Chapter 6: Panorama

May 2, 1982

(one month and three weeks ago)

Severus was standing inside the dilapidated Shrieking Shack. It was better looking than the one he had seen in Hermione's memories – in 1998. But it was still dusty and barely standing. If not for magic, it would have collapsed within seven years of it being used by Lupin.

He wasn't sure why he came here. Perhaps, a part of him wanted to reminisce about the Battle – a battle that would happen 16 years from now. Another part of him hoped that she would be here. Hermione.

He took his time walking around the shack and just sitting there, thinking about the Battle. He could still remember the pain in her eyes when she talked to her friends about him, Severus, dying in the Shrieking Shack. Hermione did not show him that memory, most probably because it was horrible.

He didn't want to die like that. He didn't want to die at the age of 38. He wanted to live longer, peacefully, and happily with the woman of his dreams: Hermione.

.

Hermione's feet took her to the Shrieking Shack. It was late at night, and she was wearing a hooded cloak to avoid getting attention from the patrons of Hogsmeade who might try to come to that part of the village.

It was just after her shift at the hospital, and she immediately Apparated there. She took her time just watching the shack outside. She could not bring herself inside. She did not want to see the very spot where she left Professor Snape.

Just being here outside already crushed her heart. Before the Battle of Hogwarts, Hermione did not cry easily. She only cried a couple of times – when Cedric Diggory and Headmaster Dumbledore died; when she was at the receiving end of Bellatrix Lestrange's wand on the floor of Malfoy Manor when they lost Dobby; and during the Battle of Hogwarts. And of course, when she had to modify her parents' memories, and later on when she could not find them. Those things still made her cry until now. They were her nightmares; the reasons why she could not sleep well at night.

I'll probably be needing Dreamless Sleep later, she thought with a sigh. She was about to turn and leave when Professor Snape appeared at the entrance of the shack, and he froze upon seeing her.

There was sadness in his eyes that crushed Hermione's heart even more.

.

Hermione was biting her lower lip when their eyes met, and she looked so regretful. Severus wanted to comfort her, but he didn't want to cross the line. Hermione had not even agreed yet to go on a date with him. He knew he had no right to touch her.

"I'm sorry," Hermione whispered even if they were ten feet away from each other.

He shook his head. "There's no need to apologize," he whispered back.

"Please tell me that you forgive me," she said desperately.

Even though Severus did not need to forgive her because really, there was nothing to forgive for, he nodded for her peace of mind. "I forgive you, Hermione."

She offered him a small smile. "Thank you," she whispered, and disappeared into the night, leaving him alone.

He wished that one day, she would never have to leave him alone anymore.

.

June 1982

It was the last day of the term. Students just left the school grounds and boarded the train a couple of hours ago. Severus had started packing. He did not want to go back to an empty house, but what choice did he have? He could not ask to stay in the castle.

He had not heard anything from Hermione for more than one month. He'd stopped visiting and sending her flowers as well – not because he no longer adored her but because he was still figuring out how to prove to her that he never had romantic feelings for Lily, and he would never have. Furthermore, he wanted to give her space. When they last met in May, she looked remorseful for not saving the older Severus. He heard in the Pensieve what happened. There was a battle going on. She had to go. She saved more lives by leaving him in the Shack.

Without Kingsley, he was lost. Severus was snowed under with work in June because of the exams and other school stuff. Kingsley had to travel abroad in May, so they didn't get the chance to meet for more than a month.

However, earlier, Kingsley sent a message, saying he would spend the night in Spinner's End. His exact words were: "Gonna crash on your couch later." They'd probably crack some bottles tonight to blow off steam, and Kings would just pass out on the couch while Severus would be in his bed upstairs, dreaming of Hermione.

When he arrived at Spinner's End in the evening, Severus found his friend in the living room, sitting in front of the coffee table where a Pensieve was placed. Kingsley looked in deep thought. He acknowledged his presence by giving him a small smile and a curt nod.

He sat on a couch across from his friend.

"Borrowed it from Albus," Kingsley said in a gentle tone. "Said I wanted to use it to recall a case."

"What are we doing tonight?" he asked, leaning his back on the couch.

"We'll dive into Hermione's memory together," Kingsley declared as if he was just announcing dinner. "But we are not going to watch what she saw. We're going a take a little trip."

