A/N: I believe I've answered why Ino still has screen time in this fanfic. There was some real hostility there for a bit (not nearly as much as Ebisu but enough). The loyalty to our hero is admirable but I've never intentionally set him up as a pushover. A true shinobi doesn't get angry, they just get even.
I've decided to break up this final stretch of the Chunin Exam Festival into multiple chapters to make it easier to digest (I was coming up on 40K and needed to break it up into smaller bits). By the by, I should probably address some comments and questions from some of my more regular reviewers (thanks for being my constant sounding board as it helps the tippy-typing more than you know).
Dancingrage: From you, I will consider that the highest praise. I know the storyline has annoyed you for some time now. (I told you he had stuff going on behind the curtain).
PraetorXyn: Senseless violence without a story to guide it is a waste of good ink. I shall endeavor to entertain the mob.
TigrezzTail: There is a bit of a story behind Naruto's history with Kumo and it's going to come to a head here very soon.
fanficreader71, 777torn777, biginferno, and Thor94: Time to bring all the conflict to a boiling point. I present for your amusement, the Chunin Exam Festival in all its gaudiness.
joshua_dot_canning88: Thank you for the kind words and welcome to my small corner of the fanfiction interwebs. You would be shocked, based on your thoughts, how many people out there think I'm the worst thing to happen to fanfiction.
Remember - he's the Prankster King from Hell and that makes him really good at being sneaky and underhanded.
Poor Ebisu, on the other hand, has been really good at proving that you don't need to be uber powered to be hated. He gets more hate mail than the IRS. You know you have crafted a good villain when people actively canvas for their horribly painful death.
That reminds me... I wonder if Plums is even reading this story still?
Anyway, not sure what got into me this week but here's the latest chapter for your entertainment. Not being allowed to go to work every day has been really good for cleaning up previous chapters and pushing out new content.
Enjoy as you will.
~Siva'a-tasi
~III~
Chapter 42: There Will Be Blood
~III~
~ Previously on No More ~
"How soon can they be sealed, Kaa-san?"
Keina singled out the three male Halfkin ordering them to take up sentry positions outside leaving Naruto as the only male in the home. While Guardians maintained higher levels of self-control, the Umihebi were territorial by nature and Halfkin inherited those traits - some stronger than others - and she didn't want to push the issue any more than she already was with the females angrily staring down the mostly naked women kneeling on the floor. Even with Kira-chan's recent addition to the Guardian pool, her fiery nature very quickly revealed an overprotective tendency towards "her Walker" and her soft growls from the left side of his chair were clearly voicing her disproving inclination towards the unwanted competition.
Soyo-chan's narrowed eyebrows and aggressive posture from his right, the position she occupied when Keina herself wasn't there, mirrored her sister Guardian's sentiment.
Keina didn't want to risk one of the males imprinting on a female prisoner she was planning to mark for their Walker. It presented too many opportunities for betrayal and misery. Just, no.
There was a subtle sigh when the three males left without hesitation.
Oddly enough, Karin opted to stay and observe rather than follow the energetic Raiton Halfkin she'd been building a friendly relationship with, a budding romance Keina had to preempt with the large male knowing her plans for a true Uzumaki grandbaby and the young woman's role as Titus' future partner. Despite him being sealed to her Sochi, they would need to be careful and the larger male agreed to delay any sort of attachment until the first true Uzu heir could be created. Karin would hate it, of course, even after having given consent to the restoration plan but the clan came first.
She'd just have to make sure it was only one child since there wouldn't be another once the two sunk their mutual claws into each other. The Halfkin's protective nature towards a potential mate, whether he was sterile or not, would not allow it.
Such a waste.
Keina shook it off knowing that this was going to be an ongoing issue as she worked to rebuild her clan through her adopted son. Any other mother would be repulsed by her plans but she didn't care. The elemental nations had destroyed her family and, gods-be-damned, she hadn't just "gotten over it." Come hell or high water, the Uzumaki people weren't going to die out because old men feared what they couldn't understand. If it meant her Sochi was going to be hip-deep in guts for the next ten years, even if she had to pitch in and lend a uterus, then so be it.
Hopefully, it would never come to that.
Now she just needed to convince him that it was a necessary evil for the good of the clan...
"Nisshoku-chan, Haku-chan, help me prepare them." Keina's gaze swept over to the two guarding her Sochi. "You two are to keep him safe. We'll handle this."
She didn't need to wait for their acknowledgment to know they were ready. Keina almost lamented the fact that the three female Halfkin couldn't give her grandbabies; all physical indications showed all three would gladly impale themselves on that sword taking one, or several, for the team as it were. It was almost unfair that their feelings were partially skewed... because... of...
Her mind snapped to the nervous faces of the four wenches Danzō sent to kidnap her beloved Sochi and she knew exactly how she was going to ensure their loyalty, her mind making the mental changes to the Uzumaki Seal of Loyalty needed to mirror the attitude tinting derivatives of a Guardian's binding.
It would skirt both the very edge of emotional biochemical manipulation and social morality, something Naruto would decry and condemn if he knew about it, but she had little choice with him being the last heir, the last Walker, and the last sane Uzumaki male. His blood was needed to activate the loyalty seal meaning they would not be able to directly or indirectly cause him harm; the seal itself would lock up their motor and chakra functions during any such attempt thereby making them safe enough to lie next to him. This was a normal function of the seal and acceptable when dealing with conquests and war prizes. It was her additions that skirted legality.
Her modifications would stimulate their body's normal production of dopamine but those would need delicate neurochemical release arrays triggered only by recognition ciphers keyed to Naruto. Since she wouldn't have time to generate encoding balanced to each female's physiology, she'd need to default to tiny doses; dopamine was called the "feel-good drug" for a reason and too many cases were tied to incidents of crippling addiction for a reason. She'd also need to simulate those triggers on his proximity, a tough but not impossible task for Uzu's last Fūin grandmaster.
