Bolts had secured the opening to the air shaft in place after Nikita's escape. The easiest access to the air ducts that traveled around Division and somehow let Nikita escape was permanently closed. No other agent or recruit could access it. Their hope of using it to possibly escape as well was completely shattered. They were loyal to Division, or they died. That was their only two options. After hearing about the tragedy of the rogues, everyone accepted it. They didn't challenge the bolts on the vent.
Alex did. Except, she had never bought into the entirety of Division. She knew the organization was evil. It was hired to kill her family, and it continued to target families. She didn't want to be a part of its ranks. She didn't want to kill for them. She had her own agenda. She wanted to use the black ops unit for her own needs. That was different than joining into the belief that Division was a family or a necessary tool. She didn't want to connect or fix something. She just wanted justice for her family so she could finally feel peace again.
At least, Alex kept telling herself that. Over and over again, any time she had to justify her actions, she would tell herself it was all in the name of revenge. Even helping Nikita and the rogues was an act of vengeance. Just because she was using Division for her own means didn't express that she would allow it to thrive. It was the organization that killed her family and wanted her dead, after all. Percy had to pay for taking Semak's money, just as much as Semak had to pay for ordering the hit. Everyone that had wronged Alex would meet cruel and swift justice. She wanted it so badly, she was doing everything she could to reach it.
Which led to her essentially becoming a double agent. Alex helped Nikita for information and to screw Percy. Then she would do as Percy ordered so she could have the resources needed to take on Semak. The twists and lies were fucking her up. Alex couldn't pretend otherwise. She strived to be the perfect recruit, so she could be promoted to agent and have the freedom and power needed for revenge. But she also rebelled and went rogue, knowing how evil Division was. She couldn't completely play along with that hellhole. She knew she could do better; she could be better than everyone in that place.
It was just too difficult to sort out on her own. Alex wanted to scream and vent to somebody who would understand her. She needed guidance on how to get what she wanted while destroying the very people she needed to help her. She thought about messaging Nikita the whole screwed up mess. She had helped Alex clear some things up before. However, she couldn't convince herself to tell the rogue the full truth. She wanted to keep her vengeance for her family to herself. Somehow, it made her feel like she was protecting them. Alex had been powerless to save them as a child. But then, she could at least protect the memory of them.
As for confiding everything with Amanda, Alex knew that was suicide. She could get away with more sass and rule breaking than the other recruits. Except, that was because of her deal. Percy and Amanda claimed Semak had broken a contract he had made with their higher ups when he ordered the hit on the Udinovs. By helping Alex kill him, they'd be righting a wrong. Division needed her just as much as she needed them. But that safetynet wouldn't catch her if she was discovered as a mole for the rogues. She'd be killed instantly.
Before she had the chance to kill Semak, Alex couldn't let that happen. She had to find a way to balance being a double agent on her own. It was frustrating, it was draining her, and it made her want to lose her mind. She needed a way to escape. She had to get out of hell- literally, physically, emotionally, all of it. She just needed to be alone so she could think and breathe. She needed a moment where she could be her true self, no hiding, no guarding, just herself.
Her recruit room was the last place she could achieve that. Although Alex was alone, she was still in Division. All of her actions were still monitored. She had to escape somewhere else. She had to go where no one could find her- not even Nikita on a computer. Breaking out of the bunker wasn't a real option. But she could get close to it. Alex could settle between pure freedom and pure hell, and finally get her thoughts in order.
Although the bolted vent was the easiest way to get into the ducts, Alex knew she could climb inside from anywhere else in Division. She simply had to make her way to the ceiling. The locker room seemed like the best place to do that. When everyone had been ordered to bed, she could sneak into the room, climb on top of the lockers, and shimmy into the air duct. That was all easier said than done. Alex struggled to sneak around the guards, scramble atop the metal lockers with no noise, and pull herself up into the small shaft. Yet once she made it, and was able to close the grate behind her, she sighed in relief. She could be at peace.
