Chapter 34:

A/N: Rated M for language and sexual content.

Chapter 34:

"You went through all that… to get back to me?" Tifa asked when Cloud finished describing his trip, her heart heavy with the feeling that Cloud loved her, had always loved her, and she had no reason to doubt his love for her – but also heavy with the guilt of what her doubt had caused her to do.

Of course, now that she knew what Cloud had gone through, she felt an intense guilt over her actions, but she had no way of knowing at the time. She could kick herself the rest of her life for doubting one second that Cloud Strife loved her and thinking he had abandoned her, but at the moment that's how it looked. He had been pulling away for months and then he disappeared. She didn't know at the time that he would be back in two months.

As Cloud spoke he had about half a dozen headaches. Tifa had tried a number of different remedies when he had an attack to see if anything worked. As she feared, the simple cure spell only coincidentally helped him during the one headache. A Curaga at the beginning didn't help either, neither did any kind of potion. The ice pack at least helped with the physical pain for a little bit, so she made sure to keep that cool for him. She also found that using Reno's panic attack techniques helped somewhat to get Cloud out of the episodes quicker, but nothing so far stopped them completely.

"Tifa, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you what was going on," Cloud responded. He didn't know what to say other than to apologize. "I thought I was doing the right thing…"

Tifa's voice hitched in her throat. Cloud clearly loved her so much and she had just… thrown it all away because she didn't give him enough time to come back and didn't go looking for him when that small part of her thought maybe he was injured and needed her.

"I thought I was protecting you," Cloud continued. Tifa audibly whelped and closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears that were gathering in the outer corners of her eyes.

"Cloud…" she trailed off. She couldn't look at him and instead turned her nose toward the floor, her eyes still shut tight as the tears escaped.

"Tifa…"

"Oh, Cloud!" she said, suddenly throwing her arms around his shoulder and burying her face into his shoulder, sobbing. "I'm so sorry!"

She gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly in her hands as if he would disappear if she let go. He wrapped his arms around her back, assuming she was just apologizing for his ordeal. While he had hoped she'd come find him, he knew that was asking for a lot considering what he had done to her.

"It's not your fault," he soothed in a low, comforting tone as he began to rub her back gently.

Tifa sucked back a sob and pulled away from him. She wanted more time to be with him before she told him what had happened, but she couldn't listen to everything he had done to return to her without admitting what she had done. She knew it might destroy him, but he deserved to know that he fought so hard to come back to someone so unworthy.

"Cloud, I…" she trailed off. How could she tell him? "When you left… I thought you left me and… when you were gone, something happened."

Cloud felt his heart drop as a million possibilities regarding what that could mean swirled through his head. His heart started beating faster as he imagined all the worst-case scenarios. He knew he had no right to expect her to sit around waiting for him after what he had done to her – even before he left – but what could have possibly happened in two months?

"Tifa…"

"I…"

Cloud held up a hand to stop her from continuing. He didn't want to know. Thinking and knowing were two different things. He could imagine any number of scenarios that may or may not have happened, but if she told him, there would only be one – the one that happened. Ignorance is bliss and all that.

"Whatever it is, I don't want to know," he said as if consoling her.

"But…"

"Tifa, I can't even begin to imagine what I put you through," Cloud began, trying to calm his fearful heart. "I deserve everything and then some, but I intend, starting right now, to spend the rest of my life proving to you how sorry I am."

He placed his hands on her shoulders and met her gaze. He hoped in that moment he would never learn what happened, though in the back of his mind he knew that really wasn't possible. She looked into his eyes and tried to smile, letting just the faintest hint cross her lips. She knew he would find out eventually, but right now, in this moment, she wanted to believe he wouldn't.

But also in that moment, she wondered where Reno was and what she was supposed to do now. Did she just leave him like the past two months were nothing when he was so often on her mind? Did she just take a chance with him and leave Cloud after their lifetime together?

When she thought of it like that, her choice seemed clear, yet now that she was with Cloud, she started thinking she was cheating on Reno.

