"I am Alexandra Udinov, daughter of Nikolai Udinov. And this is your reward," The end of the video played on Nikita's computer in the loft over and over again. After leaving Alex with Kelly (she was safer detoxing in Division), the rogue hadn't felt like driving all the way back to the safehouse. She could just crash at the loft in the city. However, she wasn't able to rest until she destroyed whatever Vlad had recorded of Alex, and until she tried to forget that night. The former was far easier than the latter. A couple key clicks would erase what had been captured on camera. As for what Nikita had seen, and what Alex had to endure, that'd never go away.
Worrying the ends of her hair, Nikita watched Alex kill Vlad on repeat. A part of her was extremely proud of the young agent for killing her abuser and saving other girls from his hell. Yet that pride couldn't conceal the rogue's fear. She recognized the look in Alex's eyes as she pulled the trigger. Although they were hazy from forced drug use, the murderous intent was beyond clear. She wasn't going to stop with just Vlad. Everyone who had ever hurt her was going to feel her wrath. The only reason they didn't at that moment was because the drugs knocked her on her ass. Otherwise, hell would have rained down.
Nikita remembered that feeling from the night she had shot that cop. It was pretty much the only thing she remembered- ketamine was a hell of a memory loss drug. She had been so angry. All she had wanted to do was burn the whole world to the ground. The cop was just the first in her warpath. Division later channeled that rage into further targets for her and caused more sources of hatred to fuel her. It was almost as if she was reliving her first murder over and over again. She was always so blinded by her rage. She didn't have any other emotion. She was so full of hatred, she had to unleash on those that had hurt her- or she believed had hurt her.
That wasn't a way to live. Nikita knew that. However, she never had any other life. All she knew was pain, and using drugs or violence or both to release that. Alex, on the other hand, knew what it was like to have more and to be better. She didn't have to fall into that cycle. She didn't have to be another person killing in a haze of drugs and rage. Alex could go down a far better path. It was actually available to her. She simply had to be removed from the terrible influences; not just Division, but Nikita as well.
The rogue saw too much of herself in the recording of Alex. She saw the heavy drug addiction (though, Alex never chose that; it was always forced on her). She saw the undeniable anger. And she saw the horrible influence of revenge. Only living to set things right, to avenge wrongful death and destruction, was harmful. It gutted a person. A husk of wrath was all that was left behind. There was no room in the heart for another person, any other thought, or happiness. Even when the target of all that rage was killed, nothing good would fill that void. All that would be left was emptiness, or room for more anger to grow.
Although Nikita had accepted that for herself, knowing she didn't deserve any other life, Alex had to have better. Her happiness had been stolen from her, yet she could steal it back- just not by revenge. She needed to prove that she was more than her enemies; she could rise above them by living a happy, normal life despite their efforts. Maybe she could achieve that with the man she had talked about, Nathan. The two could run away together and be free. Alex couldn't suffer the pain the path she was on was leading her to.
Finally deleting the footage of Alexandra Udinov enacting her revenge, Nikita attempted to think of how she was going to help her. Alex couldn't be like the rogue. Maybe if she escaped after she detoxed and before things got any worse, she'd eventually be okay. Nikita simply needed to create a way for the young woman to break free- and to convince her that it was a good idea. Unfortunately, the rogue was braindead. And a call from Michael, which she answered automatically, broke her concentration, "Hey. I haven't heard from you since you texted that Alex was safe. Is everything alright?"
No. Things were definitely not alright, especially for Alex. She'd be safe in Division, detoxing and healing; Amanda would take care of her. Yet that wouldn't last long. Nikita was certain of it. She needed to find a permanent way to keep Alex safe- to keep her from becoming like her. The rogue just couldn't think then. She also didn't want to drag Michael into it, not until she had something concrete. His focus needed to remain on the black boxes and their war with Division, "What'd you get on the black boxes?"
Michael paused. He and Birkhoff were on their flight back from Europe, and he finally had the chance to talk to Nikita about what had happened with Alex. Though, he should've suspected that after the unsettling texts he had received throughout the ordeal she wouldn't want to talk. He'd have to wait until she was calmer, "Well, Owen is acting even weirder in person. I didn't think a person could be so paranoid. Regardless, there hasn't been much development. Owen believes he knows how to locate a Guardian in London. He's going to rundown some ideas with Birkhoff helping on the computer."
"Maybe we should help him on the ground too," Nikita contemplated. She pushed away from her computer and paced around the loft. Tearing London apart for a Guardian and a black box was just what she needed to distract herself from her thoughts. She could clear her head and create solid solutions for Alex. Destroying a black box and being one step closer to destroying Percy would also help the whole team. Mostly good things would come out of going to London, instead of being stuck where they were, feeling like they were repeating the same things.
"Yeah, when things are more concrete," Michael had already thought of joining Owen in London. He seemed like he needed assistance. But it'd be a waste of energy and resources for all the rogues to relocate there until they actually had something. Nikita and Michael needed to stay close to Division so they could successfully run their countermissions. Birkhoff would be enough help for Owen via the computer. Although that made the most sense, Nikita didn't seem okay with the decision. She was upset by it. Or, more likely, she was concerned with something else. It was hard to tell what was on her mind while they were so far away, "What are you thinking?"
Sighing, Nikita tried to formulate a way to respond to Michael. She couldn't come up with a lie or even a half-truth. What was the point of keeping her concerts about Alex from him anyway. It might've felt like it at times, but the young woman wasn't her sole responsibility. The entire team would look out for her and protect her. They were all partners, and they all had each other's best interests at heart. Michael (and Birkhoff) needed to know everything so he could protect Alex too. They were going to work together to set her free, "I think Alex is in trouble."
