After seeing all the reviews I'm happy most of you guys agreed that the re-write was better, honestly I regret writing the original chapter 7. Now, onto the reviews.
BoundlessVortigern: Yeah there's no plausible way for any version of Hachiman to trust someone like Sagami.
CrazyxEnigma: I do have a plan for her but it also involves Yumiko, you'll see what I mean in the future. I just hope it'll be in character for Sagami to do such a thing.
Isuckatnaming: Let's just say things will end much differently in the cultural arc.
Cookie-4IS: Well Hachiman will interact with Yumiko soon, after Kawasaki's request in fact. Small spoiler, it involves Meguri.
On a side note, I plan to do this story in parts. I only have enough ideas for season 1, I don't actually know what to do about season 2 and I had yet to finish season 3. Driving lessons and a brand new PS5 were taking up my time. Anyways, as usual, please review and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Chapter 8: Request of an aspiring novelist
"We should hang out someday. Not publicly of course, but consider my offer. I have a feeling we'll be able to help each other."
"Help each other? What a joke, someone like that couldn't even help herself much less help someone else." I quietly muttered, spotting Yuigahama and Yukinoshita strangely enough standing outside the clubroom, fearfully peeking into the room through the window. Yuigahama even arming herself with a broom for good measure. "What the hell...?" Curiously, I approached the duo and lightly tapped Yuigahama's shoulder, getting startled gasps in response.
"Whoa!" Yui exclaimed, swinging the broom at me in panic. Thankfully I was able to duck in time, I think I deserve at least 10 style points for that. "H-Hikki? It's just you." Yui calmed down.
"Please refrain from sneaking up on us in that manner." Yukino requested, breathing a sigh of relief. "You are barely noticeable enough as it is."
"My apologies. What are you doing outside the clubroom anyways?"
The two of them momentarily turned to each other before explaining.
"There's a really suspicious person in the clubroom." Yui informed. "We've been watching him for 30 minutes."
"You're telling me you were standing out here for 30 minutes watching some guy in the clubroom? I asked in complete disbelief. "Wait a minute, Yuigahama is this the person you have feelings for?"
"Wh-what?! No way!" Yui denied, embarrassed by my question.
"You watching him for half an hour doesn't exactly help your case." I brought up, furthering Yuigahama's embarrassment. "Tell me, did he enjoy your cookies?"
"Sh-shut up! Stupid Hikki." Yui pouted cutely.
"Hikigaya-Kun." Yukino coldly said, her tone promising pain if I continued on. "Could you kindly be a gentleman for once and escort our 'guest' out of the clubroom or are jokes the only thing that rotten brain of yours understands?"
"Alright ice princess, don't have to get your panties in a bunch. I'll see him out, you two can wait here." Stepping into the clubroom to confront the mysterious individual. I was immediately greeted with the sight of papers scattered all over the room and a rather obese individual wearing a thick trench coat standing proudly. His back turned, not bothering to face me.
"I have been expecting you." The mysterious individual stated, not bothering to turn his head. His voice was remarkably familiar to me.
"You expected me in my own clubroom?" I sarcastically retorted. "What great powers of foresight you have."
"Indeed, although I must admit. A great surprise it was to find you here, old friend."
"Okay how the hell can you be surprised but waiting for someone at the same time? I commented, annoyed by this strange individual's stupidity. A moment of realization of who this person was suddenly struck me. "Wait a minute...No...Please don't tell me-"
"Indeed! It is I, Yoshiteru Zaimokuza! I have awaited thee Hikigaya Hachiman!" Zaimokuza declared, much to my horror.
"Just kill me already." I quietly muttered. "Well I should have known it was you when I heard the Amber alert (A child abduction alert). What the hell do you want anyways?"
"How harshly thou speaks to one's former partner. You have disappointed me with your lack of hospitality my old comrade!" Zaimokuza dramatically said.
Great, first I had to deal with a dumb blonde, now I'm stuck with...whatever Zaimokuza is.
"Hikki. Do you know this weirdo?" Yui quietly asked, finally stepping into the room alongside Yukinoshita.
"Don't call him a weirdo, It would be an insult to weirdos everywhere." I replied. "But yes, unfortunately I know this man-child."
"Leave it to Hikigaya-Kun to be familiar with every single degenerate of society." Yukino commented.
I chose to say nothing, instead simply flipping the bird at Yukinoshita in response.
"How charming." Yukino sarcastically retorted
"How these hurtful words of yours have wounded my heart." Zaimokuza continued with his dramatic tone of voice. By this point, being deaf would be more preferable than listening to Zaimokuza speak. "The tales of you and I could fill a book! No, A series of books! The brotherly bond we shown that day when we stood together against the corruption and tyranny of local law enforcement would touch people everywhere!"
