The rogue's mission went well for a while. After Nikita told Ryan the plan and the purpose for it, he decided to join them. Her schemes had to be shifted to fit what the analyst could actually pull off (like Michael had said would happen), but they were able to execute it that night. Birkhoff was fake renditioned by Nikita, Michael, Ryan and some oblivious CIA agents. Once he was brought to an interview room, he was given his laptop and access to the agency's network. Hacking into Division was a piece of cake after that. Shadowwalker had everything he needed to ruin Division from the inside out.
As tempting as it was to destroy the black ops group with his laptop, Birkhoff had hacked Division for a specific reason. The rogues had to disable Alex's killchip and take control of her tracker. Any funny business could get her or someone else killed. The hacker had to stay on mission. He also had to set his intrusion on a delay. He could set it up while at the CIA field office, but he couldn't send it out until Nikita's virus was in place. Alex was uploading it into Division for them. According to the rogue, it should distract the techs from what was really going on. The last thing they needed was for someone to realize Alex's killchip was offline.
Fortunately, with all the contingencies the rogues had put into place, that wouldn't be a concern. Unfortunately, the three didn't have a clean getaway on that mission. Percy still had contacts inside the CIA, which meant two terrible things for the rogue. One: Ryan was in huge trouble for enacting an illegal and baseless rendition. And two: Kelly and the Alpha team arrived at the field office. Birkhoff barely had time to finish his hack when the Division agents burst through the door. Nikita and Michael fought them off, and soon pulled the nerd with his computer back to their safehouse. Ryan was left behind to deal with the nuclear fallout.
Although Alex had no idea what Nikita wanted her to upload into Division's servers, she had no intention to question it. Anything that'd get her far from her apartment she'd take. A task she could pour all her focus in was the best. Instead of dwelling over the disaster she had left behind in Nathan's apartment, Alex could think about how she was going to upload the virus in Division without getting caught. Being an agent helped a lot there. She didn't have to explain her movements, unlike when she was a recruit. She could enter the computer lab without problem. Sitting at a computer without anyone seeing what she was doing was the problem.
Employing the same techniques she had used whenever she typed in the Shell program, Alex had the virus uploading in no time. No one would bother her. She could be peacefully alone. Although that worked well for her actions, her thoughts suffered. She couldn't stand to be alone with them. There had to be more she could do than just sit, wait, and watch. Maybe she could exercise, or go on a drive. She could do anything. But at that moment, it didn't seem like a saving grace. It just felt like more opportunities where she could make grave mistakes.
Finally, the virus finished doing its thing. Alex ripped the flashdrive out of the computer, hid it in her purse, and prepared to leave Division. She didn't exactly know where she was planning to go next. She just knew she couldn't return to her apartment. She also couldn't stay in that bunker any longer. She had worked so hard to get out of there, she couldn't stay more than she needed to. Dashing towards the elevator, however, the young agent stumbled into Amanda. She steadied her with gentle hands, and studied her with concerned, icy eyes. Alex attempted to avoid her gaze, but it was no use. Amanda had seen all, "Is everything alright, Alex?"
"Yeah. Just a lot to get used to," Trying her best to grin, Alex sighed. She probably just looked tired. But she could work with that. She didn't want to admit to what had happened at Nathan's party. She didn't want to hear a lecture about all the danger she had put others in. She could know her neighbors, but interacting with them so closely only led to disaster. Her reaction to the pushy man was over-the-top. Normal people didn't have those skills. Showing them off could reveal Division, or at least some part of it. Alex was well aware of the mistakes she had made. She should've just stayed home. How could she believe she was actually free.
"You know, normal is completely subjective. There's no standard for it. Odd behavior doesn't automatically make you a freak. Some people might find it endearing," Before Alex could run away from the conversation, Amanda called to her. The young agent slowly turned to face her again, willing her blue eyes to meet the other woman's. At first glance, Alex believed Amanda knew exactly what had occurred at the party. But that wasn't possible. She probably just recognized where her anxiety was stemming from. She couldn't have been the only agent to freak the second they got to be normal again. It was a huge adjustment period, after all.
