Bleach (c) Tite Kubo
Black and Blue
Outcome
Kukaku glowers into her reflection in the saké cup framed by the moonlight, plagued by a churning tempest of unsettling thoughts and a splitting headache.
In times like this she would've sought comfort by her brother's shrine, pouring a measure of saké into a cup each while she aired her grievances and quietly commiserated over whatever woes harried her at the moment.
It's an old habit from before her elder brother died, way back when they were younger carefree children.
Kaien always had an uncanny knack for detecting Kukaku's troubled moods, an instinct for it one could say. Whenever he spotted her in a foul temper, he'd sit her down somewhere quiet over a tray of sweets he'd snuck from the kitchens when they were younger, cups of her favourite saké when they were older, and let her spill her guts about it. No matter how in consequential it seemed, he was there to listen.
Kukaku kept the habit when she'd built Kaien's shrine, occupied by that grinning portrait and burning incense. Whenever she spoke to it, she half-convinced herself her brother was listening from the great beyond like he always had, allowing her to vent her frustrations freely and without judgement.
But Kukaku couldn't bring herself to participate in that particular ritual anymore.
Not now.
To do so while knowing Kaien isn't dead would feel disingenuous and insult the spirit of the tradition.
In its stead Kukaku performs her second most common ritual; sitting at the base of the Flower Crane Cannon beneath the twinkling stars, illuminated by the full moon. The night brings a chill that easily pierces through the white cloak she draped over her shoulders.
Thanks to the reference list she'd complied, Kukaku found Kaien's hidey holes in the Shiba archives, to the eternal consternation of their Master Archivist (On that count, Kaien's going to have a lot of explaining to do when he gets home, if only to spare Ayane Tenkawa an aneurysm or dozen).
But by the Soul King's throne, she wishes she hadn't.
When the last volume was retrieved, Kukaku had the tomes freighted back to her palace where she spent hours in her private chambers painstakingly prodding and poking the kido seal. It took more effort than she expected to find exactly the right combination of spells to undo the binding without triggering the trap mechanism.
Evidently her brother was - is far more crafty than even Kukaku gave him credit for. In addition to their father's old binding spell, Kaien wove his own unique touches to the mix. The overlapping matrices created an additional layer of security to break through.
But Kukaku is nothing if not stubborn, with two points in her favour.
First; being thick as thieves, she knows how her big brother thinks better than anyone and can use that knowledge to puzzle out the spell logic. Second; all the books had identical spell structure. Once Kukaku figured out the key to one, unlocking the rest were child's play.
So she persisted, working tirelessly for hours on end before her efforts were finally rewarded.
It was daybreak four days later when Kukaku felt that satisfying thrill of victory successfully cracked the first book's cipher. The worst booby-trap disintegrated and the lingering wisps of spell threads dissolved through tremendous fiddle work.
To mark her success, the cover slammed open with a resounding thud, startling her for a split-second. And not for the first time in this little scavenger hunt Kukaku admired her elder brother's ingenuity.
The cover of each volume had been painstakingly crafted to convincingly mimic the style of the series they'd purportedly belonged to and match the yellowing aged parchment of the pages. But the volumes themselves were complete fakes. In reality the pages were hollowed out frames with folded newer papers of a different grade tucked inside.
Satisfied she'd dissolved the last spell, Kukaku gingerly retrieved the folded bundles and straightened them out carefully. She frowned, her eyes tracing across what seemed to be research documents. Plainly machine printed but the additional notations made in the border were written by an unfamiliar hand.
Huge swaths of it detailed some kind of bio-science that's way over Kukaku's head. The sort of stuff a person would find in the bowels of the Research and Development Institute or in the Fourth Division's medical archives. But an uncomfortable dread settled in the pit of her stomach, sitting like a stone when she noticed certain repeating terms; "test subject", "hollowfication" and "soul suicide".