Seals didn't have eyes. They could be trigger by proximity, something Uzushio did all the time with barrier arrays so she wasn't overly concerned by chakra detection seals, and possibly a blood recognition algorithm or two. The trick was establishing the proximal bridge to mirror visual detection so that the girls subconsciously associated their spike of "feel-good hormones" with his immediate presence.
They would need to be directional and range-limited. Yes, no more than ten meters with a weak sensor cipher so that other chakra sources or obstructions didn't falsely trigger a chemical release.
While these women being addicted to her son would be good for their loyalty, crippling addiction can and often did lead to disharmony, jealousy, aggression, and betrayal, things that could unravel everything she was trying to carefully build for their clan. For her Sochi.
So, minute doses would be needed with no more than three or four triggered pulses per day. While women normally thought about sex less than men, and considerably less than the average horndog teenager, it did cross a healthy woman's mind - on average - several dozen times a day. For active kunoichi (barring Anko-chan), that number could double or triple so she didn't need many biochemical prompts to nudge them towards her Sochi. She just needed a few extras focused specifically on him.
Evil? Maybe. Sneaky? Hello! Ninja here!
She'd need to modify a sensor seal tied to their natural dopamine and serotonin production moderating, or even temporarily nullifying completely, the seal's chemical production if their bodies began to generate dopamine on its own. She was more concerned with keeping their serotonin output in that "desired mellow range" since too little led to obsessive behavior and too much could blunt sexual attraction. She would have to take great care not to overly constrict their serotonin pathways through and around the dopamine carriers in the frontal cortex...
She was beginning to understand what Mito-baa-chan was talking about when she said that a true seals master was a jack of many trades before they mastered their one true calling. She lamented never getting the chance to study under the woman but was thankful now for the forced medical training she had to take under her brother Saito before anyone would let her anywhere near medical seals.
Serotonin production would be the tricky part since the vast majority of it wasn't manufactured in the brain but in the gut. Specifically, the majority of it was found in enterochromaffin cells in the tissue surrounding the gastrointestinal tract while some traveled through the brain stem, the latter area becoming the target of her modified seals. Civilians produced manageable amounts ranging from one to three-hundred nanograms per milliliter. A healthy shinobi could make up to ten times that amount supporting their much higher-developed bodies but she didn't have time to accurately monitor their normal state.
She growled softly making the now prone redhead flinch thinking she was the source of frustration. With a calming palm to the girl's shoulder, Keina generated a diagnostic glow in her other hand and placed it on the girl's stomach so she could establish a baseline. She'd need to do it for each female and slowly adjust the cipher coding over time. It wouldn't be to far from the truth if she hid her motives behind wanting to make sure their new seals were functioning properly requiring periodic checkups over a month or two since these were "technically" prototypical matrices. She could adjust the seals while observing their reactions all the while making minor adjustments to the support lattice, which made it seem less like the risky scientific experimentation it actually was.
Keina shook her mind free with a gentle shake of her crimson mane trying to prevent overthinking what she needed to do. Too much reflection and she might back out. In the end, her Sochi's safety came first and what she needed was simple, in her mind.
She needed them just horny enough to not be distracted from their normal duties but inclined enough to jump him if the opportunity, and permission, were presented.
A brief warning about possible depression flickered in the back of her mind but she brushed it away. Could she balance the depression with triggered endorphin or oxytocin releases? She mentally shrugged it off as well knowing she could modify the seal after her Sochi added his blood to the loyalty matrix she was mentally cobbling together on-the-fly; she just needed a stable core array tied to his blood and chakra and the rest could be added with new injection bridges without affecting the tether.
Rolling up her sleeves with clear conviction, she began directing her two helpers in the re-removal of the barely covering garments protecting the modesty of each woman's upper body as she unsealed her most prized Fuuin tools. Even as the first algorithmic symbols started flowing onto their pale chests centered around the small spiral right above their hearts, Keina knew these women would eventually become his second strongest supporters alongside the three female Halfkins trying to resist the urge to "mark their territory."
Now if she could just keep the purple-headed one from moaning like a streetwalker every time something mildly uncomfortable happened to her.
~III~
"Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men."
– Miyamoto Musashi.
~III~
Naruto was awake and had been awake for some time before the sun's first rays crept into the heavily curtained edges of his bedroom. Physically, he was fine. He might say that he was content even and, for someone not used to physical contact, it didn't require much to get used to being pressed in on all sides by the warm flesh of the fairer gender.
Glancing about to the three Guardians valiantly protecting his sleeping body with their mostly-naked flesh, he honestly couldn't imagine sleeping alone anymore. Haku rose an hour ago gently kissing his lips before sneaking out to begin breakfast vacating her cherished spot directly atop him thereby allowing a half-conscious Soyo-chan to crawl across the bed on her hands and knees to assume her predecessor's freshly abandoned place of honor. As it was, he was having a hard enough time trying to keep control of his raging erection after Soyo-chan spent way more time than was strictly necessary "getting comfortable" as she stretched out on top of his prone form.
No one needs to grind her hips that much just to get settled.
Perhaps it was for the best that he'd be giving up missions to become Uzu's Daimyo? With how soft they were trying to make him, Naruto knew he'd be a mess out in the field. The addition of the former Root agents he'd dubbed the Siren Squad would be a boon for their burgeoning economy as they could take missions to help rebuild first the clan and then the nation.
He'd need to pick up his personal training though; the Akatsuki would eventually come for him and he couldn't depend on other people to fight for him. That was just foolishness waiting to happen.