She nodded at Cloud with her weak smile just in time for another headache to take him. Forgetting the thoughts fogging her mind, she pushed Cloud back on the bed and pressed the ice pack to his forehead while leaning over him and trying to get him to focus on her and repeating the "this shall pass" mantra.

When he snapped out of it, he looked at Tifa and smiled. God bless her, she was trying everything she could to help him through these episodes.

"I should call Barret about tomorrow," she said once it was clear Cloud was no longer suffering.

Cloud nodded and Tifa took out her PHS to call.

"Barret?" she asked when her old friend picked up.

"Yo!" he said boisterously. She cringed at the word, just as she had done the last time they spoke on the phone.

"Nanaki found something at the Forgotten Capital about the monsters. He thinks it's connected to Jenova," Tifa responded, keeping her eyes on Cloud as if she might miss one of his headaches.

"That thing still causing shit?" Barret asked.

"Apparently so. Nanaki thinks Jenova's head is still alive in the Northern Crater and calling all its cells back together."

"Wait, didn't we go through that already?"

"…Yeah," Tifa said, the painful memory of what happened to Cloud during their first visit to the Northern Crater coming back into her mind. "We need to make sure it's destroyed for good this time. Nanaki thinks that will stop the monster attacks."

"Whaddya need?"

"Cid said his airship should be fixed tomorrow, I was hoping you could join us all? The monsters seem to worst up north."

"Shit, of course I'll be there. Elmyra has been trapped here for weeks anyway thanks to those damn monsters. She can watch Marlene. And you said everyone would be there? I guess, not everyone…"

"Oh!" Tifa hadn't even realized she didn't tell Barret that Cloud was back. "We will all be there; Cloud's back."

"Wha? When were ya gonna tell me! So, I guess this means things are back to normal?"

"More or less. His headaches are worse than ever," she said, ignoring his obvious implication. "Speaking of, he's having another one. We'll see you tomorrow Barret," Tifa hung up before waiting for Barret's response.

She had run out of ideas for new things to try with Cloud, and in her frustration – and her body seemingly returning to a time long before Cloud left – she grabbed his head and hugged him tightly against her chest. It didn't help his suffering, but when he came to he was pleasantly surprised.

"Um, hello," he said, practically into her bosom. Tifa's cheeks flushed and she loosened her grip on Cloud, allowing him to pull back from her.

"I'm sorry… I didn't know what I was thinking," she said.

"I'm not complaining," Cloud said with a wicked grin.

God he missed her. He knew he couldn't just show up again and take her physically, not after what he had done to her. Even worse, he wouldn't even be able to make it through a sexual encounter without getting a headache. At this point he realized how little he could offer her – he couldn't hold a conversation without getting a headache, couldn't properly pleasure her without getting one, and couldn't be left on his own. Oh, and he might just be dying. Yeah, he felt like a real prize right now.

He hid his thoughts by smiling at her. He couldn't start thinking like that again, it's what drove him away in the first place. He needed to stay focused on the Northern Crater and just pray that Nanaki was right.

He stared into her eyes for a moment before he caught a hint of something near her left hip bone. Now, Cloud may not have been around for two months, and he may have been dodgy before then, but he still knew Tifa's body. Every inch of it. And so even what remained as a faint scar from the gunshot wound caught his eye. He looked down and pointed at it.

"What happened here?" he asked.

Tifa followed his gaze and realized he had noticed the scar, something she herself didn't even remember was there since it had healed so well thanks to materia spells.

"Oh, that? I, um, got shot…"

Cloud's eyes widened to the point of nearly bugging out of his head. Tifa had been injured while he was gone, and he hadn't been there to protect her.

"You were shot?!" he said a little too loudly.

Tifa instantly worried he would blame himself for not being there and mentally beat himself up.

"It was a through and through. It wasn't serious. I didn't even want to go to the hospital after it happened…" she tried to soothe him.

It didn't work.

"Who shot you? When? What happened?" Cloud's heart started racing as he thought of what he would do to the people responsible – and thought this might be what she had tried previously to tell him about. Tifa smiled and let out a little laugh at how overprotective he was being, even though his headaches would have prevented him from being much help at the time.