"How can you take a little trip inside the Pensieve?" he asked with interest.

"It is possible, but the person who was in the memory should recall not just one scenario, but everything around them. Not exactly in detail, but it would be as if you were capturing, seeing the panoramic view of the event…"

Kingsley paused and looked at him solemnly.

"I'd paid Hermione a visit and asked her to give me her memories of the battle," he confessed.

Severus jumped from his seat and held his friend by the collar. "Were you out of your mind?!"

But Kingsley was relaxed. He did not put up a fight.

"She trusts me. Apparently, sometime in 1997, Hermione and I rode a Thestral together while you were after us," he smirked.

Severus felt as if there was an angry monster in his chest that was like a bomb ready to explode. He punched his friend in the face and sat back on his chair.

Kingsley gave out a full belly laugh even with a scratch on his face. "We weren't eloping," Kingsley laughed. "We were transporting Harry Potter and the Death Eaters were after us."

Severus glared at his friend and said nothing. He was still jealous – envious, that Hermione trusted Kingsley and gave him a memory, probably without hiding it in a clue box, and in the future, they had the chance to be close.

It would probably take more than a date with Hermione to ease his mind.

"You look like you're ready to murder me in my sleep," Kingsley teased.

Severus just shook his head and lit a cigarette. One of his Muggle habits was smoking but just occasionally. "I'm going to if I find out that you left Alona and eloped with my witch."

Kingsley smirked.

"When did you go to see her?"

"Two weeks ago. I spent the night at their place," Kingsley replied pensively. "Alona was in bed, but Hermione and I could not sleep. I did not say anything about you, I swear. I did not mention your name, but she simply asked if you were all right because you stopped visiting and sending her flowers."

Severus felt rather guilty. He fought the urge to run to Hermione and beg her forgiveness for not being in touch for more than a month. But he didn't have anything new to say yet. He had nothing as proof that he was never and would never be in love with Lily.

"I confessed to her that you told me about her Christmas gift – the clue box," Kingsley said somberly. "She started opening to me… She said she trusted me because we fought battles together. Three times. But you, you saved her and her friends almost every year. She told me that she was deeply remorseful for not trying her best to save you. I… I told her that if I made it alive, I wouldn't let you die. After all, no body was found, and I went to check on you. I asked her, for my peace of mind, to show me her memories of the Battle, but she would have to concentrate on and recall the events, not just the confrontation between her friend and the Dark Lord."

Severus felt anxious. What if the older Severus really died? What if Kingsley never found a body? But he could not just dwell on what-ifs. He had to at least try to find out, and if he really died, then he still had less than two decades to accept it. He swore not to bother Hermione anymore, because he would not want to cause her any more pain. He'd just embrace death like an old friend.

"Let's go and investigate."

.

Hermione had been frustrated because Severus had no longer visited or sent her flowers and letters since May. It already happened from February to April, but she still felt hurt… and jealous, thinking he might have taken an interest in another witch. Or maybe, he realized he did love Lily Potter, and what he felt for her was just an attraction. Perhaps, Lily was his greatest love.

But when she saw Kingsley when he stayed the night with Alona and found him in the kitchen, Hermione could not help herself anymore. She talked to him.

Kingsley wasn't a close friend like the twins, Remus, and Tonks, but he was good to her. Kingsley was the one who hinted at sending her parents away and taught her the incantation to modify their memories the night Dumbledore died.

She trusted Kingsley in her past life.

Severus Snape trusted Kingsley in this life.

He did not mention Severus. He just greeted her politely. But then, she blurted out, "What's up with your friend? Has he found someone else? No more flowers, and he doesn't visit me anymore…" She was looking inside the fridge when she said this very casually. Kingsley looked like he was about to let out a full belly laugh, but just smiled at Hermione. He said that Severus was probably busy with school stuff and was giving her space to ponder on the things she'd discovered about Severus.

Then, Kingsley asked her to give him the memories of the Final Battle; not just the confrontation between Harry Potter and the Dark Lord, but the "panoramic view" of that day.

Hermione did her best to recall everything – from their arrival at the Hog's Head Inn to the aftermath (when they were mourning for the second time for their loss of Fred).

