Once everyone had returned to the States, and Ryan had met with his supervisors in the CIA, he signaled for Nikita to meet with him. Rather than huddle under the gazebo again, she leaned against the railing looking out across the river. Bikers and runners hurried past on the trail behind her, yet she didn't mind. She liked staring out across the water and thinking. What she was thinking about exactly wasn't clear. Her mind was a jumbled mess. But maybe that was okay. She didn't need to figure anything out at the moment. She could just focus on Ryan when he finally joined her, "How'd it go?"
"Great. The weapon is safely in the hands of the CIA. I've been promoted back to my old desk. And, I've been given more clearance than before," Ryan beamed. His superiors in the CIA were extremely impressed with the intel he had gathered and the weapon he had recovered. He was offered his original position and then some. It was the perfect addition to the success the team of rogues had accomplished in the field. They had saved the day and were actually rewarded for it. Good things really could come their way eventually.
"That is great," Eyes still on the river, Nikita nodded. She was glad that Ryan was re-promoted. She was also glad that he had even more access to dig up dirt on Division. That being said, she was hung up on one fact he shared. The comment cleared up one of the many thoughts in her mind: was the CIA really that much better than Division or Gogol. The spy organization had had corrupt leaders before (one being in Percy's pocket). It also wasn't the most moral institution in the world. Could the CIA deal with the weapon better than two criminal organizations. Or did the rogues just trade one problem for another.
"But…" Leaning against the railing, close to Nikita, Ryan could guess that she didn't consider everything all well and good. She had found the negative in something. He couldn't fault her for that. The rogue had stayed alive by seeing the good and bad in things- by being realistic. She knew better than anybody that there was a dark side to everything. The CIA wasn't an exception. Ryan sighed. Nikita was doubting their decision to hand over the weapon. She couldn't see the good side. After the destruction they had witnessed revolving around the dirty bomb, she might've had a point, "You don't really trust the CIA."
"I don't really trust any government organization. The CIA's just a better option than Division and Gogol," Nikita finally looked at him. She believed that it simply came down to choosing the lesser of multiple evils. She trusted Ryan, so she'd have to trust others in the Agency would have the same good intentions. Maybe they'd only dismantle the weapon, study it, and stop others from using it. That was Ryan's hope (Michael had alluded that it was his as well). Nikita had to think something positive like that as well, even if she knew better.
Ryan studied Nikita. She never told him how she got involved with Division in the first place. He knew the secret unit of the government recruited throwaways from prison. She had to have been one of them. Yet he felt as though there was much more to her story. She was holding back from him. Ryan didn't necessarily want to push her to open up when she didn't want to. However, he did want to understand Nikita. How could she have such little trust in things that were meant to protect others. What could've made her so bitter, "You don't think they have a propensity to do good?"
"No one does," Casting her eyes away, Nikita shrugged. She didn't want to explain herself further, nor did she want to argue. She hoped Ryan would just accept her answer and change the topic. He didn't do quite that, however. Gently, he lifted Nikita's chin and kissed her. It wasn't the passionate, fiery kiss that Michael had once given her. Ryan kissed her the same sweet, simple way she had kissed him at the bar. The affection was purely platonic, meant to express care. And, to leave a smile on the lips instead of a pout.
"I think you do. Thank you," Ryan grinned brightly, his blue eyes boring into her brown. Chuckling slightly, Nikita grinned as well. He took her hand in his, gave it a tight squeeze, then left her alone to her thoughts again. After a moment, she realized he had done the exact thing she had done to him at the bar- not just the kiss, he lightened her mood and then left her with completely different thoughts. Nikita laughed louder. Ryan had certainly picked up a few things while teaming up with the rogues. And he wasn't the only one.
Flopping onto her couch, Alex fought the urge to scream into a pillow. Instead, she thought about how she had helped the rogues. That only distracted her for a few moments, unfortunately. Her mind kept wandering to Sean. She was so fucking mad at him. She didn't think she had ever been that angry, besides when she had discovered Semak was behind her parents' murder. She felt so betrayed. She had liked Sean- when he wasn't studying her. She had even thought that getting close to him would be worth the trouble. But he had been Division the whole time. He wasn't a friend. He was someone else she had to keep her guard around.
