For a year, Birkhoff didn't feel like himself. Maybe that was a bit of an overstatement. He felt as normally as he ever did within the confining walls of Division. There were just moments where the weight of the world seemed to crash down around him. In those moments, he watched Nikita close in on herself while he hid out in his cave. She had been sent on more and more missions; the hacker hardly saw the agent. He simply heard her annoying voice in his coms, taunting him for something. Everytime, he fired back with his own quip. Recently, it was the only thing that grounded the two- it was the only thing that made them feel like themselves.
With Michael gone, Amanda's and Percy's control went unchecked. The amount of missions they had Nikita running was ample proof of that. No one was there to advocate that their 'rising star' had had enough; it was just her raised voice that was quickly squashed. Amanda had even begun pulling her into her office to discuss her behavior and performance. The lengthy conversations always left Nikita dazed. Birkhoff probably should've stepped up for her, be her support. But what could he do from behind his computer. He was stuck there, forced to keep hacking until his fingers were sore. There was no chance to escape for either of them.
Their only solace were the missions they worked together, the ones where they could tease and joke around and feel as close to free as they could ever be. So what if it annoyed Percy and Amanda, and caused some threats to fly. It was the only break Nikita had from constantly killing or seducing or both, and it was Birkhoff's only time to be stupid (well, playfully stupid). His hacks always had to be perfect. He had to be the best no matter what. The pressure of that was too much even for the amazing Shaddowwalker. He didn't want perfection, just greatness. But there could be no less inside Division.
There could've been around Michael, but again, he was gone. Having to hunt him was just another thing weighing down on Birkhoff and Nikita. They were ordered to kill their friend. How were they supposed to follow through with that. Even if he left them for a reason they still didn't understand, they couldn't hurt him- not after everything he had done for them. Neither Amanda nor Percy would listen to that, however. Instead, they made the two lead on the mission, since they knew the rogue the best. As if that actually got them anywhere besides more pain and confusion. Everything was so frazzled and frayed. There was no time to settle.
Michael had only come out of hiding a few times. But those few times had ruined substantial operations. The pressure from Percy to kill him increased to terrifying heights. Anytime Division received intel on his whereabouts, the alpha team was shipped out. Nothing had resulted from those excursions yet. But the latest might be different. Nikita was forced to take the lead, and Birkhoff had to hack on site. The rogue couldn't slip their grasp that time. Except, he almost had. He was one step ahead of them, until he ran right for Birkhoff's hacker van, "Whoa, hey, Mikey. Don't make me do it."
Gun raised shakily in hand, Birkhoff jumped out the open door of the vehicle and blocked the rogue's exit. Michael actually stepped back. He could've easily taken the hacker, ripped the gun from his hand and used it against him. Both knew that, and both were prepared for it. But Michael let it be. Birkhoff hadn't called for backup, after all. It was only the two of them. And it'd probably be that way for a while, based on the run around the rogue had given the agents. Maybe the two could use the time to talk, "It's a kill on sight order, isn't it?"
"Well, what did you expect? You left Division. You screwed over Percy. You're a dead man walking," Birkhoff snapped, his grip tightening on his weapon. His finger still wasn't on the trigger, however. He couldn't place it there. He didn't think he could ever place it there. He wasn't bred to kill like the others. Although he knew how to fight, computers were his domain. Killing didn't happen face to face; it was behind a screen or through a com. Things wouldn't change for him then, especially not against Michael. His threat was empty and the rogue knew it.
"I know. I know. But I had to," Despite knowing he wasn't in any danger, Michael raised placating hands and spoke softly. He didn't need Birkhoff on the edge, ready to fall at any moment. The frantic look in the hacker's eyes was concerning enough. He didn't know what was occurring or how to react. Michael couldn't answer all of those questions- he probably shouldn't. But he could get Birkhoff to see that he wasn't the enemy. He was never the enemy. It was all about Division and the vile things it did in the name of so called righteousness.
"What were you even thinking, making a run at Division? You know it's too powerful to be taken down. We're stuck in that hellhole for the rest of our lives," However, Birkhoff refused to listen. It wasn't that he didn't think Michael made some valid points in his rogue stance; he just didn't believe it was possible. What could one man do against the might that was Division. The black ops group was too powerful- too corrupt. The few missions the rogue had ruined didn't have much of an impact in the long run. He was only scratching at the surface. Michael was going to die for nothing. Hopefully, Birkhoff didn't have to watch.