"Oh for the love of...You mean touch the hearts of people everywhere. Phrasing Zaimokuza." I corrected, annoyed by Zaimokuza's antics. "And by the way, it was your fault that we got arrested. Why did you even come with me again?"
"Wait what? Hikki you were arrested?!" Yui asked, shocked by the dreadful bit of my history. "What did you do?!"
"Although I am unsurprised that a brute such as yourself once faced the judgement of our local law enforcement I am curious nonetheless." Yukino added.
"*Sigh* I'd rather you not know." I said, hoping my female clubmates wouldn't pry any further.
"Oh come on Hikki how bad could it have been? Yui asked with a slight chuckle. Dammit, she just had to ask.
"Fine, do you remember a little girl I mentioned a while back? A little girl named Keika?" I asked, getting a clueless look from Yuigahama in response and a nod of confirmation from Yukinoshita.
"Well, a few months ago before I joined this hellhole I now call my club, I was requested by her elder sister to take care of her for a while." I informed. "The task was simple really, simply watch Keika while she plays in the park."
"I think I see where this is going." Yukino piped in. "It must have been your repulsive nature and the strangeness of this individual which led to your arrest by the hands of the authorities."
"And the fact that 2 men were taking care of a little girl who wasn't even related to them." I added. "To onlookers it was basically a creepy bootleg version of Buddy Daddies."
"But I am rather confused, if the task was meant for you alone, why did Zaimokuza-San join you?" Yukino asked, her attention now turned to Zaimokuza.
"An excellent question my lady." Zaimokuza said, still using that overly dramatic tone of his. "Thou couldn't simply abandon one's comrade in his time of need! My ancestors would have spat on my feet for such a disgraceful act."
"R-right." Yukino looked rather disgusted by Zaimokuza. "Hikigaya-Kun, how did Zaimokuza-San even catch wind of the request?"
"I live next to him, nothing about me escapes his ears..." I deadpanned, earning looks of pity from Yuigahama and Yukinoshita.
"I'm sorry." Yukino quietly muttered. "I think I can see why you're like this now."
Seriously I will never get used to Yukinoshita's slight moments of pity.
"As for why we were arrested? Well. It involved sunscreen."
"Ha-Chan, can I have some ice cream please?" Keika cutely asked, invoking all sorts of brotherly feelings I'd normally reserve for Komachi only.
"Sure Keika, chocolate?" I asked, ignoring the suspicious stares I received from the stay home mothers nearby.
"Wow really?" Keika asked with stars in her eyes.
S-so cute...I feel like I'm getting diabetes just looking at her.
"Of course Keika, I'm your wallet for the day." I happily replied, trying to prevent a nosebleed from the sheer cuteness alone. "Zaimokuza, I'm going to the 41 nearby, make sure to watch Keika while I'm gone and please remember to apply the sunscreen before letting her play, Keika's skin is ridiculously sensitive."
"It shall be done!" Zaimokuza loudly declared with pride, attracting even more suspicious stares from the public.
"Okay...I'll be back in 15 minutes, don't cause too much trouble." I stared at him with slight disbelief while slowly walking off.
"Now my fair maiden, please allow thou to rub the lotion on your young body."
"That...that is so freaking disgusting!" Yui gagged. "Why the hell was he talking to a little girl like that?!"
"His phrasing could have used some work..." I sighed. "That lotion comment was the last straw. We spent 5 hours at the police station giving our statements thanks to Zaimokuza's mouth..."
"Indeed, we have struggled in battle against the corrupt and evil law enforcement of the city. However, thanks to the valiancy we've shown that day, a goddess had descended down onto the earth and aided us in our clash against pure evil."
"More like a demoness really, Saki is truly terrifying when angry." I shuddered at the memory of a furious Kawasaki Saki. "She makes Hiratsuka-Sensei look like a puppy in comparison."
"I think that's enough of reminiscing horrible past memories." Yukino cut in. "Zaimokuza-San, what is it that you seek from the Service Club?"
"Ah so the stars have indeed led me to my destiny." Zaimokuza replied, still refusing to speak like a normal person.
Annoyed, Yukinoshita turned to me. "What on earth is wrong with him?"
"Aside from his existence alone?" I whispered back. "It's chuunibyou."
"Chuunibyou?"
She's never heard of Chuunibyou? That's a surprise. Always thought a reclusive ice princess would have at least heard of such a term.
"He's basically the definition of a man-child. Essentially he has the immaturity of an 8th grader with the body of a second year highschooler." I answered.
"It sounds like a condition." Yukino replied. "I don't suppose it has a relation to mental retardation?"