That probably was what had her the most pissed. Alex kept picturing the goofy smile and awkward conversation from the party. He had seemed so nice. He had seemed so approachable, fun, sweet, kind, like a great friend. She could've been friends with him. She could've felt normal and like herself again with her neighbor. But it was all a ruse. Sean had played her. He didn't want to be a friend. He had a mission to complete and that mission was her. Not once did Sean ever care about her. But Alex, like an idiot, believed he did.
She wanted to kill Sean. If Amanda hadn't been standing there, and if that knife wasn't pressed against her throat, she would've killed him. She couldn't handle the betrayal. So what if Sean's assignment was to protect her as she completed her revenge mission. He didn't have to get close to her in order to do that. He could've been honest. Instead, he chose to lie to her and build up a fake relationship. What was even the point of that. Why hurt her. It sure didn't gain him anything. He was no closer to her than before. In fact, he was even further away.
He was just an asshole. It was the only thing Alex could rationalize. Sean was a jerk who thought the mission was more important than people. She didn't want that anywhere near her- even if his fake smile was dazzling. Fortunately, before that thought could invade her senses and she had to force herself to shake them free, her phone rang. Neither her landline or Division cell rang, it was the burner Nikita had given her. That wasn't the protocol. Alex was supposed to call the rogues after they gave her the signal. Something was wrong; though, Nikita was calm once the young agent answered, "Hey, Alex…"
"You didn't follow protocol," Shocked, Alex interrupted. After the stern efforts Nikita went to in order to keep Alex safe as her mole, one wouldn't think she'd break her own rules. But she did. And she seemed calm about it. The young agent panicked more at the thought. Something had to have gone wrong with the dirty bomb. The trick didn't work. Division or Gogol was dangerously armed. Or, something even worse was going on that she didn't know about. Maybe it was all crashing down around them and it was time to run.
"Yeah, I know. Just listen. I was wrong before- about connections. It's worth the risk," Nikita instantly settled her mole's nerves. She didn't have anything drastic to say- at least, not in a negative way. She just realized that she was wrong, and she had to correct her mistake. Alex sighed and chuckled slightly. That was one crisis averted. And possibly, with the new advice, another could be as well. Ending the call with Nikita, Alex wished she could make that happen. She had been so consumed by her thoughts of Sean, she nearly forgot that things had been ruined between her and Nathan. She had to fix it immediately.
After hiding the burner cell, Alex rushed to her door. Nathan was probably home. It was too late for him to be running errands, and it was too early for him to be DJing at a club. She could catch him in time to apologize and try to be friends again. She really wanted that connection with him. So, she threw open the door and nearly crashed into him in the hallway. Apparently, Nathan had had the same idea as her. Though, he didn't seem as hopeful as Alex. He was much more grave. She let him into her apartment, hoping that would soothe some things over. It didn't. She had to actively make amends, "Nathan, I'm sorry…"
"Look, I don't know what's going on with you. But, I don't care. I don't care that you're not normal. I don't care if you have a weird job. I just care about you. I like you, Alex. You're not like anyone I've ever met before. I don't want to keep being forced away when you think things go wrong. I like being by your side. That's where I want to stay," When Nathan finished, he stood so close to Alex they could've shared breath. He waited for her to act; it was up to her to respond. However, she couldn't. She could barely move. All she did was stare.
The patience Nathan had with her was remarkable. If Alex had expressed her heart like that and didn't get an immediate response, she would've walked away. Yet Nathan stayed. He waited. Everything he told her was true. Alex honestly didn't know if that gave her more courage to respond, or if it made her more terrified of things going wrong. Either way, she still couldn't speak or move. Nathan somehow moved closer to her. As she stared at him wide-eyed, he spoke ever so softly, "What do you want?"