"Come on, Birkhoff. You know that has to change. We can't let Percy control everyone's lives," Michael argued, taking a step forward. Birkhoff stepped back, but he didn't raise his gun again. The rogue took that as improvement. He could get the hacker to open his eyes, see the truth, and understand his actions. After that, well, he wasn't so sure what to do after that. He couldn't have Birkhoff join him in any capacity, that would've been too dangerous. Maybe just understanding would have to be enough. There wouldn't be any hurt feelings, and the line between enemy and friend would be clear.
The point of their conversation wasn't clear to Birkhoff, however. He didn't know what Michael was getting at, or why he was even listening. Sure, he wanted to understand the rogue. But that wasn't going to help him. It would've been simpler to follow orders and hate his friend for what he had done. Instead, he held onto hope that things would be alright like they used to be. It made everything complicated and painful, yet he wouldn't let go. He'd rather be confused than accept the clarity Percy tried to force on Division, "Is that what this is about? You don't want Percy in command?"
"No. I don't want anyone in command. Division is evil. It rationalizes baby killing. That can't exist. Innocent lives are at stake," Lividity shook Michael's gruff voice. He couldn't go into detail- shouldn't go into detail- not on a mission against Division. Yet his choice of words captured Birkhoff's attention. His stance softened, and he regarded the rogue agent in cautious curiosity. There was definitely more to the story, just as he had suspected. However, Michael wouldn't open further. He remained closed and distant, pissing the hacker off. After everything, he was still going to push him away.
"Since when did you get so righteous?" Birkhoff scoffed. Michael had no problem partaking in Division's dirty operations before. He let Percy take those jobs for money, remaining completely silent. The rogue didn't get to change his mind all of a sudden. It wasn't fair, at least not without an explanation. That was all the hacker wanted by that point. Michael could do whatever he liked, as long as Birkhoff knew why he left him and Nikita behind. If it made sense, then he wouldn't feel so shattered.
"Since I opened my eyes. You're not stupid, Birkhoff. You're just a coward. You know Percy is corrupt. You just turn a blind eye to save your own skin," Michael's anger continued to wash over him. It wasn't the time or place to allow that to happen, yet he couldn't help it. For the past year, his fury over the situation had deepened. The truth of his family's death hadn't set him free; it sent him spiraling for control and vengeance. He hadn't gotten anywhere substantial in his destruction of Division, and the frustrations were rolling over him in harsh waves.
"I just find it semi-disturbing that the one person I could trust is trying to kill his friends," Matching the rogue's lividity, Birkhoff shouted. His gun remained at his side, the handle gripped tightly in his clenched fist. The training he had endured had his muscles twitch to raise it once more and aim it at Michael. But he fought against the urge. His words did far more damage than any bullet could. The two had been friends. They trusted one another. Yet Michael threw that all away for some damn crusade.
Anger dulling into a deep ache in the pit of his stomach, Michael stared at Birkhoff. That was all he could manage for a moment. The hacker honestly thought he wanted to kill him and Nikita. The rogue wanted to blame Amanda and Percy for that; they manipulated agents and twisted facts before. But Michael's own actions had hurt the two. He needed to own up to it. He had to fix it, "I couldn't… you're safe there. I'm only going after those in command, not the agents or recruits. You guys will have a chance at a real life once it's over."
"But we're not safe. Percy watches our every move, thinking we're with you. And Amanda is turning Nikita into her pet," Birkhoff's lividity melted as well. Except, he sounded desperate without the frustration marring his voice. It was more hell than usual inside Division with all his moves watched and Nikita never having a break. However, they couldn't return to how things were. Michael couldn't come back. He was dead no matter what. But maybe there could be another solution.
"Trust me. Being rogue isn't… Come on, man. You know Nikita. If she was rogue, she'd get in way over her head. She'd be dead in a second, soaring too close to the sun," Reading the hacker's mind, Michael shook his head. Birkhoff and Nikita had to stay where they were. That crusade was his. He had to set things right, not them. They should focus on living their lives and having the kind of happiness he couldn't. The two deserved that. He couldn't ruin it for them.
