Chapter 52.

By the time Anael came into the kitchen, Dean had almost finished breakfast. He wanted to ask the reason for the delay, but she might see that as unreasonable and she certainly had no obligation to be where he wanted her at any given time. Besides, she walked into the room in such a way that any complaints about having to wait for her faded away. Maybe she had waited just to ensure she made a good entrance and that entrance was great to watch.

"Hey," he said, "The kid has waffles."

"What kid?" she said.

"He means me." said Sam.

"You're what? Four years younger than him?"

"That's right," said Sam, "And definitely not a kid anymore."

"You'll always be a kid to me." said Dean, "Get some food for Anael."

"I don't want any." she said, "I wanted to talk to you, alone. If that's okay?"

"Of course." he said, "Where?"

"On top of the bunker's quiet." she said, "As long as Cas isn't there."

"He and Jules went to Sioux Falls early this morning." Said Sam.

"Okay," said Dean, "Let's go." She seemed to have something bothering her and he wondered how he had screwed up when he wasn't even in the room, unless it was the humanity thing and his refusal to accept it. On the walk up to the top of the bunker, he tried to decide what he could say and whether he should try to save a relationship that was probably doomed to fail anyway.

He was going to try. He had to. After two nights together, three if you included the motel, he already found the idea of sleeping alone almost unbearable.

When they were under the trees above the bunker, she turned to face him and said, "Don't be angry."

"I'll try." he said, "What have you done or what are you about to do?"

"I got curious." she said, sending a chill down his spine.

"Cats and angels." he said, "It never ends well for either."

"What about cats?" she said.

"Nothing, not important. You got curious and ... "

"I need to ask you something and I want you to be honest, because if it's a problem, there's still time to fix it, but once I'm human, this body is me and I'm it, forever."

"I don't have a clue what we're talking about." he said.

She drew a deep breath as if preparing for a fight and then said, "Am I the wrong ethnicity for you?"

"Yes, you're an angel," he said, "But it's okay, we can work around that."

"I mean in human terms." she said, "Like I said, I was curious. I looked under your bed. I'm sorry if that crosses a line."

"It does, a little. There's nothing you couldn't have asked me, before resorting to searching my room."

"I wasn't searching it, just taking a look around, trying to get to know you better. I found some magazines. There was a theme. If you'd prefer me to be Asian, there's still time for me to look for a different vessel."

"Right, well, first, no!" he said, "Everything about the way you look is perfect. If I have a type, you're it, a sarcastic redhead with legs that won't quit."

"But, the magazines ... " she said.

"Yeah, I'm getting to that." Dean was struggling a little. He hated having to justify or explain his tastes in porn and it was a lot easier with people who had their own. "It's kinda hard to explain," he said, "Especially to someone who never went through puberty."

"What does that have to do with it?" she said, taking it as a criticism.

"Boys are weird and confused and horny as Hell and they get their information about sex where they can find it. My Dad was in the army. Spent a lot of time in Asia, came home with some interesting magazines, which he held onto. First fully naked lady I saw was Asian. First few, actually. It's not a fetish, it's just ... I don't know, nostalgia? Maybe a way to feel I'm like Dad." He realised how messed up that sounded and stopped talking.

"Makes sense." she said, "He was your template for manhood, as you're mine for humanity, so you naturally liked what he liked and acted like he acted until you found out who you were."

Dean was shocked. He had expected to have a much harder time getting her to understand. Instead, she seemed to understand it better than he did. She could certainly put it into words better than he could and she chose words that didn't make him feel like some kind of pervert or weirdo.

"It's not a fetish." he said again, "It's just like enjoying the touch of satin or finding a song that puts you in the mood. And it's not that I prefer them to you. They're just pretty pictures and you're real and warm and ... " he'd been about to say human and then he wondered whether saying it would be a good idea after all.

"And ... ?" she said.

"And Anael." he said, "There's so much more to you than an enigmatic smile and a staple through your navel."

"I can do an enigmatic smile." she said.

He laughed. "If you get any more enigmatic, I'll need one of Charlie's code-breakers to interact with you." he said, "Trust me, you don't need to change a thing to keep me interested."

He thought about it all, watching the sunlight play on her hair, remembering the non-physical connection they had shared for the past two nights. Some women didn't like porn or felt threatened or objectified by it. Sometimes, in a relationship, it was necessary to make concessions and he was aware that so far, everything had been on his terms.

"If you want me to ditch the magazines, I will." he said, "Just say the word and it's sayonara to the whole collection."

"There's no need for that." she said, "I just wanted to know that I'm not ugly to you."

"Ugly?" he said, "Have you seen a mirror?"

"Yes, but to angels, all humans are beautiful."

"Well, not to me. Most of them are unattractive at best, but you? You're hot and sexy and stunning and none of the women in any of those magazines could ever come close. But still, you want them gone, they're gone."

"They're a part of your life, a reminder of your father, something that gives you pleasure. I don't want you to give them up, but that you were willing to, that feels good."

"How you feel is important to me." he said.

She looked out across the landscape, pensive and quiet. After a while she said, "In that case, could I ask you a favour?"

"What?" he asked, unwilling to give any angel a yes, without knowing what was being asked.

"You're pretty sure this will end and I can't be sure that you're wrong and if it does end, no hard feelings. We tried."

He hated hearing her talk that way and knowing that he had made her feel she had to. "Anael ..." he said, but he didn't know what else he could say. He didn't risk saying anything more.

"All I ask is that, when you decide you don't want to try anymore, you tell me. Don't let me find out by seeing you picking up some girl in a bar."

"You think I'd do that?" he said, hurt at the suggestion. "I'm not the best boyfriend material, but when I'm with someone, I'm faithful." he said, "I would never go looking for someone else while I'm with you."

"I wasn't sure you saw us as being together." she said.

"Yeah, well, I do and I won't be seeing anyone else whether you're around to see it or not. I don't do that, ever."

"Thanks. Good to know." she said, "I won't either, see other people, I mean."

"I mean, when you drive an Impala, you don't even notice the Plymouths of the world."

She looked at his lips as if encountering a previously unknown butterfly. "I have no idea what you just said," she said, "But you looked beautiful saying it. Sorry, men don't like being called beautiful, you said."

"Right now, I like anything you say." he said.