So I'm back again with another chapter. I suppose I'll just address some reviews first before we continue.
Gae: Lol that's pretty random there buddy, but you're entitled to your own opinion and I respect that.
Saif Omar: No, don't even think about it man. Astolfo was already confusing enough.
Perfectcell69: Don't worry I know how to story goes, the manga at least. I actually meant for the both of them to be pretty hostile from the start but I can see why you don't like it. I still have no plans to make Hikigaya a pushover when it comes to Yukinoshita but I'll definitely tone down the dramatization. After re-reading the manga it was really too much. Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Enough of that for now, as always please review and here's chapter 3. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 3: Welcome to the Service Club
"Yo Hikigaya, why'd you call me here?"
"Orimoto-San, thank you for coming. I'm sorry for taking up your time, I really needed to tell you something."
That day in middle school. I was in my classroom alone with Orimoto Kaori, one of the only few people in school to treat me with some form of kindness. I had hoped we could actually deepen our friendship that day. I only learned a very harsh lesson.
"Well spit it out man?" Orimoto said, wondering why the infamous loner of Chiba Middle School randomly called her out. "I don't bite dude you can just tell me?"
"Orimoto-San." I said, finally gathering enough courage. "You've been a good friend to me for quite some time now. I always doubted your intentions considering you randomly approached me one day. I was actually hoping if we could be more than friends."
Granted my choice of words could have been better, but I oddly never regretted that day. Sometimes I even used it as a reminder.
"Wait, are-are you saying what I think you're saying?" Orimoto asked, her facial expression changed from curiosity to pure horror.
"Y-yes." I answered. Sometimes I wondered why I didn't just send her a text or something? Then again even if I did, I'd probably still lose whatever minimal respect I had in my middle school social life. "Orimoto-San, please be my-"
"I'm sorry let's just stay friends!" Orimoto interrupted, running out of the classroom. Leaving me alone in a situation so awkward, I swear to this day a tumbleweed tumbled across the room.
"My best friend..."
And here I now am, I find myself trapped in a room with an actual Yuki-Onna. Is it my birthday today? After all, crappy situations like this only ever happens on that cursed day. Damned cosmic deities putting me in this awkward situation, judging by Yukinoshita's look of horror, she must feel the same way. How odd, we hate each other so much yet we find ourselves agreeing with each other more often. I guess it is true what they say about opposites attracting.
"So?" Yukino spoke up, finally breaking the ice.
"So..." I replied.
"So are you going to continue standing there like some sort of brain dead neanderthal or are you going to take a seat?"
"Oh that's what you meant? I apologize." I replied. I suppose I should be the bigger man in this scenario and try to smooth this out. Wait that made no sense I'm the only man in this scenario. "Look for what it's worth, I'm sorry about how I acted earlier on."
Giving me a look of complete surprise, Yukino replied. "I never thought a creature such as yourself was capable of admitting his faults. Why the sudden change of heart Hikigaya-Kun?"
"Lets face it Yukinoshita-San, it seems you're well acquainted with our dear teacher Hiratsuka-Sensei so you're very aware of what she's like in these matters. If she says 'we jump', we're expected to ask 'how high'."
"I am perfectly aware of her authoritative tendencies but why bring that up?"
For someone who's top of the school she's surprisingly retarded in this situation. "It means maybe we should at least try to tolerate each other's presence for the time being? I doubt I'm allowed to leave and as you just heard the beast she used her 'VETO power' to overrule your protests so you're most definitely not permitted to kick me out even though we welcome both options."
"You suggest we make peace then?" Yukino asked.
"More like a ceasefire, if we made peace people may get the wrong idea and think we're friends."
"Fair enough." Yukino said. "Then why not we start off by playing a game of icebreakers?"
Fitting you of all people would suggest icebreakers. Your name truly suits you YukinoSHITa. "Let me guess, I have to try to figure out the purpose of this horror show you call a club."
"You catch on quick for a member of the undead." Yukino said. Again with the undead jokes. "Precisely, why not make an attempt to figure out the true purpose of this club or has whatever infected your eyes reached your brain as well?"
"Alright, I'll play along." I said, surveying the room. I have to say, this is tough, there's no actual information I could gather from this black site. "Maybe some sort of club focused on helping others I suppose?"
"And how did you come to that conclusion?" Yukino asked, slightly astonished by my answer. I must have gotten it right. That's 1 point to me ice princess.
