Ibuki: Disclaimer! The author does not own any of the material appearing in the story. The OC's belong to their respective owners!
"Hey, I'm Agent Washington from Red vs Blue."
"And I'm Agent Carolina."
"And today we're… uh…" Washington looked at his notes. "Talking about Christmas traditions! How about that…"
"Hmm…"
"What's up?"
"How about we just let each of the Kingdoms do all the talking about their favorite Christmas tradition? I'm not feeling up for it. Instead, I'm feeling like watching a few Christmas movies with my father."
"Yeah, that sounds good. I'll just drink some hot chocolate."
The two of them walked away.
"...Oh… uh… I guess I'll just go around and… ask around." The Lakitu cameraman said, as he turned the camera around to point it at him. "Hopefully I don't get myself KO'd again… or get another camera destroyed. These things are expensive!" He grumbled. "Anywho, let's head off!"
BGM: Gleam Glacier 1 (Super Princess Peach
PSA: Holiday Traditions
"Let's see… where to start… ah!" Lakitu flew over to Peach's Castle, knocking on the door.
"Just a moment~!"
Peach opened up the door. "Oh! Hello Lakitu, this is a surprise."
"Yeah, Carolina and Washington abandoned me so I thought I'd be the host of this PSA for a change. And hopefully not get beaten up like the last few times!"
Peach giggled. "How sweet. So what's the topic?"
"Christmas traditions!"
"Oh, Christmas traditions?" Peach smiled. "Why, it's simple! I typically bake a large Christmas cake and invite my friends over!"
Lakitu sweatdropped. "What's with you and cakes?"
"It's a hobby~" Peach giggled.
"Yeah, fair."
"Of course, I also make other sweets, but they don't come out as good as I hope they do. That's why I specialize in cakes."
"Okay, that makes sense! So that's all you do? Bake a large Christmas cake and call it a day?"
"Well, I also make fruit punch and eggnog."
"Ah, cool. I'll see ya around!" Lakitu waved and then flew off.
"Bye!"
Lakitu turned the camera around. "Christmas cakes and fruit punch. Definitely a low key Christmas party. I'm willing to bet Daisy's more of a party animal. Wonder how she's doing? Let's find out!"
Later, at Sarasaland…
Pause BGM
Lakitu knocked on the door. "Hello? Daisy?"
BGM: Sleigh Ride (The Ronettes)
"Oh, got the Christmas music going. Sweet." He said, pounding on the door. "Hello? Hellooooo!"
"Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring tingle tingling too~"
"Mmm… I wonder…" Lakitu moved toward a window and saw Daisy singing karaoke with Pauline and Toadette. "Oh, karaoke!"
He tapped on the window, catching Daisy's attention.
"Oh, hold that thought!" Daisy said, pausing the song.
End BGM
Daisy opened up the window. "Yo, what's up?"
"Oh, I'm just going around and wondering what your Christmas traditions are for PSA purposes."
"Oh! Well, I typically warm up my vocal chords with Christmas karaoke and then I'll make a trip to Peach's place and have a Christmas Karaoke night!"
"Cool! And Mayor Pauline, how about you?"
"Well, we do a Christmas Eve parade on New Donk City and then have a Mario Kart race. Unfortunately, we had to cancel it because the weather there is atrocious."
"How bad?"
"Oh, let's just say the weather there is… thirty degrees-"
"That doesn't sound that ba-"
"Below zero."
Lakitu grimaced. "Yikes… and Toadette, how about you?"
"Oh, I just came here to sleepover." Toadette grinned.
"Ya know, I was worried that you would do something crazy like spike the punch bowl." Lakitu said.
"Naaaaah. That's usually for Halloween." Daisy smiled.
"Oh, that's good to kno- WHAT?!"
Daisy giggled. "Kidding~!"
"Phew… okay, see ya later." Lakitu flew off, turning the camera to himself. "I don't think she's kidding-"
"Alriiiiight! Now let's go and spike the eggnog and get ourselves DRUNK~!"
Resume Gleam Glacier BGM
Lakitu grimaced. "Luigi, if you're watching this… brace yourself." He said as he flew off to Bowser's Castle.
Confessional - Luigi
"Heh… I know Daisy well enough that I know she'll find a way to spike the eggnog so I secretly switch them out when she's not looking. Last year, I threw them out the window when Daisy went to the bathroom… unfortunately, I missed my mark and they all landed in the moat. Have you ever seen a drunk Cheep Cheep? Believe me, it's quite the spectacle…"
End Confessional
Lakitu reached Bowser's Castle and worked his way around the castle grounds. "Seems like everyone's in the holiday spirit…" He mused as he flew into the throne room where he saw Junior sitting on top of Bowser's lap, who was wearing a Santa costume where his beard covered his snout.
"And I want a PS5 with a few games, and I also want a Yo-Yo because my last one broke, a few upgrades to my Koopa Clown Car… and… a hug from my papa!"
"Ho ho ho! Those are good gifts to ask for for such a naughty little boy like you!" Bowser smiled, patting him on the head.
"Thanks Koopa Claus!" Junior hugged him and ran out of the throne room.
