Just a heads up. If you guys remember certain chapters differently, don't worry your mind isn't playing tricks on you. It's just me making minor changes, nothing story changing. Just fixing some errors and changing the dialogue a bit if needed. Anyways onto the reviews shall we?

CrazyxEnigma: Don't worry bro, I'll never gender bend the best girl. Never crossed my mind once, also you can expect more unexpected references in the future. And yes I admit, I could have come up with a better summary and title.

Isuckatnaming: Yeah Hachiman has balls in this fic, don't expect the offensive jokes to run out anytime soon.

Echonic: My best roast so far, I hope I can come up with better in the future.

Honestly though, I never expected 16 reviews in 3 chapters. Holy shit, thank you all for that. Yes even the guy that said my premise is gae gets a shoutout. Please enjoy this chapter and keep the reviews coming, constructive criticism is more than welcome. Thanks again you guys.

Chapter 4: Meeting an airhead

"I'm surprised you actually came." Hiratsuka-Sensei said, she was already leaning outside the clubroom door. Most likely to check if I decided to come. "I thought I'd have to drag you here if I'm being honest."

"Don't be surprised, I enjoy challenges." I stated. "And a challenge with Elsa's Asian descendant? I wouldn't miss this for the world."

"Elsa? Heard some brats in class throw that name around when they talk about her. Why is that?" Hiratsuka-Sensei asked. Did she seriously never watch Frozen?

"Oh Sensei just let it go." I joked. "Enough about that. How's my opponent? She ready?"

"Probably, there's a reason why she's top of the school you know?" Hiratsuka-Sensei pointed out. "After all, she's trying to one up her big sis."

"Haruno I assume?" I asked, getting a nod of confirmation. And she calls me the insecure one, yet she herself has big sister issues. "What's she like by the way? Haruno I mean."

"Hmm...Lets just say, she's the fire to Yukino's ice." Hiratsuka-Sensei said. A warm and social version of the ice princess? I couldn't imagine. "Anyways enough talk, get your creepy ass in there. You're already late and I need to hurry back to my office to watch Twilight. If I make it in time, I can sit through the whole movie before 10th period starts."

"How sad, nothing screams out sad and single like a middle aged woman watching shitty romance movies while at work." I mocked. Honestly? Twilight? Next thing I know she'll probably start watching that god awful fifty shades of grey movie adaptation. "You don't have to punish yourself for being single by watching that crap."

"Hey how do you translate this into Klingon?" Hiratsuka-Sensei asked, flipping me the bird as she walked off. Can someone just marry this woman already? She's lucky I like her, if she was any other teacher I would have reported them for that stunt.

Letting out a quiet chuckle, I slid opened the clubroom door and took a seat from across the table with Yukinoshita sitting on the opposite end.

"Good afternoon." Yukino greeted, not bothering to look away from her book. "I'm not surprised you decided to come today, after all, the chance to violate me must have awakened your predatory instincts."

"Afternoon to you to your highness." I mocked. "Rest assured, you're like a rapist repellent. Unlike your peers you scare the sexual predators away. They're interested in women, not feminine looking men masquerading as women."

"So you openly admit to the fact that you are well acquainted with known predators?" Yukino asked with a smirk. "Truly you are a vile and disgusting degenerate Hikigaya-Kun."

"No I just happened to find them hiding. As soon as I saw you I immediately understood why they were hiding." I replied.

"You admit to stalking as well? The title of a predatory degenerate indeed suits you HikiGAYa-Kun."

"And the term cross-dressing trap suits you YukinoSHITa-San."

We gave each other a glare for a moment. Yukinoshita Yukino truly is a formidable opponent. Most people who try ridiculing me tend to regret it after 5 minutes.

"If you don't mind. I would like to ask a question." I said, breaking the silence.

"Very well, what is it you wish to know?" Yukino said.

"From what I noticed, you're rather popular amongst everyone in school. In fact, your popularity even rivals certain cliques. Which begs the question? Do you have any friends? Or do people fear being frozen by you too much to the point where they actively make an effort to avoid you?"

"A good question for a rotten brute with a laughable social circle." Yukino answered, closing her book and placing it on the table. "But first we must define the meaning of the word friend-"

"Nevermind forget I asked, you have no friends." I interrupted, not wanting to hear a 15 minute lecture on a word I could read about on Wikipedia. "At least I have social circle of friends, you have none at all."

"I think the best way to tell you the reason for my lack of friendship is through a small fraction of my past in elementary school. Be forewarned however, what I'm about to say may be agonizing to hear for an unpopular failure like yourself."

"Do your worst." I shrugged.

"Back then I was often the center of attraction thanks to my beauty. I had unwittingly gained the affection of every male in my school as a result." Yukino said.

"Quite the ego you got there." I pointed out.

"It is as I feared, your brain has truly rotten to the point where basic decency to not interrupt another individual who is speaking is no longer possible." Yukino retorted. "But since I take pity on one as lowly as yourself, I shall excuse this slight."

