Sitting on the edge of the couch, Victoria finished crying. She had stopped, tears no longer falling from her eyes. She didn't think that she had anything left inside of her. She had gone back to hyperventilating, struggling to compose her breathing. He had left her in the penthouse, changing the access code and telling her that there was no use in her trying to escape. As soon as the wrong code was inputted, an alarm would go off and he would be there in an instant.

He had taken her phone away from her alongside her laptop. She had nothing. There was nothing in the penthouse to help her try to escape. He had been watching her too. He was stood in the meeting room several floors down and was looking at the screen of the tablet that he had logged into. Watching her perched on the sofa, he saw her burying her head into her hands and her body shake.

He wanted to go to her. He wanted to take hold of her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. He wanted to hold her and take away the pain. But he knew that, as things stood, she would come nowhere near him. She despised him and he knew that he had hurt her. He wished that the conversation in her apartment had never happened. He wished that he had gotten to her before she could talk to Billy.

Yet, in a way, he supposed this had been inevitable. He watched her for a few more minutes, his finger stroking over her face as she stood up and began pacing, her cheeks red and her hands shaking as she drummed them against her thighs. He stopped staring at her, knowing that he could easily become distracted. He needed to get to the bottom of everything and that included finding out what had happened to Becca because, whatever had happened, Billy Butcher blamed him for it.

Going to Madelyn's office, he walked in as he spotted that the door was open. She had just put the phone down as he entered. Looking to him, a smile was on her face and he sat down on the couch instantly, not bothering with greetings.

"So, that was another senator on the phone who is backing us getting into the military," she said to him and he smirked at that. The plan was coming together slowly and he knew that it would. He took a moment to look over to her and contemplated telling her everything. He wanted to tell her that he had Victoria upstairs and she knew about Becca. But he didn't. He was going to keep it to himself.

"Good news," he said, putting on his fake persona. "And what else is going on?"

"Well, Edgar is hoping that everything is going to plan," Madelyn said and she moved to sit down next to him on the couch. "And I feel that we should talk about what happened the other day at the barn during filming."

But Homelander shook his head at her. His lips fell into a hard line. "We don't need to discuss that," he assured her and he thought about everything that Victoria had said to him. He didn't want to feel that Madelyn had manipulated him. He wanted to feel as though he was stronger than that, but he didn't know if he was. And he was questioning if Madelyn had ever cared about him.

"I just wanted to make you feel better," Madelyn said to him and he looked down to his lap, seeing the edge of his cape to the side. "And I just wanted you to see that it was for the best, but I understand that I was wrong. The filming shut down and we don't need to go back there."

"Really?" he questioned and Madelyn nodded.

"You mean more to me than a film," she promised him in a soft voice and Homelander's lips picked up once more. This was better. This was what he wanted to hear from her. "And Victoria…I hope she knows that."

"You don't need to worry about her," he informed her and left it at that. He wasn't going to say anything else. Why should he? "Anyway, you know what I put together? Billy Butcher…his wife used to work here. Do you remember her? Becca? I think she handled my social media account."

Madelyn shrugged and sat up straight. He picked up on the slight increase in her heartrate and the change in her posture. Her lips remained curled up, but clearly not in a smile like he had just seen. No, this was much more forced. "That was so many years ago now."

"About seven or eight," he confirmed to her. "And did you know that she's gone missing? It's so weird. No one has seen her in years."

"Yeah, weird," Madelyn simply said to him and he continued to stare at her. Something wasn't quite right. He could sense it. He knew that there was something off, but how did he tell her that? How did he get it out of her? He took a moment to compose himself as Madelyn quickly changed the topic. "Anyway, I was thinking that perhaps we could have a drink tonight…catch up…be like it was. I know that we haven't exactly been getting on recently and I want to change that."

She was deflecting. She was trying to get him on side, but he wasn't going to let that happen. He merely smiled to her and patted her hand that had come to sit on his thigh. Shaking his head, he stood up and Madelyn remained seated.

"I've got plans tonight with Victoria," he said to her and began moving from the room. "I'll let you go and play mommy tonight."