"Well, aren't you a proud father!" Lakitu said. "He still doesn't know that you're Santa?"
"I'm pretty sure he knows but wants to keep up with tradition." Bowser chuckled. "...Wait a second, is that camera recording?"
"Uuuuh… nooooooo…! It's just a toy. Nothing special."
"Good."
"So uh… I was wondering, what's your holiday tradition?"
"Dressing up as Koopa Claus, of course! I may be an evil tyrant, but I have a heart!" Bowser said proudly. "And then I eat all the cookies and milk that Junior leaves out for Koopa Claus. Heheheh."
"Wow, you're definitely a good father."
"I do what I ca-... hey wait a second! Do toy cameras blink red?"
"Noooooo, you're probably just seeing things!"
"Let me look at that camera!" Bowser jumped off his throne.
"Wait wait wait wait! No no no no! I just replaced the last one after that Thanksgiving incident! GET YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM-"
We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by
Confessional - Gloria
"What do I do? Eh… nothin' too special. I typically just hang around at home, drink hot chocolate and stay warm. Although there's the occasional snow ball fight I do with Hop, but other than that… me and my mum are borin'"
"Honey! You want to make gingerbread Pokemon?"
Gloria winked at the camera. "Mostly borin'. Coming~!" Gloria took off.
Confessional - Marnie
"Well, let's see… several years ago, Piers wanted to do something special for my tenth birthday so he decided to whip up some eggnog, make a batch of several glasses full of 'em and together, with me, him and my fanbase, we light firecrackers, put them into the glass and throw them into snowmen where they explode right after."
Marnie giggled. "What, did you think we'd throw them at people? Team Yell may be dumb but they're not villainous! …Although… according to Piers, we're doing something a little different this year."
"Lady Marnie! The dummy is set up!"
"Excellent." Marnie walked over, where said dummy was Ghetsis tied to a pole. She turned to the camera and winked. "Yeah, we captured this idiot. Now we get to have some fun with him!"
"I have one thing to say about this whole thing!" Ghetsis said. "Bah humbug!"
"Yeah yeah, tell it to someone who gives a damn." Marnie lit up a firecracker and dipped it inside the glass of eggnog. "One. Two. Three!" She threw it at Ghetsis.
"OH SHI-"
BOOM!
"Booyah! Exploded in his crotch!" Marnie fist pumped. "Fifty pointer right there!"
End confessional
"Uuuugh… glad I have a spare and managed to get most of the footage." Lakitu grumbled. "Unfortunately Bowser wants that to be classified. Anyway… off to the next area. Hyrule!" He flew off.
Once in Hyrule…
"Let's see… ah!" Lakitu flew over to Zelda. "Princess Zelda!"
"Hmm? Oh hello Lakitu!" Zelda greeted warmly.
"Hello princess! Oh, and hello to you too, Terrako!"
Terrako let out a few boops.
"So, tell me, what exactly do you do for your Christmas tradition?"
"Oh, what do we do for the holidays? Well… I typically read books. Do a few snowball fights with Link, and I always lose because he's got a good throwing arm. Paya comes over with frosted sugar cookies, I make a few snow angels with Mipha, Urbosa, Daruk and Impa… yeah, it's kiiiinda boring."
"Hey, look at the bright side. Sometimes boring is good!"
"Good point!" Zelda smiled. "Oh, would you like some Red Potion Punch? Revali made some. He said it was a surprise this year."
"Oh, I'm sure it's good." He said as he took a swig of it. "Mmm, that's pretty good. Thank you!"
"You're wel-"
THUD!
"Oh dear!" Zelda looked into the camera. "Revali, what was in that Red Potion Punch?"
"A drink that packs a punch if you're not a Rito. It varies between people. If you're Hylian, it has a one percent chance to get you drunk. It makes Gorons a bit loopy, Gerudo get buzzed, Zoras get heavily drunk and… lights out if you're not from this world."
"So it's alcohol?!"
"Non-alcholic for us Rito, yes."
Zelda sweatdropped. "How is that supposed to make me feel better?! I had five of those!"
"Eh, you'll be fine… maybe a bit tipsy."
"Oh for Hylia's-"
We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by
Confessional - Ibuki
"Christmas tradition? Simple! Play Christmas songs, heavy metal style! You definitely won't hear Jingle Bells the same way again~!"
Confessional - Mahiru
"Oh, I just typically go around and take pictures of Christmas decorations in neighborhoods. No big deal!"
Confessional - Chiaki
"Oh, nothing too fancy, I typically just play video games… but I do challenge myself and play wintery ice levels just to fit the mood."
End confessional
"Oi… what happened…?" Lakitu rubbed his head.
"Gave you an antidote. You should be feeling a lot better." Zelda smiled.
"Thanks princess. See you around!" Lakitu flew off into the portal. "Ya know… I could go to the different kingdoms in Remnant, see how they celebrate the holidays." He said as he flew off. "First stop, Mistral!"
