Chapter 18.
He didn't hear a thing. Bare feet and a light tread made no noise in the sound of the flowing water. He only knew she was there when she said, "Quit hogging the shower."
He turned, then wished he hadn't, he turned back to face the wall and said, "Anael, this is inappropriate." She was wrapped in a towel and looked decent enough, but he was not.
"How is it inappropriate?" she said, "I'm an angel, not a human. You think we've never seen humans unclothed? You think we care about the arrangement of your genitalia? Or maybe you think you're so incredibly attractive that the sight of you wet and naked will make me lose my senses? That seems a little arrogant to me."
"Actually, I'm more worried about seeing you naked and the effect that will have on me."
"Afraid you won't be able to control your base lusts?" she said.
"No." he said, "But why light a match when there's no fuel for a real fire?"
"Okay, fine. I'll go out there and wait my turn. I just thought we could share and save time and water."
"You don't need a shower." he said, a little worried that her voice sounded closer.
"I like them." she said, "I like the feel of the water on my flesh."
He stared at the water, running around his feet, trying not to think about it flowing over her body, tracing every curve. She was an angel. She was sexless, passionless, junkless. It wasn't even her body.
"Not your flesh." he said, "It's just a vessel."
"The original owner is dead." she said, "It's mine now. I just want a shower, Dean."
She was like Cas, adrift in a world that made little sense and people showered together in gyms without any sexual connotations. Maybe she really couldn't understand why he had a problem with it. If Cas had appeared in the shower beside him, would he assume anything questionable or would he just accept that angels had no real concept of boundaries.
But Cas wasn't in a female vessel, a very hot female vessel. He didn't know how Cas's hair moved when he laughed, because he had never been interested enough to pay attention.
"Okay," he said, "But keep a respectful distance and no looking."
"You mustn't look either." she said.
"Of course I won't."
He saw her out of the corner of his eye, fully naked now and every bit as attractive as he had feared. He saw her glance at him. "We said no looking." he said quickly.
"How did you know I was looking, if you weren't?" she said.
"You can't do this with anyone else." he said, "For humans, this is a move and a pretty bold one at that." He tried to turn away so he couldn't see her, but that was an uncomfortable feeling too, turning his back on the naked angel.
"I didn't know that." she said.
"Well, now you do."
"Does it work?" she said.
"With the right person, at the right time, it almost can't fail." he said.
"Good to know."
"But it does tend to show your hand a little too early."
She chuckled. "I'm showing a lot more than my hands. Would you feel more comfortable if I wore gloves?"
He laughed. The image was ridiculous. "No," he said, "That would not be any better." He turned a little and allowed himself to check how close she was. The shower was spacious, but not large enough for them to keep much of a distance.
"You're looking." she said.
"You can only know that if you were too." he said.
They both looked directly at each other. Their eyes met. She looked slowly down his whole body and then looked into his eyes again and smiled. "I'm sorry. I was curious. You look good to me in clothes and I wanted to know what was underneath."
"Well, now your curiosity is satisfied and we really need to be back on the road." But his eyes were making the same journey over her body and he found himself smiling all over.
"Do you feel anything?" she said.
"No." he said, knowing she would never believe him. It was impossible for her to believe him. Even an angel could not miss every sign of arousal.
The bathroom seemed weirdly quiet, as if the water had fallen almost silent. From the next room, he heard the words, "You made me grasp, what is over is past and the world starts tonight."
"No?" she said.
"Nothing I should be feeling." he said.
"Because I'm an angel?" she said, stepping closer.
"That's in the top thousand reasons." he said.
The others raced through his head. He was unworthy, he was corrupt, he was evil and selfish and wrong so many times. She was innocent, celestially so and whatever amorous adventures she may have had with humans, he suspected were a lot less complicated than involvement with him would be. She was an angel and she could be hurt, as he had hurt Cas so often. He was Dean Winchester and Dean Winchester never got the girl for longer than one night.
One night with her might be pretty frickin' awesome.
But it would still be just one night and the damage it could do, to everyone, was unthinkable.
"We should go." he said.
"We should." she said, "But we're both tired of doing what we should."
They were so close now. "This isn't fair." he said.
"To either of us." she said. Her eyes were roaming over his body again and he wished it were her hands.
He reached out to draw her closer and then he kissed her and the kiss was weird, because he knew he was kissing someone else's body and he felt that so was she, because he wasn't the person he had been the last time he had felt like this, when he had thought that he could tell Cassie everything and she would accept him as he was. His heart lurched at the memory of her saying, "You're crazy!" and meaning it and hating him.
Nobody loved him. Nobody could. Those who thought they did, didn't know him, or were dumb, stupid angels and couldn't see what he was. Not crazy, too sane, but dark, dark and dead and empty and if anyone ever found out who he was, they would back away, screaming and he would be alone.
It was okay to be alone. It was fine. He was used to it. The times that tortured him were the ones where he wasn't alone, where it seemed he might never have to feel that way again, but it always ended the same way and he didn't know where the music building in his head ended and the screams of his mother began. The kissing continued, because that, at least, was easy.
He had to get rid of the screams in his head and the echoes of, "You're crazy!" He forced himself to focus on the real world music out there in the other room.
Bonnie offered encouragement, "I don't want to let another minute get by.
They're slipping through our fingers, but we're ready to fly."
Faster Than The Speed Of Night. He'd always loved that song. He stopped kissing Anael and said, "You want this?"
"I need this." she said.
"I'm not ... " he began.
"Don't make me beg." she said.
He was never sure, afterwards, which one of them led the other to the bed, where they fell, still soaking wet and where, to the beat of Bonnie Tyler's greatest hits, they began an eventful and athletic night.
Angels and hunters both had prodigious staying power, but inevitably, she outpaced him and when, exhausted and blissfully satisfied, he closed his eyes, the last thing he saw was Anael, gazing at him, looking a little drunk on pleasure. His last thought that night was that he had achieved what large quantities of beer and whisky had failed to do.