11813: We offer our most deepest condolences to the families of the five MSSB Response Team members who now reside in a mental asylum after a routine checkup determined that Archerfish is pregnant!
11813a: "How is this possible? How?!"~ Archerfish
11813b: *incomprehensible muttering noises*~ doctors
11813c: *sobbing* "Why didn't I just retire?"~ Admiral Briggs
11813d: *Happy giggles and coos as she cuddles Archerfish*~ Max

Whenever Constellation was summoned to Admiral Briggs's office it usually meant something SMSB related had happened and the Admiral needed her to run interference with the press. And as with all admirals, when an "event" occurred, they often went a little berserk. Having seen everything from crying to rants to pleas to be demoted and kicked out to "beastmode-I'm gonna set fire to this hellhole of a base", Constellation thought she'd seen everything. She was wrong.

Walking in after delivering a polite knock that she knew would go unanswered by the occupant inside, Constellation came upon Rear Admiral Upper Half Jeffery Briggs, (SW/AW) USN curled up on the floor in front of his desk with at least three bottles of the strong wine variety and he was nursing each one in turn. All admirals turned to the bottle whenever shipgirls were involved but Briggs had a peculiar way of doing it. He chose his bottles carefully, and somehow they always related to the shipgirl that had caused them. So Constellation took a closer look at the labels. A bottle of Columbia Crest Cabernet Sauvignon, a decent wine part of the Chateau Ste Michelle of Woodinville Washington. That must have been his starter and she winced. This was a big one if he had a bottle of wine to begin his day with! A bottle of Washington wine at that which was more acidic and carried a higher alcohol content than most Napa Valley wines. He followed that down with a couple of beer chasers, a entire 12 pack of them! She recognized the label, Kingpen.

"Where did you get these from?" She wondered.

Kingpen was a good beer, one of Bridgeport's better flavors she thought and it was a pity they stopped brewing it. He must have been saving these. Thus far the theme of Briggs' alcohol choices seemed to indicate a problem on the west coast. Then she looked at the last two bottles. They were also Chateau Ste Michelle's, a Merlot and a Chardonnay. The strong Washington state influence left Constellation thinking. If something this major had occurred on the west coast she would've heard about it by now. So it had to be a shipgirl who was somehow related to the west coast.

"That narrows things down a lot." Constellation thought sarcastically.

Plenty of ships had been built at Mare Island during the war, especially submarines. But she had just taken muster an hour ago and all subs were present and accounted for, nor had she seen any sign that the sneaky boats had been up to anything unusual. Well, no more than they usually were anyway. So that ruled the subs out. What about the cruisers? Again Constellation had her doubts. Those big girls were not very good at being stealthy about their shenanigans which was why it was rare for anything noteworthy to get out about them. Any dumb stuff they attempted was nipped in the bud. So that ruled the cruisers out as well and the destroyers were all passed out in their rooms after crashing from a sugar rush the night before. Constellation had to think for a moment, if it wasn't one of the shipgirls then who...

"Oh no!" She groaned.

All secretary shipgirls knew of Max. The 737 was notorious for the Sparkly Magical Shipgirl Bullshit she brought with her. And the level of it was crazy. Every time that plane went out on patrol something happened. But Max wasn't out on patrol right now, she was in her hanger with Archerfish and quite happy to be there too if the reports from the neighboring barracks was anything to go by. "Those two make Kongou and Goto look tame." Constellation muttered. She decided to pay a visit to the hanger, and hopefully not walk in on anything she couldn't unsee, and figure out what had caused Briggs' latest alcohol episode.

As Briggs was carted off to the Emergency Room for alcohol poisoning (for the third time this month!) Constellation paid a visit to the base's one and only hanger built specifically for Max in the wake of Seawolf's Explosion incident. Constellation put all her crew up in the tops to listen for any indication that she might be walking in at a bad time. When it was determined that all was well, she put her hand up to the door and knocked.