Leaving the office, Homelander knew who he had to go and see. Vogelbaum. He didn't want to go back to him, but he knew full well that he had to because he might have the answer that he needed. He'd left Vought a few years back, but he was the one who had created Homelander. He was the one who had managed him. He was about to head on up to the penthouse when he heard Starlight calling his name. After the meeting with the Seven where he had accused her of working as a traitor, he had suspected that she might be laying low. But here she was, demanding his attention.

He turned on his heel, standing tall and looking to her as she headed to him. She couldn't look him completely in the eye, her gaze darting to the side of his face instead. She stood in front of him with her arms folded.

"I've been trying to get hold of Victoria, but her phone is going straight to voicemail."

Homelander knew. It was because it was in his pocket. He nodded his head and put on that fake, charming smile that he knew most people bought. He only hoped that Starlight was going to fall for it. Why would she not?

"Yes, she's pretty busy," Homelander said to her. "She's in the library and her phone is currently in my penthouse. She forgot to take it with her this morning. I was just about to head on out and pick her up. I'll let her know that you asked after her."

"Well, I was kind of hoping that I might be able to talk to her," Starlight said. "I haven't seen her since the Expo and I miss her."

"Well, I haven't really seen her too much," Homelander lied. "This thesis is keeping her pretty busy in the library. She's nearly finished, but she's just got some final edits to do. As I said, I'll let her know that you were asking after her and I'm sure she'll call you when she's finished tonight."

"Okay, great…thanks," Starlight said and she watched him leave without another word.

Folding her arms over her chest, she felt as though there was something not entirely right. But what more could she do? She walked off and headed back to the meeting room as Hughie tried to call her once more and she ignored him. She didn't want to see him anytime soon and definitely not until she had calmed down.

Homelander ensured that Starlight had left him alone before pressing the button for the elevator and putting in his passcode. Once the doors opened to the penthouse, he honed in on the noise and found that Victoria was outside on the balcony. She was looking over the skyline and he could hear her sniffing loudly. Moving over to the door, he stood there and looked to her. He folded his arms over his chest and watched her back before speaking.

"It would be a shame if you jumped," he informed her and she didn't bother to turn her head over her shoulder to look to him.

"Wasn't my intention," she snapped back, but there wasn't as much bite to her voice as there previously had been. She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands and continued staring. It took him a moment to gather himself before he moved over to her. He didn't wrap his arms around her, knowing that she would only recoil and he didn't want to feel that.

"Well, I'm looking into Becca's disappearance," he said to her. "I'm just about to go and see Doctor Vogelbaum and see what he knows."

Victoria looked to him and he studied her. She frowned, her eyes scrunching up and her head tilting at hearing him. "And you want me to be grateful for that?" she queried from him. It sounded exactly like that was what he wanted based on his tone. He shrugged.

"I had thought that it might make you happier," he said and Victoria wanted to laugh manically. He couldn't be serious. "I'm only looking to try and appease you and get to the bottom of things. What if it turns out she's living somewhere happily enough?"

"What? And abandoned her husband?" Victoria questioned. "Fuck, this isn't going to make anyone feel any better."

"Well, I tried," he said to her and she wanted to lash out at him. She wanted to ask him how he could be do delusional to think that would make anything better? But she knew that it wouldn't help. "I shouldn't be late back. Perhaps we can have a night in tonight-"

"-Can you please not?" Victoria interrupted him and shook her head firmly. "I don't want to fake this and pretend that we can spend tonight watching TV and being happy because that's not happening. You're keeping me locked in your penthouse."

"There's a cell down in the basement if you'd prefer that," he said to her and she remained mute. "Perhaps, Vicky, you better make an effort to keep me happy."

Victoria scoffed. "Are you threatening me?" she asked from him. "Why? What are you going to do? Threaten to kill me? Go ahead and do it. I'm not scared of you. I refused to be scared of you."

"And I don't want you to be scared of me," he said to her. "I want you to love me, Victoria. I want you to adore me and you will. Don't worry, everything will be fine by next week."

"You hope," Victoria said and he shot her a look, the glare increasing. But she held firm. She refused to back down under his gaze. She wasn't going to be intimidated by him.