Not exactly where she was at, however. Alex didn't want to lie on her stomach, staring down into the locker room. She wanted to move freely, relax. So, she began crawling. The airconditioning helped quiet her movements, but she still had to be slow in case anyone were to hear her. She didn't believe she'd be killed for sneaking around in the air vents, especially since she was only doing it to be alone; she wasn't escaping. However, she'd lose Amanda's trust and any special privileges she had. Alex had to stay hidden.
Eventually, after what felt like thirty minutes' worth of crawling, Alex stumbled upon another grate. Fresh air appeared to be flowing from the slits. It felt beyond amazing as it hit her sweat slicked skin. The cool air hit her with a soft, fresh breeze, and for the first time in a long time she was able to breathe deeply. Alex had almost forgotten what fresh air was like. Even with her short moments outside, she had gotten used to the sterile stale airconditioning of Division. Since she had a taste for it again, she needed more. It didn't matter where the air came from. Forcefully and urgently, she pushed the vent open and crawled through.
A metal platform met her first. Alex clambered out on top of it, finally able to stand and stretch her tense muscles. Softly pacing around the platform, she breathed deeply and studied her surroundings. Wherever she was was deep, cylindrical, and all metal. More platforms at different levels jutted out of the smooth walls. Ladders connected them, as well as other vents. Alex guessed that a person could access that area from any line of air ducts. The space stretched out far ahead of her, beneath her, and above her. It seemed to be as big as Division itself, expanding across everything and encompassing all.
Staring upwards, Alex thought she could see a light at the top of the area. It wasn't the bright artificial light of Division. It almost seemed like moonlight. That had to be where the fresh air was coming from. The top of the space had to lead to the outside world. Another vent must have opened up to wherever Division was hidden under. A long metal ladder led all the way to a possible escape. Alex could easily reach it from the platform. All she had to do was walk.
Nikita probably escaped Division through that opening. Alex had wondered how her crawling through the vents led to her escape. The rogue must've discovered the opening just like Alex did, by looking for a place to be alone. No one else seemed to know about the opening. All they had closed was the vent she had crawled through. There was still a way to slip past everybody and run off into the night. It could all be so easy.
Except, Alex didn't take the chance. She just sat on the platform, dangling her legs over the side, and breathing in the fresh air. Despite the mental turmoil she was constantly left in, she wouldn't leave Division. Her revenge mission would make all the hell worth it. Once Semak was dead, and monsters were gone from the world, Alex would focus on escape. There was no way she would stay in Division once the deed was done. There was no point. She wasn't their agent or thing to control. She was her own person, capable of her own choices.
Sometimes, though, it felt like those choices were being thrust on her. She wasn't as free as she believed. After all, Alex still had to adhere to recruit training and rules. She still had to play nice with the agents and recruits around her. And she still had to join Amanda in her office to discuss her thoughts and feelings. That last thing Alex didn't mind as much. There were times when talking to Amanda really helped. She felt calm and steady; she also felt like she had the power to do anything. The woman reassured her that Division needed her more than she needed them. She wasn't beholden to anything. Alex could take what she wanted and rule the world.
She just had to be prepared first. Alex couldn't face Semak and Gogol without the training and resources Division provided. The more she learned about her enemy, the more she agreed. She needed to learn how to use a weapon, she needed to learn how to infiltrate and exfiltrate a building, she needed to learn how to work as a team, she needed to learn how to kill, and she needed to learn how to plan. Alex was fairly certain she knew how to do most of those things. But planning a successful kill mission seemed beyond her.
Amanda believed in her, though. After the training exercise where she survived torture and found a way to escape, Amanda believed Alex was ready for her first mission. That was delayed due to the situation with Sara and Robbie, and due to Alex's broken wrist. But finally, the perfect opportunity opened up for her to show what she had learned. She could plan a kill mission, execute it, and finally get what she wanted. It was perfect.
At least, it seemed that way. Percy had expressed that he wanted the mission to go to an experienced agent. Or, if they were seriously going to give it to Alex for her final test, then they should plan the mission for her. Amanda argued vehemently against that. The operation was to kill a powerful mobster who was surrounded by many guards. That would be perfect practice for Alex's mission to kill Semak. They could see if she truly had what it took.