"You said she was safe. Did something happen?" Immediately, Michael placed the call on speaker. Birkhoff needed to hear the conversation as well. Nikita's texts as she had rescued Alex from the brothel hadn't been enough information to settle the two men's apprehensions. They had been worried about the harm Alex faced in the hands of her former abuser, and the dangers Nikita encountered attacking the Russian mob and working with Kelly. Both women thankfully came out alive, but they were definitely scarred by the experience. The hells weren't over yet, especially for Alex- not by a longshot.
"She's okay now. But I… something happened to her in that brothel, and it's not going to get any better," Nikita tried to soothe Michael's worry, yet it was difficult while she was scared as well. Alex would get clean again after being forced to take heroin without much issue- Amanda would make sure of that. Yet the horrors of what she had to endure, of being back in that hellhole and confronting her abuser, was going to stay with her for far too long. It was going to fuel her revenge even more. She was going to be so consumed with anger and vengeance to cope that it was going to eat her up inside. She might not have her chance at happiness.
"What is it?" Neither Michael nor Birkhoff tried to assume. It was easy to think that the worst was occurring- that despite healing in Division with its state-of-the-art medical facility, Alex was suffering. Maybe it was simply that her revenge mission was compromised and she might lose her deal with Division. Or maybe her real identity was leaked, and they had to put a plug on it. Whatever it was, Birkhoff and Michael hoped that it didn't end in death. They couldn't lose anyone on their team.
"We need to talk in person," Nikita stared at her computer again. The screen was blank, and every bit of evidence of what Alexandra Udinov had done was completely erased. But the image of her killing Vlad in her anger and drug induced haze was permanently burned onto the monitor. Nikita couldn't shake it free. And she was terrified Alex wouldn't be able to either. The longer she was involved in that hell, the worse it was going to get. Once again, the young woman needed to escape, "I think we need to get Alex out of Division."
"Where is she? What happened to Alexandra?" Sean stormed into Amanda's office. Although he kept his distance from Alexandra after she had threatened him, he continued to watch her back from his apartment. His orders hadn't changed despite her feelings about them; and despite the fact that he had to take a more passive role in protecting her, so she didn't kill him. She was difficult to watch over. When she never returned to her apartment after her latest mission, he had a feeling something terrible had happened. How could a standard op go wrong. What kind of trouble did she get into when he wasn't around.
"Relax. She's detoxing in Medical. I didn't think you would've cared," Amanda barely looked up from the file she was reading; though she was pleased that Sean had crashed into her office asking about Alex. He ignored the smirk. He simply needed to know where Alexandra was. Maybe she was debriefing after her mission- that would explain why Amanda appeared to be only skimming the file while she moved in and out of her office. Yet Sean didn't believe that was entirely possible. Her mission shouldn't have lasted that long. She should've been home.
"I normally wouldn't… but I was supposed to be protecting her. She got hurt on my watch," Sean didn't know why he stumbled on his response. Of course he had a reason to care for Alexandra; protecting her was his mission. It was clear and straightforward. He had to ensure she stayed alive until she killed Semak. It was what Oversight wanted. So why did he trip over his words as he explained himself to Amanda. His lack of sleep and apprehensions could've been the culprit. Yet he normally didn't succumb to them like that. It was probably just Division. Despite his short time in the black ops unit, he already knew it brought out the worst in people.
"You have quite the sense of duty," Continuing to smirk, Amanda dropped the file back on her desk and moved out of her office. Sean was forced to follow. He hoped that she was leading him to Alexandra in Medical. Hoped as in assure himself that he still had a job while he was on leave from the Navy. He wasn't one to be able to rest between deployments. He needed to be active, continue to assist others. Although that assignment from Oversight wasn't what he was expecting, he knew it was the right thing to do. He couldn't let Alexandra die.
As Sean followed Amanda through Division, he attempted to clear his mind. He shouldn't be so single-mindedly focused on his feelings regarding his mission and Alexandra. Nor should he let Amanda's smug grin sink under his skin. He needed to know what had happened on the operation that had required Alexandra to be rushed to Medical. Was she injured; was she sick; was she both. Sean wasn't able to guess from what he was told. Like with most things in Division, he was continuously kept in the dark. It was really starting to piss him off, "You said she was detoxing?"
"Don't worry. She'll be fine soon. In fact, if you want to ask her any questions, now would be the time. She's in a very suggestable state," Amanda wouldn't drop her smug attitude. She enjoyed knowing more than Sean way too much. He was so close to snapping. A part of him wanted to pull rank to make her stop. Since he worked directly for Oversight and not for Division, he outranked Amanda. He could order her to tell him everything, or make Oversight force her too. Yet that wasn't the guarantee it should've been. Sean had to suck it up and deal.
"What's that mean?" At that point, Sean wanted to race to Medical and discover what was going on himself. He never had any patience for the games Amanda liked to play. He just needed the facts of the situation and how he'd deal with it. Or, more accurately, how he'd help Alexandra deal with it. Watching over her wasn't solely about ensuring she stayed alive. He also had to make sure she was fit enough to continue her revenge mission. If that meant he needed to help her heal, then he'd do it. He didn't have any problem with that.
"It's simply time to uncover some secrets Alex has been keeping from us," Amanda flashed one more snide smile before she stepped into one of the Medical rooms. Sean didn't like the implications of that. He wasn't aware of any secrets that Alexandra could have been keeping from Division, besides the extent of her relationship with Nathan. Yet that wasn't worth uncovering. Yes, her relationship distracted her at times. But she was as determined as ever to kill Semak. Amanda must've had a completely different suspicion in mind. One that Sean didn't necessarily want to look into- not if it might hurt Alex.