Alex didn't need to think anymore. She had spent enough time mulling over her thoughts and trying to rationalize her actions. She had to just act. Just be. Just know that it was worth it. Screw Division and what they promised her. Screw Lieutenant Commander Sean Pierce and his poor attempts to keep her focused. It was only about her and Nathan at that moment. In fact, she shouldn't even be thinking about the others. She only focused on Nathan and what he had said to her. She yanked him into her arms by the collar of his shirt, and she kissed him.
Nathan kissed Alex back. The hands he placed on her waist were far gentler than the grip she had on him. Although she eased her grip, her kiss remained intense. Everything she didn't have the courage to say was expressed in the passionate kiss. She wanted a loved one to stay by her side. She wanted someone in her life to make her feel happy, normal, and safe. She wanted to live in the moment and not have to look over her shoulder. She believed she could have all that with Nathan. And she could ensure he knew that with a fiery kiss that led them to crash on the couch, making out and making love.
"Did I miss Ryan?" Michael joined Nikita by the river. She was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of his smoky voice. She hadn't even realized he had walked up behind her. Hopefully, that was more indicative of his abilities than her being completely out of focus. He didn't seem to think so. He studied her in concern, wondering what she could've been thinking so heavily about. His first assumption was that it involved Ryan and the weapon he had handed off to the CIA. Michael worried that something had gone wrong, that they weren't as successful as they had thought, "What'd he say about the weapon?"
"It went well. He even has more clearance to gather intel on Division," Nikita smiled. The expression didn't dissuade Michael like she wanted it to. Although it appeased him about the dirty bomb, he knew there was something else running through her mind. He could see it all over her face, and in the way she worried her lip. It was the same thing she had done after another meeting with Ryan. Michael seriously wanted to know what that was all about. However, before he could even begin to ask, Nikita shook her head, "It's nothing. Don't worry."
Michael could've easily pressed Nikita for more information. He could've asked more about Ryan and the weapon. Or, he could've interrogated her about what else was on her mind. Instead, he let it go. He had a feeling she would keep shrugging off the topic. And, honestly, a part of him didn't want to know her thoughts about the CIA analyst. It would be better if he only discussed what he had wanted to share with both Ryan and Nikita. There were some developments with the black boxes that deserved their attention, "Birkhoff and I might have a lead on a black box. We could work with Owen to narrow it down."
"Perfect. Let me know if you figure out a way to get in touch with him. Last time we spoke, I was the one with the contact number, not him," Nikita admitted. Owen was a lot more unpredictable in his rogue habits than the rest of the team- which was really saying something. If Michael and Birkhoff could find a way to contact him, Nikita would love to know. She wanted to update him on the mess that had been occurring; it'd help him out. And it'd make the team feel more cohesive. That'd certainly need that as they kept waging war.
"Yeah, it's going to be complicated," Michael mumbled. Nikita rolled her eyes. As rogues, they didn't get to have things be simple. Hell, even as agents, they didn't have simple tasks; though, it sure was easier with a full force supporting them. Fortunately, the team of rogues were used to working harder than anyone else by that point. They knew how much effort they had to pour into things to earn what they needed. The universe wasn't going to just give them everything- that was a lesson harshly learned over and over again. They had to fight their way through the world. They had to fight just to be happy and free.
Before either Michael or Nikita could say anything else, the bikers on the path finally knocked into them. Nikita was able to stabilize herself against the railing; Michael, on the other hand, pitched forward. She instantly reached out to grab him. She held him upright and extremely close to herself. In an effort to remain on his feet, he held her in return. It wasn't until after the bikers passed that the two noticed how close they were; their foreheads burned together, and their misty breath mingled in the cold air. Green and brown eyes locked for too long of a second. Afterwards, Michael jerked back, and Nikita sighed, "When aren't things complicated?"
"We should be getting back," Michael coughed awkwardly. Jerking back from Nikita wasn't his finest moment. But staying too close to her was dangerous. They both knew it. Until they battled their demons and settled whatever it was between them, they shouldn't tempt fate. Things should be good between them before they started anything. They deserved that, didn't they. Nikita expelled a long breath and led them away from the river. Michael had to jog to catch up. Soon, however, they were side-by-side and in-step.