Ibuki: Disclaimer! The author does not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners!
"Hi, I'm Donut!"
"And I'm Church."
"And today, we're… somehow on a boxing ring." Donut said. "Anyway, today, we're gonna discuss-"
"Wait… boxing ring?" Church asked as he heard someone charging up an attack. "Okay, for once, can we go through one PSA without getting blown out of the camera!" He complained as Little Mac punched through the two and sent them flying away.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
CRASH!
"We're okay!" Donut exclaimed.
"Nice form, Mac. But they weren't your opponents this round." Doc Louis said.
"They weren't? Whoops… eh, they'll be fine." Little Mac shrugged. "Anyway…" He turned to the camera. "Hey, I'm Little Mac from the popular boxing game, Punch-Out!"
"And I'm Doc Louis from the same series."
"…Wait, is it still popular? Hey Nintendo, I could seriously use a revival on the Switch!" Little Mac grumbled. "Smash doesn't count."
"We'll get our chance soon."
"I hope. Anyway, today's PSA topic is all about sports."
BGM: Minor Circuit Remix (Super Smash Bros for Wii U/3DS)
PSA: Sports
"Now, as we all know, sports are everyone's favorite hobby. Perhaps there's a sport out there that you would like to try out. Everyone has a different view on it. One person could like football and another person would rather watch hockey while not giving football the time of day. Make sure you know what's best and not waste your time over something you dislike. There's no shame in ditching a sport that you found that you're not particularly fond of. You don't have to force yourself to like a sport that you hate just to fit in with your friends who are fond of the sport." Doc explained.
"Indeed. Make sure you know what sport is right for you. Also, remember to hydrate often. We don't need to see anyone passing out from dehydration or heat exhaustion. That's not good at all." Little Mac advised.
"Yup. Now then, let's go over the sports!"
Boxing
"Might as well start with the best." Little Mac said. "Boxing is really straight forward. You basically just punch each other silly with boxing gloves. Although the rules usually point out we punch above the belt. Below the belt is majorly frowned upon for good reasons."
"Yeah, I mean, it's not like there's someone out there who tends to do that in fights just to look "cool" or anything."
Meanwhile, in the Mortal Kombat universe…
"…Mmph… strange, I feel as if someone called me out for no good reason." Johnny Cage mumbled.
Confessional - Johnny Cage
"Hey, I don't punch people in the crotch all the time. It's only those who truly deserve it… looking at you, Baraka."
End Confessional
"Why do I feel like we made a guy angry?" Little Mac wondered.
"Eh, he'll get over it." Doc shrugged. "In boxing, like Mac had said, you pummel each other silly until the other guy can no longer fight. However, it is good sportsmanship if you don't pummel him while he's on the ground. I get it, it's the heat of the moment and it doesn't register right away, but don't punch a guy when he's down. Same goes for the MMA fights, you gotta make sure they get back up before you continue to kill each other."
Confessional - Maylene
"Okaaaaay, so I invited Bea over to do a one on one MMA fight in Sinnoh and well, let's just say at one point, I got caught in the heat of the moment and literally kicked her while she was down. Aheheh… Lucario is never gonna let me live that down…"
Confessional - Bea
"I have to hand it to her though… she's a hell of a kicker." She said, having a foot print on her face. "…What, do I have something on my face?"
End Confessional
End BGM
BGM: Big Blue (Mario Kart 8)
Racing
"Now for our next topic, racing! You see, racing-"
"I'll take it over from here!" A voice said as suddenly Captain Falcon jumped into the ring. "I know a thing or two about this sport."
"Well… take it away, I guess." Doc said.
"Heh, sup everyone! I'm Captain Falcon from the popular video game, F-Zero! …I think it's still popular. Hey! Nintendo, I need another game for crying out loud! Anyway, racing. It may look all fun, but do not let that fool you. It is NOT for the faint of heart considering people tend to crash every so often… especially when my universe is concerned. We go so fast that it's incredibly dangerous. One slip up and it could potentially be game over, and yet… it's the thrill of the race that we just keep doing it. Heh, well, at least we don't have items… likesome people we know."
