as long as she was able to last, but finally she was unable to keep herself suffering through the torture. Tellion sat up abruptly and pushed the lid open. The very first thing she saw once the darkness vanished was Mark's bright and comforting face.
"Back to the world?" he said, his lips pulling into a comforting smile.
Tellion couldn't help but let her own lips morph into an equally gentle smile as she pulled herself up from the tank. His smile always brought a sense of peace, and warmth to her nearly shattered conscious. As she climbed out of the tank, Mark handed her a towel, which Tellion gladly accepted and used to dry off her face and hair.
"Feeling better?" Mark asked her.
"Feeling better." Tellion repeated his words, which only seemed to make Mark's smile grow brighter.
Of course, the liquid in the tank was just plain water, so Mark was completely oblivious to Tellion's true purpose of the tank's use. After she had saved both herself and Susan a few days ago, Tellion had drained the Yeerk Pool liquid from the tank back into their containers. Despite her best efforts, she had lost a few milliliters due to various reasons. But not enough for her to be concerned. After she had disassembled the Kandrona Ray generator and the ventilator and hid their various parts in the basement, Tellion had dressed herself and went back to the couch where Mark and the others continued to rest. She couldn't remember much of what had happened in the moments after. The last clear memory that Tellion had was of waking from a terrifying dream with Mark encasing his arms around her and her head resting against his chest.
It felt like it had happened so long ago, yet only a few days had passed. Tellion couldn't ever forget the way he had looked at her in that moment, nor how it made her feel…
Tellion finished drying off the rest of the water from 'her' body. Linda had found a garment called a 'swimsuit' for her when Tellion had expressed her desire to use the deprivation tank. It was a strange material, but so was most of human garments to her. It was very tight fitting, pressing in around her thin frame. Whatever it was made of, the fabric was clearly suited for getting wet, because it seemed to have most of its liquid absorption taken away went Tellion wiped the towel over its surface.
Once she was sufficiently dried, Tellion forced a smile at Mark before closing the lid to the tank. As much as Tellion despised the deception she had to pull on him and the rest of Susan's family, Tellion knew that she needed an excuse to be able to use the tank without drawing suspicion from any of them. So she had told Mark the other day that she wanted to try the tank to 'mediate' as he had called it. Mark and the others had seemed more than happy to let her use it. She had sat back, pretending to be ignorant of their preparations of the tank, until everything was ready.
When she had used it the first time, Tellion dreaded the darkness that had encompassed her when the lid had closed. It was only through her complete force of will that had prevented her from pushing the lid open and screaming in terror as all of the horrific memories of her near death experience came surging back into her conscious thoughts. Temerash's terrified screams, the absolute fear in his eyes just before he died, and that all-consuming horrific gaze of that diabolic red eye that shrouded all of her known existence.
She had thought that, after that first time, facing the darkness would get easier. It hadn't. This second time had all but proven that to her.
It had taken all of her mental strength to not reveal to Mark her trembling from the fright of having to relive that experience. Once it was all done, Tellion let Mark put his arm around her and lead her upstairs.
"You like it?" he asked, referencing the deprivation tank. "Does it help?"
"It helps." Tellion answered him honestly, though not clearly stating how it specifically to him how it helped her. She searched for the right words to say to Mark. "Makes me feel…better."
"I'm glad it does." he said, helping her to the top of the stairs.
Tellion glanced back one last time at the salvation that she had created for herself. She didn't think any more of it as Mark handed her over to Linda. Linda took her back to the bedroom and laid out a change of clothes for her. Tellion changed out of her swimsuit and into the normal set of clothes that she had been wearing that day. Once properly dressed, she went downstairs and interacted with the rest of the family. It was a routine that she was readily becoming comfortably encased in, despite the guilt that Tellion couldn't shake from her conscious of knowing that she wasn't really who all these people thought she was.
As the family sat around the T.V. talking among themselves, Tellion glanced from the edge of her vision at Ellaine. Despite her initial fears, Susan's sibling didn't seem to display any emotions or suspicions to Tellion. She didn't seem to show any memory of what had transpired between them the night that Tellion had almost died. Tellion was sure that she remembered something from that night, but her actions only seemed to indicate to Tellion that Ellaine only saw what had transpired as a vague memory of a dream. At least, that's what Tellion hoped.
Knowing that she soon needed Kandrona nourishment, and that she needed to collect the remainder of the Yeerk Pool liquid she had hidden nearby, Tellion thought of the sleeping pills. She hated to use them again on Mark and the others, but she didn't see any alternative that would allow her to have the freedom to go and collect the rest of the Yeerk Pool liquid she had left near the house. The family would have to be drugged once again.
But she would have to time her use of them accordingly. If a noticeable pattern developed, then Mark and the others would likely figure out that something was wrong with their unexplainable sleeping patterns every three days. And she only had a limited number of them.
Which was why she had asked Mark to let her use the deprivation tank. It gave Tellion the needed cover for using it without having to draw any suspicion upon her use of it. She was just going to have to figure out a way to keep all of them from prying into what she was doing. Filling and draining the tank with Yeerk Pool liquid alone would likely be a time consuming task. Not to mention the assembling of both the Kandrona Ray and the Ventilator, much less their disassembly and hiding their various parts. But Tellion had already pulled herself through one impossible situation. If she could do that once, then surely she would be able to find a solution to her current problem.
"Everything ok honey?"
Tellion turned her gaze from the T.V. to Linda. She had a questioning look on her face.
"You were staring off."
"I was thinking…" Tellion answered. "How happy I am here. Don't feel like it is real."
Mark took her hand in his, sending those pleasant tingles rolling up the full length of her arm. "You being here is just as real as anything."
Tellion smiled at him, squeezing his hand back softly.