Wary but more determined than ever to figure out the rest, Kukaku put the fragmented research notes aside, chucked the hollowed book to one corner then opened the second's seal to retrieve the documents within. Then the third. And so on until they were all unbound, reading through each one along the way against her better judgement.
They contained lists, profiles and other assorted research notes. Theories and evaluations of experiment. Photographs. Graphic images. On and on it went.
Rapidly that dread in Kukaku's stomach transformed into sickening horror and disgust.
Kukaku couldn't understand the scientific jargon but what minute fragments she could parse painted a grisly picture. Especially when among those notes were profiles of high level Shinigami inhumanely listed as "Test Subjects" with scrupulous and exacting detail about "hollowficiation progress", broken up by comments about dosages, serum composition, infection vectors, something about emotional states of the subject accelerating hollowfication, or how numerous experiments resulted in weaker souls disintegrating entirely.
After unsealing the last book and reading through the final piece of information, Kukaku felt numb even for her own horror.
With deceptive calm and her expression completely despondent, Kukaku set the last stack of research notes aside. She left her room without saying a word, snatched out three of the largest jugs of saké she could reliably carry from the larder, found a deep dark hole in the depths of her home and didn't stop until she drank herself into oblivion.
It did nothing.
Beyond giving her a pounding headache, the drunken stupor couldn't do anything to erased the disgusting wickedness from her brain.
It was the stuff of madness!
Fortunately, Shiroganehiko and Koganehiko are as discreet as they are loyal.
When she came to, the twin retainers were already present to attend to her with refreshments to treat the worst of last night's indulgence and offered her dry savoury food to help recover her strength. While drinking chilled water straight from the jug, Kukaku ordered Koganehiko to send a missive to Captain Ukitake immediately.
"I don't give a damn if he's puking up half his guts and has to crawl all the way here from his sickbed. Tell him I need to see him and I need to see him now."
Kukaku's tone was hoarser and angrier for her hangover.
Swaying a touch, Kukaku walked out of the blissful darkness into light of the hallway. It stung her eyes and she winces at the pain but she pushes past her discomfort, making her way to the night surface with yet another far more modest bottle of saké this time.
And its here Kukaku sat through the night, unable to scrub the loathsome knowledge from her mind even if she wanted to.
Everything in those pages blew the lid off every clandestine scheme that smarmy arrogant son of a bitch orchestrated or had a hand in. Experimenting on his own fellow officers and Rukongai civilians? If it ever slipped out it would've been an unmitigated disaster that scheming bastard likely wasn't prepared to deal with at the time, so all loose ends had to be tied up.
Which feds neatly into Ukitake's theory that Kaien was murdered.
Aizen must've caught him in the act and knew the best way to silence Kaien was to target those he'd cared about. With the timing of events, it'd make only too much sense to learn Aizen arranged the Shiba's fall from grace too. One final insult to piss on his grave.
Discredited, scattered and utterly shamed for reasons no one bothered to articulate or explain, no one within Seireitei would pay the Shiba any mind if they somehow stumbled upon this stolen information. Especially since their clan's survivors were too busy trying to avoid the shadowy daggers of the Omnitsukido.
Seething, Kukaku throws back another cup of saké while hatred and anger burn through her veins like unholy fire.
"I must say you continually surpass all expectations, Ichigo. Full of surprises. I expected you'd be unable to even move for at least two more days." Kisuke says from the doorway. "I've said it before but allow me to restate myself, you are truly a frightening child."
Ordinarily Ichigo would've made a petulant retort at being called a child but he doesn't so much as twitch at the remark. Instead he's focusing on dressing himself without pulling at his tender spots. His torso and stomach are still swathed in bandages and movement is limited, but at least he can manage walking without assistance.
"Thanks for all your help, Kisuke." Ichigo says neutrally, slipping on his jacket and wincing at the pull in his stomach.