"It's okay, Cloud, really. A couple customers got into an argument and drew guns, I knocked one out and the other one panicked and accidentally shot me."

"Accidentally?"

"Really, he was so focused on his friend getting knocked out that he started waving the gun around and it went off."

"Where are they?"

"Um… I haven't seen the one I knocked out but the one who shot me is dead," Tifa looked at her lap, avoiding eye contact with Cloud. She knew she would have to explain how the Turks helped her but hoped it wouldn't give away her secret.

"Well, at least he's already dead," Cloud said, absentmindedly rubbing Tifa's scar. "I'm just glad you're okay. Anything else like that happen?"

Tifa shook her head. Nope, nothing "else like that" happened, she thought to herself. She relaxed when he had no follow-up questions about the incident.

The next day…

Reno didn't understand why he was still being forced to listen in on Seventh Heaven when Rude and Tseng were also eavesdropping. Rufus was probably still hooked in to bugs as well. Was Rufus doing this to torture him? Reno had never gotten along with the younger Shinra, but couldn't think of anything recently he had done to piss him off, unless he was still disgusted by listening to Tifa's orgasms.

Reno did not like listening to Tifa taking care of Cloud or listening to chocobo head encroach on the Turk's turf. Well, it's not like Reno hadn't encroached on Cloud's turf after he disappeared, but Tifa was Reno's turf now and Cloud needed to get off his lawn, so to speak. Not that Reno saw Tifa as his or even wanted her to be his, mind you.

The hot-headed Turk would have given anything to be doing something else right now. There were Turks stationed all over the world, why couldn't he be working with one of them. God, he'd rather be in Junon on a mission with Alvis than sitting here listening to Cloud tell Tifa how much he loved her. And Reno hated Alvis, what with his stupid (dull) red hair, ego, and use of the mag rod. On more than one occasion Reno had been told he and Alvis were alike and should get along, but Reno rejected the notion, claiming he was nothing like Alvis. For one thing, Alvis rode motorcycles and Reno flew helicopters. They were so not alike.

Reno had been in a bad mood ever since Cloud returned, but came up with a number of excuses to hide that fact. He kept making them – he was tired, he stubbed his toe, he couldn't get a stupid song out of his head – even though he was well aware no one was buying them. He hadn't tried to contact Tifa, even after he heard her try to tell Cloud about their relationship. She hadn't pushed the issue and didn't push back when Cloud said he would prove to her he was sorry. Reno scoffed at the comment, finding Cloud rather sappy, but was a smidge dismayed when Tifa seemed to accept that he would be in her life until he died.

He also didn't like the fact that Cloud had seen him in his helicopter searching around Midgar. Reno had made a couple expeditions to look for Cloud whenever Tifa seemed particularly upset about his absence. Reno would never admit it, but he was hoping for some evidence that Cloud was never coming back.

The phone in Tseng's office rang and the redhead snapped out of his thoughts. He could tell from Tseng's responses that Rufus had called.

"Yes, we'll be right up," Tseng said before hanging up the phone.

"We'll" be right up? Tseng hardly ever accompanied them to Rufus' office. This was not going to be pleasant.

And it wasn't.

"I trust you heard that AVALANCHE is going to the Northern Crater to destroy Jenova's head," Rufus said once all four Edge-based Turks were in his office.

Reno groaned. He knew where this was going and while he missed being out in the world and seeing real action, he was not looking forward to facing all the monsters that were certainly at the Northern Crater. Strife barely survived the non-stop encounters of his trip back to Edge, and he had all kinds of physical enhancements thanks to Hojo. Even with proper supplies and three colleagues, Reno didn't want to deal with that kind of fighting. Especially since he knew they would run into AVALANCHE.

"You all will be heading up there as well to beat them to the punch," Rufus continued. "If you fail, join them and at least take some credit for Shinra."