As his eyebrows knotted in annoyance at Pein's little wine club hidden underneath Ame's capital, Soyo-chan's hips rolled forward distracting him just enough to miss the mild sense of warmth at the base of his Falna blessing.
He was too busy trying to conceal both his moan and the pleasant shudder wracking his entire body to notice associating the pleasant warmth of one with another type of rush.
Once she settled (again) he tried to distract his hormones from the overwhelming desire to merge with the almost albino beauty sprawled across his front in just a pair of panties... or the midnight purplette pressing her moderate chest against his left bicep... or the fiery redhead smashing her slightly larger chest against his right arm.
Naruto shook his head and started recycling old sealing and medical texts to shift focus hoping that the throbbing between his legs would go away.
Brow knitting up in concern as his mind replayed last night's sealing, his eyes recognized several medically-skewed arrays even though his new mother tried to downplay their use. They weren't mind-control juinjutsu that he could tell and that allayed his concerns a bit. They were medical seals, however, and the characters targeting the frontal, temporal, and occipital lobes were concerning even if the low-level triggers, nanograms really, weren't health or sanity threatening. Such small doses would still be behavioral-affecting and that nagged at the back of his brain.
Their physical reaction, once he bit his thumb and swiped the digit along the seal center resting on their left breasts, was enough to make him feel uncomfortable. Once his blood flowed into the seal center temporarily coloring the array red, the catalyst caused their eyes to dilate, their pulses to quicken, their backs to arch, and their bodies to flush with heat (and in some cases perspire) as their eyes locked with his own. Ōzuoku-chan, the purplette, never broke her gaze on him even before she received the new seal, her behavior only growing more alarming and her reaction more severe once his blood was added to her loyalty array.
He hadn't intimately been with a woman yet during this slide, but he was no stranger to the fairer sex meaning he knew the signs of a woman having an honest-to-Kami orgasm. His blood hitting her seal was supposed to be discomforting at the least, not orgasm-inspiring as Ku-chan's convulsing abdomen and spasming limbs indicated.
Keina, per her obvious confusion, couldn't explain it leaving them at a loss until Akimi, a panting mess now recovered from her own sealing and eyeing Naruto like a bear to wrestle to the ground, explained that the purplette was a masochist.
Both Uzumaki "oohed" in understanding.
They were even more shocked to hear that she was chosen specifically because of her sexual proclivities and proficiency with medical jutsu, both skills and fetishes that more accurately matched the real Yūgao Uzuki. Everything else they knew about the loyal ANBU agent, like Ōzuoku's skill with the blade (although not a natural affinity for the doppelganger) and talent as a sensor, were earned through harsh training.
Her uncanny similarity in appearance came through unlicensed use of the [Shadow Mirror Body Changing Method], a technique passed on from their agents in Oni no Kuni, and liberal surgeries to promote and enhance improvements on the arguably willing kunoichi. Apparently, Akimi was the only female not subjected to the non-reversible technique given that Danzō did not have access to a clear enough example of Naruto's mother so her naturally brown hair was altered medically into a healthy auburn color to help tint his perception of her favorably in the orphanage.
The old bastard was ruthlessly thorough if nothing else.
Danzō did not make fans through his legacy of duplicity and corruption even at the expense of children. It truly was a shame that he was already dead as the Komodo Squad wanted to dig him up just kill him all over again (it was a good thing Konoha cremated him).
According to the purplette, she was allowed to keep her sultry voice (as it was found more alluring than her role model's), her natural eye color, and her curvier figure.
It was a mess with no clear path of escape, and he was saddled with reintegrating them into his clan without causing more damage than was already done to the poor women. He was having a hell of a time as a result trying not to mess up his own life without-.
A fresh rush of cortisol and adrenaline, the body's "Fight or Flight" drugs, nearly made him bolt out from under his Guardian blanket, her thighs clenching as his hips bucked in fear. 'Dear Kami! How am I going to explain all this to Ino?!'
~III~
Ino's eyes popped open at that moment, her mind searching about for the cause of her sudden urge to pummel the true love of her life. Perhaps the Uchiha would give her a reason today to vent her sudden rash of frustration?
~III~
At that exact moment, Sasuke Uchiha paused in his pre-morning-workout workout to spin about with his chokuto gripped firmly in both hands. He could not explain the sudden shiver of fear running down his spine or the equally sudden desire to avoid all personal female contact for the rest of the day.
~III~
~ In Konoha's Bustling Market District ~
"But I don't understand, Tou-san!"
Ayame's voice was pained and, although it hurt him inside, Teuchi didn't want to turn her against her mother's clan. His hatred may run deep versus the treacherous island of women but that didn't mean he'd poison her kind heart as his had been. Once again, he chided himself for letting his precious daughter see this side of his personality in a moment of weakened anger.
Shrugging off her pleas for an explanation, he set the last of his supplies into place, the first three pots of broth resting comfortably atop the portable heating elements. As his eyes critically evaluated his inventory for the day, one hand gently patted his old scroll pouch strapped to his right thigh holding his sealed resupply. With any luck, they'd sell out early and go home to a boring meal of steamed vegetables with lean fish and chicken.
'Never get high off your own supply,' he chuckled silently. Too bad his good mood couldn't last.
"You haven't told her."
'Damnit!' Teuchi turned to look over his left shoulder to the young Nadeshiko woman and her towering attendant and his face immediately soured. Massive breasts or not, each man had their limits and "Boob-gantaun" was quickly reaching his with her angry attitude. Still, shrink her down half a meter and she could almost pass for...