"You do know there's no need to over-stress your injuries, Ichigo. You're still recovering and it wouldn't hurt to spend another day or two recuperating here." Kisuke suggests, tone edged by mild concern. "I'm sure it would put your friends at ease. And doubtless your family would prefer you remain somewhere where someone can keep an eye on you."
That might be true, Ichigo privately admits.
Over the past couple days, Ichigo received a steady stream of visitors while been cooped up in Urahara's shop. His friends, Rukia and Renji, even Captain Hitsuguya at one point under the guise of a debriefing and strategy meeting. All of them checked up on him for one reason or another.
Frankly, Ichigo hated it.
Though the total extent of it's damage was kept in confidence between Rukia and Kisuke (something Ichigo is supremely grateful for), news of the shattered Zangetsu spread like wildfire. It's all well-meaning, Ichigo understands that, but he hates the barely disguised sympathy. The pity. That coupled with restless frustration at feeling so helpless and trapped in a sickbed was a sure fire formula to drive Ichigo insane. So when there's a rare lull between glorified babysitters, Ichigo takes full advantage of it to escape their pestering (though its not exactly fair to call it that, Ichigo can't be bothered coming up with a better term right now).
"I appreciate the concern, from you and from everyone else, but I think I'd rather head home. I've been away long enough as it is and it's not fair to let Yuzu and Karin suffer Goat-face alone." Ichigo responds automatically.
It's a convenient enough excuse but an excuse all the same. The reality is Ichigo needs time away from everything to think. To process the situation on his own terms.
Staying in this room at the back of Kisuke's shop is driving him mad, even more than the lack of presence from his Zanpakutou or Hollow.
Funny. When he heard Shiro's manic laughter the first time he hijacked Ichigo's soul, all Ichigo wanted to do was find some way to get rid of him. To silence him permanently through whatever means necessary. Now he actually has the silence he desperately craved since that battle, Ichigo doesn't find it comforting in the slightest. Completely the opposite in fact. He astonished how dearly he misses the psychotic bastard's running commentary in his head. What a ridiculous notion, right?
Neither spirit has spoken a word to him once since he woke up from that skirmish with Grimmjow and it's... frighteningly lonely. Like he's been hollowed out, pun not intended. All he can sense is silent contempt from one and disappointment from the other. No prized for guessing which spirit was which.
The Shopkeeper likely saw right through his bluff but didn't call him on it. A fact Ichigo appreciates enormously.
Instead Kisuke lowers the rim of his hat, casting a shadow over those seemingly all-seeing eyes, "I see. Very well then. I'd advise against doing anything too strenuous to avoid exacerbating your injuries but I know you'd simply ignore it."
"I'll try not to mount another half-assed expedition into another world when you're not looking." Ichigo replies in a dry deadpan tone, half-resisting the urge to roll his eyes.
There's a twinkle of amusement in the Shopkeeper's eye for half a second before it evaporates into something more serious and business-like, "It's a relief to see your caustic wit remains intact. And as for the other matter we discussed earlier; I've made some significant strides in that regard, however I'm afraid I require your patience for a short while longer. I should have something prepared for you by tomorrow." Then more carefully, he adds, "I'll re-emphasize this once more, Ichigo. Your sword might not be an option right now, but there are still plenty of other avenues to explore. There's no need to succumb to despair, you're far from powerless and there are plenty of teachers willing to lend your their time. You need only ask."
"Got it." Ichigo repeats and ducks out of the store without another word. Problem is, Ichigo sincerely wants to believe him. But its not despair and bruised ego at being so handily defeated that's eating him up inside, its the overwhelming isolation and loneliness. The separation from his spirits aches like no wound ever could.
Contrary to what he'd suggested to Kisuke, Ichigo doesn't go home. Instead his legs carries him aimlessly about the town.
By midday, Ichigo finds himself standing in the park when Ulquiorra and Yammy had first beaten him to a pulp at the lip of the new crater they formed in their dramatic entrace. The entire area was bordered off by long lines of yellow emergency tap. Inert landscaping vehicles stay off the far side of the park along with an entire mound of dirt intended to fill in the depression. Now a small mountain of hard clay thanks to the recent weather cells.