What he said, and her response to him, seemed to put Linda at ease. She didn't say anything else in regards to how Tellion behaved. The rest of the day progressed along as it had done for the last several. Watching the viewing programs that were called 'shows' and being taught more words and sentences by Linda and Ellaine. Arthur would offer what help he could, but he didn't really seem to know what to say or what to do in regards to her situation. Tellion began to wonder if this was a common thing among human males with their daughters. He certainly seemed to behave in a similar way to Ellaine.
When Linda announced that she was getting ready to make dinner, she pointed at Tellion. "Susan, honey, you need to go clean yourself up before coming to the table. Sitting in that water…it's not clean."
"I feel fine." Tellion protested, not really sure why Linda would think laying in water would be unsanitary.
"No buts about it." Linda responded in a firm voice, motioning upstairs towards her sleeping quarters. "Go run a shower and dinner will be ready by the time you come back down."
Tellion knew better than to argue with Linda. Every action that she took in this home needed to be done without drawing any unnecessary attention to herself and how she behaved. Not willing to do anything to draw further suspicion on her, Tellion went to the bedroom on the second floor.
Tellion made sure to shut the door before removing her garments. She had to admit, the concept of clothing still felt very odd to her. But humans didn't seem to like the idea of walking around without them, so she had to force her though process to adapt to living this way. And, for many reasons that she still couldn't explain, the idea of Mark seeing her unclothed felt…odd.
Once removed of her clothing, Tellion went into the wash area and turned on the water for the shower. With Linda having already shown her how to adjust the knobs to get the acceptable temperature levels of warmth that felt right for Susan's body, Tellion cautiously placed her hand under the running water to assure her that it was comfortable temperatures.
The heat was just the right balance for what she felt Susan's body could tolerate. Tellion was a little hesitant to step inside, but she forced herself to enter the shower. When she pulled the thin plastic barrier across the showering station, Tellion turned the lever to activate the shower. She shuddered when the hail of warm water splashed across not only her face, but the rest of her body. This…experience of cleaning herself…was so much more pleasant than any of the times she had to clean herself off as a Gedd, or even the few times she had been required to in Tallaxia. The water had always been cold and shot out in harsh jets, and she had only been rationed one minute of water use to soak, then one minute to rinse her filthy body off. Here, she wasn't under a time limit. Here, she could adjust the water to her personal comfort, and enjoy it for as long as she wished.
Such a simple little thing, being able to take one's time to clean themselves off.
Yet it was more freedom for the enjoyment of comfort than Tellion had ever known. Without thinking, Tellion shut her eyes and let herself bask in the sheer pleasure of warm water splashing across her host's body. No sooner had she closed her eye lids that the images returned.
It was always happening whenever there was darkness. She was worried about the fragile state of her mind.
Tellion shuddered as the dreadful moments of her near death, Temerash's anguished cries as he was blasted into oblivion, and that horrific red eye that was as equally ominous as it was gigantic, all continued to flash through her mind. Tellion willed her eyes to open and spare her the dread of that terrifying experience.
As the water ran down her exposed body, Tellion stared at her hands. They were trembling, the physical manifestation of the fear that was coursing through her. In that moment, Tellion felt as weak and feeble as she would in her own natural body.
She had thought saving herself would have brought jubilation, but instead all Tellion had felt in the last few days was a great weariness and fear. She hadn't slept well, despite not being subject to further dreams, and even her own natural body felt drained from it all.
Placing her head against the smooth surface of the interior wall, Tellion continued to stare at her shaking hands. As her mind continued to dwell on everything that she had experienced in the last few days, she couldn't help but feel her fear slowly morph into frustration, then anger. Before she realized it, Tellion's hands had clenched into tight fists and she lightly punched them into the surface.
"Why…" she whispered to herself. "Why is this happening to me? I was supposed to be… free."
That was what the first voice had told her, before she had taken that life altering fall into a fate that had defied her original destiny. It had told her that freedom would come with a price, but nothing she could have imagined would have been close to everything that she had already endured. In so many ways, she still felt like she was a prisoner to this new fate. And Susan, poor Susan…
Help me.
All of Tellion's attention was suddenly drawn to the faint voice that whispered across her mind. She knew instantly who that voice belonged to, even if she had never heard her speak before.
"Susan." Tellion said in the softest tone her vocal cords could allow her to.
She turned to what she believed was the sound of Susan's voice, and felt her body lose all motor skills when she saw the shadowy outline of a figure standing on the other side of the thin plastic sheet that was now separating them. The shadowy figure reached out a tiny, frail hand that mimicked the ones her host body had and pressed it against the sheet. Tellion pressed herself into the cold surface of the adjacent wall as she saw the plastic press inward at the touch of the figure.
Save me. I'm lost…cold…scared…
Despite her fear, Tellion felt the desire to reach out to Susan greater than any potential danger to herself. Heart throbbing within her chest, she lifted her arm and cautiously pressed her hand against the portion of the sheet that had been pressed in. When she felt the solid force of mass on the other side pushing back against her touch, Tellion's entire body shuddered. A weary breath seeped from Tellion's aching lungs at the feel of Susan's touch.
Don't leave me.
"I haven't Susan. I won't leave you. But you have to tell me how to find you. You have to tell me where you are. Please." Tellion begged.
Don't forget me…
"I won't…I could never forget you Susan." Tellion said, barely able to hold back her sorrow.
Find me.
"Where are you?!" Tellion screamed, ripping back the plastic sheet as her desperation spilled over her ability to control her emotions.
An empty, steam saturated room was there to greet her upon the other side. The figure was gone, no trace of it remained. It was as if it had never been there at all. A horrible sinking feeling formed in the center of her abdominal area, and Tellion collapsed onto her bottom in the washing station. Wasted and drained, she could do nothing except place her hands upon her trembling face.
What had just happened? Had any of that even been real? Had Susan really called out to her in a desperate bid for salvation, or had she just imagined it all? Was she really losing her mind? Tellion really felt as if all of those questions were true. With everything that she had experienced in the last few days, she didn't know how to not think that some part of her rational consciousness had been ripped away from very fabric of herself.