The last bit made her cry in the kitchen. She fought the urge to visit Mrs. Weasley and the whole family. They had been her second family and Ginny was her best female friend. She would surely cry and feel love for baby Ginny and little Ron.

After giving Kingsley the memories, she politely bid him good night and went to her room. But she didn't sleep. She could not sleep a wink. Instead, she cried all night, thinking of her friends and the people they lost that day, including Remus and Tonks.

.

Two days later…

Hermione was home alone that afternoon. Alona went out with Kingsley after their morning shift at the hospital and would not be home until after dinner. She was not in the mood to go out to see the movies or go to Muggle London. She just decided to stay home and bake. She thought of baking for Severus. She remembered, in February, Severus told her using the Protean Charm-laced coin how much he liked the cake she baked on his birthday.

Maybe I'll just send some to Kingsley and he can share them with Severus, she decided.

When she was finishing the cupcake frosting, there was a knock on the door. Her heart skipped a beat, having a feeling that it was Severus. Alona wouldn't knock. Kingsley would, but they were together.

She went to the bathroom to check her appearance. She also washed her hands and face before answering the door.

And there he was: Severus Snape.

After almost two months, they met again.

And just like before, he was wearing a white Oxford shirt, black tailored pants, and dragon-hide boots. Hermione's body reacted because she thought he looked… tantalising.

"Hello, angel," Severus greeted with a sincere smile. Surprisingly, his tone was not flirtatious. It was so casual that one would probably think 'Angel' was her name.

She stepped back and opened the door wider to let him in without a word. She could not trust herself. She might just utter some words like, "You look dashing," or, "Where the hell have you been?"

After closing the door, Hermione went straight to the kitchen without meeting Severus's eyes.

.

She's upset, Severus thought. My angel wouldn't speak to me… She wouldn't look at me. She refuses to meet my eyes.

His heart sank as he watched her walk into the kitchen, leaving him alone in the sitting room. After almost two months, here she was, still beautiful. She still looked like an angel, especially with those curls of hers adorned with a periwinkle blue headband. She was wearing a floral summer dress made with very thin and soft material. He didn't know if he wanted to be mad at her for dressing like that because it was almost see-through, or if he would pull her into him and kiss her senselessly.

Before he could decide, Hermione returned with a plate of cupcakes with blue, yellow, and green frosting. She met his eyes and offered him a small smile. And then, she placed the cupcakes on the coffee table. With a wave of her wand, a tray of tea appeared beside the cupcakes.

He was still standing; still shocked that Hermione was offering him her cupcakes and tea. Hermione approached him and stood in front of him, her hands laced together.

"Ten minutes ago, I was just contemplating whether I should send the cupcakes directly to you, or give them to Kingsley because I know he would give them to you…"

Those were probably the most pleasurable words he had ever heard from her. She baked, thinking about him.

"Oh, angel… You are most delightful," he said in awe.

But then, she smirked and sat on a wing-back chair. "I don't think so."

He sat on the sofa closest to her. "Why don't you believe me?" he asked gently.

She shrugged. "Hadn't heard from you in nearly two months."

"I was… busy, and I thought you didn't want to see me," he replied honestly. Then, he smirked back. "For future reference, if you want to see me, you are most welcome to do so."

Instead of smiling back, Hermione gave him a mournful look. "I… I can't."

His heart clenched.

"I can't meddle with time, Professor," she whispered, but loud enough for him to hear clearly. "If I have to stay here until my younger self is transported back in time, I shouldn't be making changes. If I let you have feelings for me, you might take another path, and no one would protect Harry… No one would protect the saviour of the wizarding world," she said in tears, hurting him even more. He wanted to hold her, but he didn't want to make it seem like he was taking advantage of her vulnerability.

Hermione wiped her tears and met his gaze. "Defeating Voldemort has been my ultimate priority, so we could all live peacefully… I modified my parents' memories in 1997 to send them away… to protect them from Voldemort and his Death Eaters, because I knew they wouldn't let me leave with my friends to fight the Dark side…"

Severus felt her pain in every word. To send one's parents away and modify their memories… was a tough one. Hermione wasn't just some spectator during the Second War with the Dark Lord. She was a hero. She fought for and protected the people that mattered to her the most.