Luckily, Percy relented. He let Alex have that operation. However, Amanda had to approve everything she did. She couldn't just go off on her own. Even with the stipulation, Alex was completely thrilled with the idea. Finally, there was progress on her vengeance mission. She was one step closer to having it all. She trusted Amanda to help her. Although she knew she was capable of evil, Amanda had been nothing but helpful to Alex. She was a warm presence in the bitter cold of Division. The young recruit knew she could lean on her advice.
A part of Alex thought about asking Nikita for help as well. She found herself thinking at times, 'what would Nikita do'. Yet she quickly shook it away. Alex had to think for herself. Yes, she was letting Amanda advise her and approve her choices. But she was still the one making them. Nikita couldn't interfere with the process either. Alex had to make her own decisions without input from anybody. That was her mission. That was her test. She was the one in charge.
It did appear daunting, but Alex was certain she could soldier through. Thom had done great on his first kill mission. Not even Nikita could stop him in time. Alex considered asking Thom for advice on what it was really like to kill someone. But she ultimately decided against it. That was the one question she'd ask the rogue. Alex would keep avoiding her fellow recruit (well, he was an agent then) like the plague. After she had kissed him, he kept looking at her like she was everything. The glances always caused butterflies to erupt in her stomach, yet she couldn't allow herself to hold onto them. It was only going to hurt.
Despite Nikita saying that personal relationships were worth it, Alex wouldn't allow herself one. She tried to be close to Sara and Robbie- she tried to help them- and look what happened to them. Yes Sara was safe outside of Division, but she would always be on the run. And Robbie was dead; he could never have the life he wanted. The same fate fell upon the girls in the brothel Alex had left behind. It happened to the kids she knew on the streets too- like Ronnie. Alex weaved a path of death and destruction. She couldn't do that to Thom. He had been so kind to her when he didn't have to. He deserved better.
Besides, Alex was going to run away from Division as soon as she killed Semak. She couldn't form any connections if she was only going to leave everyone. She didn't want to form bonds with a lot of people in Division anyway. Jaden was a prime example as to why. Although the two managed to work as a team when Alex's wrist was broken, they still couldn't stand one another. Jaden was threatened by her and tried to take her down. Alex always fought back, but most of the time it wasn't even worth it. Not when Kelly felt the same as Jaden.
Amanda continued to be the best person Alex could rely on inside Division. Thom could remain a friend, but Amanda had to be the person Alex confided in. She needed her comfort, strength, and position of power to get anything done. She also trusted her to not lead her astray. Their relationship was mutually beneficial, after all. The two needed one another; though, one more than the other. But Alex wouldn't shrug Amanda off completely. She knew she needed her. And she did want her around as she achieved her revenge.
Sighing, Alex regretfully decided she should return to bed. Her moment of reprieve in the big empty space full of fresh air couldn't last forever. As much as she would have loved to sit on the platform and just breathe forever, she had to return to reality. She had to rest before a big day of training and planning. Her mind had to be sharp and steady for the fresh onslaught she would be receiving. Her moment of peace didn't help her much in sorting her thoughts and emotions. Yet Alex was more ready and determined for the next phase of her operation. She could take over the whole world if she wanted to.
She didn't, however. She just wanted to destroy one man's world after he had destroyed hers. But, she needed rest and training first. Alex made it back to the air vent above the locker room in no time. She'd have to memorize the path she took for future uses. She'd definitely return to that place to catch more air. In the meantime, she'd drop to the floor, close the vent with a broom handle, and sneak back to her room. It was back to being the perfect recruit.
On her way to her room, Alex didn't have to worry about avoiding guards. She heard commotion in the halls about some major news coverage that involved Division. From the snippets of worry she overheard, she assumed it had something to do with the rogues. However, she wasn't going to bother to investigate. Nikita, Michael, and Birkhoff could have their fun fucking with Division. Alex would help if needed. She wouldn't go looking for it, though. She wanted to remain on her own objective. She'd succeed on her first kill mission, use Division to kill Semak, then burn the hellhole down. She knew she was capable of doing that then.