"Well when Hiratsuka-Sensei mentioned she'd get me the 'help I desperately needed' and seeing the lack of equipment for anything else I just assumed."
"Huh, perhaps you are more intelligent than I give you credit for. In any case you are indeed correct. Here in this club, we strive to improve our clients. Make them a better version of themselves."
"Clients? What are we? mercenaries?"
"A more accurate term to describe ourselves would be a volunteer. we do not aim to simply help those who request assistance. we aim to improve them as I said earlier on."
"Like the fisherman's quote of teaching a man to fish?"
"Indeed, and I hereby welcome to you the Service Club. Thank you for joining us Hikigaya-Kun."
"You're welcome." I sarcastically replied, earning a glare for that smart comment. "Now, is this the part where you suck me off?"
"Excuse me?" Yukino asked, looking scandalized by the comment. "What do you mean by that?"
Oh you know...The act of sucking on a man's meaty sausage?" I laughed. Meanwhile Yukinoshita gave me a look of disgust, can't say I blame her to be completely honest. Taizo is starting to rub off on me. I swear that man is Quagmire's Japanese love child.
"Hikigaya-Kun may I ask a question?" Yukino asked.
"Shoot."
"Do you make these comments because you think you're funny? Or is it to hide some sad insecurities as a result of your lack of female companionship?"
"Maybe both maybe none? Either way it's your own fault for naming your club after the Soapland in the red light district."
"Hmm..." Yukino hummed. Her hand on her chin, deep in thought. "Hikigaya-Kun, when was the last time you actually spoke with a member of the opposite gender? Not including family members of course."
"The last time I spoke with an actual girl?" I thought back. "About 3 days ago with my friend Taizo the jet-ski."
"Jet-ski?" Yukino asked.
"I mean Kawasaki, Taizo Kawasaki." I corrected. "Sorry there's just something about his family name that's very forgettable for some reason. I tend to use placeholders until I can remember his name again."
"To think your brain has degraded to the point of forgetting the name of one you call a friend? Truly you require a skilled neurosurgeon to rid whatever may be plaguing your rotten brain." Yukino mocked. "But do continue if you would."
"As I was saying." I sneered. "It was 5.30p.m. after a long day of work..."
"And that's what happened in a nutshell." Taizo said, messily slurping his plate of pasta. Honestly how he attracts women like light attracts moths is beyond me.
"I just have one question for you?" I asked.
"Yeah?"
"Why would you even bother telling me about the color of Chika Nakamachi's panties? In fact how are you not fired? Her father is our boss."
"Hey that is a good question." Taizo replied. "I-I guess I forgot. I'm so used to telling you about my love life I tend to forget you're gay. Sorry this isn't the blue oyster bar by the way but I wasn't looking to get molested by homosexuals."
"And there it is, gay joke of the day. Let me guess? The blue oyster part is from police academy?"
"Bingo. HikiGAYa-Kun."
How did I end up like this I wonder? With this degenerate as a friend? It's official, my life is a joke.
"Anyways as I was saying-"
"Taizo-Kun!" A feminine voice suddenly interrupted.
"Hikari-Chan." Taizo replied. Judging by her uniform she's from Kaihin Sogo High School. "It's good to see you, by the way meet my friend Hikigaya Hachiman. Emphasis on the gay part of his family name."
"Charming." As the girl now known as Hikari turned her attention to me, the look on her face changed from absolute joy to complete disgust.
I didn't even say a word and she's already creeped out. Well that will help my self-esteem in the long run.
"Y-yeah, hi." She said, the disgusted tone she used was clear for all to hear although it seemed Taizo remained oblivious. "Anyways, Taizo-Kun you're coming to our summer beach party next Saturday right? We even rented a villa so we can stay the night."
A group of teenagers staying at an overnight beach villa together. That's not suspicious at all now is it?
"Sorry Hikari-Chan, I gotta babysit Keika-Chan next week. I can't go."
"But Taizo-Kun..." That extremely annoying girl whined. "If you don't go, who's gonna fill the spare room?"
"Hmm..." Taizo pondered for a while. "Wait Hachiman, you pretty much mope around doing nothing at home in the weekends, why don't you go in my stead?"
"No way!" Hikari protested. Looks like she beat me to it. "No offence and all but it's a private event between friends."
Judging by that look on her face she really didn't want me to go, thank goodness we're in agreement.