Muddy puddles from the previous days' rainstorm linger in the basin with the vanishingly small pool evaporating in the heat. Its hot and humid and Ichigo's about to melt into a grease stain himself while he standing in the midday sun. Unfortunately, the stiff breeze does little to quell the heat.
"See, if I didn't know any better I'd say you've been avoiding me, baby cousin. That kinda hurts my feelings."
Ichigo's eyes close with barely contained irritation and his shoulders sag. He wanted to be alone, damn it and he's in no mood for his cousin's particular brand of insanity today.
"I didn't know we were playing a game of hide'n'seek. You didn't give me a warning or a ten-count or anything. You were a far better sport when you were a toddler." Kaien laments in jest. He's actually pouting when he joins Ichigo's side.
"What do you want?" Ichigo barks at him, more rudely than he should and far more than Kaien deserves.
For his part, Kaien takes it in stride with his genial grin, "I'm checking up on one of my favourite baby cousins in the whole wide world. Is that really such a bad thing?"
Ichigo shoots a glare his way. Kaien doesn't seem to notice or care. As always, he's blissfully ignorant of Ichigo's foul temper and determined to keep himself in high spirits.
A long beat of silence passes and in the corner of his eye, Ichigo can see his cousin's familiar tick of tracing that tattoo on his neck.
Finally cottoning on that Ichigo is in no mood for the usual repertoire, Kaien takes a more serious tone, "I'm sorry. I would've checked up on you a lot sooner but Urahara's place was a bit too crowded for a while there and it doesn't paint the best picture in the world if I showed up unannounced on his doorstep. After everything with Aizen, it wouldn't take much for the Gotei 13 to paint me with the same brush. You might've noticed they tend towards paranoia like that. I mean I admit to being many things, but being accused of treachery and the threat of having my head snipped off is around about enough to get me throwing hands, which would not have ended well for them."
Ichigo snorts derisively, "You say that like you could take out all of them and walk away unscathed."
"I'd rather it not come to that. True I'm not part of the Gotei 13 anymore, but they're still comrades in arms. And there's been enough Shinigami senselessly killing each other over petty misunderstandings to last both our lifetimes." Kaien offers, shoving his hands into his pockets, "But circling back to my original comment: I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."
"Forget it. It doesn't matter." Ichigo dismisses tersely.
"It does matter," Kaien retorts, ignoring his young cousin's blatant disrespect, "Supporting each other when we're at our lowest moments, helping pick each other up and dust ourselves off after we stumble, that's the whole point of being family. And if you think you're gonna chase me off just by being a smidge grouchy you've got another thing coming Ichigo."
"You haven't seen me angry." Ichigo warns darkly.
Kaien snorts, "Baby cousin, I've seen you toss temper tantrums bad enough to tear your entire living room to shreds as a two year old; this cutesy attitude right now makes you look like a kitten compared to that."
Ichigo's about to protest but it dies in his throat. His cousin was trying to provoke him into taking the bait, Ichigo pushes down the urge and responds bluntly. "I guess I'm stuck with you then. Lucky me."
Kaien flashes one of his typcial grins, "You've been stuck with me since the day you were born, kiddo. Best get used to it."
Unwilling to play the game, Ichigo demands flatly, "You're not here to tease and poke fun. Out with it already."
"Ah. Caught." Kaien admits with a helpless shrug, "I really did just want to check on you. But truth of the matter is Shinji's been wanting a word with you for a while now. Frankly every time I've found you lately you seem to be caught between some form of trouble or another. Never been the right time to broach the subject. Now still really isn't the right time but here we are."
Ichigo groans, glaring at his cousin's profile, "For crying out loud, Why? What does he want this time? I thought the whole point of training with you was learn how to control my Hollow without going through that other method or whatever."