He shook his mind free with a grimace both Nadeshikan women mistook for his answer. It didn't matter since what she asked wasn't really in the form of a question. Besides, Ayame's confusion over his dislike for the inhabitants of that island nation was written all over her pretty face and, if he had his way, it would stay there.
"Why haven't you?" Shizuka continued.
"My pain is mine to bear. I won't prevent her from being with her mother's people if that's what she wants."
Ayame blinked in shock and confusion. More interesting was the fact that she wasn't alone in her confusion by the surprised looks on the faces of their visitors.
"She has a right to know what happened," the heiress countered.
"She does and I'm sure your fellow harpies have her mother's history documented in some archival dungeon. She needn't hear it tainted by my dislike of it all." And with that, Teuchi turned to begin preparing his implements for the day.
Ayame, in all her frustration, could only turn to the two females standing before their temporary stand, the sound of knives being sharpened taking on an ominous air.
Again, it was Tokiwa that took pity on her.
"Your father was... is... one of the best field support shinobi I've ever met." Teuchi's snort of derision in the background earned a brief chuckle from the female giant. "It was during the Third War when Nadeshiko came to the defense of Konoha that he met your mother, Chizue."
Teuchi's clanking of metal grew very still in the background.
"The Nadeshiko are harsh in their strict manner of living and outsiders can view it as unnecessarily brutal." Here the larger woman turned a soft gaze on her protégé. "Chizue didn't care… but my best friend was fearless like that. She fell hard for the handsome field chef providing for the men and women of the war and the two fell in love.
"It would be many months before their secret love would be discovered and by then it would be too late as Chizue would be with child. While necessarily cruel," she pointedly ignored Teuchi's angrier snort in the background, "Nadeshiko would never stoop to punishing a child for the crimes of their parents, unlike other villages."
Both Ichiraku's winced.
"The conflict came to an end, we returned to our island nation, and Chizue gave birth to a beautiful Nadeshiko girl." Tokiwa's large hand gently stroked Ayame's cheek. "Your father was allowed to return for the birth. He was allowed to stay with his family for the week it took for Chizue to name you and regain her strength." She paused here as her large hand fell away from the smaller woman to rest atop her rather enormous bosom where her heart would be.
"Then he was forced to watch as she ceremonially took her life for violation of Nadeshiko's governing laws on procreation."
By now Ayame's tears were silently free-flowing as Tokiwa wrapped up her unusually gentle storytelling.
"Your father has every reason to hate us as our laws, not enemy action, took your mother away. The fact that he chooses not to corrupt you with his justifiable anger at all that Nadeshiko is and represents is proof that he is a good man, Ayame-chan."
Ayame stood there without comment as the two women hugged her briefly before walking away, her world beginning to slowly crumble all around her as they left. She was finding it hard to breathe or think knowing that these same women wanted to take her... take Naruto-kun away from the village. When her father's hand gripped her shoulder, she spun into his body, her arms clamping around his strong waist as she poured her broken heart into his chest with the rest of her streaming tears.
~III~
"Tou-san! I'm off to team training!" Tenten adjusted the position of her training pack - holding her weapon scrolls - as she yelled back into the not-yet-open Higurashi's, the weapons shop of her adoptive father, Raimei. A gruff, "Hai" was all she needed to know that he'd heard back by the forge.
Before she could step down off the stoop and close the door, her progress came to an abrupt halt as a pair of gloved hands shot out holding a royal blue envelope with an embossed wax seal of gold. Her name was written in beautiful calligraphy on the front.
"What the hell is this?" she spat out in confusion, her eyes taking in the familiar zanbatō draped across the back and shoulders of the second masked female standing behind the bowing one standing before her.
She knew right away who the one carrying the sword worked for and her lips started to break out into a warm smile.
~o00o~
"Our beloved master, the Daimyo of Uzu no Kuni, asks your indulgence and the pleasure of your company in accepting his humble invitation to share a meal at his meager Konoha estate tomorrow evening at six in the afternoon. Dress is formal for the event."
Ino, with both her parents blinking sheepishly - one each over a shoulder, was staring at the unopened invitation in shock, the parents more in the hope that this would win her attention from that worthless brat of a pampered boy child Inoichi knew lived in a lavish apartment in Konoha's upscale Mori Apartments.
"What if I don't wish to share 'the pleasure of my company' with your master?" Ino groused, much to her parent's embarrassment, her eyes taking in the clearly curvy females dressed in similar attire.
Despite the heavily armed one wearing something out of a barbarian horde movie, the one speaking from a bowing posture was wearing a rather newish black and white cloth of a similar style and cut, the white Qipao-style of the top flowing down and along her left thigh partially covering the loose-flowing trousers of sturdy black cloth snugly secured to her shins by strapped sandals reaching just below her knees. The white blouse had wide sleeveless openings large enough to allow the full-length sleeves of the black shirt beneath it to flow freely, the forearms tucked in nicely through soft leather bracers leading into fingerless gloves bearing the Uzu swirl on the backs of her clasped hands now resting between her knees.
None of it was billowy enough to hide the full curves of her body underneath but the auburn color of her wavy hair flowing from underneath her white cowl seemed...familiar? It was unfortunate that her black half-mask hid most of her oval-shaped face.
~o00o~
"Our master would regret the loss of your company but wishes to convey that attending is always a matter of choice. Your decision will always be respected."
"You're damned right it will!"
Akimi tried not to flinch at the open hostility in the purple-haired woman's voice, her demeanor so unlike Ōzuoku-chan. She understood Naruto-sama's familial affection for the woman. After all, she'd been a part of his life almost as long as Akimi had been but still...
Just as the annoyed Snake Summoner was eyeing her over, Akimi had been subtly doing the same from her bowed position just to the side of the kunoichi's favorite table at the Dango Stop. While less than feminine in demeanor, the slouching kunoichi packed a powerful punch that would help the growing clan. Additionally, she carried an overly developed feminine figure that seemed to fit a pattern for her new lord even if this one did as little as possible to cover it.
