With Alex's screams continuing to ring in her ears, Nikita caught up to Justin, grabbed him, and pulled him into her car. She barely had the energy to settle his anxiety. She briefly told him what was going on. Then, she briefly told Michael and Birkhoff what had happened. It was up to the two to do the rest. Michael talked to Justin, and Birkhoff worked with Tony Merrick to get the evidence against Division and Oversight he had stashed. Nikita only sat and thought about what she had done. Alex's screams continued in her ears.
Once at the safehouse, Nikita pulled away from the others. She went to take a shower, change clothes, and hide in her bedroom. No one followed her; they knew she needed space. While she came to grips with what she had done, Michael and Birkhoff continued to work with Merrick and his son. They got Tony in touch with the feds and worked on a solution to all of their problems. After all the mess that had been created, the feds were looking for an easy cleanup. Merrick and Justin were soon safe, and the truth was revealed. It was that simple, which was shocking to Birkhoff, "I'm surprised the feds took Tony's deal."
"I'm not. They get his evidence, and it makes them look like heroes," Michael shrugged. With the evidence that Tony Merrick had gathered the only way for the U.S. government to be seen as the good guys was if they immediately jumped on top of the story and found their scapegoat. They couldn't let that information leak to the press; they had to control the story. So by the time the news finally shared what had happened, events were spun and an easy to swallow solution had been found. No one would question anything. Except the rogues.
The scapegoat that the government had found- more accurately, the one Oversight had found- was no doubt one of the secret members that ran Division. Michael and Birkhoff crossed him off their list of targets, then Michael finally went to talk to Nikita. She had to know about the new information, even though he knew she wasn't up for conversation. She sat on the edge of the bed, curled in on herself and looking nowhere. Michael joined her on the bed, anyway. She shouldn't force herself to be alone. She was never alone, "So we know from the code names on the box that there are six members on Oversight. That's one down, five to go."
There was no response from Nikita. She didn't seem relieved that a member of Oversight was gone. She didn't even seem to care that they had succeeded on their mission. She continued to sit curled into a ball and staring off into the distance. Michael bumped his hip against hers and wrapped his arm around her. Nikita didn't move. He knew why. He knew what was going on inside her head. But she didn't need to be completely plagued by those thoughts. There was hope along the horizon. He was sure of it, "That means we're one step closer to home."
Although Nikita leaned into her boyfriend's warmth, she didn't say anything for a while. She also continued to not look at him. The idea of a home with Michael sounded so wonderful; it sounded like the perfect end to their war. However, she didn't know if she deserved it. After all she had done, after all she continued to choose to do, maybe she didn't deserve that happily ever after, "I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I want to stop running. I've been running my whole life. I want a home. I just want to be able to live with myself when I get there."
Searching Nikita's face and seeing the despair etched across her features, Michael grabbed her hand. He squeezed tightly and placed a tender kiss on her shoulder. She relaxed a little at his touch, yet it wasn't enough. The weight of the world continued to rest on his girlfriend's shoulders, and he had to take some of that burden. He wasn't certain if she would accept his comfort words or gestures at the moment. However, he was certain that he could get a rise out of her if he told a bad joke. So, squeezing her hand again, he teasingly said, "Hey, it's gonna be hard enough living with me."
A chuckle broke out of Nikita without her meaning it to. She finally looked at Michael, who kissed her shoulder again and smiled at her adoringly. She could only return his smile for a brief second. Soon, her morose thoughts about what had happened in the alley returned. She couldn't shake them. And, honestly, why should she. What she had done was horrible. In the heat of the moment, she had thought it was a good idea. But after giving it more thought, she realized how stupid she was. That was not the way to go about things. It would never work the way she had intended. Because what she had done was too horrible to ever cause good, "I shot Alex."
"I know," Michael replied gently and kissed her shoulder once more. She had told him and Birkhoff what had happened after she had grabbed Justin and drove to the safehouse. She said she had shot Alex cleanly and in the thigh to stop her; the young woman was badly injured, but with Division's medical care, she would be fine. It had taken Michael a moment to register what Nikita had said she had done. But once he could, he realized why she had done it. To stop Alex from following Division's path, she had to be slowed down. What better way to slow her down than to injure her. Then, she couldn't work for Division. She could only sit and think.
"I shouldn't have done it," Nikita let go of Michael's hand and turned away from him. She couldn't believe that she had thought shooting Alex was the right thing to do. Sure, it would force her out of missions for a while. But was that really any kind of solution. Alex wouldn't take that opportunity to think over her situation and realize she was in a terrible one. Nikita knew she wouldn't have. That would've been when she double-downed on her efforts to get what she wanted. That would've been when she let her anger overwhelm her and drive her.
