Chapter 73.

Watching Dean sleep never got old for Anael. His waking features were lovely to look upon, but when he slept, at least when he slept well, the tension left his face and it acquired a look of innocence and trust that touched her heart.

She felt a flutter of anxiety as his eyelids flickered, warning her that he was about to wake up and she tried to prepare herself for whatever his mood might be. The night's adventures had been wonderful, but if he regretted them, she must too and that would be harder than before.

His eyes opened and met hers and he slowly smiled. "Hey, beautiful," he said, touching her cheek as if she were some fragile treasure, "Are you okay?"

He must have seen her worry. She felt she should explain. "I wasn't sure how you'd feel about me, this morning." she said.

He looked sad. Maybe honesty had been the wrong move. After far too long and awkward a silence, he said, "You know last night? That thing we did after we blew the candles out?"

Her body quivered in glorious recollection. "Yes." she said.

"That's how I feel about you."

That was the best answer he could have given. She had been in no doubt of his feelings then. She cupped his face in her hand and kissed him. "I love you too." she said, "We could ... "

He grinned regretfully. "Yeah, we could and I'd love to, but we can't. We should really get up. I need a shower and breakfast and we should see Bobby before he and Cas leave."

"Castiel should be okay about us now." she ventured.

"Yeah, last night, he was very clear that he's on our side now. He always meant well. He's just a little over protective." He ran his hand along her exposed shoulder and down her arm. "One of the hunters' cabins looks pretty good right now, doesn't it? Just me and you and a roaring fire? But we're grown-ups and we have to do grown-up things. We got our chance to be kids yesterday."

"What we did last night was pretty adult." she said.

He laughed softly. It made her smile to hear that sound of contentment from a man who had so often seemed haunted. "You're right," he said, "It was." His fingers continued to stroke her arm. "Are you okay with getting up? Not trying to make decisions for you."

He really wasn't. He must know she would agree to almost anything, just to mae him happy, but he was choosing not to use that power.

"It's fine," she said, "I like it that we can openly be together now."

"I like it that you still want that." he said, "I haven't exactly given you a lot of reasons to be proud of it."

She was starting to recognise that tone in his voice, the moments when he felt bad for not being perfect, wrong for not always being right, afraid for no reason that he was falling short somewhere and that others would notice and reject him. She still wasn't sure how to handle that, although she knew there had to be ways she could help him.

She wished she had human instincts to guide her. She wished she had Sam's gift for saying the words people needed to hear, or Castiel's ability to at least show he understood the problem. "I am proud of you." she said.

That, at least, brought the smile back to his lips. "I'm proud of you, too. Kinda stoked that everyone knows you're with me." He let go of her arm, sat up and got out of bed. Se knew she was staring, but his broadening smile suggested it was fine to stare. "I'm gonna jump in the shower." he said.

"I'd like to join you, but we know how that goes." she said.

"You don't need to shower." He reminded her.

"I like the water on my body." she said.

He looked a little embarrassed, which was rare enough to be appealing. "So do I," he said, "Especially when it runs down over your ..." He grinned apologetically. "Sorry," he said, "I really shouldn't be thinking like that about you."

"Why not?" she said, "Because I'm an angel?"

"I know, it's weird to feel that way after last night. I mean, lust is okay, when we're together, right?"

"Right. And I promise you Castiel feels lust for his Jules."

"Yeah, he does and I told him that was okay. I guess I'm not done with the weird hang-up about you being what you are."

"Do you think you ever will be?" she said,

His eyes seemed to roam over her body. He nodded. "I think so."

"Because I want you to want me." she said.

"Wanting you is not a problem." He stood for a moment, still seemingly admiring the view. "Shower." he said, "Then maybe some breakfast. You want me to make you some French toast?"

"I don't know what that is." she said.

"You'll love it."

"I love everything you do for me." she said.

"Okay," he said, "See you in the kitchen."