She truly felt the weight of the loneness of her situation falling down upon her. Unable to withstand it, Tellion let her emotional walls crumble and began to weep. She sat there, letting her sorrow pour out, losing all concept of time. Her tears mixed with the falling water, washing down her feeble body, and spilling away into the drain to be lost forever.
A light knocking from the other side of the door was what brought Tellion back from her torn emotional state.
"Susan?" Linda's muffled voice came from the other side. "Sweetie, are you alright in there?"
Tellion quickly got back to her feet and pulled the sheet back to cover the washing station. The moment she had done that, the door swung open and Linda stepped inside.
"Susan!" she cried. "You got water everywhere. What have you been doing?"
Tellion wiped away her tears and peeked her head out from the behind the cover to look at Linda.
"I sorry. I slipped and water got out."
Linda gave her a questioning look before taking a nearby drying cloth and wiping up the water all over the floor. She then placed another one on the sink for her as well as a set of new, and presumably clean, garments for her to wear.
"Well, try to hurry up and finish sweetie. We're all waiting for you downstairs."
"Ok mom." Tellion said, trying her best to hide the sadness that she was feeling as she addressed this woman as if she really where her own mother. The woman who could have never understood that her real daughter had cried out from a space beyond the physical realm to plea to a parasitic space slug that had taken over her ailing body to rescue her. "Not much longer."
With her reassurance, Linda shut the door. Tellion kept her word and finished cleaning herself. Although it was more of a task rather than a necessity for her. Tellion needed to do something to take her mind off of Susan's terrified plea to save her.
With her mind still a mass of confusion, Tellion turned the water off and exited the washing station. She rapidly dried herself off and put the appropriate garments, slipping four of the sleeping pills into a back pocket before hurrying downstairs. Everyone was waiting around the dinner table, their plates already full of various foods that she had yet to try. If there was even one small sliver of enjoyment that Tellion was able to obtain in this agonizing existence she had fallen into, it was the delicious experience of taste. Although, Tellion thought as her face grew warm as she looked next to her at Mark, there were other things about this new life that she was finding most enjoyable…
For a very short time, Tellion allowed herself to become distracted by the wonderful food and happy company of Mark and Susan's family. Yet, even admits all that joy, Tellion could feel the four pills in the pocket of her pants. She hated this deception, but it was for their own protection. She just needed to have a moment to give it to them without any of them noticing.
Even as Tellion thought of how to make this happen, Ellaine peered out the window as they were finishing up their meal.
"Hey," she said, pointing outside. "Look at that. Shooting stars."
They all peered out the window, Tellion included. She saw that Ellaine was pointing at. Indeed, there was a multitude of objects burning up in the planet's atmosphere. Each only lasted for a few moments, but each presented a spectacle that Tellion couldn't help but admire. Even though she suspected most of those 'shooting stars' were just various bits of metal debris and other space junk that had been put into low orbit around this world that had finally been pulled into the atmosphere to burn up.
Despite their still primitive state of technology, humanity had placed more low orbital communications relays into space than any other species the Yeerk Empire was aware of at this time. It was one of the reasons the Pool ship had remained at a much further orbital distance than what was normal for other worlds. A random communications relay running into the Pool Ship and being destroyed would bring much unneeded attention to their forces.
Arthur rose from his chair. "Come on, let's catch it before it ends. This doesn't happen every day."
No one objected, they all rose from their seats and started to hurry out of the room. Tellion deliberately shoved the last of her food into her mouth and began to chew. Mark gently grabbed her hand and tried to led her out as well. Tellion shook her head at him, pointing to her mouth.
"Come on honey," he said, pulling her again. "You can chew outside too."
Again, Tellion shook her head, waving her free arm around the table. Mark persisted.
"Susan, no one's going to care if you make a little mess. We can clean it up later. I don't want you to miss the meteor shower."
Again, Tellion shook her head and waved at the table. The second time, Mark seemed to relent and released her hand. He began exiting the room, but didn't take his eyes off of her. "Just hurry up and finish. I want you to see this, ok?"
Tellion smiled behind her food saturated cheeks and nodded at him. Mark smiled back and left the room. She waited until she heard his footsteps exit the back door. She immediately pulled the pills from her pocket and dropped one into each of their cups. Tellion waited until she was sure they were all dissolving before leaving the kitchen and joining the family outside. They were all staring up at the night sky as more and more of the objects burned up in the atmosphere. Tellion watched all of the bright faces, the almost innocent like wonder that they all displayed at such a basic spectacle. Some part of her wished that she could feel what they felt. But that was impossible.
Tellion didn't have to look up at the night sky with mystery and awe. She had been born in space. She knew the horrors that was lurking out there in the endless, cold void.
She went to Mark's side and he pulled his arm around her. Tellion felt her body tense from his touch, but she quickly relaxed in his grip and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Glad you didn't wait." he said to her, staring up at the darkened sky. "I really wouldn't want you to miss this."
Tellion lifted her eyes to watch it too. And she hated doing it. Because unlike Mark, Ellaine, Linda, and Arthur, she didn't watch those falling extraterrestrial objects with innocent curiosity. She knew, somewhere up in that dark sky spotted with the light of long dead stars, the Yeerk Pool ship was orbiting this unsuspecting world. It was up there, orchestrating the eventual subjugation and ultimate destruction of this beautiful world. And she, one feeble, insignificant Yeerk, was trying to hide from all of those dark forces that presided over this unsuspecting world. And how long could she hide? How long could she continue to pretend that the war, and conquest of this world, wasn't happening all around her?
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Mark asked, breaking Tellion from her feelings of dread for both this world and the people she had grown to care for.
Tellion glanced at him for a moment, smiled, and looked back up at the falling objects. "Beautiful." she whispered.
Even as she forced the smile, Tellion struggled to keep the uneasy feeling that lurked within her from showing to Mark. Because deep down, she didn't think this 'falling star' shower was a natural occurrence. Its timing, its approximate placement in relation to where they were located on this world, it all fit too perfectly to allow her a distraction to place those pills in the family's drinks. But if she was right, then that meant that one of those greater powers had assisted her once again.