Signing once more, Alex soon decided to simply go home. She couldn't avoid her apartment forever. Besides, Amanda was right. Who was she, or anyone for that matter, to say what normal was. The whole incident could be brushed off as nothing. If Alex didn't draw attention to it, maybe it would. In the meantime, she'd hunker down in her apartment and do some planning. She didn't get far with that idea. It wasn't any fault of her own. She was focused. There was simply a knock on her door that she had to answer, "Hey, Alex…"
"Nathan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your party," Before Nathan could say anything else, Alex apologized. She didn't elaborate or come up with some sort of excuse for what she had done. She didn't want to dwell on the moment anymore. An apology should express her guilt and move the conversation along. Standing in her doorway, glancing up at Nathan, Alex hoped that would be the outcome. Nathan wouldn't see her as a freaky neighbor, just another new young woman in the city. Then, she wouldn't have to be anxious about that part of her life as well.
"Don't worry about it. Dude had it coming," Nathan quickly assured, grinning softly. Alex instantly relaxed. Her tense muscles softened, and she slouched against the doorframe. So Amanda was right. Some people wouldn't be put off by her weirdness. They'd just see it as something to embrace. Alex should've let herself be comforted by the words earlier. That way, she wouldn't have been surprised when Nathan offered, "My friends and I are going to this new club downtown if you wanna join. Should be a lot more fun; though, maybe a lot less exciting."
While Nathan chuckled, so did Alex; though, a lot more softly. Just like when he had asked her to go to his party, her immediate response was 'no'. She shouldn't go. She was definitely right that people could get hurt if she got too close to them. But, on the other hand, she had learned how to keep her guard up. She knew to expect surprises and be prepared to face them rationally. Those were important skills for facing Semak. It was also important for her to maintain friendships and stay sane between planning sessions. There could be no harm if she was prepared. And she just wanted to have fun, "Yeah, sure. Just let me know when you're going."
Nathan continued to smile warmly as he promised. Alex shut the door behind him and locked it. She didn't want to give herself too much time to question her decision. She didn't want to reconsider and only focus on planning. She was blacked on what to do next for her kill mission anyway. Relaxation and fun could do her some good. That was why she had gone to the party in the first place. Yet it had backfired. And as Nikita's text on the burner phone soon pointed out, Alex didn't have a lot of autonomy, "We now control your tracker. You're free to do whatever. Just let me know, so I can hide you from Division's prying eyes."
"So if I wanted to go to a party?" Alex replied tentatively. Maybe she was asking too much. Maybe she shouldn't try to relax between missions and planning. Although relaxation would keep her from going insane, she shouldn't risk her safety- or anyone else's. She should do as expected. Working with the rogues was already painting a target on her back. If she wanted Division on her side while she hunted Semak, she should be a model agent. Anything that could risk that would be a mistake, even if she really wanted to do it.
"What party? You're at home," With a winking emoticon, Nikita responded. Alex had had her back when she was feeding her Division intel and helping her with missions. The rogue could have her back while she was trying to live her own life the best that she could. Division always made it difficult. The black ops group wanted to impose its control in everything. Alex deserved to live outside of that. She could use their resources to get her revenge, and she could be her own person. Nikita would make sure of it. The young woman had been locked away for far too long. It was about time she was free.
Alex beamed. Relief and elation flowed through her. It truly felt like she could have everything she wanted. She could kill Semak. She could make Division pay for their role in her family's death. She could be normal again. And, most importantly, she could be free. After so long, she had the freedom to do whatever she pleased. That night, she intended to have fun before she delved into planning. Alex changed into a comfortable yet cute outfit (she didn't think she had to commit to the full clubbing aesthetic she had seen while living on the streets) and she rushed to answer the knock on her door. Nathan was probably coming to get her, "Sean?"
"Just making sure you're okay," Sean responded to Alex's shock at his sudden appearance. He had debated whether or not he should show up at her door and ask how she was doing. He probably shouldn't draw attention to what happened at the party. Not only had she abruptly ran out of there, she also just disappeared. Sean had his suspicions about where she could've gone. Yet he was still worried. The last thing anyone needed was somebody to be overly emotional and compromised.