"I take it that means I'm staying in the helicopter after I drop them off?" Reno asked, shifting his weight to one side and placing a hand on his hip. "Unless you think we can park the chopper at the crater with all those fiends around."

"Of course not, and you're going in, too," Rufus informed him, a cruel smile forming on his lips. "I've brought in one of your colleagues to fly you four to the crater and stand on-call for a quick escape."

Reno visibly tensed. Oh no. Rufus couldn't actually mean…? The president really did hate him, didn't he?

"She's been training as a pilot over the past year and has the skills to handle the chopper, as you called it, while you all stop Jenova," Rufus continued.

Maybe there was a different female Turk who spent the past year training as a pilot and who maybe didn't hate Reno's guts because he slept with her as a new recruit and never paid her for delivering flowers from Nibelheim to Tifa…

The door to Rufus' office opened and Reno could see that, nope, there hadn't been a different female Turk who became a backup pilot. Shotgun was now walking toward the group, her ashy blonde ponytail swinging from side to side as she made her way to them. She maintained a neutral smile on her face and nodded to everyone in the room as a brief greeting – except for Reno, whom she refused to acknowledge.

"H, hey, Shotgun," Reno said weakly, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"That's not my name," she said coldly, trying to stay professional in front of Rufus.

"I can never remember it," Reno offered. "It's too weird."

"It's not weird. It's Freyra. Like Freya, from Norse mythology-" Reno nodded his head to pretend that he was also like everyone else who was allegedly familiar with Norse mythology "-but with an extra 'R.'"

"Shotgun is way easier."

Freyra scoffed and crossed her arms, turning her head to the side briskly and causing her ponytail to fly in the opposite direction.

"When do we leave?" Tseng asked, changing the conversation before needing to keep the two Turks from killing each other. He only hoped Freyra wouldn't sacrifice the rest of them just to get back at Reno for whatever it was (Tseng had some ideas) he had done.

"Is the helicopter ready?" Rufus asked Freyra.

"Yes, sir," she said, straightening up as she answered.

"Then… now," Rufus told Tseng, as if he had just said something incredibly obvious.

Tseng nodded and began walking toward the door. His subordinates followed.

Once outside and sufficiently away from Rufus' office, Freyra spun on her heel to point a finger angrily at Reno.

"Where's my money, Reno?" she hissed, stabbing him in the chest with the fingernail of her outstretched digit.

Reno bent backwards at the hips to try and pull away from her poke, but she held firm.

"Whoa, hey, nice to see you, too, Shotgun."

"Freyra. Where's my money, Reno? You promised me 80,000 gil to deliver those flowers!"

Rude stopped and capped his sunglasses to look at the two Turks who were arguing. Reno promised her that much to get those flowers to Tifa?

"Is that what I promised? Seems high," Reno stopped and folded one arm across his chest to block Freyra's stabs while balancing his other elbow on his arm, bringing a finger to his chin in thought.

"You think I would have gone and picked flowers in the mountains, bundled them, and then flown them to Edge to break into someone's apartment for cheap?"

"No one ever said you were cheap, doll," Reno smirked. He couldn't help himself. Freyra huffed and brought her thumb and index finger to massage the bridge of her nose.

"I just want my money, Reno. I don't care who you killed, just give me the money."

"Killed?"

"I assumed those flowers were for some widow whose husband you felt bad about killing?" Freyra asked, suddenly suspicious.

"Uh, yeah, a widow…"

Freyra's eyes looked like they were about to shoot fireballs. "Are you telling me you had me deliver flowers to one of your whores?"

"No!" Reno said, a little too defensively.

"Unbelievable," Freyra said, throwing her hands in the air and turning away from Reno. "Just get me the money and don't ever ask me for anything again."

"Why did you think they were going to a widow?" Reno couldn't help but be curious, even if he was just making the situation worse.

"That room looked like it had been decorated by my grandmother, there were quilts everywhere," Freyra responded, causing Reno to choke back a laugh.

He had to admit he didn't like Tifa's taste in decorating, but he couldn't fault her. She was obviously recreating what she knew from her childhood in Nibelheim. He'd seen her old house, and the recreated version, her home in Edge looked similar.

