Chapter 71.

Dean was grateful that his untiring lover understood his need to rest between bouts. She was, in fact, very understanding of it. As he recovered his breath, he found himself laughing softly. He felt free and alive in a way he had not for years, maybe decades.

He'd loved the games he played in his youth, the meaningless nights of fun, holding onto whoever would hold him for the night, then a friendly parting, no ties and no regrets, but this was so much better. This meant something.

He looked at her smiling face. She hadn't even broken a sweat throughout their exertions, but her hair was attractively disordered and her eyes shone with excitement. Sex with Anael was proving even better, second time around, but then, this was Anael. Arguing with her felt like sex. Watching her laugh was an erotic experience. Making her laugh felt like a crossbow bolt through a werewolf with his dad watching.

He was quite glad that his dad wasn't watching now. No room for spectators at this wrestling match. The only one watching him was her and he seemed to have her full attention.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he said.

She brushed his cheek with her cool hand. "I'm committing this to memory," she said, "In case you end the relationship tomorrow."

"I don't want this to end." he said.

"I know you don't, now, but I also know nothing is certain. If this is all we can have, I'll treasure it forever." She touched her lips to his, an oddly chaste kiss, given their activities all night. "This is what I wanted for years," she said, "To feel this, to know this."

"I hate to tell you," he said, "But looking like that, you could have had this at any time, with anyone you wanted."

"I didn't want just anyone." she said.

"I'm not the kind of guy women wait for." he said, "More kinda the one they meet in a bar at 2 am, when other guys have let them down."

"You're the one I was waiting for." she said.

"Worth the wait?" he said, trying to sound casual, but far more invested in her answer than he wanted to admit.

She searched his eyes and he suddenly felt a lot more naked. "So much worth the wait." she said, "It's better than I ever thought it would be. Even what Jo taught me about sex never told me it could feel like this and she loved sex."

"It feels so weird when you talk about her and she's not you, but in a way she really is." he said, not sure if his blissed-out mind was allowing him to make much sense.

She frowned for a second and he felt bad for mentioning it. "Do you ever feel that way about Castiel and Jimmy Novak?" she said.

"No," he said, "But I never did to his vessel what I just did to yours."

"I thought we weren't hung up on the vessels thing anymore." she said.

He sat up a little, trying to clear his head enough to undo the damage. "We're not." he said, "I say dumb things around you. I don't mean anything by them."

"Do you want me to stop talking about Jo?" she said, "There was a time when you hated me saying the name."

"The name has associations for me." he said.

"I know. Jo Harvelle."

"Yeah, getting her killed for nothing ... "

"Cas says you didn't."

"Cas wasn't there." he said.

"In general, I trust Dean Winchester's word on everything but Dean Winchester. I'm believing Cas on this one."

"You might wanna ask Jo about that."

At Sam's wedding, she didn't seem angry with you."

"She's very forgiving." he said. Talking about the dark stuff was killing the mood and he knew how angels interpreted a non-answer. He made his mind focus enough to say, "I don't want you to stop talking about Jo. I don't need you to hide anything for me. I swear, I'll adapt. The problem is mine, it's for me to fix it."

"Winchester family motto?" she said, her returning smile suggesting he had said the right thing.

He nodded. "May as well be, I guess. Can't help being a Winchester."

"The definitive Winchester." she said.

"Nah, wrong generation. That would be my dad."

"Half Heaven fell in love with you. John's good, but he's never had that effect."

"I think you miscounted. Most of Heaven wants me dead."

"Only because they can't have you." she said.

He shook his head, smiling. "Agree to disagree?"

"Do you still love people who disagree with you?"

"With depressing frequency." he said.

"There's only one thing I wouldn't give up for you." she said.

It didn't seem to be the time to mention that the one thing was also the only thing he needed her to give up. He kissed her instead, hoping she was as comforted by the kiss as he was in that moment of vulnerability. "I love you." he said at last.

"I love you too." she said and she sounded so sure of it.

He relaxed and sank back onto the bed. It was okay. He still hadn't messed up their relationship. He ran his hand down her arm to reach and hold her hand.

"Thankyou, Dean," she sad, "For today, for tonight. This is perfect."

"For me too." he said, squeezing her hand, "I can't believe this has happened."

She grinned. "I can't believe you let it."

"Well, I couldn't stay stupid forever." he said. He released her hand. "I need to thank you for today too. It's a long time since I had a day this good." He took a long look at her lovely curves and added, "Or a night."

She glanced at the door. "They know this is happening, don't they?"

"Yeah, we made it pretty obvious." he said.

"And you're okay with that?"

"If it didn't seem a little immature, I'd be putting up posters." he said, then he remembered that she might not know he wasn't serious. "Joke." he said, "But I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed that you're with me. It's possible you're overthinking this and I think that's my thing."

"I know, I do overthink," she said, "But it's hard not to. Don't know what could make you hate me again."

"I never hated you." he said. He wondered how many more times he would have to repeat it. "I love you." he insisted.

"But you know what I mean." she said. He did.

"Yes," he said, "And I'm sorry. I don't exactly make you feel secure, do I?"

"I don't know," she said, "At times like this, when you're being so honest and sweet and naked, that's when I feel safest. It's when you back away or pretend or get angry, then I feel ..."

"Yeah, I know, so I need not to do that. I'm trying not to do that. This thing is worth working on, right?"

"Right. And I told you, I'll do anything. I know how hard this is for you."

"Not as hard as getting used to living without you would be." he said.

"Do you mean that?" she said.

"Being honest, remember?" he said. He moved closer to her. "Are you ready for more?"

"Always." she said, "Do you have aby objection to me being on top, this time?"

"Sounds good to me." he said, "And for future reference, I don't think I ever found a position I didn't like."

"Good to know." she said, moving into position.

"Doe it bother you? That they know, I mean?"

She shook her head, her long hair adding emphasis to the gesture. "Not at all," she said, "All my recent decisions have been good."