"I had to set aside my own happiness and comfort to help win the war," she muttered. "Defeating Voldemort is still my priority."

"It is now my priority, as well," he said, hoping he was convincing enough. It was true. His ultimate mission in life was also to defeat the Dark Lord, no matter the cost, except for his and Kingsley's lives. They made a pact. They would never let each other die except in old age.

But now, he had another reason not to die. Hermione. He wanted to live for her. He wanted to live a longer life with her. She just became his reason for breathing.

He wanted to grow old with her.

"Hermione, please," he pleaded. "I will do everything the Severus Snape in your timeline did to help you defeat Voldemort. I'd continue being Dumbledore's man if I had to, just to save my first best friend's son and help him win the war. Please… Just… be with me in this. I care so much about you."

Hermione shook her head with a regretful look. "I want to believe you. I really do. I care about you, too. But… perhaps after a year or two, you'd realize that your one great love is Lily Potter. Harry saw the Patronus. It was a doe. It was his mother… Your greatest and happiest memory was of Lily. Forgive me, but I refuse to be heartbroken later on…"

He thought that there was no way he could convince Hermione now, except for sharing with her what he and Kingsley had seen in the Pensieve.

However, he didn't like the idea of winning Hermione just because of a certain future.

He wanted Hermione to choose him because of him; not because of a certain future.

He wanted her to believe him, to trust him.

No. He wouldn't spill the beans today.

He would, one day, when she finally came to him; when she was finally brave enough to return his feelings despite what she remembered in her past life.

Severus left Hermione's flat that day, brokenhearted.

.

Kingsley arrived in the evening, handing him a box of cupcakes. His friend was giving him a questioning look as he sat across from him in his small living room.

"You did not tell her and show her the memory," Kingsley stated.

He shook his head. "I am trying to win her without the knowledge of the future. I want her to like me despite what happened in her past."

"That's hard for her, Severus," Kingsley said gently with a hint of empathy for Hermione. "Those things about you… She did not just hear them from someone. She witnessed them for more than seven years of her life."

"But I find it difficult to accept that she doesn't believe me. Hermione fails to comprehend that she is the first woman I've ever loved and that I never harboured romantic feelings for Lily."

Kingsley looked at him sympathetically and nodded. "So, you're not going to tell her that we saw an older Hermione in the Pensieve, saving Severus Snape? And that she was wearing a wedding band that was Transfigured from a magical binding cord? That the cord was still intact and crisp, not withered? Meaning, her husband was not dead?"

Severus smiled at the memory as if he had just won the lottery. "No. I know I can win her without telling her about our future."

.

September 1999

Hermione Granger-Snape had waited for 18 years for this moment – to go back to how things were and to move on without the past looming over her head.

Starting today, she could now move on and walk freely with her beautiful family.

With Harry's signal, they quietly entered the Time Room when the blackness caused by Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder faded, and she let Harry catch the Unregistered Animagus singlehandedly.

"Theodore Nott, you are under arrest for being an unregistered Animagus, being in possession of an illegal time-turner, and breaking and entering the Department of Mysteries," Harry said in his professional Auror tone, conjuring a pair of magical handcuffs.

Theodore Nott, their former schoolmate, yelled at and cursed them while Hermione was helping Unspeakable Marchbanks, who seemed to have injured his head.

"I think you have a concussion," she said to the younger Unspeakable.

Unspeakable Marchbanks looked at her in awe. "Weird," he muttered, looking dizzy but grinning. "Two minutes ago, you were just twenty-something. I was older than you. Now, you look like my mother."

"Oh, shut up, Marchbanks. Technically, you're eight years older than me," she rolled her eyes but helped him get up. She turned to Harry. "Hey, I have to take this bloke to the office clinic. Can you handle that wizard?"

Harry grinned. "Yep. No problem, Mione. Don't forget your birthday dinner tonight!"

"My birthday was two days ago," she frowned.

"But this is different. There's now only one Hermione Granger in the world," her best friend grinned. "This calls for a celebration, and your husband agrees with me."

"He's right, Snape," said Marchbanks. "We have to celebrate your 38th birthday, not your 20th. See, you're really ten years older than me. You're my mother."

She hmphed and left the Time Room, dragging her former mentee and colleague of eight years.