"How kind of you." I sarcastically remarked.

"Kind of me indeed." Yukino simply replied. "However, popular as I may have been. It was not the same as being liked."

Not the same as being liked? I think I can see where this is going. "I assume the girls in your old school gave you a fair share of shit?"

"An uncouth way of putting it but yes." Yukino confirmed. "The girls in my school would often play cruel pranks on me. By the time a year had passed, I was forced to search for my own shoes 60 times."

"Isn't jealously a petty thing?" I remarked. "But knowing you and your high and mighty attitude, you probably did something to anger them."

"Those fools were envious of me. That was the dominant reason for their actions. All because I was cute." Yukino stated. As she said that I swear to the cosmic deities watching I heard a chorus of angels sing for a moment. "Although I will confess. It felt strangely pleasant that my cuteness was able to draw the ire of so many."

"How sad it all came crumbling down though." I mocked. "Because in the end, while everyone in your elementary school grew up. You remained trapped in your little bubble. Hell, even your breasts are still the size of an elementary schooler's. If you were any shorter, I'd probably mistake you for an 8 year old genius that skipped a few grades."

"And there it is, the comment about breasts." Yukino retorted with a glare. "Tell me Hikigaya-Kun, does your obsession with breasts stem from your pornography addiction which you use as a coping mechanism to better endure the well known fact that no girl in their right mind would even consider being your friend?"

"Not that you'd ever know miss forever alone." I sneered with a glare of my own.

We were suddenly interrupted by the sound of the sliding door opening. Must be the 'lost lamb' Hiratsuka-Sensei was referring to.

"Yahallo!" A chirpy voice rang out. "Is this the Service Club?"

"Depends on which Service Club you're referring to." I replied. "If you're looking for the Soapland named Service Club? It's the crummy building with a giant neon sign next to the brightly colored shop selling poor quality sex toys located in the red light district. But if you're looking for the club ran by the school's resident ice trap? You've come to the right place."

"What a charming gentleman you are Hikigaya-Kun." Yukino sneered.

"Aren't I?"

"H-Hikki?!" The girl shouted in shock. "Wh-what are you doing here?!"

Hikki? Who the hell are you calling Hikki? I don't even know you. "Well Hiratsuka-Sensei pretty much ordered me to join this club. Who are you by the way?"

"W-wait what? H-how do you not know me? We're in the same class!"

"We are?" I asked, I have never seen this girl in my entire life. "You sure you didn't mistake me for someone else?"

"You're Yuigahama Yui-San from class 2-F right?" Yukino cut in. 2-F? Looks like she is from my class.

"You seem to know everyone in school. Are you that desperate for friends to the point you stay up all night finding out everyone's names?" I sarcastically asked.

"Sadly for your fragile ego I only take note of people who actually matter." Yukino retorted. "I don't bother with every single degenerate that plagues the school."

"W-wow." Yui stuttered in unexpected awe. "This club. It's-It's so meaningful!"

"Huh?"

"I-I mean, Hikki. You actually talk in this club! You're so much more uh...vocal ya know?" Yui said.

"Vocal?" I asked.

"Yeah. You see, how do I put this?" Yui pondered for a while. "In class you're either sleeping or on your phone all the time making this really weird noise. You're actually kind of a creep Hikki."

"Oh I'm a creep now am I?" I questioned. "Meanwhile someone I've never met in my life suddenly strolls in here, gives me a cute little nickname and starts describing my behavior in class. So please do tell me Yuigahama-San. Who's the real creep in this scenario?"

"W-well...well I-" Yui attempted to defend herself.

"He does have a point as much as I loathe to admit." Yukino interrupted. She's actually siding with me? Am I dreaming? "Hikigaya-Kun here has no information about you yet somehow, you possess knowledge of his habits Yuigahama-San. This sort of behavior indeed falls in line with the term 'creep'. I urge you to rectify this behavior immediately. There is no benefit in attempting to associate yourself with this creature."

Nope I was wrong, she's still against me. I'm most definitely awake right now.

"I-I uh..." Yui tried to explain.

"Dumb bitch, maybe watch what you say to strangers next time?" I mockingly suggested.

"B-bitch?! That's so not cool Hikki! I'll have you know I'm still a vir-"

"Gin? You're still a virgin?" I cut off, judging by her embarrassed expression, that was extremely sensitive information she didn't mean to leak. "Bet you don't even know what virgin means."

"I totally do!" Yui protested.

"Prove it and before you say anything. No, it's not part of your vagina."

"Y-you, you're such a creep Hikki!" Yui exclaimed. Looks like she ran out of things to say.

"And we're back to square one." I retorted. "But enough with the lesson in basics of roastology, what do you actually want?"

Yuigahama gave me an embarrassed glare that lasted for a while before finally revealing her intentions.

"It's...It's about cookies."