Kaien give a faint grimace, "Yeah. Speaking from experience, a grueling battle to re-conquer your own inner world isn't pleasant in the slightest. In fact it pretty much sucks ass. But it's not about that. Not specifically at any rate."
Ichigo's brow furrowed, "That doesn't make any sense. Shinji told me you didn't have to conquer your Hollow the same way as the other Visoreds did. How could you possibly know what it's like? Unless Shinji was yanking my chain - Something tells me that wouldn't exactly be out of character."
Kaien raises his hands in defence, "Oh no, I absolutely had to fight to hell and back. But I never said anything about my opponent being my Hollow. The context of the battle I had to fight was different compared to them, that's all. For starters, there was a lot more killing involved."
Ichigo shakes his head, rolling his eyes in annoyance, "What's with the sudden cryptic crap? Weren't you the one going on about how everyone in this damn town flat-out refused to give straight answers? And now you're turning around and giving me that vague bullshit? From where I stand, you're contradicting yourself."
His cousin isn't offended in the slightest, shaking his head once, "Its not a contradiction, I just haven't told you the whole story. I'd like to share that story eventually, but now's not really the time or the place either. Especially since my primary concern is helping you get your head back on straight. I heard from Kisuke that you got messed up pretty badly again." Kaien confesses, brushing off Ichigo's irritated grumble, "But as for why Shinji wants to talk to you: Isn't it obvious? Because you'd managed to harmonize with your Hollow exactly the same way I did. I don't think you realise how impossible a feat everyone thought that was. My case was considered a miracle, yours is proof of concept."
Ichigo scowls at his older cousin who continues unperturbed, "You're a trailblazer. Ever since I reported back about your progress and how you could summon your mask too, Shinji and the others have been trying to replicate what we've done. Admittedly it's been slow goings but for my money Shinji wants to offer a trade: Help them get to the same point we are with their Hollows, in exchange they'll join in helping you train and refine your powers. And we're not talking about just the Hollow ones."
Kaien hums to himself, "Not that they would've stopped me either way. But as good as I am, there's only so much I can teach you. And if you decided you wanted to help, that means there's nine different Captain-class Shinigami willing to tutor you. Nine different pools of experience to draw from and nine different combat styles to help refine your own. It can only help, right?"
Ichigo's glare eventually does relent. Slightly. His gaze shifts again refocusing towards the crater.
Then, after a long beat of silence, almost guiltily, Ichigo confesses, "He's... disappeared. My Zanpakutou spirit too."
The frank admission catches Kaien off guard. His good cheer drops instantly and he does a double take.
"Wait, what? Disappeared in a puff of smoke? What do you mean by that?" Kaien questions, grave concern on his face.
Ichigo scratches his head, regretting his poor choice in words. He wonders if he should even talk about this, but this annoying bastard has a frustratingly disarming quality about him. It feels like Ichigo could tell him anything in complete confidence, without fear of judgement. Ichigo's not sure how to feel about that. (Was this what Karin and Yuzu felt like when they spoke to him in confidence?)
"Not vanished or anything like that, more like... they've withdrawn. Like they've jumped to the other side of that chasm we talked about. I can barely sense them, they're not talking to me."
Kaien absorbs this with a slight frown before nodding to himself. He opens his mouth to speak but closes it a few times, churning through his own thoughts, "Yeah, actually. That does kind of make sense. As far as your Zanpakutou spirit goes anyway. Can't speak for the hollow though." Kaien draws in a breath, as though preparing for a lecture, "If you think about it, allowing your sword to break is a betrayal of trust."
Ichigo frowns at him, the anger has subsided and curiosity takes it's place.
"'Allowing' them to break? Just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ichigo questions.