"Coming through!" Ruby said, rushing through Yoshi Circuit with a Golden Mushroom and drifting around into first place. "Yeah! That's more like it!" She grinned as the alarm sounded on her Sports Bike. She would look on the screen and see a Blue Shell coming toward her. "Not to worry, I have the Super Horn!" She grinned as she raised it up… only for a Boo to pop in out of nowhere and grabbed it. "WHA?!" She yelped as the Boo cackled at her before disappearing. "Ooooh crap…" She whimpered as the blue shell came down on top of her and exploded. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Confessional - Ruby
"Alright! Who thought it was a good idea to use Boos as an item?! I just wanna talk!" She exclaimed in frustration.
Confessional - King Boo
"Who knew sneaking my minions in the item boxes would've been worth it? Hehehehahahahaha!"
End confessional
"That said, if you really wanna risk your life and drive around like a son of a gun, then this sport is right for you. Anyway, on to the next sport!"
End BGM
Basketball
BGM: Daisy Cruiser (Mario Super Sluggers)
"Ah, basketball. The game that everyone likes to throw the ball around and have a good time. Just for the love of Imamura, pick a basketball court that makes sense and reasonable!"
"…Do I even want to know?" Little Mac asked.
"Well-"
"Pass it to me! Pass it to me!" Luigi waved his hands over as Daisy threw the ball to him, but Donkey Kong side tackled him as Luigi was shoved into a pool of lava. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Confessional - Bowser
"Heh, I knew setting up a basketball court next to an active volcano was a good idea!"
Confessional - Luigi
"Why did we let the big guy choose that spot… I'll never know." He mumbled, sitting on an ice pack.
End confessional
"Basketball shouldn't be dangerous! And yet, they manage to do that… don't play basketball next to an active volcano. It's common sense, people!" Falcon shook his head.
"Well, at least they don't golf underwater, right?" Doc spoke up as Falcon said nothig. "Right…? …Uh oh."
Golf
"You sure this is a good idea?" Pyrrha asked as they had Penguin suit diving gear on.
"We got protective gear on. It's all good!" Nora said as she swung her golf club. "FOOOOOOOORE!" She yelled, hitting the ball as it went sailing through the water… and it got eaten by a Cheep Chomp.
"Oooh, right in the Cheep Chomp." Peach grimaced.
"Aww! That was my lucky ball too…"
Confessional - Nora
"You don't wanna know how long it took me to get that ball back. He was a fighter but I succeeded!" Nora said proudly, covered in cuts and bruises. "…And now if you'll excuse me, I need to put some ice on me." She said and walked away. "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow…"
End Confessional
"Well, at least they don't play soccer on a windy cliff." Little Mac said as Captain Falcon whistled innocently. "…Oh, you gotta be kidding me."
End BGM
Strikers
BGM: Thunder Island (Mario Strikers Charged)
"Yoshi!" A Toad kicked the ball to Yoshi as he would take it after dodging a Dry Bones tackling him… but then the wind started to pick up.
"Moooo… MOOOOOO!" A cow was suddenly blown in and struck Yoshi, sending him down the cliff.
"Awawawawawawawawa!"
Confessional - Yoshi
"Grrrrr…" Yoshi held up a sign. "Who in the right mind throws a cow in the middle of a soccer match!"
End confessional
"Word of advice: Don't go to windy islands with winds that can knock you off a cliff! Especially when you're playing soccer!" Falcon shook his head.
End BGM
Confessional - Reimu
"Don't worry, we play in a normal soccer field. Relax, we don't go too crazy."
End confessional
BGM: Mima's Theme - Reincarnation (Touhou Soccer)
"Go long!" Remilia said, throwing the Gungnir straight at the soccer ball as Flandre was riding on the Gungnir.
"HRAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Flandre yelled, slashing through it as a massive crystal formed around it and exploded, sending the soccer ball flying.
"Alright Marisa, we fully powered it up!" Patchouli said.
"You got this!" Alice exclaimed as their magic went into Marisa's broom.
"EAT THIS!" Marisa yelled, swinging her broom as suddenly a massive laser came out and destroyed the audience seats as she swung the laser into the soccer ball.
"You're all playing a little too unfairly. Now repent!" Eiki yelled as she summoned a gigantic courtroom as she sat on her seat… before firing lasers everywhere and one gigantic laser right after on the soccer ball.