"Well, I'm going," Homelander said, realising that he wasn't going to get anywhere. He prepared to fly off, but stopped himself at the last minute, holding a finger up. "Oh, Starlight was asking after you. I told her that you were working in the library and had left your phone here."

"And she believed you?"

"Of course she did," Homelander responded. "As far as anyone knows, we're still America's golden couple and I'm going to keep it that way."

He took off without another word, hurtling into the sky. Victoria's gaze followed him and she glared after him, anger bubbling up inside of her. "And I'll do everything I can to destroy it."

…

Landing in the grounds of the grand mansion, Homelander did his best to make small talk with Vogelbaum who still insisted on calling him John. No one had called him John in a long time. Well, no one but Victoria when they were alone. It never felt right her calling him Homelander. It felt like he had given her a privilege to call him by the name they had given him. It had felt good, almost intimate and something just between the two of them.

"You know, we don't have to do this," Vogelbaum said, feeding the two dogs in the pen outside of his house and by the large water feature. He finished petting them and rubbed his hands along his thighs. Homelander shrugged.

"What do you mean?"

"This small talk," Vogelbaum declared. "We're both not here to do that and so we don't need to. I know why you're here. You're here about Becca Butcher."

Homelander frowned.

"Stillwell told me," he said, answering the unasked question for him and Homelander should have known that this would happen. "Your searching tipped Vought off and they told me that you would be here sooner or later. I can tell you what happened to Becca Butcher, but you need to come inside. This isn't a conversation for out here."

Following him into his house, Homelander let him settle down in a chair by the fireplace in the sitting room. The mansion was vast, with a number of antique paintings lining the walls and old fashioned furniture. Perched in the high-back chair, Homelander moved his cape to the side and Vogelbaum sat down cautiously. He leant back, looking at Homelander with a hint of concern. He wondered precisely what it was he was going to find when he told the supe the truth.

"Becca Butcher came to us eight years ago with an interesting challenge," Vogelbaum said and Homelander sat up straight. "She went to Stillwell first and she then came to me. She told me that there was an unusual medical complication. Rebecca Butcher was pregnant with your child."

Homelander's eyes widened and his face scrunched up, frown lines appearing on his forehead. He shook his head. That wasn't possible. He couldn't have children. They had told him that he was never able to have children. But here he was. Here he was being told something completely different.

"I thought I couldn't…" he trailed off, flummoxed for the first time in his life.

He hadn't expected any of this. How was it possible?

"So did I," Vogelbaum told him. "But nature is tenacious. The foetus was developing unnaturally fast and we promised her that we would deliver her baby safely and securely, but she had to sign an NDA. She couldn't tell anyone, not even her husband. You can imagine the size of the potential scandal."

Homelander's hands held tight onto the arms of his chair, threatening to break it under the pressure. But he maintained his composure and waited for Vogelbaum to continue.

"The birth was difficult and the baby clawed its way out of her…the blood," he recalled, struggling to form coherent words for the sight that he had seen. "She died on the table."

"And the baby?" Homelander asked.

"The baby lived all of ten seconds," Vogelbaum confirmed to him. "It drowned in its mother's blood."

"Was it a boy?" he couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Does it matter?" Vogelbaum questioned and Homelander didn't answer the question. He remained silent as Vogelbaum stood up, needing to stretch his limbs.

"Why did you not tell me back then?"

"Why do you think?" Vogelbaum asked and Homelander watched his back as he moved towards the fireplace and looked to the photograph of him and Homelander back when he had been a young man first starting out at Vought. "It was to protect you. Vought did everything in their power to protect you."

"And why tell me now?" Homelander demanded from him.

"Because you're with someone, aren't you? Vought are concerned it's serious and they know that she is on the pill. You've informed them of that, but they're worried there might come a day when she comes off it. If she does…if there is even a chance of her getting pregnant then you know what could happen. She could suffer the same fate as Rebecca Butcher."

Homelander imagined it. He imagined Victoria, pregnant with their child. He imagined a family, living out in the cabin he owned and he pictured a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes, the spitting image of him. He imagined Victoria as a mother, knowing how doting she would be. She would be perfect. He wasn't able to deny that.