But why? How could she be so important to either of them that being of such immense and vast power would waste their time and energy on her? How could she, a lowly Yeerk, be of any use to either of them? Tellion found, almost frighteningly, that she had so many questions, and yet so very few, if any, answers.
Even as she pondered on these questions, Tellion felt Mark's hand tighten its grip on hers, breaking her away from her thoughts of both the higher powers using her as a pawn and her fear of the overwhelming invasion of her people that lurked over this wondrous and unsuspecting world. Unable to help herself, Tellion felt her attention being pulled away from the falling objects in the black sky above over to Mark's face.
Just seeing that he was looking at her, the kindness in his eyes, the gentleness in his face…it made her heart slam into the bones of the skeletal structure that protected her torso's vital organs. But when he brought his other hand up and placed it on her face, Tellion began to feel her whole body tremble.
That warmth, the one that she had felt since the moment he had first pressed his lips against hers, when he had first held her in his arms, when he had first shown her an affection that was beyond that of mere friendship…it was returning to her. Coursing all through her physical and mental capabilities, encompassing all of her very being. And becoming something deeper than what existed in the mere physical plane of understanding. Even as she looked back at him, Tellion felt a great fear overcoming her. The fear of the unknown.
Oh Mark, she thought, barely able to control the swirling mixture of emotions that were rampaging all through her emotional processes. What is this…feeling coursing through me? Why does it feel that this heart in my chest is going to explode when you look at me like that? Why do I feel such fear and comfort at the same time from your touch? My people…I…never knew of this feeling. It's so alien to me, so terrifying, yet so joyous at the same time. We Yeerks don't have any kind of word for this feeling. But…there must be a word for this emotion. In some language, in some culture other than ours, that can explain this warmth and comfort you bring to my weary spirit. Please, just give me a word for this feeling.
But she didn't have an answer, and maybe she never would.
Torn between this unknown disturbances that Mark was igniting within her and her guilt for sharing such a moment with him when it truly belonged to Susan, Tellion lowered her head to avoid his gaze. Yet, before she could even make Mark feel like she was rejecting his actions to her, Tellion leaned against Mark and rested her head into his chest.
Even as she pressed her face into his firm body, she felt his arms pull up around her and tighten. And it made her feel so immensely at peace.
"Susan…" Mark whispered.
"I want to be in home." she spoke softly into his chest.
"You don't want to see the falling stars?"
"I no like the night," she said. "I think of…"
She never felt so torn in that moment. Wanting to desperately to tell Mark the truth of why she didn't want to be outside and looking up at the night sky, yet knowing that she couldn't because he likely wouldn't believe her, nor could she put him in any kind of danger.
"You're thinking of the crash." Mark said into her ear. "That night that you…"
Tellion tightened her grip on him. She didn't know what he was truly speaking of, but she knew the answer to give him. "Yes."
She clearly heard the breath exhale from his chest before he started to led her back towards the house. "Come on then, let's go back inside."
Tellion said nothing to him as he took her back inside. It wasn't very long after they had gone back into the home that the rest of the family returned.
"That was pretty short, but it was quite a sight." Arthur said to all of them.
"Did you like the falling stars honey?" Linda asked Tellion. "You didn't seem happy to be outside."
"The falling stars I liked." Tellion answered, looking at her feet. "I no like the night. That is when the crash happened."
She glanced up at the family, and saw all of their worried faces to know that she had said the 'right' thing. Or maybe it hadn't been. There was still so much to being human that she didn't know about. Ellaine was the first among them to speak.
"Suzie, do you…remember any of what…"
"No." Tellion answered, turning her head away from all of them. "And…I don't want to remember…"
And that wasn't a lie. Tellion truly didn't want to know what horrible thing it was that had befallen Susan to put her in the state she currently was in. It made her equally sad and guilty about her own state of being. Even as she dwelled on these thoughts, Tellion felt Mark sit beside her on the couch and place his arm around her. Just his gentle touch was enough to make her whole body freeze and the voice in the back of her throat die.
"It doesn't matter if you never remember anything honey." he said with a gentle squeeze of her shoulder. "We're going to make a lot of new memories together go forward. And they'll be good ones."
Tellion didn't know how to react to Mark's actions. She just mimicked him by putting her hand over his and squeezing it. "I'd like…to make good memories."
She looked from him to Susan's family. "With…my family."
No matter what concern they may have had for her, or what they perceived to be her current state, Susan's family all surrounded her and each gave her a warm hug. And so did Mark. She liked their hugs, they brought to Tellion a sense of peace that she desperately needed. But she enjoyed Mark's the most. It was always different from the rest. Deeper and more connecting than the others. And more pleasant. Tellion let herself become immersed in their affections.
She was so distracted by it all that she hadn't realized that Linda had gone back into the kitchen and retrieved their drinks until Tellion noticed that they were all sipping from their cups. She made a point to be sure that the one she drank from was the clean cup. It was.
Tellion didn't break from the illusion that she savoring every moment of interaction with them without any concern being shown that something was wrong with her. Deep within her, she didn't feel anything good from the fact of lying to all of Susan's family. But again, she had to do these things to keep herself and Susan safe. Susan had reached out to her, asked Tellion, no begged Tellion to save her. She couldn't do that if the rest of her family was aware of what was really occurring. She had to keep this façade going on until she could find a way to rescue Susan. It didn't take long before the pills began to take effect over the others. One by one, they all became drossy. Not wanting to draw any suspicion to herself, Tellion pretended to grown weary herself. She rested herself against Mark, laying her head upon his shoulder. Even as she felt the strength draining from his body, Mark put his arm around Tellion and looked at her face.
"I'm…getting tired. Are you?"
"Getting tired." Tellion whispered, shutting her eyes and willing Susan's body to lose much of its strength.