"Hmhmhmhmhm~" Mima smirked as she landed on a rooftop as a portal opened up behind her. "Combine Master Spark from Marisa, Double Spark from Yuuka and my own Trinity Spark and what do you get~? Hmhmhmhm… TWILIGHT SPAAAARK!" She yelled, snapping her fingers as a massive laser came down onto the city and the soccer field, more than likely punching a hole through the planet.
End BGM
Confessional - Reimu
"…Wait, what do you mean that's not normal? What do you mean soccer isn't meant to be played like that?!"
End Confessional
"Well, the good news is…" Church walked onto the ring with Donut. "At least none of us are dumb enough to try out that sport they do in South Korea… at least, I think it's a sport."
"What's the sport?" Little Mac asked.
"Squid Game."
"Ooooh, they started doing that too, only they Mario-ified it." Donut said.
"Oh son of a BITCH." Church groaned. "Alright, how did they "Mario-ify" it?"
Squid Game
"Red Light!"
"Ack!" Futaba yelped, stumbling and waving her arms to catch herself.
"Movement detected!"
"Oh crap…" Futaba whimpered as a Blooper came flying down. "…Huh?" She wondered as the Blooper sprayed ink on her. "AAAAAAACK!"
Confessional - Futaba
"Mmmph…" Futaba grumbled as she was wiping down her glasses. "You know how hard it is to get Blooper ink off of you, let alone your glasses or your hair? It's not fun!"
"…Consider yourself lucky."
Futaba turned her head to see Jaune completely covered in ink from head to toe. "Dude! What happened to you?"
"At least you didn't play tug of war over a giant pool of Blooper ink!"
Confessional - Blooper
"Bloop bloop bloo bloop!" The Blooper laughed and then held up a sign. "We regret nothing!"
End confessional
"Now here's something that everyone can agree on!" Church said.
Football
"Ah yes, football. The game where everyone gets too riled up on." Falcon chuckled. "This sport's insane considering the large fanbase it has."
"Yeah, so whatever you do. Go ahead and root for your favorite team… and hope they don't go up against someone like Tom freakin' Brady." Church said.
Confessional - Sarge
"Heheheh, Tom Brady. That right there is a good sport! A true American hero! A patriot! That's someone who I'd vote for president. Keep on truckin, you beautiful soldier! The Patriots were stupid to lose you but the Buccaneers made the right call!"
"Uh… Sarge?" Simmons spoke up. "It says here that Tom Brady retired!"
"WHAT! Lousy good for nothin'…"
"You can always root for Josh Allen."
"Who?"
"He's a really good quarterback for the Buffalo Bills, sir."
"I see… and what color are the Bills?"
"Blue."
"He's already dead to me. Any red teams out there?"
"There's the Kansas City Chiefs-"
"Then I'm sidin' with the Chiefs from here on out! Who's the quarterback?"
"Someone named Patrick Mahomes."
"Then that's who I'll root for! He sounds like a true American! I'm rooting for the Chiefs! Surely they're a strong team!"
"…They recently lost to the Bengals."
"They what?! DAG NABBIT MAHOMES, YOU'RE MAKING RED TEAM LOOK BAD! …Still, he's a better red than Grif."
"You learned about him five seconds ago!"
"And he's still a better red than Grif! Those dirty blues probably run the Bengals… rrrrgh…"
"Why not just root for Aaron Rodgers from the Greenbay Packers?"
"If he's not red, then I don't care!"
End Confessional
"Football fans tend to get really excited… it's complete insanity!" Church said.
"Go Bills." Doc quietly said, fist bumping Little Mac.
"Anyway, we could mention all the sports here but we'll be here all day." Falcon said. "So, for our last topic-"
Dodgeball
"Dodgeball!" Falcon smirked. "The rules of this game are simple. You pick up the ball, try not to get hit smack a guy in the face and get him out of there! Of course, getting hit anywhere else will do as well."
"I heard they Mario-ified it recently." Donut said.
"They did? Okay, what did they do?" Church asked.
Donut shuddered. "You don't want to know…"
Power Ups lined up on the center of the court, ranging from the humble Fire Flower to the Super Bell as team Mario, consisting of Mario, Gloria, Yang and Winter went up against Team Tifa consisting of Tifa, Aerith, Coco and Velvet.