"So, Freyra, how's work in Mideel?" Elena piped up as they approached the elevator. Like Tseng, she too worried that Freyra's anger at Reno would cause them issues on the mission. She knew Freyra was a professional, but she'd never seen her act like this.

Freyra's demeanor changed in an instant. "Lovely as ever, but I'm rarely home since they keep sending me around the world. I actually just got back North Corel. Emma says 'hi.'"

Elena mumbled something about wishing she hadn't asked and broke out a wide, fake smile.

"Oh! Is she doing well? I hope she's doing well, tell her I said that," the blond Turk said in an overly saccharine tone.

Tseng turned to look at her in the elevator briefly before staring straight ahead again with the slightest hint of a smile on his face. His guilty pleasure had always been watching the rivalry between Elena and her sister.

"The chopper is fully stocked and fueled," Freyra informed them when they reached the roof.

Reno didn't attempt to hide his bitterness at having to be a passenger in a Shinra helicopter. Of all the things he had agreed to do for Shinra, this was not one of them that he would gladly accept.

Meanwhile…

"Cid!" Tifa exclaimed as she threw her arms around the gruff pilot.

She and Cloud were the first to be picked up for the trip to the Northern Crater.

"How ya been?" Cid asked as he embraced Tifa, turning his head to the side so he wouldn't burn her with the cigarette in his mouth.

"Well," Tifa said, lowering her head and turning back toward Cloud, who was avoiding physical contact just in case he'd go into another "episode."

"Hoping this trip stops all the crap in my head once and for all," Cloud told Cid with an attempted smile. Cid nodded.

"Well, then let's get outta here and get everyone else," Cid said, motioning toward the airship.

Their next stop was Junon, which surprised Cloud and Tifa.

"Who's in Junon?" Tifa asked as Cid hovered the airship over the landing pad at the port. Monsters had taken over the ground, so landing wasn't an option, even at Junon, where a strong police force kept the fiends at bay as long as they could.

"Cait Sith!" Cid said, a cigarette still dangling from his lips. "Reeve's made some improvements and said he wants to go with us, but he's fuckin' useless without that damn cat."

Tifa looked out the window in the bridge and saw the robot cat riding the fat moogle hopping toward the ship. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Reeve, but she definitely hadn't seen Cait Sith since Meteorfall. Also, she was pretty sure Reeve hadn't called himself "fuckin' useless."

Cait climbed up the rope ladder to the airship and soon appeared on the bridge.

"Cloud! You're back!" he said when he noticed the blond warrior, who had just recovered from a headache. Tifa was standing next to him with her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to comfort him. "What's wrong?"

Tifa explained what had been going on while Cait listened intently.

"I see," the cat said, crossing his arms. "Well, let's get moving then, if Nanaki's correct, the sooner we get to the Northern Crater the sooner Cloud's headaches will subside."

Barret was the last stop before the group headed to the Forgotten Capital. Tifa took the opportunity to say hello to Elmyra and hug Marlene. The little girl was excited to see Cloud and ran up to him to hug him around the waist tightly. To Tifa's relief, Marlene didn't ask about Reno or say anything about the helicopter ride.

They were at the Forgotten Capital not long after leaving North Corel. Nanaki, Vincent, and Yuffie met them all outside the tunnel that led to Aeris' lake, where Cloud provided a brief explanation of where he had been. Yuffie's eyes grew wide as he spoke and she found herself looking nervously at Tifa, who would avert her eyes. Luckily, Cloud didn't notice.

"So, you're the one who took all the best materia!" Yuffie accused when Cloud finished his story. He shrugged.

"Did you need it?" he asked calmly, knowing he was in for a tongue-lashing.

Yuffie placed her hands on her hips and began tapping her foot anxiously.

"Need – need it? What kind of stupid question is that? It's not about need—"

"We should get going," Barret cut her off, in no mood to listen to her complaining.

"Glad you're back, Cloud," Nanaki said, while Vincent just nodded.