"And what if there is a way for her to do it?" Homelander asked, but Vogelbaum shook his head.

"You'd risk her?"

"Of course not," Homelander said firmly on that point.

"Then don't even think of it," Vogelbaum warned him, but the idea was already in his mind. He was already considering the future. "When I think of how I raise subjects, without their mothers, they become violent, aggressive and downright hateful. You should have been raised in a home with a family who loved you. I'm sorry for not giving you that."

"I don't want your apology," Homelander spat at him, standing up and looking down to him. The older man was quiet and pensive, watching as Homelander's eyes watered and he knew what he had missed out on. "What do you want? You want forgiveness? After raising me like a fucking lab rat?" he demanded to know and then gasped out a "No." Shaking his head, he blinked back the tears. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to let Vogelbaum see him crying. "Too little, too late," he declared.

"I'm just an old man thinking about my mistakes," Vogelbaum declared.

"I'm the greatest superhero in the world," Homelander said, but Vogelbaum shook his head, his gaze burning Homelander despite him knowing that he didn't need this man anymore. He didn't need him to validate his life anymore.

"You're my greatest disappointment," Vogelbaum said to him and Homelander knew what he was talking about. He knew that he knew everything about him. There were no secrets, despite the fact that he was retired. "But maybe you can try and put things right. You have Victoria now."

"And you think she's a good influence on me?"

"I don't think she's a bad one," Vogelbaum declared. "But I do know that you need to be careful with her. I know you want a family. I know that. But she is not going to be able to give you one. You will kill her trying."

"And if there's another way?" Homelander demanded from him. "I was made, wasn't it? You created me."

Vogelbaum arched his brow then and Homelander's eyes had completely dried, no tears threatening to spill from them this time. "A test-tube baby?" he asked from him. "Look how you-"

"-My child would not be raised in some fucking lab," Homelander interrupted before Vogelbaum commented on how Homelander had turned out. He would never let that happen to his child, how could he? "My child would be raised by a family who love it. I would never let it have the same upbringing I had…the same family Victoria had. It would be different."

"It would be risky," Vogelbaum retorted. "There is no guarantee of success and deep down I think you know that."

"All I know is that it's possible for me to have the one thing I thought I'd been denied for all these years," Homelander retorted. "And I'll be damned if I give up trying for it."

…

Victoria knew that she had to try and get out. The phone had been disconnected and removed from the room. She'd looked at the elevator, wondering if she could perhaps guess the code that would help her out. She'd contemplated taking things from the apartment and throwing them over the balcony, but they would only land in the back alley behind the building, no one would notice them. She knew that he intended to wipe her memories for her and she refused to let him. How could she even consider wanting to go back to a time before she'd learned the truth?

But it had been a simpler time. She had been happy. She'd never been as happy as she had been with him, but she shook those memories away. How could they be real? How could she look over them fondly knowing that wasn't who he truly was? In the end, she didn't know how much power she would have over him when it came to her mind being altered. And so she did the next best thing she could think of.

Grabbing a pen and paper, she began writing on it. Whatever he tells you is a lie. Homelander has wiped your memories. He's not who you think he is. You need to get out and remember the truth. Before she could continue writing, she heard the familiar noise of him landing outside on the balcony. Scrunching the piece of paper up, she shoved it into the bedside cabinet drawer she had claimed as her own, putting it in between pairs of tights. Moving back to the bed, she sat on it, curling into a ball and trying to act nonchalant.

He soon appeared at the top of the spiral staircase, moving into the bedroom with his cape flowing behind him. She stayed where she was, back against the pillows and eyes following his every movement. He didn't even acknowledge her with a greeting, flopping onto the bottom of the bed and laying down, hands going to his stomach and hair falling back.

"You wouldn't believe the day I've had," he said to her and she remained silent. He continued talking, well aware that she'd have to speak at some stage. He knew that she couldn't maintain being quiet. "I went to Madelyn and apparently that triggered some panic button in Vought about Rebecca Butcher. Doctor Vogelbaum had been expecting me so we got straight to it…I don't even know if I quite believe what he told me."