Did they look so slutty in their acolyte outfits? She couldn't prevent the raging blush that claimed her masked cheeks nor the flush of warmth flooding her core, suddenly very happy for the cover her garments provided. Their fairly light strips of cloth bared more skin than Anko-san revealed to the entire village but only Naruto-sama was allowed to see them so-.
"Can I bring my girls to this shindig?" The brash woman's question cut off her increasingly decadent line of thinking, her eyes flicking briefly to the three other women sharing her booth. Just like every other patron already gawking in the extended open-air cafe, Kurenai Yuhi, Hana Inuzuka, and an oddly familiar Yūgao Uzuki were all anxiously awaiting her response in hopes that they'd be allowed to join in the night's festivities.
"Our apologies but this is by invitation only. The invitation has additional information intended for your eyes only to go along with the very private matter he wishes to discuss with you in the privacy of his home."
Anko scoffed. Loudly.
"I'll bet he does." Though cool on the outside, Anko's heart was fluttering wildly in her nearly-exposed chest. She was getting another chance and, friends coming with or not, she had no intention of blowing it.
Her eyes took in the exquisitely scented envelope resting near her all-but-forgotten plate of dango…
~o00o~
"M'Lady will not be attending some event without proper-!"
Shizuka's raised palm cut her off gently knowing where her attendant's argument was headed. "It's okay, Tokiwa. After all, we know who the Uzu Daimyo is, don't we?" Despite her Lady's calm, almost purring tone, the larger woman was still uncomfortable with the idea.
"I'm sure the Lord will adequately provide for my safety for the night's entirety."
The auburn-haired woman's bow dipped once again. "Without question, Lady Shizuka."
"Please inform your master that I will happily attend and look forward to the pleasure of his company." Her emerald eyes glittered like the gems of their namesake as they glided over the rich blue card edged in a crimson border and inked in liquid gold script, the kanji immaculate in form and elegance.
Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, Godaime Daimyo of Uzu no Kuni
Royal Heir to the House of Uzumaki and the House of Senju
Heir to the Namikaze Clan
Invites you to to an evening of wine and leisure in his humble residence.
- Uzumaki Estates, Konohagakure no Sato
~III~
~ Formal Dining Hall and Dance Floor, The Grand Oak ~
~III~
The chatter surrounding the invitations didn't die off after the hooded delivery girls departed Anko's favorite hangout, much to the dismay of her best girls. Any hints of what lay inside Anko kept oddly to herself as did three other kunoichis of note wandering about the hidden village. Anko, against every nerve and instinct in her tingling body demanding that she tear open the expensive feeling (and spicy-smelling) envelope, held out until she was holed up in her apartment after a steaming shower, holding a fresh batch of her best tea, and snuggled up in her most comfy pair of sweatpants.
Her happy squeal would later summon Gai from across town to her unwilling rescue.
Once law and order were properly restored (and Anko's door was replaced with a reinforced metal one), everyone began prepping for the night's festivities since most of the Chunin and Tokubetsu Jounin had been drafted for crowd control during the Genin dinner party at the Grand Oak.
Anko's eyes lit up from her vantage point in VIP - all of the Genin had been spread out among the ground floor in the normal seating area, the dance floor already filling up with little cliques segregated by village affiliation.
"You gonna share what was in that envelope?"
Anko shrugged off her best-best girl and raked her eyes past the gorgeous scarlet-eyed brunette to catch a familiar patch of bright blond hair stroll in next to the Yamanaka and Nara heirs.
"Come on, Anko! You can't keep us strung out like this after all we've been through!"
The purplette chuckled. "You mean like you did with us over your not-so-secret fling with Asuma?" Kurenai blanched a bit. "How long before you two make the official announcement again?"
Kurenai's downturned pout said it all. "Uh-huh, thought so."
Anko lifted a hand to her earpiece and pushed chakra into it. "Eyes up and on the Ame brats by the punch table." One of them was unsealing a flask of some sort. The two women paused their conversation long enough to hear a confirming report.
"One of 'em snuck in something to spike the punch." There was an audible sniff over the comms link. "I think it's bourbon."
Anko immediately keyed in. "Confiscate that and bring it to me. I'll need to, ah... send it to the lab. Yeah, that's it." Turning away to see where Naruto went let her catch Kurenai's incredulous glare. "What, Nai-chan? It's standard procedure." She glanced away to find her future boy-toy, er, target... settling into his arranged seating.
"Besides... I have a high enough tolerance to poison it shouldn't matter." She shrugged unconcernedly.
"Uh-huh," Kurenai groused, "but don't think that little diversion gets you out of this, girly."
Anko rolled her eyes.
"She spill yet?" Hana's voice seemed hopeful only to be crushed by Kurenai's negative shake of the head.
"Oh, get off it! He's a real-life prince! Even a woman as boyish as you has to be impressed with that fairy tale," the female dog-nin chirped.
Anko snorted right before her eyes caught something around the tables that made her eyes narrow with disgust. "Heads up, gang. Possible conflict at table nineteen."
All three women turned their attention to the duck-shaped head of a sour-faced Uchiha making its unerring way to Team Ten's location.
~o00o~
"I don't see your girl here, Shika." The grumbling pineapple on Ino's left was a solemn bookend to her non-speaking blond to her right.
"She's not part of the exams this cycle, Ino. We've covered this troublesome woman." His annoyed grimace swept momentarily from the other tables to properly bless her with his displeasure. "Besides, she's not my girl," he mumbled.