At Mistral…
Lakitu knocked at the door of Haven Academy, where Leo answered the door. "Excuse me, sir… I was wondering if-"
"What's with that camera? Are you filming me?! Have you discovered that I sent those kids to slaughter when Salem made a few Grimm for testing grounds and you're making me confess?!"
"Whoa whoa whoooooooa! Slow down, I was wondering what kind of holiday traditions you guys like to do!"
"O-oh… sorry. I get a bit jittery sometimes… forgive me." He said. "Anyway, holiday traditions? Um… we do a gift exchange. That's about it."
"Gift exchanges! Cool! Welp, see you around!" Lakitu flew away while Leo sighed in relief.
"That was a close one."
"...Why do I have this feeling he made that up just so he can be rid of me?" Lakitu rubbed his chin. "...Eh, he's probably had a bad dream! Though that one line was veeeeeeery odd. Meh, whatevs. Off to Vale!"
Once at Vale…
"Holiday traditions?" Ozpin asked. "Why, everyone has a different holiday tradition. It's up to them to decide what they want to do. Caroling, spend time with family, gift exchanges, whatever they feel like doing."
"Uuuuh… okay. Good to know. See ya." Lakitu flew off. "Just let's them choose… that's good to know. Off to Vacuo!"
Vacuo…
"Oh, nothing too crazy." Theodore said. "Sending the kids home early to spend time with their family never hurts! There's also games like spin the bottle, kiss under the mistletoe, dance parties, pin the carrot up Salem's ass, board games and the like."
"That's good to kno-... wait, pin the carrot up WHAT NOW?"
"You heard me!"
"...I am never eating carrots again for as long as I live…" He groaned as Lakitu flew away.
"More for us then!"
"Ooookay… last stop is Atlas! Off we go!"
In Atlas, or more like Atlas's airspace…
"Halt!" A few airships surrounded Lakitu. "You are within Atlas's restricted no fly zone! Turn around now or we will be forced to shoot you down!"
"Wait wait wait! Don't shoot! I was just wondering what Atlas's holiday traditions are!"
"Holiday traditions? Oh, that's easy. Spending time with family, caroling, gift exchanges, the upperclassmen getting richer from scamming Faunus-"
"That last part doesn't sound fun."
"Oh, and my personal favorite. Shooting down people who are violating the airspace! YOU MAY FIRE WHEN READY!"
"What kind of holiday tradition is tha-... WAIT WAIT WAIT, NO! I JUST REPLACE THE CAMERA EARLIER!" Anti-air missiles were shot out toward him. "OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"
Confessional - Esdeath
"Oh, I typically spend the holidays with my father and at the orphanage where I play games with the little kids and-
BOOM!
Esdeath turned around, seeing several explosions behind her. "...What? I didn't order an airstrike…" She pulled out her scroll. "Hey dad, did you order an airstrike?"
"No, not really. But I'm seeing the smoke from my own office."
"Then who would-" Esdeath closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Wait, don't tell me… Cordovin?"
"Cordovin."
Esdeath groaned. "Ugh… what'd she do this tme?"
"Probably had a spat with Calavera again."
"Oh for Oum's…! Those two fight like an old married couple, I swear!"
End Confessional
Peach walked around. "Lakitu? Lakitu, where are you!"
"Waaaaaaaaaaaah!"
THUD!
Peach noticed a Lakitu shaped hole in the ground. "Oh, there you are! You okay?"
"Ugh, no! I got blasted out of the sky by a kooky old lady in Atlas and now all my cameras are busted!"
Peach smiled. "Then I believe you will like my gift for you~" She said.
"A gift for me?" He asked as he opened it up and saw a new camera. "Oh!"
"Yeah, turns out there was some metal left from when they used Pink Gold Peach's remains on a hammer, so I used this for armor on this camera. Now it can't possibly break this time!"
Lakitu smiled. "Oh goodness, I love it!" He said, hugging Peach as he picked the camera up. "I gotta show this to my wife!" He took off flying.
Peach giggled and then looked toward the screen. "Happy holidays, everyone~! May your holiday traditions be extra special this year! Everyone's traditions are different, so be nice if your tradition doesn't match up with others. Take care, everyone~!"
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to those who don't celebrate Christmas! Hope you guys-
Ibuki: Nan-chan? You never told your Christmas tradition.
Oh! Well, let's see... I open up one present on Christmas Eve, typically new pajamas. Watch my favorite Christmas movie on Christmas Eve, which is the Polar Express. Yeah, that's pretty much what I do.
Ibuki: ...By the way, what's with the snowman?
Snowman? *sees a snowman sitting there* That wasn't there befor-... oh, wait... hi Flash.
Flash: Hi guys! *pops out with a comically large squeaky mallet*
Ibuki: What's with the mallet?
Flash: Tinkaton brainrot, like most of the internet.
*snickers* Nice.
Flash: I was gonna bonk something with this thing out of the snowman, but...
Ibuki: Oh! She's got something! *takes off, comes back with Damian* Here, hit him!
Damian: WHAT?!
Flash: And I SMASH YOU WITH A HAMMA! *swings it down to crush him* Thank you~! *walks off*
So what's the number on Damian's death count now?
Ibuki: Yes.
Thought so.