Turning his head to the side to look at her, she instantly looked away from him and he sighed. Looking back to the ceiling, he drummed his fingers against his stomach. "And what was that, John?" he mocked and then continued. "Well, Vicky, I'll tell you. Rebecca Butcher was pregnant."

Victoria looked to him then, trying not to shriek loudly at that piece of information when all that she wanted to do was be sick. She couldn't imagine what Becca had gone through, her anger with Homelander bubbling inside of her.

"With your baby?"

"Yeah," he said and then sat up once more. Moving to his feet again, he looked down to her before dropping his hands to his hips. "I may as well tell you because you won't remember it eventually. But she was pregnant, Vicky, with my child…and after all these years of me thinking that I couldn't have a kid…I know that I can. I know that there might be a way for me to have a family…for us to have a family."

"Whoa!" Victoria snapped and moved to her feet, standing up and letting the long sweatshirt she was wearing over her baggy jeans fall down her thighs. She shook her head and held a hand up. "We are not having a family. Ever. Why would you even-"

"-You know, for someone so incredibly smart, you can be rather slow," Homelander interrupted her. "As soon as you don't remember any of this then you'll come round to the idea of a family. Can you picture it? We can give our child everything that we never had growing up. We can be happy. You know that."

"I know that it would be a lie," Victoria said to him with a firm shake of her head. "And besides, what about Becca? If she was pregnant then where is she?"

"She didn't make it," Homelander said and Victoria closed her eyes and hissed sharply. That was going to destroy Billy. He'd already had his suspicions that his wife was dead, but now it was confirmed. She had to find a way to tell him. "She died giving birth…and the baby died shortly after."

"Jesus Christ," Victoria whispered and turned to glance out the window. She moved around the room, hands tugging her hair and playing with it as she contemplated that information. She had no idea how Billy would take the news, but he had to know. He'd been searching for the truth for eight years. He had a right to be told.

"I know," Homelander said to her. "And it's a lot to take in, especially after I've been told that I could never have children…but I can…I can and we will find a way to make it happen, Vicky. What happened to Becca doesn't have to happen to you. I would never risk you-"

"-Are you serious?" Victoria snapped at him, yelling loudly and finally letting all the anger she had kept bottled inside of her out. She couldn't do this. She just couldn't keep doing this with him because it was driving her to breaking point. She shook her head back and forth, her forehead crinkled and her eyes wide and wild. "You just told me that my sister-in-law died giving birth to your child after you raped her! And you think…what? You think I'm not going to do everything I can to get away from here? To get away from you? You think that I'd willingly let you get me pregnant? I mean, what the fuck, John? Do you even want this? Do you really want to keep hurting me like this?"

"I'm not hurting you."

"Yes, you are!" Victoria roared at him. "You're going to have to wake up every morning and look at me, knowing that you took my memories from him, knowing that you've done that to me. Do you really want that?"

"It's better than the alternative which is you hating me."

"Or what about just letting me go? Let me leave here and just give up on me."

"Why would I do that?" he questioned from her. "No, as soon as you leave here then you'll go to Daniella and Michelle. You'll tell them everything and then I'd be forced to kill them, Vicky. Do you want me to have to do that?"

She couldn't even believe the words coming out of his mouth. "Why would you have to kill them?" she asked from him. "I am not making you do anything. This is all on you. You can't hurt them. I…I would never tell them…I'd just say we broke up. I'd leave here and you'd never have to see me again."

"And how do I know you'd do that?" he asked her but then waved a hand and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Why would I even let you do anything like that? I've decided what is going to happen and in the end, this conversation would have been futile."

"Do you even love me?" Victoria asked from him, tears forming in her eyes as she looked to him and for a moment she saw the vulnerability in his gaze. He nodded his head and stepped towards her, a hand going to her cheek and he ignored the way she seemed to flinch. He stroked it softly and she remained stood still, hoping that she could play this right.

"You know that I love you," he said to her in a soft voice. "What have I ever done to make you think that I don't? Everything I have done is for you, for us, because I love you."

"Then if you truly love me," Victoria said to him, a hand going to his chest where his heart sat. "If you really do love me more than anything, just as I do you, then let me go. Let me leave. Please."

