If he was going to do it, he'd better do it then. There was no better time or place or opportunity. The damage and backlash could be limited; he wouldn't hurt the ones he had begun to care for. Well, he wouldn't hurt them past the grief over his initial absence. Guilt settled in his stomach over that fact. He was abandoning everything he had fought for- everything he set his values around. Over the years, he had molded himself into a role, and it was all going up in smoke. But it was for the best.
Michael had to leave. He had to break out of Division. He had to escape. The lies, the misdirection, the false moral superiority had caught up to him. In one fell swoop, it all changed. His foundation had crumbled and he was left stranded. The only solution was to run. He couldn't stay in that place; he couldn't continue working in that hellhole. Not after what they had done- not after what they'd continued to do.
Alexandra Udinov was the tipping point. Division's activities couldn't be ignored when a child was a part of the kill package. She was innocent. She shouldn't have been involved. The target on her father's back shouldn't have been an issue either. Division was supposed to be government sanctioned. They weren't guns for hire. They did the things other agencies couldn't. Operation Pale Fire shouldn't have happened. It went against everything Division was supposed to be. It went against everything Michael thought he was doing.
He thought he was continuing to serve his country. It was more morally grey than serving in the Navy, but it was something right. At least, he had believed it was something right. If not that, then it was something to do while he sought revenge. That seemed hopeless at the moment, however. He was lied to. He was led around by his blinding anger, and he had been duped. Michael had sold his soul to the devil, and he hadn't even known it. He didn't even let himself know it. He'd rather believe what he'd been told, allowing the pain wash over him. Until Alexandra- until he saw the little girl's picture in ops.
From the beginning, he had wanted nothing to do with Pale Fire. He heard it was a mission for hire, and he backed off. Percy let him, probably knowing that his silent protests were easier to deal with than actual dissent. Michael should've fought back. He shouldn't have kept his mouth shut when he caught sight of the dirty dealings. But speaking against Percy could've ruined his chance at finding the man responsible for destroying his family. In hindsight that was a stupid reasoning. He should've known better than that. At least he had a different excuse to fall back on; he was responsible for more than just his life inside Division.
The recruits and agents relied on him. Focusing on them helped him turn a blind eye- helped him stay sane at times. Maybe he stuck his neck out for them more times than he should've. Yet they truly deserved the second chance Division claimed to offer them. Michael couldn't let them be ruined by a system that didn't care for them again, especially when he could see just how hard they fought to survive. They couldn't lose that; they couldn't lose themselves. The recruit that stuck out the most in his mind was Nikita.
She probably shouldn't be on his mind as much as she was, yet there was something about her that simply drew him in. Michael never really gave himself the chance to think over why that was. He assumed it had to do with her strength and the fact that she hadn't allowed Division to break her spirit. He wouldn't delve into the more complicated and confusing emotions. That would've been too much. It was easier to think of Nikita as the epitome of why he had to protect his recruits and agents. They were more than their circumstances made them.
That kind of thinking was no doubt how he became too emotionally invested in the first place. Amanda would accuse him of such. Except, Michael didn't care. Being mindful of his agents let him help them succeed. He could also tell when they were unfit for a mission. And although he had stepped away from Pale Fire, he knew Nikita had been selected for the operation; it was all over her face. She came out of the briefing more distressed than he had ever seen her, and that included every time she was sent on a seduction mission. Whatever she had learned had deeply upset her. He had to know what it was.
His first thought was that he could help settle her. An emotionally compromised agent was a dead agent. And he definitely didn't want her to die. Nikita wouldn't talk, however. She ignored Michael, set in her ways about something. He should've dropped it there, moved on and simply let events unfold. Yet he couldn't. He had to know what was on her mind and calm her. He figured the mission was upsetting her, so he decided to find out more about it.
Stepping into ops was his first mistake. Michael knew better to involve himself with those types of missions- the ones involving corruption and innocence. If he ever had to learn about it, he'd prefer it'd be after the fact. That way, he wouldn't be so racked with guilt. That should've been the case that time. Forget Nikita, forget Percy for just a moment. He should've kept his distance. Instead, he went snooping and saw Alexandra Udinov along the list of targets.
Hayley would've been eight. Had she not been so violently and unfairly taken from him, his little girl would've been eight years old. Alexandra was thirteen. The five year difference between them was substantial, however, it was still close enough for Michael to envision his daughter on the board instead of Alexandra. How could anyone kill a child. What justification could there be for taking away an innocent life. Hayley shouldn't have died. Alexandra shouldn't be set to die. What kind of world could allow such cruelty.
All original intent and purpose left Michael's mind. He stormed out of ops on an entirely different mission. There was nothing he could've done for Alexandra, not with the strike team well on their way and Percy running the op. Besides, something unexpected might happen that could change everything. He had no control over that situation. But he could control the information he was receiving about his daughter's killer. He wouldn't sit back and let the intel trickle down towards him. He was going to attack immediately. He would hunt down Kasim if it was the last thing he did.
Everything began to fall apart as he dug for answers. He couldn't gain anything new as he poured through Division files and utilized his limited hacking abilities. Even scouring (and risking) Birkhoff's hacks into the CIA provided nothing. Michael couldn't escape the dark Kasim threw him in four years ago. The rat killed his family, then disappeared. No one could touch him. That was more frustrating than anything else- the fact that he knew the terrorist was the one to take everything from him, but he couldn't touch him. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.
More desperation than he thought possible began to seep in. He was frantic to put an end to it. Michael had to stop Kasim. No more innocents should die because of others' need for power and corruption. He had the ability to stop it; he just couldn't get the information. Not from the things he could access anyway. But maybe there was something in the files Percy kept in his office. Under normal circumstances, Michael would never try to steal them or poke through them. That was Percy's business. However, that wasn't a normal circumstance. He had to know.