"Exactly what I said. When you learn a Shikai then a Bankai, especially a Bankai, and it breaks; how can that be anything other than a betrayal? Or lack of faith in yourself and your own abilities? As for the anger after the fact, think of it as your soul spirit saying 'I gave you everything I had and you still let me break. Why should I trust you with my greatest form again?' When you look at it that way, its only natural that your Zanpakutou spirit's bound to be pretty pissed off at you."
"Kisuke did mention something about having to soothe my Zanpakutou spirit..." Ichigo scrubs a frustrated hand through his hair, "I knew Zanpakutou were living creatures in their own right, but I never knew they'd feel that strongly about these. Damn it. The more I learn about this stuff, the more I realize I should've asked way more questions when Yoruichi and Kisuke were taking me through all this training."
Truthfully though, Ichigo didn't have the time to investigate the particulars. Be it the Shattered Shaft, or Kisuke's lessons, or even learning Bankai, everyone just rushed him through whatever training he needed to achieve his goals. With so many greater priorities to deal with, it never occurred to Ichigo to simply sit down and ask all the questions he needed to after the fact, to find answers to everything he'd pushed to the back of his mind.
A sudden fit of pique bursts to the surface and Ichigo pushes the words out through gritted teeth, "But it would've been real fucking great to know my Bankai breaking was permanent. Yoruichi could've warned me about that little tidbit beforehand, but hey."
Kaien scoffs and rolls his eyes, "See there's your first bloody problem: Taking Shinigami-Zanpakutou relationship advice from Yoruichi of all people."
"She did train me." Ichigo points out.
"Yeah. Don't get me wrong: I respect the hell out of her. But she's also the same woman would gleefully punt her own Zanpakutou into the sun if given half the chance. She and her sword do not like each other in the slightest. Heck, back when we were still in the Gotei 13 she was infamous for it." Kaien reveals then mutters to himself, "Gez, just because she doesn't like her Zanpakutou doesn't mean she has to make it miserable for the rest of us."
"Perfect." Ichigo grunts. "You know I would've thought that after learning Bankai I wouldn't have to worry about my sword acting up anymore."
"Its a common misconception. Learning Bankai is not the be-all end-all. Just because you've attained one doesn't mean you've mastered it. And even after mastery, you still have to maintain a healthy relationship with your Zanpakutou. If you don't open your heart to one another, how could you possibly draw out each other's best in a fight?" Kaien asks rhetorically. "As a matter of interest, how often did you speak to your Zanpakutou before that Arrancar blew it to hell?"
"Not... a lot, actually." Ichigo reluctantly admits, "Every time I've spoken to him, directly I mean, he's been the one pulling me into my inner world. I think in total, we've spoken about... three times? And that's because he's wanted to teach me something before chucking me out again. Four times if we count using Kisuke's Bankai training doll."
"Are you fu-" Not for the first time, Kaien looks like he wants to bash his head against a wall. He draws in a breath in a failed attempt to calm himself, "So let me get this straight: You've never gone out of your way to build a proper relationship with your sword... and every time you have spoken, its been because your Zanpakutou dragged you into that conversation during or coming up to some life-and-death situation. Am I understanding that correctly?"
"That's... about the gist of it, yeah." Ichigo agrees morosely.
"So repairing that bond is already starting on a back foot. Fantastic..." Kaien groans, dragging his hands down his face, "You know, the more I talk to you the more I come to the conclusion that if people just sat you down over a nice cup of coffee and actually explained literally anything to you, all of your problems would magically disappear." He heaves a sigh, "Given that, I presume you have no idea what term Jinzen means either, do you?"
"Not a clue." Ichigo answers frankly,
Kaien pinches the bridge of his nose in unbridled frustration, but still explains, "Jinzen is sword meditation that allows you to commune with your Zanpakutou by merging your mind with theirs. If you want to enter your inner world on your own terms that's what you gotta do. When you go home, practice. You might not have your sword right now but you can still learn the technique."