"Uh-huh, whatever you say, Lazy Bones." Her eyes dimmed a bit as she glanced down to the dance floor, her foot tapping happily to the Dj's music selection.
All of the Genin had been "encouraged" to relax their dress for the evening but, as far as Team Ten could tell, that meant either leaving their weapons locked up in hotel rooms or, more than likely, sealed away on their person. She giggled as the same white-haired boy with shark-like teeth was shoved away from yet another group of dancing kunoichi. Her nose wrinkled up briefly at his questionable fashion sense trying to figure out where he hid or could hide any weapons of note in a sleeveless tee-shirt the color of guava fruit. 'Maybe his bad fashion sense was the weapon?'
"Looks like your knight-in-shining emo-ness approaches."
Shikamaru's jab at the Uchiha snapped her head around in time to see him standing at the empty half of their six-seat table, half of which sat unoccupied while they waited for Team Eight to join them.
He grunted out her name more like a command. "Ino."
Unfortunately, his tone of voice earned him the immediate ire of her teammates as both males turned angry glares on him, glares the spoiled Uchiha smugly ignored. Despite Ino's raised eyebrow, she began to rise and follow him, her motion halted by Shika's hand on her own.
"We value our teammate Uchiha. Hurt her and Ino gutting you like a dead cat will be the least of your worries."
Sasuke spent two seconds meeting Shika's glare followed by a dismissive grunt as he turned to walk away without so much as an acknowledgment.
"He's not worth your time, Ino," the Nara heir urged.
"I've told you before, Nara. I'm a big girl so you can butt-out of my business now." She broke free and followed after the supposed object of her long-term academy affections, her eyes briefly catching the crushed expression on Sakura's face as she passed by their table on the far side of the dining area.
"Good riddance I say."
Both boys turned from trying to set the emo wonder's hair alight with their eyes to the smiling face of Tenten Higurashi now comfortably ensconced in Ino's abandoned seat.
"So," she began casually, "what're we havin' boys?" Her face-splitting grin made Shikamaru groan up until her palm slapped against his mouth and casually shoved him out of his chair with a thud.
~o00o~
"I despise that boy."
Anko turned to look between herself and Kurenai right into the warm brown eyes of Yūgao Uzuki. "Looky, looky! Gang-bang's all here!" She laughed off the prudish frowns of her best gal friends even as she tittered happily at her own cleverness.
"You drew the short stick?" Anko queried earning a heavy sigh and confirming nod from the beautiful woman most accused incorrectly of being her sister.
"I'm his trail for the night. Something about being a flight risk." Without taking her eyes from the dark-haired boy trying to pull the Yamanaka heiress into his arms for a slow dance, she dog-piled onto the Anko conversation. "She spill it yet?"
"GAH! Not you to!" Anko's hands clasped with a thud over her left breast as her face twisted up in the mock pain of betrayal. Immediately after her gasp of suffering, all conversations came to a halt with the heavy slap reverberating up from the dance floor.
"Saw that coming." Yūgao's almost lazy comment drew her friends' faces back to her. "Well, I'd better go break this up and explain to the Uchiha why it's a bad idea to treat a kunoichi like a sex toy."
~o00o~
~ Two Minutes Before the Slap Heard 'Round Konoha ~
Ino tried very hard not to flinch once she placed her back to the band and noticed Tenten Higurashi plopping down into her still-warm table seat. 'Would she jump in my grave that quickly?'
So, that complimented her already bad mood following the Uchiha's grabby attempt to isolate her on the dance floor and much too far away to do anything about the feminine usurper. Nothing for it but to grit her teeth and push through as she gracefully slid out of his reach.
'I know that he loves me. I am a strong and confident kunoichi.'
'I know that he loves me. I am a strong and confident kunoichi.'
'I know-.'
"Hey! Are you listening to me?" He sounded perturbed. Good.
Ino's cheeks pinked as her descent into the rabbit hole was abruptly halted by the sound of her current mission. 'Kami, he'd better appreciate this!'
"Sorry, I was distracted by something that got delivered to the house earlier." 'Better to obfuscate and push this to a confrontation early.' She wanted to be full-on quits with the emo bandit despite the current timetable. 'Maybe Naruto-kun will forgive me?' She could only hope.
At least here he couldn't drop trowel as he did outside her house the other night following Naruto's unexpected yet highly appreciated visit expecting him to "prove her worth" by servicing the "mighty Uchiha member," as he called it.
He was so embarrassed by her sudden and unstoppable outburst of laughter, one that continued for several minutes once she saw the tiny little object nestled in that absurdly puffy bush, that he'd simply hauled up his boy shorts and stormed off amidst the blossoming attention of her neighbor's bedroom lights.
Even now she had to lift her arms up to strategically block her mouth covering up the blushing snicker trying to fight its way out of her throat, her distraction working as her heavy breasts lifted drawing his gaze down to them like a flashing neon sign allowing her to fight off a vindictive snicker. He was definitely not bigger than Naruto.
"Oh, I understand." The prick hadn't even bothered to raise his eyes from her tight blouse. She could tell by the oddly distracted look on his face that he didn't understand nor did he care. 'So much for making him jealous enough to do something stupid.'
"Like I was saying, I've noticed that you're developing into a fine kunoichi." His eyes raked shamelessly over her gently bouncing chest and swaying hips despite the heavy wraps at both ends. "With some polish and a little soap to wash off the Dobe's stench, you'll make a fine second or third wife to help me rebuild my clan."
It took a lot of self-control not to frown at his casual insult to her Naruto-kun even as the back of her mind registered being okay with Konoha's archaic CRA bylaws.
'Oh, well... apparently I won't need to goad him into acts of stupidity.' If he noticed her dangerously narrowed brows at all it didn't show in his body language.