"I'm great. Why wouldn't I be?" Leaning against the doorframe, Alex smirked. Earlier, she definitely wasn't okay. A part of her still couldn't believe that she had attacked a man (even though he did have it coming). But after some time away, and after talking to Amanda and Nikita, she felt far better. She might've had a weird and strong reaction to the man touching her, yet that didn't mean she couldn't be normal. She had that chance, and then some. As long as she didn't overthink all her actions, she could thrive in her normalcy.
"You're a lot cooler than me," Sean chuckled, a crooked smile flashing on his full lips. He copied Alex's stance, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms. Their heads rolled close together in their shared position. Alex backed away. She could do normal. She could do friendships, and relaxation, and fun. But she couldn't do close. That was what had killed Thom. The less the people in her life knew about her and interacted with her, the better. They could be safe from the hell she brought if she kept her distance. That shouldn't have been so difficult. Yet Sean kept himself close to her. He stayed right next to her, invading all her senses.
"Don't doubt it," Walking backwards into her apartment, Alex distracted Sean with a smug grin. She didn't need him questioning why she was running away from him. She just reached for her purse, acting like she was about to leave. Well, she really was about to leave. But she needed him to think it was soon, so her actions had an excuse. He kept studying her the same way he had at the party. His hazel eyes caught everything. It was almost as though he was staring into her soul. The feeling unsettled her. She didn't think she could hide herself from him. And she desperately had to if they both wanted to save themselves from danger.
"Alex, Sean, come on," Nathan's voice finally forced the two to separate. He stood waiting in the hallway, a welcoming smile on his lips. Alex and Sean spared each other another glance. They didn't expect that they'd both be going. Since they were, however, there was nothing either could do to stop the other. Alex accepted that first. She grabbed her purse, closed and locked her door, and followed Nathan. After a few seconds, Sean followed her. She ignored the eyes on her back, and focused on all the fun she was going to have instead.
Ryan was not happy to see her. Nikita could read it all over his face as she snuck up on him at the bar. Her mission had gotten him in trouble- gotten him demoted to the basement archives of the CIA. He had every right to be pissed at the rogues. The op had only served them and Alex. The analyst didn't get anything out of the deal besides a file full of information. But how could that serve him without context and without his position and access. All he had was baseless intel. And the ability to rant to Nikita. He did the latter without abandon. She had to hear about all the consequences to her actions, even if it didn't affect her directly.
Nikita didn't know why she kissed Ryan. She didn't know why she thought it was a good idea to stop his rambling by pressing her lips against his. It wasn't the greatest way to make people be quiet. He had a lot to say, reasonable fears and frustrations to get off his chest. She shouldn't have silenced him. But she did want to reassure him. Nikita wanted to comfort Ryan and promise that it would all be okay. The best way she knew how to do that was by kissing him. Regardless if it was a good idea or not, he did relax as their lips pressed together. He soon kissed her back. Nikita couldn't help thinking about how soft his lips were.
When the two finally parted, Ryan just stammered. Nikita chuckled. He was cute; she had to admit that. She wouldn't mind kissing him again. Fortunately, before that thought could completely invade her senses, Ryan managed to stammer out a question. She had caught him off guard for the millionth time, yet he was going to get himself together enough to demand answers. She couldn't just walk away without explanation. He had to know why he was constantly dragged into things, "Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"Because, Ryan Fletcher, I'm going to make you a hero," Nikita smiled in all sincerity. If anyone deserved to be a hero, it'd be Ryan. The rogues had caused too much damage, done too many atrocious things, to be called heroes. The best they could hope for once their mission was done was to be absolved of their actions; the three could fade away in obscurity. But Ryan Fletcher, he had only done the right thing. He wanted to reveal the truth no matter the consequences. With all the dangerous corruption and shadowy organizations that surrounded them, that was far more heroic. He wouldn't succumb. He'd always fight for the truth.
After Nikita left him, squeezing his bicep as another sign of comfort, Ryan continued searching for the truth. He poured over the file she had given him, not even watching her while she left. He thought about it, though. His lips burned with her lingering kiss, and he wanted to stare after her- at least to discover how she made her seemingly magical entrances and exits. But he had to stay on task. He had to know what was going on with the rogues and Division. He knew he wouldn't discover the whole truth from them. The file was his only source. Although he had derived the truth from less, figuring out Division was a whole other level of difficulty.