"Sorry I'm such a disappointment to you then." Ichigo mutters under his breath,
"I'm not angry at you, I'm angry on your behalf. There's a world of difference between the two." Kaien reassures, even if it doesn't sound particularly comforting, "I'm even more irritated because this is the most basic of basic craft any neophyte is taught on their first day, and no one's bothered to explain any of it to you. No wonder why you've been floundering. Kisuke and Yoruichi might be my friends but heaven have mercy, do I want to knock their teeth in sometimes..."
"I'm grateful they bothered to teach me anything at all," Ichigo admits, "Even if it wasn't everything, they still helped me train and become stronger."
"Reaching new heights means nothing when you're building on botched foundations," Kaien counters then shakes his head. "Whatever. Things are what they are. Even if its grim right now, you're still alive to fix it. The truth of the matter is -"
Kaien's voice cuts off abruptly as a distinct warning smell of ozone fills the air and Ichigo feels a prickle of static like a brewing thunderstorm.
"-This is pathetic."
The sudden caustic duel tone catches Ichigo completely off guard, momentarily snapping him out of his dark mood. When he turns, he sees a pair of glowing yellow irises set in black eyes glaring contemptuously back at him.
He realises exactly what's going on now. "You're his Hollow."
Those glaring eyes narrow, "Your mastery of the obvious is inspiring."
"Why are you here? Why have you taken over?" Ichigo reaches for his belt where his combat pass would usually hang only to find it missing. In a flash of horror, he realises he must've left it at Kisuke's place in a daze. He tries his best to push away the desire for panic.
"Give Kaien his body back. You have no right to puppet him like this!" The demand was no where near as threatening as it sounded. Yet for the first time in a days, Ichigo could sense a faint kernel of interest from his own spirits.
"You don't get to make demands here, brat." The Hollow crosses his - Kaien's - arms over his chest, "Ordinarily I wouldn't interfere. I prefer to remain in the depths of his heart and let Kaien go about his life as he pleases, but hearing you whine and complain grates my nerves. And I'm not about to let that go on without saying my piece."
Ichigo scoffs, relenting slightly in his defensive stance. Not that he could do much while in his human body. "And after barging your way into this conversation, what in the hell makes you think I'm going to listen to anything you have to offer?"
"I've always been eavesdropping just below the surface, consequence of which, of course I know exactly what's going on. I know you got your ass handed to you on a platter and now you're moping in a corner like a toddler after his favourite toy got confiscated. So I reiterate my initial statement: This is pathetic. Or more specifically, you're pathetic."
Ichigo grits his teeth against the insult.
"Where the hell's that ballsy runt who stormed the afterlife on a whim and a prayer? Are you trying to tell me that was just some fluke or did you leave him in the Seireitei when Aizen severed your spine?"
Anger burns in his veins at the taunt, and Ichigo's struggling to control his temper as his fingers curl into tight fists. "Are you trying to accuse me of being weak?!"
"No. I'm saying you've become a coward. Gutless. Defanged. Declawed. Craven. Spineless. However the hell you feel like saying it. Whatever it takes to sink in."
Ignoring his own pain, Ichigo lashes out, fist flying but its caught and held effortlessly.
"There he is," The Hollow mocks with a crooked grin, holding Ichigo's fist inches from his face, "There's the little punk I've been looking for. This guy right here would've gotten along with his Hollow just fine. Would've handed that Arrancar's ass to him on a silver platter too. My question is: Why didn't you? You certainly weren't lacking for strength back then, so tell me why."
Ichigo struggles fruitlessly to pull his fist away but the Hollow's grip isn't budging an inch. "I'll answer for you; because you've gotten soft. Indecisive. Back then, when you were trying to rescue Rukia, you had a goal, a purpose and drive to succeed. Without that, now you're second guessing yourself at every turn. What in the hell happened? Where did all that resolve go? Where's your desire for power?"
"All I wanted to do was protect my friends. It was never just about personal power." Ichigo snaps back.
