Ibuki: Disclaimer! The author does not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners!
"Greetings. I'm Agent Washington."
"And I'm Doc!"
"Today, we're going to be-"
Suddenly, an alarm started blaring. "WARNING! HURRICANE CHROM IS ABOUT TO MAKE LANDFALL! EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!"
"…The Mushroom Kingdom gets hurricanes?" Doc wondered.
"Oh, that's a load of bull. We're nowhere near the ocean!"
"Doesn't matter! We gotta move!" Doc said as he started pushing Washington away. "Go go go go go go!"
"What the- how are you pushing me?! Stop! Stooooooop!"
Once they were off screen…
"Hehehe, worked like a charm~!" Elise walked in.
"I dunno… I feel kinda dirty." Sakura awkwardly rubbed her shoulder.
"Nonsense!" Elise smiled and turned to the camera. "Helloooo, I'm Elise from the hit game Fire Emblem Fates!"
"And… I'm Sakura from the same game."
"Today, we're gonna be discussing something very important." Elise grinned. "You know him! He's lovable! He's ridiculously strong… iiiiit's Chrom!"
BGM: Carl Orff - O Fortuna (Carmina Burana)
PSA: Beware of Chrom! (And Lucina)
"…Is this song necessary?" Sakura asked.
"I dunno, I thought it was fitting." Elise shrugged with a giggle.
End BGM
BGM: Conquest (Fire Emblem Awakening)
"Aaaanywho, let's get down to the basics of this PSA. So we all know Chrom is a nice calm dude… buuuut there's one problem. He doesn't even know his own strength! So here's what you gotta do… if you ever find yourself sparring against Chrom, here's a few basic tips. Tip #1: Run. RUN as fast as you can! You don't stand a chance! Tip #2: If Chrom corners you and you have nowhere else to go, just pick a god and pray because… you're out of luck. Tip #3: If you somehow survive against him but have been thrown through a wall… just play dead! He'll ignore you right after. Tip #4: If you think you're safe… you're not. His daughter's equally strong and… let's be honest, Lucina doesn't know her own strength either."
Sakura sweatdropped. "Aren't you overexaggerating?"
"Sakura, your brother has the same voice as Chrom and he's ridiculously strong too."
Confessional - Ryoma
"I still don't see it. That said, Chrom makes an excellent sparring partner. You should ask Xander, we brought the house down!"
Confessional - Xander
Xander dusted off some rubble from his shoulder. "That's the last time I watch those two spar inside of a building. They cut down too many support beams and those two were still at it by the time I got myself out. That said, sparring outside should be safer."
Confessional - Severa
Severa had her arms folded, having a few branches through her disheveled hair which was also decorated with leaves. Her eye was also twitching. "No. Those two sparring outside is NOT a safe alternative. I'm still picking leaves out of my hair!"
End Confessional
"Fair point… but Camilla is strong too." Sakura said.
"Yeah, but she's not as strong as those two!"
Confessional - Beruka
"Lady Camilla is indeed strong, but she holds back. That said, if she feels like cutting loose… may the gods have mercy on your soul."
Confessional - Camilla
"Hmhmhmhm, I do like to give my enemies a chance… but threaten my darling family and you will realize I hold back for a reason."
End Confessional
"Anyway, Chrom and Lucina. They don't know how to hold back… true, Lucina is more… reserved than Chrom buuuut a few training dummies will tell you that she does tend to go overboard." Elise said.
"Hrah!" Lucina slashed at the Sandbag. "Rah! Yah! Hah! RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" She yelled, slashing down at the Sandbag… and it split in half. "…Oops."
Confessional - Lucina
"I get it from father, I swear! I'm nowhere like this when I'm training with Weiss! If anything, father got it from my great great great great great great-"
Several "greats" later…
"-Great great great grandfather. If anything, it just runs in the family!"