"Alright, fine. Nikki's too self-destructive for her own good. But what about me? I can handle it," Since Birkhoff was on that course, he wasn't going to give up. It was ridiculous to consider, he was well aware of that. But he also knew it was the best option for him. Division would eventually kill him with Michael gone. It was leading to that point- he could see it written on the walls. He might have been an incredible hacker, but his smart mouth and soft heart were a liability. Once Percy and Amanda found a more efficient hacker, he would be canceled, and no one would be there to vouch for him- save Nikita, who faced the same fate.
"You've never stood up to Percy or Amanda before. I don't want you to get hurt," Michael wouldn't consider the idea, however. Above all else, Birkhoff and Nikita couldn't get hurt; that would go against his 'save the innocents' motive. Besides, the whole point of talking to Birkhoff wasn't to convince him to go rogue. It was just to make him understand what was happening, and see the light. He couldn't have the hacker stumbling into the dark with him.
"Yeah, well. You hurt me enough," Muttering, Birkhoff admitted. The outside world started to creep in around him. His com was alive with agents shouting their locations. Nikita was the closest to him; though, she wasn't as concerned for his safety as the others. Michael didn't scare her. In fact, she wanted to see him again so she could have the same conversation he was having with the hacker. Although Birkhoff knew it would be good for her to have, he wasn't sure if he wanted it to happen. He had to agree with Michael's assessment of a rogue Nikita.
It was time to leave; Michael could read that all over Birkhoff's expression. He had to wrap up his point, then run off into the unknown once more. Despite the chase with the black ops group, his mission hadn't been a complete failure. He was able to find some sort of peace with Birkhoff. If only he could do the same with Nikita. She deserved the same apology, "I know, and I'm sorry. But you have to understand why I did this. I can't let Division keep killing innocents. No more thirteen year olds on kill orders."
His statement threw Birkhoff off for a second. He had to stretch his brain just to comprehend what Michael was saying. But then he remembered- Alexandra Udinov, the kid who Division killed. Operation Pale Fire occurred right before the handler went rogue. That was obviously the last straw for him. Birkhoff couldn't blame Michael. His reasoning was sound. Anyone with a heart strong enough to survive Division would've done the same. It was about time Birkhoff became that strong. He couldn't cower behind a screen anymore. The world needed more from him; his friend needed more from him, "You need a hacker."
He wasn't asking. Birkhoff holstered his weapon and scrambled to grab as much of his equipment from the van as he could. Michael, once again, could only stare. He didn't think he could argue against him. No talk of safety or whose fight that was would deter the hacker. He wanted to join his crusade, no matter the costs. Whether that made him noble or insane, Michael didn't know. Maybe he was insane too, "Seriously? You want a target on your back?"
"It's better than that hellhole. And I'm not a coward," Birkhoff lifted his chin in haughty defiance. It was a move he stole from Nikita, yet it served its purpose. He and Michael were going to team up to defeat Division. God, it was such a terrible idea, but the hacker shoved the doubt away. If Michael could go against everything he had worked for, then so could he. It was the least he could do after all the pain he had caused by staying silent behind his computer.
"Michael!" Nikita was the first Division agent to catch up to the rogue. She didn't try to complete the kill mission, however. At the first sight of Michael in a year, she holstered her weapon and chased after him and Birkhoff. Wherever those two went, so would she. After all, it was always bound to be better than Division. The three could escape the hellhole together, be an unstoppable team in whatever they did. Except, as she excitedly sprinted towards them, Michael drew his gun. Nikita stuttered to an abrupt stop, nearly falling. And Birkhoff gaped at the rogue, surprised that he had had a gun the whole time, but only pulled it out then.
"I'm sorry, Nik," Michael choked on a whisper. Nikita's expression fell into confused despair. She didn't understand what he was doing, and it broke her heart. It broke his heart too. But he had to do it. Birkhoff would be alright with him (a fact he was begrudgingly admitting), but she was safer staying away from his crusade. He had already lost his family and his life, he couldn't lose her as well. Squeezing the trigger, the rogue shot at the agent. He aimed his gun off her shoulder and the bullet only grazed her hair, but the damage was done. Division rushed the scene at the noise, supplying enough chaos for Michael and Birkhoff to disappear.
Nikita stared after them, unmoving, unblinking, and unwilling to feel.