Mark helped Tellion to her feet and looked at the rest of the family. "We're going to turn in early. It's been a long day for both of us."
The loudest response from the three of them was the very audible, strange noises that Arthur made when his sleep breathing was disrupted. Ellaine and Linda both looked him with strange gazes, then smiled at the two of them.
With nothing left to be said, Mark 'carried' Tellion upstairs to their sleeping quarters. When they were in the room and the door closed, Mark rested Tellion on the bed and sat across from her. He took his shoes off and started to get up.
"I'll go back down to the couch." he muttered in a weary voice.
Like she had done days before, Tellion reached across the bed and grabbed his hand, stopping Mark from going.
"No." she whispered to him in the dim light that barely showed either of their features and expressions. "Please don't go."
Mark sat back down and stared at her. "Susan…"
She took his hand and placed it upon her hot face, and felt her body shudder from even that faintest contact. "Don't leave me. I…don't want to sleep alone."
"But why?" he asked, clearly the effects of the sleeping pill breaking down some mental barriers he had erected with their mutual interactions. "Why are you afraid to sleep?"
"I'm…terrified of sleeping alone." Tellion answered him with true conviction in her voice. "That I won't…wake up again."
That was not a lie. It may not have been the full truth of what Mark thought her words meant, but to Tellion, what she confessed to him in that moment of full vulnerability was the expression of her deepest fears in that instance. She was terrified of sleeping. One part because, as a Yeerk, she had never fully dreamed before until entering Susan's body. The other part…was due to the terrors that dreams brought her. Dreams of Temrash's death. His agonizing and terrified screams of being blasted away from existence. And the all-encompassing fear of that seemingly omnipotent eye that's darkness crushed and consumed every part of her very being. Every time she experienced that feeling, it was as if Tellion felt her very essence die. It was a fear far greater than any that Visser Three had ever installed in her.
Mark, for whatever reasons that Tellion could never truly understand, laid down on the bed and pulled her into his embrace. Just lying there, with his arms around her, it brought so much comfort and joy to Tellion that she wished the moment would never end.
"I can't even begin," Mark murmured into her hair as he rested her face against his chest. "How terrifying it has to be for you to fall asleep. Every time. Knowing what happened…"
His words. His touch. It was so deeply moving to her. More than any interaction she had ever felt with another being. Tellion tightened her embrace on him.
"I'm afraid, that it will all end…"
"You came back to me." Mark said. "I have to believe…it was meant to be."
"I don't know what to believe anymore." Tellion said, the sadness all too clear in her voice.
Mark shifted his body, and made her look at his face in the dimness that surrounded them. "Just believe…that you're meant to be here…with me…"
She couldn't look at him for more than just that one moment. It caused so much distress within Tellion. She pressed her face into his chest, fighting back the sadness that was forming up inside her weary spirit. This…feeling that was flowing all through her, it continued to encompass all of what she was. And Tellion was still no closer to understanding any of what these feeling were than that first night Mark had touched his lips to hers. But among it all, she couldn't shake the sensation that she was betraying Susan by being there, in that instant, and sharing that moment with Mark. A moment that rightfully belonged to Susan.
Not knowing what to truly say to him or even make sense of her own feelings, Tellion just laid there with Mark, letting him hold her in silence even as she felt the energy drain from his body.
Slowly, perhaps slower than she ever would have thought possible, Mark's body lost all of its strength. Before much longer, his heavy breathing signified to Tellion that he had fallen into a state of deep slumber. Moving with a calculated caution, she eased herself out of his grasp and off of the bed. She took a moment to observe him, and once she had confirmed that Mark was indeed resting in peaceful dreams, Tellion made her move. Changing out of her sleeping garments and into ones that were more suited for her coming tasks, Tellion hesitated for one instant before leaving Susan's husband. Not knowing why she did it, Tellion placed her hand on the side of his face, the way he had done to her so many time since she had met him, and gently ran her fingers across his rough skin. She only did it only once, but once felt more meaningful to her than most of the other actions she had taken in her life.
Setting her mind to the task at hand, Tellion reluctantly left Mark to dream what she hoped were wonderful and innocent dreams on the bed. Quietly sneaking down the steps, Tellion mentally mapped each step that she took, taking great care to not put any pressure on the portions that she already knew would create the greatest amount of noise. When she reach the bottom, she scanned the living room. Linda and Arthur were not there, not doubt having gone to the spare bedroom to sleep. Only Ellaine remained, and she was laid out across the large couch in front of the television. As Tellion put on her shoes, she noticed that the blanket that had been placed over Ellaine had fallen off of most of her small body. Even across the room and in the dim light, Tellion could see her body trembling slightly from lack of sufficient heat.
As she passed by, Tellion grabbed the blanket and carefully placed it back over 'her' little sister. Even as she did, a faint, almost approving sound came from Ellaine's closed lips. Tellion smiled at the experience, feeling at least a little glad that she had done something good among her current actions. She pushed Ellaine's hair back behind her ear and gently patted her head.
"Sleep well, sister." Tellion whispered to her before leaving the home.
The night was full of silence as she walked out into it, almost devoid of life. At least it felt that way to Tellion. Unable to break the unease the dwelled over her, she hurried along. Retracing her steps from days earlier, Tellion went back to where she had hidden the remains of the Yeerk Pool liquid. Thankfully, her hiding spot remained undisturbed.
Since she was not in a state of ominous rush, Tellion opted to only take one canister of Pool liquid at a time. And that was what she did. It took some time, but eventually she managed to transport the remaining canisters to well-placed hiding spots in the basement of Mark and Susan's home.
When finished, Tellion had only one final task to complete to hopefully cover her path of escape from the Yeerk Empire. Remembering each step that she had taken only a short time ago thanks to her eidetic memory, Tellion went back to where she had hidden the human transportation vehicle Samier had used to bring Tellion the tools she had needed to save herself. Mercifully, it didn't appeared disturbed in any way.