Confessional - Marth
"I'm not strong… physically, at least. Seriously, I'm a limp noodle compared to my friends. Roy, Ike, my descendant… seriously, I'm not strong at all. Now mentally, that's another story. Just ask my wife."
Confessional - Caeda
"Is he selling himself short again?" Caeda turned her head. "Honey! I told you that you're strong on both accounts! Just because they nerfed you a little after the Melee tournament doesn't mean you're weak! You're still strong!" She turned back to the camera. "He's humble."
End Confessional
"If you think I'm overexaggerating, then you should've seen him in sports. Roll the footage!" Elise exclaimed.
Pause BGM
BGM: Can Can (Start at 0:40) (Offenbach)
Baseball
Chrom stood at the pitcher's mound, where Wario was up at bat and Captain Toad was behind him, ready to catch the ball. "Here it comes!" He threw the ball at Wario. Wario readied himself and swung the bat, but the bat shattered upon impact and when it went into Captain Toad's glove, he was sent flying.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Captain Toad yelped.
"Wha?!" Wario exclaimed in surprise.
"Whoops…" Chrom rubbed his head.
"Out! …I think?" Lakitu rubbed his head.
"I'm okay!" Captain Toad called out.
Football
"Ten! Forty two! Twelve! Hut hut, hike!" A Chargin' Chuck took the ball and threw it to another Chargin' Chuck as he started running, only for Chrom to tackle him.
"AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He yelped, flying into the bleachers while Chrom held the ball.
"Thank you!"
Basketball
Mario quickly weaved around Waluigi who was trying to steal the ball. "Chrom!" Mario threw the ball to Chrom, he caught it and then jumped into the air for a slam dunk. The moment the ball went through the rim, the whole hoop detached from the ceiling and came crashing down into the ground.
"My bad!"
"And you say I'm wild!" Daisy spoke up.
Dodgeball
"WAAAAAAAAAH!" Ruby yelled, getting hit by a dodgeball and crashed through a wall, leaving a Ruby-shaped hole in the wall. "I'm okay!"
Pit, meanwhile, stared at the hole in the wall and turned to Chrom fearfully. He raised his hands in the air. "I surrender!"
"There's no surrendering in dodgeball!" Chrom said as he threw the ball at Pit.
"…Meep…"
Soccer
"Alright, here we go!" Chrom exclaimed, launching high into the air with the Strikers ball as he pulled out his sword and slashed down, sending twelve balls hurtling toward the goal at the speed of sound.
"…Mother." The Kremling whimpered as the balls slammed into the goal, which also destroyed the goal.
"Hey, is it possible to throw in the towel early in the game?" A Hammer Bro asked.
Boxing
"Round one! Fight!" A referee ordered as Chrom and Zavok squared up as the latter threw a jab, but Chrom would block and delivered a strong jab in response… which sent Zavok flying out of the ring.
"AAAAAAAAAARGH!"
"Hey, good fight!" Chrom called out.
"Winner, Chrom!"
Golf
"FOOOOORE!" Chrom yelled, swinging the golf club… but it would shatter the golf ball as pieces were sent flying everywhere.
"My word!" King Bob-omb sweatdropped as a piece of the golf ball managed to land in the hole.
"Sweet, hole in one!"
End BGM
Confessional - Chiaki
"Soooo, I decided to head back to Hades to hang out with Zaggy and Cerberus… and Chrom wanted to tag along so I was like "Sure, you can come along!"." Chiaki sheepishly scratched her cheek. "In hindsight… that was probably not the best idea…"
Earlier…
"RAAAAH!" Chrom yelled, slashing through Skelly.
"Argh, ya got me!" Skelly exclaimed as he disappeared.
"Is he okay?" Chrom asked.
"Don't worry, he'll come back any second now." Zagreus said as a few seconds past. "…Aaaaany second now."
"Oh dear." Chiaki sweatdropped.
A few minutes earlier…
"You sure he's coming back?" Chrom asked as Skelly still didn't show up.
"…Blood and darkness, you actually killed him."