When he had gone, she carefully dressed and brushed her hair. She looked in the mirror. He said he saw her, not her vessel, when he looked at her now and that felt significant.

She remembered how angry he had been when she tried to use the name Jo in the bunker, how he had shouted that it was not her name. In need of his protection, as she thought, from the dangerous new God, she had resisted the urge to fight him on that and now she was glad she hadn't. He had whispered her name, not Jo's, in between ardent kisses. He had made love to her, to Anael and only Anael.

When she got to the kitchen, Bobby was in there, eating toast and chugging coffee. She felt a moment's hesitation. She barely knew Bobby and he was, to the Winchesters, as good as blood. She tried to look casual and unafraid as she walked into the room.

Bobby immediately stood up. "Good morning," he said, "Can I get you a coffee?"

"That's very kind of you." she said.

"How do you like it?"

"Strong and sweet." she said.

"Ah, like me." he said. She thought he meant he liked it that way too, then he grinned and said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you." He poured the coffee and gave it to her. "You look a lot better in the morning than the boys do."

She shook her head. "Have you ever seen Dean when he's just woken up?"

His smile was so kind that all fear of the interaction faded away. He wasn't being polite to her for Dean's sake. His friendliness was genuine. "You know," he said, "It's good to know he finally has someone. I know he can be hard work, but believe me, he' worth it."

"I know he is." she said. They sat down together at the table and she sipped her coffee. Se was proud of herself for deciding how she wanted it. Humans had preferences.

"Is he on his way?" said Bobby.

"He went to have a shower." she said, "Then he's making me French toast."

"Well, you know you matter to Dean when he feeds you."

"He feeds me good things, even though he knows I don't need to eat."

"Dean's a good guy." Bobby went on, "Loyal, honest ... well, mostly honest. He only lies about the stuff that hurts."

"Yes." she said.

"I don't know how much you know about his past. I'm guessing you know all the cosmic stuff."

"Yes." she said again.

"That's part of why he is who he is, but a big part is how he grew up. Lost his mom way too young and John was one of the best hunters I ever knew, but he wasn't much good as an emotional support. Sam leant on Dean, Dean had no-one to lean on."

"He had you." she said.

"Yeah, he had me and I was about as much use as John. Anyway, the kid grew up neglected. Some turn needy, he went the other way, tried not to need anyone. That's why he's so good at pushing people away, especially if he starts to feel like he's getting too involved with them."

"You think he'll ditch me?" she said.

"No. He's grown up a lot since I last had a pulse. I think he wants this to work out. I'm just saying, if he sometimes kicks into reverse for no damn reason, don't take it personal. It's not about you. It's all about the deep wounds he pretends not to have."

"I understand." she said.

He looked at her seriously for a while, then he said, "You do, don't you? Maybe he's been opening up to you more than I thought."

"I love it when he does that." she said.

"Yeah, it means a lot." he said.

"We only have one problem, but it's big."

"What is it?" he said.

"He hates angels, but doesn't want me to become human."

"Oh, that."

"I just can't think of a way around it. I know you probably think I should give up on wanting to be human, but I can't."

"No, of course you can't." he said and the warmth and understanding in his voice made her want to cry. "You're not an angel who wants to be human," he said, "You're a human who is temporarily an angel."

"For billions of years." she admitted.

"Sometimes, temporary can last a long time. Ask the Winchesters about that."

"You really see me as human?" she said.

"More and more, the more I get to know you. You know, I've always felt that we all spend our whole lives becoming who we really are and who you are, that's inside you, not on the surface. Dean has some crazy, mixed-up feelings about angels and he has good reasons for that, but he'll come around. You just may need to be a little bit patient and maybe clonk him upside the head a few times. Above all, don't give up on him. Too many people have done that and he pretends he doesn't care, but every time, it bites deep."

"I love him." she said.

He smiled kindly again. "And he clearly loves you. I have a good feeling about you two."

"Thanks, Bobby. That means a lot."

He chuckled. "Love one of my boys and I love you. That's how it works."