Unbeknownst to Mark or the rest of the family, Tellion had taken what little free time she had been able to sneak in under their concerned watch to study a primitive set of topographical layouts of the surrounding area. It had been immensely difficult, having to utilize just her plain knowledge of the location of the home without any kind of auto global positioning systems or homing beacons. But Tellion had prevailed and found a large enough body of water nearby to dispose of the vehicle.
Turning it on, Tellion took a deep breath and shifted the vehicle into its driving gear and eased it out from the hidden spot. Remembering a prearranged path that she had laid out, Tellion followed her memories and took the vehicle to a secluded spot near a noisy bridge. Here, under the cover of many more human vehicles passing by above, Tellion turned off all light sources for the vehicle and crept it to the edge of a very sharp geographical incline. Taking one moment to glance around to assure that there were no curious eyes about, she shifted the vehicle into drive and edged it forward. Just as the front of the vehicle began to roll down the incline, Tellion leapt out. Rolling across the damp ground, she slipped into a patch of wet dirt that covered a good portion of her clothing in the semi-solid liquid. Tellion pulled herself into a sitting position as she watched the vehicle go down the embankment and crash into the body of water below. For one fleeting moment, it remained above the surface, almost defying all concept of Tellion's knowledge of physics. Then, as if she had willed it to out of her desperation, the vehicle began to sink beneath the surface until it had vanished below the dark surface, leaving nothing behind of its existence except a few pockets of air bubbles.
Tellion's relief escaped her lips as the last thing to link her to her escape vanished. Even if the vehicle was found by either the native authorities or the Yeerk hunter squads, they would both likely attribute it to being Dr. Samier. Now, at least for the moment, she was free. Free to live a life that she had never expected, but had always desperately wanted. Standing on her feet, she glanced at her trembling hands, almost not believing any of this moment was real.
But it was, and she needed to make the most of it while she could. Turning from the destroyed evidence of her escape, Tellion made her way back home. She would have to use the Kandrona ray while everyone slept. Even though she still had over a full day left before needing to feed again, Tellion didn't want to risk not having the available ability to get her much needed Kandrona ray absorption. Nor did she ever, ever want to feel the pain of the Fugue again…
As Tellion slowly made her way back home, her mind drifted through many different thoughts. All of them ranging from her new found freedom to what her purpose was in the cosmos from being a play thing of beings that were more powerful than her tiny mind could comprehend. And with those thoughts came a mixed torrent of emotions. They shifted from her hope and joy at her escape of the other Yeerks, to ones of guilt for having overtaken Susan's life, and her fear that the invasion was still going on. But above it all…was her thoughts and feelings for Mark. Being with him, the way he affected her on both a physical level and to something beyond that, it filled Tellion with sensations…in a way that she couldn't describe. The only thing that she knew for certain was that Mark made her care for him in a way that she had never cared for another living being.
Dammit! She thought, pulling her arms weakly around her trembling body. What is this? Why does thinking about him make me feel this way? It fills me with such warmth, fear, and pain all at once. It's so terrifying and comforting at the same time. Why…why don't we Yeerks have a word to describe this feeling? Am I…am I the first of my kind to ever feel this way?
Even as she tried to make sense of what was going all through her troubled mind, Tellion walked around the corner of the street she was on, and stopped instantly. She was not alone. Halfway down the street was a transparent structure, illuminated by a single light. And an individual was standing inside. Fearful of being discovered, Tellion leapt into the shadows. From where she was lurking, she observed the person. Judging by her observation of their size, he was clearly a male human, and nearly equal in size to that of Ellaine, Tellion summarized that they were a young human. But she couldn't be entirely sure since their back was to her. At the distance she could see that they were speaking into the primitive communication device that was placed inside the structure, a 'phone'.
Unable to help herself due to the curiosity of such a young one being out so late, Tellion cautiously crept closer to where she could hear what he was saying.
"…don't give up." he growled in a deep voice that didn't seem to fit his smaller frame. "Never give up."
After he said that he hung up the phone. He didn't leave the structure, he just stood there in silence. Tellion didn't know why, but she could just tell by the way he was standing, and the faint tremors coursing through his body, that he was in deep distress. She almost dared herself to leave the shadows and go to him. She wasn't sure what she could do for him, but her spirit reached out to him, wishing that he wouldn't suffer from the clear distress that was overwhelming him. Even as she felt herself beginning to emerge from the darkness, he moved. He brought a hand up to his face and rested his head against the glass surface. Although she was still so new to being human, Tellion could just tell from the way that he was struggling to breathe.
"Tom…" he whispered.
Tellion heard, and felt the pain in that one word. The only Tom that she vaguely knew of was the former slave of Temrash. But the possibility of the person that this young male was speaking of being the same Tom was so astronomical in its probability. No, it had to be a different Tom that he was speaking of. As Tellion watched on, the young male growled in anger and punched the glass surface in front of him with such force that Tellion was almost sure that he would break it. It caused her to jump back into the surrounding darkness as he exited the small structure.
Tellion watched him in silence as he lifted his head to the stars and gazed longingly up at them. Despite the distance between them, Tellion could see the faint light glistening in his eyes. Yes, he was shedding tears of pain, tears that she was all too familiar of.
"Why did you…why did you spare me, and my family?" he asked to no one in particular. "Why did you have to…be…"
He never finished his question to the empty cosmos. Even as Tellion watched him, the young male rapidly brought his hands up to his face to wipe away the clear tears that were seeping down his face. With nothing else left for him to clearly say, he briskly walked away.
As he furthered the distance between them, Tellion stepped out from the darkness and watched him depart. She didn't know why, but she bowed her head to him as he was about to walk around the corner and out of her sight forever.
"May you find the peace that you seek." she whispered to him.
And then he was gone. She was alone again. With nothing left but to do but whatever she desired with her own doing. And with that, she headed home.