"You did it to stop her. I shot at you to stop you once, remember. It wasn't because I hated you or wanted to kill you. It's just the only way to get people like us to stop and think," Michael refused to let Nikita move too far from him. When he had been rogue and she had been in Division, he once shot at her to stop her. He, of course, hadn't wanted to kill her or even hurt her. But he had needed to make her think. Getting shot or shot at definitely put things into perspective for people like them. It told them that they had to reevaluate and start thinking in new ways. Alex would get the message from the harsh action. She'd stop and think.
"But Alex isn't like us. Getting shot might keep her from being used by Amanda and Oversight, but only until she heals. And she won't run or think in the meantime. She'll just keep looking for revenge," Nikita should've realized that before she took the shot. Breaking Alex's arm had been enough. Shooting the young woman wasn't going to make the difference she had briefly believed it would. It just made things worse. Why wouldn't it have. Nikita didn't do anything right. She hadn't made good decisions when Michael and Birkhoff had been the only rogues, when she had finally escaped, or when Alex had been their mole, so why start then.
There was a thought in the back of Nikita's head that she had hardly given voice to until that moment. She didn't want to go there; she didn't want to accept that it might've been true. But confronted with it, she couldn't deny it. Maybe some part of her had wanted to shoot Alex after she had shot her and left her facing Roan alone. Maybe some part of her was bitter about what had happened and needed revenge. Maybe some part of her was so angry that she couldn't help but pull the trigger. Maybe some part of Nikita didn't want to be the hero, but the villain, "Maybe I really am nothing more than my anger."
"Hey, no. You did what you thought was best. You're trying to make her think. She won't think while she's running and gunning. But this definitely will make her take a good long look at things," Michael instantly wrapped his arm around Nikita and pulled her tightly against his side. What she had done hadn't been out of anger. Sure, it wasn't the greatest thing to do. And it was a terrible way to prove a point. But Nikita had only done what she thought could help Alex. She didn't want to hurt her, but she had to. That in no way made her a horrible person.
"Can you ever say one bad thing about me?" Rolling her eyes, Nikita snapped. Countless times, she had fucked up and made things worse. Yet countless times, Michael only ever saw her as perfect. It was honestly starting to get annoying. She wasn't the good guy he continuously painted her as. She consistently hurt others, she consistently made mistakes, and she consistently made the worst choices. How could anyone see her as good after all that. Either Michael was lying to her, or he was lying to himself. It didn't matter which was true; he just had to stop it. He was going to get himself hurt if he didn't see her for the monster she really was.
"You're rash, and reckless, and stubborn, and sometimes you make decisions for others without really hearing the other side," Continuing to hold Nikita tightly against his side, Michael listed gently. He didn't want to sound mean or degrading as he answered her. He simply stated her not so positive attributes. They weren't anything she hadn't heard before; she scoffed in agreement and hung her head. However, Michael wasn't finished with his answer. Tenderly, he lifted Nikita's chin, and sincerely he said, "But, it comes from your heart, from your need to help. You're never malicious. You just never learned how to express your love."
Nikita didn't know if she believed that. She could think of several instances where she had been purposefully malicious- where she had let her monstrous thoughts and ideas come to the surface. Most of those moments had happened when she was in Division, but they didn't all stem from her orders. She went beyond Division's call and became the worst version of herself. And there had been some moments where she had enjoyed that. She liked inflicting that pain. There was no coming back from that. No matter what she did, she would always be that monster. She would always be evil.
Michael, however, believed his own perspective of Nikita more than their reality. He'd always believe his thoughts and feelings for her over what was actually occurring. Whereas she believed that would eventually lead to his destruction- if he wanted to save himself, and she needed him to save himself, then he should get away from her- he believed that would lead to her salvation. If she only saw herself how he saw her, then she could believe she was worth all his praise. Nikita wasn't at the point then to see herself for how wonderful she truly was. But that was okay. Michael would still let her know, "It's a good thing you have me to practice on."
Scoffing again, Nikita couldn't help but roll her eyes at Michael's relentless attempts to see her in a positive light. Though, she had to admit, his tactic was wearing her down. She couldn't keep the dark cloud over her head when her boyfriend smiled at her lovingly and looked at her with pure adoration in his brilliant green eyes. She couldn't stop herself from smiling softly in return and melting into his steady warmth. Michael wrapped her securely in his arms and placed a kiss on her temple.