Confessional - Mario
"The rules for our version of dodgeball is simple. You pick up any power up you so desire and you get to throw your own projectiles. You can get hit up to three times and by the third hit, the power up disappears and you're out. We even have a whole list of what the Power Ups do for dodgeball!"
Super Mushroom - Makes you throw bigger balls - Medium weight
Mega Mushroom - Makes you throw gigantic balls - Heavier weight
Mini Mushroom - Makes you throw smaller balls - Lighter weight
Fire Flower - Throw fireballs. The fireballs get bigger as each fireball is thrown.
Ice Flower - Throw iceballs. The iceballs get bigger as each iceball is thrown, not to mention the groud freezes.
Super Acorn - Fly up and throw acorns on the ground. Trees sprout up shortly after.
Propeller Mushroom - Fire tornadoes into the court.
Boomerang Flower - Balls turn into boomerangs and they will come back when thrown. Watch your back!
Rock Mushroom - Balls turn into boulders. They tend to make earthquakes to stun the nearest opponent.
Penguin Suit - Like the Ice Flower, but gain momentum on the ice.
Bee Mushroom - Throw honey on the ground to slow your opponents down.
Boo Mushroom - Send a Boo to steal your opponent's ball.
Cloud Flower - Make clouds to form shields to protect yourself. Make platforms and throw cloud projectiles to hit your opponent.
Super Leaf/Tanooki Suit - Gain a raccoon tail and return the ball to sender!
Cape Feather - Same as Super Leaf/Tanooki Suit but can fly!
Frog Suit - Better jumps, throw water at the ground to make opponents slip.
Hammer Bros Suit - Throw hammers at your opponents!
Super Bell - Throw yarn balls at your opponent. When the yarn hits the opponent, the yarn wraps around them and holds them in place. The yarn goes away when the opponent is hit.
Double Cherry - Double the amount of ammo that you currently have.
Super Hammer - Build a miniature fort and throw your balls from there!
"Heheh… it gets pretty chaotic!" Mario grinned.
End Confessional
"HRAH!" Tifa yelled, throwing a Mini Mushroom influenced dodgeball at Yang, but she dodged as she threw cloud projectiles at her, but Tifa would roll out of the way right when the dodgeball rebounded off of a tree and smacked Yang in the back of the head.
"Ooof!" Yang grunted as her power up disappeared. "Huh?! …Aww."
"Yang is eliminated! Team Tifa wins!"
"And that's how you do it!" Tifa smiled.
"Team Italy! Team Italy! Team Italy!" The crowd chanted.
Confessional - Tifa
"I'll be honest… I'm not exactly sure why people are affiliating me with Italy of all places. I never understood it. Is it because I hang with the Mario Bros at times? Was it the time I had a craving for Italian food that one day? Was it because I accidentally said "Mama mia" next to Aerith a few days ago? It's confusing…"
"Do you wanna know the reason?" The Lakitu cameraman asked.
"Sure."
"…I'm sure you don't wanna know."
"Oh come on, I'm a big girl. I can take it." Tifa smiled as Lakitu handed her his phone.
"Let's just say you were at the Italian Senate…"
"Oh? Ooooh!" She pounded her fist into her palm. "Maybe someone spotted me when I was over there or-" She looked at the phone, her eyes slowly widening in fear. "Or… ooooor… oooooooor…" Her voice trembled.
"You okay?"
"What… what… WHAT THE FU-"
We're experiencing some technical difficulties, please stand by
"So anyway, there's a lot of sports out there. Make sure you know which one is right for you!" Little Mac said.
"If you don't like it, then find a different one." Doc said.
"Remember to hydrate!" Falcon added.
"And for god's sake, be a good sport if you lose… and don't be a sore winner either. It's undignified… geez!" Church said.
"Pretty much! Anyway, this is Donut."
"This is Church… and these are the numbskulls who hijacked our PSA."
"Hey!"
"And we'll see you guys next time."
Ibuki: How ironic. You're not a sports guy and yet, you wanted to cover this... especially that football segment!
Eh, when your mom is a massive Chiefs fan and dad is a Bills fan, it was only a matter of time before you cave in and look at the scores, and watch a little bit of football. Anyway, I don't care who plays at the Superbowl, i'm rooting for my number one team... same as I did all the years before.
Ibuki: And that is?
*holds up a flag and a foam finger* Go commercials! Your team rocks!
Ibuki: *sweatdrops*