Once back inside Susan and Mark's dwelling, she checked once more to make sure that everyone was sound asleep. They were. Assured of her safety of discovery, Tellion went into the basement and locked the door. Once secured, she placed her dirty garments inside the washing machine and turned it on. As its mechanical whirl drowned out any other sound inside the room, Tellion set about restructuring the mini-Yeerk pool she had created for herself. Setting up the mini-Kandrona ray generator and the refilling the self-depravation tank with Yeerk Pool liquid felt more of a task than a desperate necessity. Still, Tellion set everything up and placed herself back in the Yeerk pool before setting up the ventilator and exiting Susan's body. Becoming that blind, helpless slug that she was once again felt like being returned to a form of her own personal bondage. Yet Tellion was all too willing to accept that state. It was the only way that she could feel any form of suffrage for the life that she had taken over.
Absorbing the Kandrona rays didn't feel as rejuvenating as they had been before. But they were a necessity for Tellion and her continued survival, so she didn't allow herself to feel any discomfort in what she was doing in order to live. After what she felt was a sufficient time needed to continue existing, Tellion reentered her host body.
Opening her eyes once more felt like being awakened from a deep sleep, one that she was perpetually forced to fall into again and again. After being revitalized by her much needed Kandrona feeding, Tellion returned to the dreary task of erasing all evidence of the Yeerk pool having ever existed. After the ventilator and Kandrona ray generator were disassembled and hidden away, she drained the Yeerk Pool liquid back into their containers. As she began to clean out the inside of the tank, she also placed her washed garments into the drying unit and used its noise to hide her actions.
When it was all done, Tellion quietly wrapped a towel around her bare body and left the basement. Back upstairs, she found Ellaine, still resting comfortably on the couch, not appearing to have moved once since she last saw her. As she passed by the room that Linda and Arthur were using, she checked on them as well. They were both laying in the bed, both appearing to be in a peaceful slumber. Tellion weakly sighed with relief to see that none of them appeared hurt by her giving them the sleeping pills again. As she slowly ascended the stairs to the bedroom, Tellion hoped and wished that this would be the very last time that she would do this to them.
Moving as silently as Susan's body would allow her to, Tellion slipped into the bathroom and turned the shower on once more. She wished that there was enough time to just stay inside the privacy of that washing station and enjoy the warm water that splashed across her. But time was not her friend this night. Knowing that she had to hurry, Tellion pushed aside her desire for the mere pleasure of comfort from the warm water and quickly set about cleaning all of the filth that she had gotten on her. Try as she might, no matter how many times she scrubbed both her skin and hair, she couldn't shake away the feeling that she wasn't entirely clean.
Even after she could see no clear remains of the dirt and grim that had covered her, Tellion still felt a little bit filthy. Unable to shake that feeling from her body and mind, Tellion turned the water off and exited the shower. Taking the towel that she had brought with her, she quickly dried herself off. Once enough of the water had been wiped away from her skin, she took the towel and wrapped it around her head, nestling her wet hair inside the wrap the way Linda had shown her a few days ago. Throwing on a clean pair of under garments and a light shirt, Tellion exited the bathroom and returned to the bed room.
As she snuck inside, she cautiously looked about. Mark remained where she had left him, it was as if she had never left. Thanking her good fortune, Tellion entered the room and slowly closed the door behind her. It took a little time for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room, she was still struggling to get used to these two eyes and their limits. Once she could see well enough to move about, she headed over to the dresser and looked for a pair of suitable night garments to put on so not to arouse Mark's suspicions when he woke in the morning.
Thinking of him, she looked over her shoulder at him again. And her whole body froze.
He wasn't awake, mercifully for her. But he had moved in his sleep. Somehow, the shift had caused the shirt he was wearing to be pushed up slightly, giving her a very clear view of his flat stomach. And its well defined muscle pattern.
She had never really seen any part of him that wasn't really covered. And with clothing being such a rare and almost odd commodity among the many host bodies of the Yeerk Empire, including her time as a Gedd and then in Tallaxia, Tellion was far from a stranger to seeing unclothed bodies. But…this...wasn't the same. His muscles were almost puny in comparison to that of a Hork-Bajir's torso, or the strong back tendons of a Ssstram. And yet, her eyes were fixated on those muscles. Staring at them, it made her legs suddenly get weak.
The pace of her heart quickened, the way it had earlier when he had gazed at her with such a deep affection. She felt the pulse of its rhythm rushing all through Susan's body, and strangely, she felt that pulse echo into her own frail Yeerk body. This was something that she had never experienced before. It made Susan's body react in a strange, and almost terrifying way. And yet, she only felt herself yearning for those sensations to continue.
Unable to full understand or even control her actions, Tellion quietly glided over to the bed and sat on the edge across from Mark. He didn't even move slightly from the shift in weight from her sitting down. Not that she really even noticed such a trivial thing. All of her attention was focused on his exposed skin. Swallowing what felt like an obstruction in her throat, Tellion leaned across the bed, hovering just over Mark as he continued his peaceful and oblivious slumber. She watched in the silence of the darkness as his torso slowly rose and fell from his breathing. His body, despite all testaments of her people's reports of the human physic being so fragile, appeared so very…alluring to Tellion.
With those strange sensations running all through Susan's body, Tellion hesitantly reached out for him with a trembling hand. Even as her fingers shook almost violently from the uncontrollable urges coursing through her, Tellion found herself unable to stop her actions. She…wanted to touch him. To feel his skin against hers. When her hand gently rested on the ridged bumps of his abdomen muscles, Tellion felt a tremor run through her. One so powerful that she almost lost all control over herself.
The pulse of her body's single heart pounding through all corners of her small frame, Tellion began brushing her finger tips across his stomach without conscious thought. Why was she doing this? What was causing her to act this way? She had never behaved this way around another living being, so why was Mark different? Was it because…of that moment when he had touched his lips to hers? Tellion didn't know if there was a true answer to her internal questions. All she knew for certain was that he made her feel in a way that no other living being had in her entire life. When he looked in his special way at her, when he spoke with such care to her, it made her feel a warmth that no other had ever done.