There was a muffled noise followed by the hanger door retracting on its hydraulic mounts and a black nose stuck out into the open to stare at her.

"Hello Max, mind if I come in?" Constellation asked.

The 737 bounced on her wheels and eagerly let her in, shoving her with her nose towards the back of the hanger. She seemed both excited and worried. Her strobes were flashing constantly and Constellation narrowed her eyes to read the morse code. "Thank the maker you've come! After the admiral left in a hurry I was wondering if anyone would come back!"

"Briggs is in the ER, he went through a fair bit of alcohol. Now tell me what's going on?" Constellation asked.

Max's wince was her spoilers snapping up then down again. "Best that I show you."

She led Constellation to the back of the hanger which was really more like a giant house with rooms for Archerfish. The section they were in currently was the garage where Max herself lived.

Max nodded to the passageway that led to Archerfish's part of the hanger. "She's been in the head all morning." The worried 737 told Constellation. "I tried to get the admiral to help but you know what happened there."

"Right, give me a minute would you?" Constellation asked and Max nodded, backing off. The sailing ship gave the plane a quick pat and went to find Archerfish.

She found the submarine alright, playing cuddles with the porcelain throne. She looked like hell, strings of hair falling into her pale face.

"What did you do last night?" Constellation asked, assuming the sub girl had overindulged. It wouldn't be the first time she'd been called in to deal with drunk shipgirl shenanigans.

"It's not what you think." Archerfish moaned.

"No?" Constellation mused. "Enlighten me."

"Ugh, help me up!" Archerfish asked.

Constellation doubted her measly sailpower could help the Balao-class to find her keel but she tried anyway. Somehow, Archerfish managed, swaying a bit as she gripped the countertop. Her radar screen must have been filled with static but somehow her fingers managed to conform around a seemingly small and insignificant pink box. Constellation's dread increased exponentially.

Archerfish pulled out a small stick with a curved handle and held it out to her, the handle first. "Read it." She ordered.

Swallowing hard and beginning to think she knew exactly why Briggs was in the ER right now she took it and read the digital display. It showed a single word. "Positive."

"Well, shit!" The sailing ship groaned and handed the pregnancy test back. "Does Max know?" She asked.

"No." Archerfish shook her head. "I haven't told her yet. To be honest, I don't know how to tell her."

"Well she's freaking out right now. Thinks your sick."

"I am sick!" Archerfish growled and all the color left her face, she dropped back down to the toilet and wretched. Constellation knelt next to her and gently pushed her hair back, supporting her shoulders.

As soon as she was done, Archerfish reached up and flushed the toilet. She shakily rose to her feet. "Help me back to the hanger please." She asked.

Constellation nodded and Archerfish draped her arm over her shoulders. Max was waiting, her engines at a high idle, every control surface tense. As soon as her radar told her Archerfish was coming she bounded over, closing the throttles so the high bypass turbofans didn't disturb either ship too much. Constellation backed off when Max used her nose to support Archerfish.

The 737 seemed confused and worried at the same time. "What happened?" She asked.

Archerfish put both hands on her radar dome and kissed her nose. "You're going to be a mommy sweetheart."

Max stiffened and at first she seemed confused then she sank lower on her gear and ever so gently touched the submarine's belly.

"Yes Max. Yes, I'm pregnant." Max backed up and for a second Archerfish and Constellation were worried the 737 was upset but then she literally leaped off the ground, all three sets of wheels clearing the earth by at least 6 feet and bounded for joy.

Constellation chuckled and quietly slipped out, seeing Max flash her lights continuously as she grilled Archerfish with questions. As happy as the sailing ship was for Max she and the technicians had a new problem. Forgetting the fact that Max had somehow gotten Archerfish pregnant, what would the offspring turn out to be like.

Constellation felt her sanity draining away as she thought about it. "Poor Admiral Briggs." She thought. The man needed a vacation. A long vacation!

She headed back to his office with every intent to find the strongest drink he had in his much beloved liquor stash. A drink sounded heavily right about now.