"So! What's this I hear about you having father troubles?" Chrom spoke up as the three of them walked off, and then Skelly popped back up.
"I'm back, boyo! …Hey, where'd everyone go?"
Back in the confessional…
"…On the bright side, at least it made the bosses a cakewalk, especially Hades!" Chiaki smiled cheerfully.
Confessional - Hades (Hades)
"Blood and darkness, where does the boy find these people? It's aggravating… first the girl, and now the boy who felled me with two attacks. Mmph…"
Confessional - Roy (FE)
"…Remind me why Chrom is my echo fighter? I know I'm strong but I'm nowhere near as strong compared to him."
Confessional - Cinder
"This is the guy who I have to thank for me becoming the full Fall Maiden? I'd hug him, but… I kinda like my spine." Cinder shuddered.
Confessional - Terra
"I thought for sure he'd make a great arm wrestling partner." Terra would raise his arm cast up. "Tell that to my dislocated shoulder."
Confessional - Frederick
"With all this power, I thought it'd make a great opportunity to boost everyone's morale. So, I did the only thing I knew how."
Earlier…
LttP Zelda hummed as she walked around and then noticed a poster. "Hmm? Oh, a poster of Chro-" Her eyes widened as her face went full red. "O-Oh! Oh my…" She said, fanning herself.
"My my, I never knew he was that naughty~" Bayonetta said.
"Hey guys, what are you looking-"
"NOPE!" Riku grabbed Sora from behind, covering his eyes and pushing him away.
"Wah!"
"Daaaaaamn~" Mythra could only say. "Rrrrow!"
"Oh my…" Pyra whispered.
Captain Falcon stared at the picture and then looked at his own abs. "Still not as great as mine…" He said and walked off, then Chrom walked by.
"Hey, what's going-" He saw the picture and blushed a deep red. "FREDERICK!"
Back in the confessional…
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." Frederick mumbled.
Confessional - Reflet
"W-Well… I can't certainly say he's small…" She said, blushing like crazy.
"To me, he is!"
"You're the Fell Dragon… of course everything is small to you!"
"EXACTLY!"
Confessional - Robin
"I'm glad I stopped Frederick from sharing that at Beacon Academy. We don't need more problems!"
End Confessional
"So, with that in mind… be wary around Chrom! He's strong, he's dangerous, he's handsome-"
"Handsome?" Sakura said in surprise.
"Have you seen his hair?"
Sakura blushed. "I… I guess."
"Exactly! Anyway, keep these tips in mind to avoid getting yourself killed by Chrom. He's a cheerful guy but he doesn't know his own strength. And furthermore-"
"Ahem."
Elise flinched and turned her head to Chrom who had his arms folded. "O-oh! Hi Chrom~!"
"Good grief, are you spouting nonsense again?" Chrom turned to the camera. "Look, I know I'm strong but I think they're just exaggerating. Besides, not my fault the training dummies are fragile."
"You destroyed a generator and indirectly had Amber die, which gave Cinder the full Maiden powers."
Chrom shrugged. "Hey, it happens! Anyway, let's go." He grabbed Elise by the arm and pulled her away.
"Aaaaah! This has been Elise! Take caaaaaaaaaaaare!"
"I knew we should've had Lissa do this…" Sakura asked.
"Are you kidding?" A voice asked as the camera pointed to Lissa. "I would've made the exact same points as Elise!"
"Ooooh…" Sakura groaned. "Elise, wait up!" She said and ran after the duo.
Lissa looked at the camera. "Yeah, what they said. My brother may be friendly but don't let his appearance fool you because he will seriously mess you-"
"LISSA!" Chrom yelled nearby, causing her to flinch.
"Come on, bro… you know it's true. Sheesh!" Lissa walked off with a roll of her eyes.
Thanks Yoshi for the idea!
Ibuki: Ibuki has seen things... *blushing*
...You saw that poster, didn't you?
Ibuki: ...Maybe.