His lip wavered at hearing her and he went quiet. He continued struggling for words to speak, his eyes wet with tears and Victoria hated herself for being so close to him. She hated herself for even acting like she cared about his feelings. He went to open his mouth, but no words came out and she moved a hand to his cheek, fingers brushing into his hair. It felt so familiar yet so alien to her. He was still him, but he wasn't. There was some truth to his feelings and that made Victoria feel even worse because he truly did think that he loved her, but she didn't know if he really knew what love was.

"I know that you do love me," she said to him. "And I understand that, but this…what you want to do to me…that's not love. It's not what I want and I don't think it's what you want. Just let me go. Let me leave."

"I can't let you go," he said to her, finally forming words and blinking back tears. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to let emotion cloud his rational thinking. "You need to stay here. Everything will work out in the end, you'll see. I'm doing this because I love you."

"No…please…" Victoria pleaded. She'd been foolish to think that she could even get through to him. She should have known better. She took deep breaths as he gripped hold of her waist and pulled her to him and he looked her in the eye, finger curled around her chin to tilt her head.

"I know that this is scary for you and I understand that," he said to her. "But we're alone now. There's no one interrupting us. It's you and me. You know how great we are when it's just us. I know you do."

"No…I did," Victoria said, using the past tense. "I'm not going to change my mind."

"So you don't love me?" he asked and saw that she was crying again as she tried to escape his grip, but he was firm. "Because I know that you do, Victoria. I know that you can't fall out of love so quickly. You can claim to despise me and what I've done and that's fine, but deep down you will always love me. I know that and you know it. Just accept it. You need to accept it."

"But I can't," Victoria snapped at him, hands trying to push at his chest. "I can't accept it and you…I love you so much…I love you and I…I worried that you'd break my heart, but never like this. You've broken everything and in time I will just despise you. You will be nothing to me. The love won't be there anymore."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do," she snapped. "Erase my memories. Do it. But I will try and get them back. You'll have to live in fear that one day I'll remember."

"It won't happen."

"But you need to live with that worry," Victoria said.

"There is no worry," he defended. "Because we're going to be fine. You and me. As it should be."

Bending down, Victoria was amazed that he thought it was the right time to kiss her, but then she remembered who he was. She turned her face to the side and his lips landed on her cheek. He chuckled, keeping them there and inhaling the rose smelling perfume lingering in his nose from her neck. He took a moment or two to keep his lips there, his hands holding onto her and refusing to let go. He brushed his nose against the side of her forehead and whispered in a soft voice into her ear.

"You're not going to be able to keep this up forever," he said to her and kissed her on the forehead, the motion tender and gentle. "I need to go out and try to figure all of this out. You stay here and rest…I'll be back as soon as I can. Our cosy night in is going to have to wait."

He dropped her from his grip and she followed him to the spiral staircase. "Where are you going?"

"Well, you wouldn't believe this, but there's a raid in Syria that I've been asked to help on," he said to her. "I reckon I might find something interesting there, but that's just a hunch. Compound V, I'd guess."

Her brow furrowed. "What is Compound V?" she asked him.

"Ah, now that is something that I'm going to have to keep to myself for the time being, but I'll explain when I'm back," and just like that, he was back to his usual self, all hint of sorrow or upset going from him and Victoria wanted to roar at him and tell him not to leave her. But it was no use because he wasn't going to listen to anything she said. He was too self-involved to do that.

"John, wait-"

"-Listen, sweetheart, as much as I would love to stay here like I'd planned, I do have to go. Now, be a good girl for me and just stay put. I'll be back before you know it."

She wanted to go after him, but she had option as she saw him take off into the night and she let him go as she stood on the balcony and screamed at the top of her lungs, the frustration too much for her to hold in any longer.

...

A/N: A bit of a shorter chapter today, but I hope you enjoyed it (even if things are imploding). I'm having thoughts for season 2/3 and how to incorporate Victoria. If you have any ideas then please do let me know as that would be AMAZING! I always love listening to your thoughts! Back soon and hope you have a lovely weekend!