He said it with such matter-of-factness that she had to blink in order to give her mind time to process his actual words. She knew for a fact that the Uchiha CRA hadn't been announced yet, its consideration highly contingent upon his upcoming performance in the Finals. This meant that he either assumed it was some inviolate fact of life that he was going to win promotion or someone on the Council was in his dingy little pocket.
A good look at his smug face told her that it was probably the latter and that her daughter probably had obnoxiously pink hair.
"That's why I'm going to grant you another opportunity despite your rude behavior Friday night."
'Oh, you're still talking? And since when is flashing a woman your micro-peen not considered rude? It's assault, you prick!'
She tried to ignore his rambling and focus on their poor attempt at couple's dancing. Kami, how she missed grinding up against Naruto as they owned the entire dance floor regardless of whether it was Latin, ballroom, or club. If she showed it to him, he'd master it by the next song break and they would get truly creative from thereon. It was a liberating experience to be alive in the music with someone that could appreciate it as well as she could.
The Uchiha was clearly not that kind of person – he wasn't even two-stepping in time with the now thundering downbeat. Here one of her favorite songs was thumping out an insane bass beat through her very sensitive body and this modern freak of human nature hadn't shifted from his side-to-side shuffle since they'd set up camp on the half-filled dance floor. Even novice Genin had better control of their bodies than that.
For a just brief moment, she wondered if an impromptu dance-off would have made a better first phase to the Chunin Exams. Individual songs? Duets maybe? Anything would be a better train of thought than her current conversation.
Her mind continued to pull apart her unhappiness, her eyes casually flitting across the dancefloor taking in the other gyrating bodies, right up until her non-dancing dance partner stepped forward, slapped his left hand on to her healthy posterior, and squeezed hard enough that the discomfort made her wince shocking her out of her stunned reaction.
She stood there, both feet no longer keeping time to her favorite song until the arms that had been static up near her pretty face slowly, gently went into motion.
The left one touched his smirking cheek tenderly, an act that made his insufferable smirk broaden, as her fingers slipped up to gently thread through his raven locks. It was as his mouth was opening to admonish her about "messing up his do" (she knew how much he hated people touching his greasy hair) and his unoccupied hand gave chase that her left knee shot up into his groin producing a pained WHOOMPF from the Sharingan heir's lungs, her fingers simultaneously clenching into his disgusting rat's nest of a head.
When her foot planted onto the dance floor, her left hand twisted his neck around to present a clean shot of his left cheek just in time for her chakra-powered, open-handed [Bitch-Slap no Jutsu] to send him fully to the floor in a crumpled heap.
The music in the club stopped with that familiar SCRIITCH sound of a record needle being lifted from its spinning surface, all of the chatter coming to an immediate halt in time to hear her rabid threat of castration should the arrogant bastard ever try to treat her like one of his soiled doves since a real woman was clearly beyond his infantile skills to obtain without the help of money.
Sasuke Uchiha could only grunt in pain as he lay balled up into a fetal position on the floor as the angry woman stormed off without a backwards glance.
~III~
Guren was trying not to think beyond her immediate task. Laid out before her on the tatami mats of that weaselly prick's apartment were a half-dozen sealing scrolls meant to hold everything from medical notes to actual shinobi gear, most of the lethal stuff hers.
She'd been spending the last three hours scouring the apartment for hidden caches of things cursing the four-eyed bastard that ordered her to do so before he stepped out to perform whatever final task he needed to do. Unfortunately, he'd neglected to tell her where they were all located and, when she'd asked if there were any hard to find nooks, Kabuto snidely responded that a "good girlfriend would know where to look if she'd been half paying attention."
She was on what was what would arguably be her ninth pass of the place swearing as she went knowing that it would all be over the day after tomorrow. The day after tomorrow…
Her liberation was at hand.
"Guren-chan!"
She hissed at the sound of his sicky-sweet voice, her hands unconsciously grasping the front of her yukata protectively.
"In the bathroom," she yelled back.
"Are we done packing?" His voice sounded almost pleasant. To the untrained ear he would sound like the perfect, loving boyfriend or husband.
His voice made her want to kick his nuts up past his tonsils and into his mouth.
"Hmmm," she paused listening to him appraise her work. "Looks like you've done a great job, Guren-chan. Let's seal all this up and get ready for bed."
She cursed through clenched teeth as she replaced the lid to the toilet bowl tank then washed her hands in the hottest water she could stand.
"Also, Guren-chan I-."
His voice went silent and a deep shiver shot down her spine.
"Kabuto?"
She didn't really care about him, per se, but anything that silenced him so abruptly had to be serious. His mouth was genetically predisposed to smartass comments even under pressure so this could mean only one of two things. Either Konoha finally figured out what they were up to or a bigger threat was in the apartment with them and the only thing Kabuto feared was his boss.
'Kami, I hope it's the tree huggers!'
She didn't call out again. Slipping soundlessly from the bathroom she half-slid-slash-glided her bare feet across the floor displacing her weight as evenly as possible to reduce the possibility of squeaking the wooden floors of the apartment's hallway. Rather than draw a kunai and risk the metal vibrating, she very slowly encased her body Kesshō no Yoroi, extending the micro-layer of crystal armor along the knife edges of her hands to form sharp-edged blades. The apartment was dark enough she hoped whoever snuck in wouldn't be able to see her armor until it was too late.
What greeted her once she rounded the final corner leading into the living room was a veritable wall of pressure that stole her breath away driving her down to her knees.
"Kukukuku, I certainly hope those weren't meant for me, Guren-chan."