He didn't know how to describe the feeling in his chest. It couldn't have been pain; she hadn't hit him when he had pulled her out of that alley. However, it definitely felt as though he couldn't breathe. It couldn't have been heartbreak- could it have been. Did seeing her like that really break his heart. Honestly, at that point, he wouldn't have been surprised. His feelings for her had always been all over the place. He could never pinpoint just what she did to his heart. It was frustrating, and it sort of made him desperate to understand it. Maybe that was the beating inside his chest. It was desperation.
How else could Sean describe the rush of anxiety that overcame him when he had realized that Alexandra had been beaten and shot and left in that dirty alley. It shouldn't have been possible. Yet it was, and the fact nearly killed him. He had to do something to help. He needed to keep protecting her- even if he had broken that promise already. The best he could come up with was carrying her gently to Division. Hopefully, Medical would make things right. Hopefully, he hadn't gotten to her too late.
The gunshot was through and through, and her arm had suffered a clean break. Alexandra was fine; she was going to recover quickly. Relief washed over Sean. And with it came irritation. Alexandra should've never been in that situation. If she had stayed free, she would've never gotten hurt. Why had she come back. Could she not get what she wanted on her own- she was capable and strong enough. What was so good about Division that it kept drawing people in. They should all get out and stay out. A point Sean had to make clear to Alexandra when he found himself in the doorway of her Medical room, "Did you get what you wanted?"
"Did you?" Alex snapped as soon as she saw Sean. She was in too much pain to deal with him at the moment. She refused to take any pain medication- non-narcotics included. She couldn't afford to lose focus or be tempted. She had to stay on mission, no matter how terribly things went. And God, did things go horribly. She hated both Nikita and herself for that. There were so many things Alex should've done differently. Not trusting the rogues was one of them. Since she had, she was in a place she didn't want to be in, and she was dealing with people she didn't want to deal with. Anger rolled over her, and she seethed, "What do you fucking want?"
"To do my job. To make sure everyone's safe," Sean felt as though he was convincing himself of that more than just saying it. Because he definitely wasn't doing a very good job of it. The rogues had managed to expose a major Division coverup and scandal, and a member of Oversight had paid the price. And Nikita had beaten and shot Alexandra, and had left her alone in that alleyway. Sean hadn't done anything to protect anyone. No one was safe. He was failing his mission, and he had no idea how to improve.
"Good luck with that here," Alex scoffed. She wanted to lay her head back on the cot and completely ignore Sean Pierce. But, for some reason, she couldn't take her eyes off him. She was curious as to why he wouldn't move farther than the doorway. He seemed as though he wanted to; he seemed as though he wanted to move towards her and be near her. Yet he just wouldn't. Alex didn't have the energy to figure that out. She had enough going on in her mind than to worry about Sean Pierce. He could be the least of her concerns. Actually, he shouldn't have been any of her concerns. She didn't have to care about him, so she wouldn't.
Opening then closing his mouth, Sean fought the urge to throw Alexandra's words back in her face. She wouldn't get anything she wanted from Division. Her multiple failed missions to get the black box just proved that. The only thing waiting for her on that path was more pain. Sean was certain of it, and he couldn't have it. Just like with his mother, he needed Alexandra to see that, and he needed her to get out, "What are you doing? Get out of here. You see what happens when you stay. There is nothing good for you here."
"You know, for someone who wants to kill Nikita, you sound just like her. You both have no idea what you're talking about," Alex spat. A part of her believed that if she just told Sean and Nikita about her mother, they would drop everything to help her- the same could be said for Michael and Birkhoff. But that was a stupid part of her. The soldier and the rogues had their own agendas. They wouldn't do anything for her; they never had in the past. Alex was on her own. She always had been and always would.
Tensing his jaw, Sean forced himself to not close the gap between him and Alexandra. He had to keep his distance. Getting close wouldn't help either of them, especially him. He had gotten close enough, and that certainly hadn't helped him. Things needed to change as he moved forward. The first thing was to get Alexandra out of there. Once he knew she was out of the danger she constantly found herself in, then he could focus on saving the other woman he cared for. Because if they didn't leave immediately, he was certain that death would come for them, "And you have no idea what you're playing with. Get out while you're still alive."
Sean did what Alex wished she could; he stormed out of the room. The instant she was certain that he couldn't hear her anymore, she slammed her head back against the cot, and she screamed. She screamed out her pain, her anger, her frustrations, and her hatred. She screamed until her voice couldn't handle the strain anymore and until tears sprang to her eyes. She wasn't certain what caused the tears; it could've been the emotions she had screamed out, or it was more bubbling to the surface. She didn't care to find out which. All she did was cry and try to get her raging thoughts and emotions in order.