"No it's not a medical condition, it's more of a...how do I put it? A behavioral issue I suppose."
"So it's kinda like my cousin Rikka?" Yui joined in.
"Your cousin Rikka?" I asked, confused by what she meant.
"Yeah, my cousin Rikka Takanashi. She always goes on about how she's a sorceress. Oh and Rikka also always covers her eye with a medical eyepatch. Her big sis Toka always complains to me whenever we chat on Line."
"A perfect comparison Yuigahama." I said. "Hold on a minute though, Rikka Takanashi? I don't suppose she studies in Icho Private High School?"
"Yeah how'd you know?" Yui inquired.
"Expanding you hunting ground Hikigaya-Kun?" Yukino mocked with a straight face. "Truly your ambition to gain the approval of women as impressive as it is pathetic."
"And so's your goal to prove yourself better than Haruno." I retorted, getting an ice cold glare in response. "As for how I knew? I remembered how Zaimokuza came crying to me after getting rejected by 'a beautiful and powerful sorceress from the kingdom of Icho' due to a 'contract' with some poor soul that happened to gaze upon her 'Tyrant eye'."
"Please. Do not remind me of the heartache I had suffered that awful day." Zaimokuza requested, a hand to his heart as he started to weep dramatically. "Even now, lady Takanashi still refuses to respond to my carrier ravens, I fear she has been corrupted by that evil beast Yuuta Togashi."
"Carrier ravens?" Yukino asked with a raised brow.
"He means Twitter." I simply replied, turning to Zaimokuza who is still dramatically weeping. "And will you get a grip already? You only knew her for 2 weeks? Who the hell asks someone out after getting to know them on Twitter for 2 weeks anyways?"
"I need not have met lady Takanashi physically to know that in my heart, she was my soulmate. My soulmate who was stolen from me." Zaimokuza continued to weep.
Leaning into my ear, Yuigahama whispered. "Wow Hikki, it's pretty amazing that you haven't gone completely insane huh?"
"I'm very close to insanity Yuigahama." I replied. "I know appearances are meant to be genetic, but I partly blame Zaimokuza for my eyes as well. He's slowly killing me."
"Enough." Yukino commanded, stepping forward towards Zaimokuza who in turn started to back up in slight fear and extreme nervousness. "Zaimokuza-San. I believe you came here seeking our aid to cure your behavioral issue?"
"Oh gods uh-" Zaimokuza stuttered, nervously looking away, much to Yukinoshita's annoyance.
"Stop talking like that and face me." Yukino ordered. "You should face someone who is speaking to you. Have you never heard of basic manners?"
"Oh my, you-you are quite a fiery spirit aren't you." Zaimokuza nervously replied in the most normal tone of voice he could muster. Oh Zaimokuza, there's no point in cowering like an abused puppy, you don't even know abuse until you've met Yukinoshita.
"What's this?" Yui questioned, picking up one of the papers on the floor. "The holy sword academy series?"
"Oh...fuck..." I silently cursed. He wants a review doesn't he? That's why that wretched man-child came. "Let me guess, you're here to request a review for your 'novel'."
"A wise guess my friend." Zaimokuza confirmed my worst fears. "I was hoping to enter an amateur writing competition but due to my lack of peers I have no one to turn to for reviewing. Please help me." He begged, looking rather sad when he mentioned his lack of peers.
"No." I simply rejected, much to Zaimokuza's chagrin.
"But-but why?" Zaimokuza begged for an answer.
"Because, your story of a 'mysterious white haired gentleman' who swooped in to save the would be murdered idol and lead singer of B-Komachi Ai Hoshino was already punishment enough." I retorted, twitching my eyes in irritation. "Seriously the poor girl died young, why sully her memory like that?"
"Please, I swear. I have improved upon my previous flaws in writing." Zaimokuza begged. "Another chance is all I seek."
Great he went back to the dramatic tone. Well him acting like a normal human was nice while it lasted.
"I don't get it Chuuni-Chan." Yui brought up.
"Chuuni-Chan?" I quietly questioned the nickname.
"Aren't there like...websites that can help instead?" Yui asked.
"She's right. Wouldn't it make more sense to post your novel on that aspiring novelist site?" I added my two-cents in. "Pretty sure there are some qualified individuals on that site who can give you a better review than us."
"Wh-what?! No! Never! Their scathing reviews would simply be too much for me to handle." Zaimokuza replied.
"And so will the judges at that competition you want to enter so badly." I retorted. "Fine I give up, I'll help you get some insight on your novel."
"You will?" Zaimokuza asked. "Oh thank you Hachiman, I knew you would aid a brother in need."
"Yeah...I'll help you alright..."