'K-Kami!' "F-F-For… F-Forgive… L-Lord…"
The evil snake bastard hissed out another laugh and the pressure miraculously vanished. "I will assume that you were simply worried for the safety of your… partner?" It almost sounded like he was unsure, but she knew better than to believe that he would ever be indecisive. Just like she knew that the casual exposing of his back to her was an invitation for the slimy bastard to kill her if she struck out at him.
Despite the burning hatred in her heart, she forced the crystal blades at the ends of her hands to disintegrate into glittery pieces of crystal dust as she fought to suck in enough air to slow down her pounding heart.
"Tch. A pity…" Losing interest almost immediately, Orochimaru focused on his still-kneeling second. "Tell me, Kabuto, are we still on track?"
With a nervous push to his glasses, Kabuto began his final report to his master and Guren gnashed her teeth knowing he'd take his frustrations out on her afterward. She hated him all the more for it.
The first day of single matches couldn't come fast enough.
~III~
A/N: We may have broken Aunti Keina. She appears to have gone off the grandbaby making cliff and may be in need of a serious intervention.
[Jutsu Used In this Story]
[B-Rank] Ninpou: Kage Kagami Shinten no Hō (Shadow Mirror Body Changing Method): Before initiating the technique, the user must set up the area with a patterned circle symbol. After performing special hand seals while standing within the prepared area, the technique will activate: ribbons of light extend out from various places on the user's body, covering them completely as they transform the user into what they desire, including any necessary items such as the suitable attire. However, the user's voice does not change.
Unlike a regular transformation, this variant is permanent, with purportedly no way for the user to return to their original form
[D-Rank] Okunote: Meinu Hirateuchi no Jutsu (Secret Skill: Bitch Slap Technique): One of the earliest forms of chakra sheathing taught to kunoichi, this dreaded strike instills fear in even the most foolish of shinobi.
~III~
Seven Easy Steps to Ninja Stardom
by Minato Namikaze
Chapter 6: Find Your Niche (But Don't Get Stuck)
Before you blithely skip past this chapter, "finding your niche" is not the same thing as becoming a one-trick pony. Finding your niche means finding a particular area in shinobi warfare that you're good with and making a name for yourself. If you can do that, other doors will open for you giving you more opportunities to prove your versatility to your comrades and your Hokage.
"Bloom where you're planted" is a very common phrase. If you blossom into a deadly warrior for your village, there will be other opportunities to branch out and grow further. Before you know it, you to can become a mighty branch supporting the Great Tree.
While I can only speak tangentially about the other great villages, Konoha has key areas where you can make a name for yourself once you reach the rank of Chunin.
Heavy Combat is often the most common vortex claiming ninja fresh out of Genin-hood. It provides excellent opportunities for growth under pressure via the "Trial by Fire" method of on-the-job training. It is also the greatest contributor to names on the village's memorial to the fallen. OJT is the least forgiving sensei a shinobi can have but, if you thrive in that sort of environment, you can make a name for yourself rather quickly – both good and bad so try not to crap on your comrades on your way up the trunk of the tree. You just need to be able to balance raw power, brute strength, and skill as you go.
Infiltration and Information (later Infiltration and Assassination once you reach Tokubetsu Rank) has an equally steep learning curve with an equally unforgiving lesson plan; bad spies do not live to become old spies. Cutting your teeth here requires more finesse than raw power, although a little of the latter may help when you need to cut a hasty retreat. A fair amount of knowledge concerning hallucinogens and truth serums is helpful, especially when married with paralyzers and untraceable poisons (for later). Escape & evasion, stealth, locksmithing, land navigation, survival, wirework, acting, disguise & camouflage (no, not the same thing), politics – yes politics – a critical skill to have if you try your hand here? Short on one or more? It probably won't be the end of the world right away, but it quickly will be. This is also the only avenue available if you seek employment with Konoha's Torture & Interrogation Division.
If you don't have perfect chakra control, I'd advise you to bypass the Medical Squadron altogether. Without that level of fine control, you'll never get past basic first aid and you'll spend your entire life manning a desk at Konoha General. No, perfect chakra control is the bare minimum so, if you want this field, you'd better become really familiar with that stupid leaf.
Barrier Division shinobi are the best the Leaf has to offer in Fūinjutsu. If you're one of the few Uzumaki lurking about that probably doesn't mean much to you, however, for the rest of the shinobi world that means a great deal. They are the cornerstone of Konoha's defense and, as a division created by the great Mito Uzumaki, they have been and remain pivotal in Konoha's ironclad defense with two branches or expertise (detection and interception). Without their knowledge we as a nation could not have remained so dominant through three shinobi world wars so, before you dismiss their boring scribbles, consider that fact. If you think you have what it takes, pick up a calligraphy book and practice until your brush skills are immaculate before you apply for entry and, before then, I recommend "Death of A Thousand Strokes: An Introductory Guide to Fūinjutsu," by Mito Uzumaki. You'll thank me for it later.
As a final opportunity, the Communications Division offers more than just the ability to speak to people. Believe it or not, they have their ninja fingers in multiple rice bowls. This division maintains not only the Courier Branch, but the carrier birds trained to deliver everything from emergency missives to delicate Ambassadorial communiques. Of course, what is a good communication system without the ability to encrypt and decrypt critical messages (whether they belong to your village or not) with the Cipher Division and their advanced Game Theory mathematics (an explanation of their ability to navigate patterned intelligence through Systems Theory and Nonlinear Dynamic would take several more pages – it's complicated and that's all you need to know until you join them). As a more esoteric form of communication, they man Konoha's less visible Research and Development Branch using the chakra-powered telecommunications system jointly developed and shared throughout the "Big Five" shinobi villages, among other scientific advantages. They have their hands in a lot of stuff I can't talk about legally without killing you, so I'll just stop here for now.
~III~