Fortunately with Percy in ops and his full attention on Pale Fire, Michael had the opportunity to break into his office. If he got caught, he was certain his reasoning would save him from severe punishment. Amanda and Percy knew what Hayley's and Elizabeth's death did to him. Desperately seeking answers shouldn't surprise them. At worst, he'd lose his position. But he wouldn't lose his life, he was too valuable to Division. He didn't care about that anyway. All he wanted was Kasim dead. And he'd do whatever it took to accomplish his goal.
Breaking into Percy's office wasn't difficult when he knew the clean code Birkhoff used to sneak around Division (at least that was better than the security badge Nikita thought no one knew she stole). Opening the safe behind the desk was a lot more difficult, but Michael wouldn't have been able to call himself a spy if he didn't have a few tricks up his sleeve. After some time, he got the damn thing open. He ignored the big black drive, sure he wouldn't be able to decrypt it, and pulled out the files instead. That had to have been a goldmine of information, full of things too top secret for anyone to read.
For once, Michael was going to disobey orders and chain of command and clearance levels and all of that bullshit. Why would those even need to be put in place when a child was at risk, when innocent lives were lost. It was fucking stupid. Determined, he flipped through the different files until he came across his own. Weird that it was among the more sensitive materials. Maybe Percy was going over it recently to help him find some sort of lead on Kasim. Wouldn't that have been a pleasant truth. It certainly would've been easy to swallow. And it would've been far better than the actual truth.
Blood froze in his veins as he read the words over and over and over again. They just wouldn't click in his mind. They wouldn't connect to anything. Michael had already known he was Kasim's intended target. The bomb was placed in the briefcase so he could carry it inside the base, not leave it in the car. Because of his mistake, Hayley and Elizabeth died. However, according to the file, it was more than that. The terrorist wasn't the only one who wanted a Naval intelligence officer dead.
Percy and Division did too.
Bile jumped to his throat. Michael thought he was going to be sick. Division wanted someone inside Al-Qaeda, so they planted Kasim. Lieutenant Michael Bishop was the target to make it all happen; he knew too much. Killing his family was an accident. But it still put a Division agent where Percy wanted him. The Naval officer that survived was going to be a problem, however. So the fucking bastard decided to control him. He'd recruit him, lie to him, dangle promises that would never be fulfilled. He'd own the poor man's soul.
Blinding rage filled Michael's vision, replacing the nausea in the pit of his stomach. That was it. He was going to kill Percy, then Kasim, then everyone else who knew the truth. How dare they fuck with him. How dare they destroy his life. They all had to pay. Revenge had always been his one and only goal. His wife and daughter had to be avenged. They lost their lives for nothing, and he wouldn't let anyone get away with that. No one involved should live.
And he was going to kill them all immediately. His grip was on his gun and he was ready for his suicide run. But then he heard Nikita's voice. She was speaking to Percy outside of his office. During Michael's time researching and processing his shock, Pale Fire must've came and went. The strike team had already returned. Nikita was debriefing with Percy right then. Michael couldn't involve her in his revenge crusade. He knew she would join his side, and he knew that decision could get her killed. He had to wait.
Most importantly, he had to be smart. Despite how distraught she was before the operation, Nikita was emotionless as she talked with Percy. She must've been hiding her true feelings. Smart girl- she knew to keep her real thoughts from Percy and Amanda. Michael could copy her example; he should copy her example. He had to hide the evidence that he had ever learned the truth and sneak out of there. Luckily, Percy wasn't heading into his office as planned. He decided to follow Nikita to her debrief with Amanda so they could continue their conversation. That gave Michael time.
After that, he just needed to think. The best place to do that, somewhere he could be alone, was the unused shooting range. Michael could formulate a plan of attack. He could solidify an actual revenge plan. Breathing or relaxing or even settling his racing mind wasn't an option. He couldn't do anything until his mission was complete. He didn't think he could do anything if he wanted to. He was consumed by his rage, and he let it control him.
Destroying Division and those that sanctioned the black ops group was his only plan. It made the most sense. His family could be avenged, no more innocents would be lost. Corruption wouldn't fill the world anymore. Division and all those in power had to be taken out. Michael was sure of it. He was also sure that he wouldn't be able to do it from the inside. The only way to attack Percy would be from outside the walls he controlled. He had to escape the hellhole. He had to leave. And death was the only way he could do that.
Well, faking his death would be the only way to do that. His next mission was shaping up to be a dangerous one. Maybe he could plan his escape to occur during that op. It was overseas, there would be tons of chaos. He could slip away and remove his tracker without anyone noticing. It seemed perfect. He could die and then haunt Division like a vengeful ghost. They wouldn't know what hit them. It'd be such a great 'fuck you' to Percy.
As Michael settled on his plan and finally stumbled out of the target range, he ran into Nikita. He held onto her to steady himself, and for the first time since seeing Alexandra Udinov on a kill order he was able to breathe. He almost told Nikita everything, especially when she touched his cheek. He could've melted into that warm affection and never left. But he had to go. Michael needed to stay on mission. Innocent lives depended on it. Besides, once Nikita knew the truth she'd go running at Percy as well, and he needed her alive. She had to live.
Not joining Nikita and Birkhoff for dinner that night was difficult. Yet he didn't have time to waste. He had to solidify his plan and actually execute it. Michael also hoped that if he began to distance himself from his friends, they wouldn't be as heartbroken when he left them. He couldn't believe he was going to leave behind those he cared about, those he protected. But it was a sacrifice he had to make to set the world back in order. They would be alright, however. She would be alright. If anyone was strong enough to survive that hellhole, it would be Nikita. God knew she was stronger than him. He was running away to start a war, after all.