Chapter 23.

Sam happened to be lurking around the garage when Anael came back. She parked her car and then came over to him. "I know what you're thinking." she said.

"I doubt it. Dean didn't." he said. The most important thing was to make her feel safe in staying. He'd let Cas leave and that felt like a mistake. Dean had gone to his room with a plate of scrambled eggs and that seemed bad too.

"You think I behaved badly and I did. I thought it would be okay, but it wasn't and it's down to me, because I made the first move."

"Hey, I'm not judging anyone here." said Sam.

"It wasn't Dean's fault. He's talking like I'm some kind of child." she said.

"I don't think he sees you that way."

"He sees us all that way, even Cas. I'm just an angel to him and you know what he thinks of them."

"You don't owe an explanation to anyone." he said, "Certainly not me. I don't happen to think either of you did anything wrong. People have sex."

"I'm not people, am I?" she said bitterly, "Did he tell you what I did?"

"No and you don't have to either." he said.

"He was in the shower and I just went in there."

Sam nodded and swallowed. To Dean, after so long alone, a beautiful woman joining him in the shower would be a temptation.

"It was my fault. I made the first move. I made all the moves."

"We can't talk in terms of blame here." said Sam, "You had every right to make that move and he had every right to accept or decline. Dean's not a child either. He's perfectly capable of saying no."

She hadn't been expecting that response, he could tell. She just looked at him. Eventually, she said, "I thought you'd be angry."

"So did Dean. I'm not sure why. Two consenting adults had sex. Not sure what I'm supposed to find offensive in that."

"Maybe that one of them is an angel." she said.

"Well, then I'd have to disapprove of Cas and Jules and I can't do that. They've made each other truly happy."

"Yes, they have. I thought, maybe, I could make Dean happy. He was happy last night."

"I'll bet." said Sam.

"But then, he woke up angry. He can't even really look at me. I disgust him. But last night, Sam, I swear, he wanted me."

"I believe you." said Sam.

Of course Dean wanted her. Of course he was attracted to the stubborn, tempestuous rebel who could so effortlessly make him laugh or make his eyes blaze with anger. He may even have fallen in love with her, somewhere in their long, dark nights of whisky and reminiscing. Dean wasn't so angry with himself because it meant nothing. He was furious because his feelings had overcome his strong will.

"But now he doesn't." she said.

"Dean's complicated. Always has been. Forget about his feelings for a minute. What are yours?"

"You say that like you expect me to know. Dean and Cas both say I don't understand feelings." she said.

"And they're both hiding from theirs, when you're still here." he said.

"I'm just a stupid angel." she said.

"No. 1) Not stupid, 2) not really an angel. I mean yeah, temporarily having all the powers of one, but you don't see yourself as one and neither do I."

"If we're going to talk about this, can we go somewhere he won't be?" she said.

He looked at the Camaro. "Why don't you show me how your new car runs?"

"Okay." she said, "Get in."

When they were a few miles from the bunker he said, "You don't have to talk to me or to anyone if you don't want to, but I hope you'll stick around."

"He may tell me to go."

"He may." Sam admitted, "But, see, you don't have to do what he says."

"Everything feels so weird and wrong now." she said.

"I hate that he's making you feel this way."

"He's not. He can't help it. It's my own fault. If I'd just stayed out of the shower, none of this would have happened."

"Or he could just have said no." said Sam.

She increased her speed. He cast a worried eye at the dash. "I don't know why I thought he could care about me." she said, "He told me he hated me."

"Last night?"

"No, last night he didn't say much."

"He doesn't hate you, Anael. I don't think he ever has. The reason why that little betrayal made him so angry is that he liked you."

"And now he doesn't." she said.

"Now, he at least likes you and maybe more."

She looked at him, then her eyes returned to the road ahead. "He's right and Castiel is right. I don't understand these feelings."

"You think I understood mine when I fell in love with Eileen?"

"Of course. You're human. It's easy for you."

"I thought we were just friends, for a long time. Dean didn't. He was shipping us from the start."

"Shipping you where?"

"It's an expression. It means he thought we belonged together. I was so afraid to look at any of it too closely, because my romantic history has more corpses in it than a treatise on warfare. Then there was the fact that she was one of the best hunters I ever met and one of the best friends I had. When you have someone like that in your life, you don't risk it on a hunch that maybe there's something else there."

"I did. It was stupid."

"No, it wasn't. Dean is more afraid than I was. I think, honestly, angel or not, he would be afraid of anyone loving him. Someone had to make the first move."

"But I got it wrong and now he's angry."

"With himself, not you."

"With himself for liking me."

"Like I said, he's complicated. I know that he doesn't want to hurt you. I know he feels bad that he has. I'm not saying a relationship with Dean is likely to be easy, but then, neither is a relationship with me, but Eileen thinks I'm worth the effort."

"Before the wedding, she told me she couldn't believe she was with you."

"I still can't believe it." he said, smiling, "And now we're having a baby."

"I want to stay and meet the baby." she said.

"You need to stay. You're a good friend to Eileen, Jules and Charlie. Don't let one bad night with Dean drive you away."

"It wasn't a bad night." she said, "It was beautiful. I don't care what happens, I'll never regret it. But I do regret that it wasn't what he wanted, or retrospectively isn't, or whatever. He kissed me, Sam. He was the one who moved it into the bedroom."

"All my life, I've had to try to work out what he's really feeling, so I know how difficult that can be." said Sam, "And when he gets into one of his weird downward spirals, all you can do is just try to find a way to pull him out of it. I want to help, but if I say the wrong thing, to either of you, I could make it worse."

"If there's a way he and I can still be friends, please help us find it."

"You don't want to be more than friends?"

"What I want doesn't matter."

"You really are a perfect match for Dean. That's his line."

"He's right. I know nothing about this stuff."

"Don't let anyone tell you that. You think humans understand it right away?"

"Yes." she said, "Dean does."

"I'd say it's pretty clear that Dean doesn't." said Sam.

"Can you convince him I won't make trouble if I stay? Sex didn't work out, but he's right that we had a good thing before I messed it up. I can do platonic. Angels are great at platonic."

"Try to keep your options open at this stage." said Sam, "I'm not sure what Dean wants, but I know this was no casual thing."