Nanaki had watched Tifa as Cloud spoke, trying to get a read on her. He smelled the familiar scent of love or whatever coming off of each of them, but not that smell. He wondered what the situation was involving that red-haired Turk and if Cloud knew. Nanaki certainly wasn't going to say anything, opting instead to continue to observe the actions of humans in order to learn about their behavior.

With AVALANCHE (almost) completely reunited, the group returned to the airship after a quick prayer at Aeris' lake. They were hovering over the Northern Crater within minutes, and everyone looked at Cloud expectantly, as they had done two years ago when they were about to enter the Northern Crater to fight Sephiroth.

Cloud scratched the back of his head nervously.

"You guys still expect me to make some grand speech?" he asked. The others nodded.

Cloud was saved – if you could call it that – by another headache. He hadn't had one since they were approaching the Forgotten Capital in the airship, but now everyone knew what he had been going through the past year or so. Tifa rushed to his side, as always, while the others looked on with concern.

"Is there anything we can do?" Nanaki asked.

"I've tried everything I can think of, and nothing works," Tifa responded.

Though Cloud was in pain, he wasn't deaf. Had he not been suffering or just returned after selfishly breaking Tifa's heart, he would have made a comment about her not trying everything just yet. He also wasn't so sure Tifa hadn't thought of that but was just too timid to try it based on what he had done to her.

When the migraine ended, everyone was still looking at him.

"Seriously?" he asked, referring to the whole speech thing. He shook his head and groaned. "What did I say last time? Wasn't this when I sent you all home?"

Oh, he remembered that night. He looked to his left to see Tifa had turned her face from everyone and was blushing. Yeah, she was thinking about that, too.

"I don't have anything to say because I don't know exactly what we're going to find," Cloud continued. "Last time, we knew what we were facing, but this time we're looking for… Jenova's head? I guess all there really is to say is… let's mosey."

Cid groaned loudly. He always hated when Cloud said that and was a little suspicious the blond swordsman had done that on purpose to annoy him. Still, he let out a "whoop" with everyone else when Cloud said it. It did feel good to be together as a group again, listening to Cloud try to rally everyone up before a big mission. It was like old times.

The Highwind was left in the hands of Cid's crew since it couldn't land on the Northern Crater. The area had been heavily damaged after Sephiroth, and the hordes of monsters that covered the region wouldn't take too kindly to a mechanical intruder. The group looked over the railing and couldn't even see the ground due to the high fiend activity.

"I'll go first," Cloud said.

He would be damned if he let anyone else get hurt now that he was back. He may have been selfish and gone off to die on his own when he could have stayed with them and asked for help and acceptance, but now he wasn't going to let any of them – especially Tifa – get hurt on his watch.

He climbed down the rope ladder and dropped into a crowd of beasts, disappearing from the view of those still onboard the airship. Tifa was already climbing down behind him, and Barret was waiting until she was lower to start disembarking.

Tifa looked down as she neared the ground and could only see the swipe of Cloud's sword and body parts of fiends flying. She hopped off the ladder and began swinging her fists, calling out to let Cloud know where she was so she didn't end up in his path. Once the others had joined, all eight set about killing monsters on their way into the crater. Even though there was little room for anyone to maneuver, the beasts still seemed intent on fighting for space.

Slowly but surely, AVALANCHE made it into the crater, dropping down onto the circular path that wound down the inside. After jumping across the first two ledges, Yuffie noticed some commotion on the path ahead and a little below them.

"Hey, what's that?" she asked in between spell casts.

Tifa's eyes widened when she realized what they were about to meet. She couldn't see their faces yet, but she knew the sound and light from Reno's EMR anywhere. Just ahead of them were all four Turks, who seemed to be also fighting their way down into the crater, though they appeared to be struggling even as strong as they were.

AVALANCHE was able to move forward a bit faster, and Cloud soon found himself attacking the same monster as Reno. The two locked Mako-infused eyes for a moment before Reno smirked.

"Nice you could join us, Strife," he said before stabbing a gargoyle with his mag rod.