"Oh come on, don't be like that. Hachiman's a cool guy." Taizo tried to defend.
"No it's fine Taizo, I'm not interested." I said.
"See, even he doesn't wanna go." Hikari said, man her voice is annoying.
"After all, why waste my time at a beach party exactly? If I wanted to go whale watching all I need to do is turn on National Geographic. I can watch whales from the comfort of my own home."
"Excuse me?" Hikari asked, offended by the remark.
"Oh boy here we go." Taizo muttered, awkwardly staring at our verbal showdown.
"Oh I am so sorry. I mistook you for a whale from all that noise you were making, also including the fact that you're pretty...what's a good word to describe you? Pretty fat yes that's it. My mistake for not being able to identify an actual human."
"Whatever creep." Hikari sneered. "Taizo-Kun I'll see you again on Monday."
"Nice uniform by the way. It'll look better on a girl though." I said out loud as she left the restaurant.
"Dude." Taizo said. "Why do you have to be such a jerk?"
"I think I can understand you better now Hikigaya-Kun." Yukino stated.
"You can?" I asked.
"Yes, I believe so. Hikigaya-Kun, from what I could gather through our time together. You are an extremely insecure individual." Yukino said. "And in order to hide your pathetic insecurities, you tend to resort to mocking members of the opposite gender due to their understandable refusal to associate themselves with you, myself included."
"Thank you for the reminder that you're an actual female, but sadly you're wrong in that assessment." I said. "I don't mock others because I'm insecure, I do so because it's both funny and satisfying to see those who deserve it get their comeuppance."
"How sad, denial. An obvious sign of someone suffering from insecurities, tell me. For how long per day do you pathetically attempt to convince yourself that you're a stable individual in a mirror?"
"And how long do you spend per day convincing yourself that milk is the answer for optimal breast growth? If you don't mind me asking of course?"
"Changing the topic, a painfully obvious sign." Yukino mocked. The door once again slid open as Hiratsuka-Sensei entered the room. "Hiratsuka-Sensei, please knock next time."
"Sorry force of habit." Hiratsuka-Sensei said. "So the both of you are getting along fine."
"If you consider roasting each other as 'getting along' then we're probably going to be best friends very soon."
Hiratsuka-Sensei sighed, lighting another cigarette. "It's clear that the both of you aren't gonna get along anytime soon so I may have a solution to some of your problems."
"You'll let me leave?"
"I may expel him from my club?"
"Fat chance." Hiratsuka-Sensei replied, much to our displeasure. "You'll both have a showdown!"
"A showdown?" Yukino asked. "What do you mean by that Hiratsuka-Sensei?"
"A very good question my dearest Yukinoshita." Hiratsuka-Sensei flamboyantly replied, where did she even get that microphone from? "The both of you will have a duel tomorrow. I have a lost lamb that needs guiding and the both of you will guide her."
"Please elaborate." I requested.
"Nothing much really, the both of you are just gonna help this girl with whatever request she has in your own way." Hiratsuka-Sensei answered. "And it's not a competition without prizes now is it?"
"What is this prize?" Yukino asked.
"I'm glad you asked. Whoever wins gets to make the loser do anything they want them to do."
"Anything?" I asked, honestly this sounded a bit wrong.
"I must refuse!" Yukino protested. "Who knows what that deviant plans to do to me if by some miracle he prevails! I may not even be a virgin by the day's end, his corrupted mind is capable of any atrocious act! You can see the intent in his eyes!"
"And as I said earlier I'm interested in an actual woman."
"So it looks like the great Yukinoshita Yukino is actually afraid." Hiratsuka-Sensei mocked. No doubt an attempt to get her to agree to this little wager. "I wonder what Haruno would say if she was in your place."
"Wait Haruno? who's Haruno?" I asked, were there two of them?
"Story for another time Hikigaya." Hiratsuka-Sensei said.
"V-very well, even though I still feel uneasy about going against scum such as yourself, I shall accept this challenge."
"Not like I have a choice now do I?"
"Great, then it's decided. Tomorrow afternoon. Don't be late." Hiratsuka-Sensei reminded. Leaving the room.
And so, my day ended with me joining Yukinoshita Yukino's little club as an official member and being forced to participate in a competition created by my demoness of a Sensei, truly things couldn't have been worse. I suppose I'll have to try my hardest to win tomorrow. Wonder who this lost lamb is though? Guess I'll wait and see for myself, This should be interesting.