"Bull. Shit." The Hollow retorts fiercely, "You want to protect people. How do you do that? By becoming stronger. What happens when you gain strength? Others rise up to test their might against you. By its nature power exists to challenge and be challenged. You can't afford to be soft in this world, you can't afford to slack off or the monsters will come and eat you alive. And if sulking like this is your reaction to every inconvenient little setback? You sure as hell don't belong on the battlefield."
Finally, the Hollow releases his grip on Ichigo's fist and he stumbles back, nearly tripping over the lip of the crater. By the time he recovers to his feet, the Hollow is already walking away.
Ichigo's wrestling with himself about what to do. He almost misses it when the Hollow half-turns back, as though having forgotten something and throws an object at Ichigo. It spins in the air like a frisbee and Ichigo snatches it out of instinct.
When he looks down, his eyes widen at the sight of his combat pass.
"I dare you to prove me wrong."
Though Kaien's body is indeed effortlessly weaving its way through the streets of Karakura Town with his hood raised, its not Kaien Shiba's will that propels it forward. The man has been relegated to a voice inside his own mind.
Look. I'm all for being a hardass when someone needs a swift kick in the pants, but there's a fine line between tough love and antagonism and you were flirting with it.
"What, as opposed to you coddling him?" The Hollow retorts out loud. To any onlooker, it would surely seem like an act of madness to speak to the air.
I wasn't coddling him, I was teaching him. Kaien protests.
The Hollow rolls his eyes, "Oh please. Didn't you get a good look at his face? All you were doing was making the kid feel like he disappointed you. I get it. They screwed up his training - don't need to bash both of us over the head with it."
Which leads me to point two: Switching out is fine, but I don't appreciate being shoved to the back-seat mid-sentence. It wouldn't have killed you to give me a heads up.
"I'm sure you'll get over it."
As charming as ever.
"There was too much talking and not enough doing. It's all well and good to tell him what he's lacking but without offering a way of putting any of it into practice, what's the use? Its all a waste of air." The Hollow responds, vaulting over a railing into a park space beyond, he's walking at a leisurely enough pace, "He's the kind of person who needs something to channel his energies into; he needs a challenge, a goal to overcome and a jab at the ego to get his ass in gear. Otherwise he'll be stuck in place. Unable to do anything and utterly useless to anyone - especially himself. Exactly like you, funnily enough."
There was a long beat of silence, No comment.
The Hollow picks a bench in a far off corner of the park and takes a seat, with smooth motions, he pulls out a lighter and cigarette from his pocket and lights one up, "Besides its fine like this, isn't it? This way you get to go on being the understanding big brother and I assume the role of an antagonistic rival. It won't affect how you interact with him in the slightest if I'm the one dealing out the criticism. Harsh truths and mean comments are a lot easier to swallow coming from a heartless hollow, right?"
"You're an ass but you're not heartless. You wouldn't care as much as you do if you were." Kaien replies, firmly back in control of his body.
His eyes reverted back to their natural aqua green. He throws back his hood and soaks in the mid-afternoon sun.
His Hollow doesn't respond, receding back into whatever crevice he'd carved out for himself in Kaien's consciousness. The Visored drags on the cigarette and flicks off the ashes. He remains for a minute before climbing to his feet, cigarette bouncing between his lips, but just as he's about to leave-
"... Kaien Shiba?!"
At the sound of the familiar voice, Shinigami and Hollow hold a single thought in unison.
Ah crap.
Author's note:
Kukaku found the stuff Kaien stole and its bad enough she goes on a mad bender then reneging on her own deal.
To put things simply: If Kaien views Ichigo as a younger brother to teach and guide, Hollow!Kaien views Ichigo as a dragon views treasure to be hoarded. Doesn't mean he's not doing his damnedest to make sure that 'treasure' can look after itself when he's not around. At their core, they're the same.
Edited: 29/4/2023 - Cleaned up the chapter's grammatical errors and spruced up the language a little.
Regards,
Aurora313