And that warmth, that feeling of complete comfort and belonging that she had never known of until the day she had met him, what was it? Her people had so very little experience of such interactions. They didn't know of such kindness, or such caring for another. They didn't even had a word to describe it. Dammit, why couldn't she have a word to equate with these mysterious feelings?
Despite her feeling more confused and lost than ever, Tellion couldn't stop herself from how she was behaving. Without even truly thinking of it, her hand guided itself up Mark's abdomen, up to where the edge of his folded shirt was. Nervously placing a portion of her body's lips in between her teeth, Tellion slowly, and with a mixture of curiosity and terror, began to pull his shirt up. Each set of well-defined muscles made themselves available to her as she continued to pull his frail garment up his torso, and each new portion of his flesh that became available for her eyes only enhanced her desire to see more.
She was…so scared in that moment of facing the unknown, yet, Tellion had never felt herself more driven to explore something that she knew nothing of.
When she finally pulled his shirt up enough to reveal his full developed chest muscles, Tellion felt her whole body grow weak from the sight. Mark…his body…it was…so fascinating to her. So…desirable to her. But what that…desire meant to her…Tellion just didn't know.
As her pulse continued to pound through her and nervous sweat began to perspire across her face, Tellion's eyes shifted from Mark's well displayed frame, down to his more…intimate area.
She had never…ever given any thought to reproductive actions.
She had never been required, or ordered to, to mate with an opposing male of the species she had previously inhabited. Her first Gedd host had already far surpassed her prime birthing life period, and had already sired five offspring to be of use to the further use to the empire. And Tallaxia, although she had been in prime birthing years of her life cycle when Tellion had been assigned to her, she had never had to mate with another of her kind. Naharah were not ideal to the Empire's uses or designs. Hork-Bajir had been the primary focus of all the Empire's reproductive programs. So she had never been ordered to make new Naharah hosts for the Empire. In terms of such experiences, Tellion was completely clueless in these matters. And yet, she found herself strangely drawn to the thoughts for the first time in her young life.
She had never…paid much attention to the intimate parts of humans. Much less that of any male. Silly to think, being that in her true state, Tellion wasn't really a female. And yet, she felt herself being more of female than anything else in her entire life. Her eyes moved without her being truly conscious of her actions, they became focused on that part of Mark's body. She didn't know why, but Tellion licked her lips as she slowly and carefully brushed her hand down towards that very private part of Mark's body. She didn't know if this was right, if he would approve of her touching him in this way while he slept, but in so many ways that she couldn't understand, Tellion found herself with a lack of care about such things. She wanted to touch him, she wanted to see him, she wanted to know what this curious mystery was lurking through the depths of her most private thoughts. Her whole body trembled as she moved her hand down to the edge of his pants.
Tellion's whole body was trembling as she grasped the edge of his undergarments, pulling them up slightly. In the darkness, she couldn't see anything. And yet, her mind concocted a thousand different scenarios as to what she could or would be able to do if she were to pull just a little harder and see what was hidden beyond her visible sight.
Oh Mark…she thought. Would you…want me to touch you like this… or more…
What that 'more' was, she just didn't know, because she didn't know anything about this kind of situation. Tellion couldn't help herself, she kept pulling with her feeble strength to reveal his reproductive area to her curious mind.
As she was just on the edge of revealing that most treasured mystery to herself, the room suddenly became dimly illuminated. The faint light was enough to stop Tellion's actions and she collected her thoughts. The light, it was coming from the star's reflective rays upon the sole terrestrial satellite that orbited this planet. But it was enough to help illuminate the darkness when this world's rotation brought it away from the star's rays.
In that light, Tellion saw something.
She saw the framed image that had been placed upon the small table next to the bed where she had rested for many days. In the darkness, Tellion felt her gaze pulled away from her desire to see Mark's reproductive area to that frozen image of time. It was the one of Mark and Susan, in their mutual embrace that they held in a time before her coming into their lives. Tellion stared at it. More specifically at Susan's image. She looked very long, and sadly at that picture of a human woman that was full of life, at her smile that showed a life that had never known the kind of hardship and cruelty that Tellion had been born into. Sitting there, feeling as if those gentle eyes were boring into her, Tellion instantly ceased her actions.
Find me. Save me. Susan's cry of help echoed all through Tellion's mind.
Her hand immediately pulled itself back from her exploratory actions upon Mark. Tellion looked at her shaking appendage, its uncontrollable spasms a reflections of her fractured mind and thoughts. Tellion shifted her gaze from her feeble hand to Susan's frozen face. As she stared at…her…Tellion felt a surge of emotion spring up from within her. One that she knew all too well.
What…Tellion thought to herself. What did I…what did I almost…
Terrified by her actions, Tellion slipped off of the bed and immediately left the room. She rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. In the darkness, Tellion stood. Alone. Lost, confused. But above all, she felt something stronger than all of those emotions.
Guilt.
She had…taken a moment from Susan's life. No. Not taken. Stolen. She had stolen what should have been an intimate moment between her host and the husband that cared so deeply for her. Realizing that did nothing to alleviate Tellion's emotional pain. She squeezed the hand that she had used to explore Mark's body several times. The last time she clenched it into a fist so tightly that she almost thought that she would crack the bones under the pressure.
Tellion didn't even realize that she was crying until she felt the first tears rolling down her hot cheeks.
"Susan…" Tellion whimpered in a weak voice into the darkness that surrounded her. "I didn't…I don't know what happened to me…I…"
She dropped to her knees and placed her hands upon her guilt ridden face.
"I'm sorry! Susan. I didn't mean to do that with him. I just…" Tellion cried. "Susan. Please forgive me…forgive me…"
Susan wasn't there to answer her. But the silence was enough to make Tellion believe that she deserved all of the misery she had brought to herself in that moment. Because in the end, to her, she was still nothing more than a thief. A stealer of a life that she never deserved to belong in. And nothing in that moment could happen to convince Tellion otherwise.