Chapter 82.

Dean saw the ladies coming back to the house. Anael was holding a white rose. Sarah made it to the door first and opened it to let Anael through before her. Dean got to his feet, uncertain why he felt the need.

"Sarah gave me a rose." said Anael. She was happy about it. He'd always thought she cared about the label or the price, but a free flower made her happy, as had a cheap baseball cap the day before.

"It's pretty." he said, not sure what else could be said about a rose.

Sarah took it from her. "I'm going to wrap this with a little bit of paper towel, keep it fresh for the journey home."

"Then it needs to go in water." said Anael. Maybe nobody had given her flowers before.

"Yes. I don't know if the boys have any vases, but I'm sure they can find an empty bottle for you." said Sarah.

"We can probably track one down." said Dean, as if there weren't a box of them in the bunker's garage.

As Sarah wet the paper towel and wrapped the rose, Anael sat at the table again. Dean sat with her and put one of the fresh cookies into her hand. "Try this." he said.

She took a bite. He wondered what she tasted. Angelic senses were so different. Whatever the specifics, she clearly enjoyed the experience. "They taste good warm." she said.

"Best time to eat them." said Sarah.

"Sam's hoping I'll take some back to him." he said.

"I baked plenty." said Sarah.

"Can anybody learn to bake?" said Anael.

"Anybody." said Dean, "But not many get as good as Sarah."

Sarah rewarded him with a smile. She put the wrapped rose on the table and turned to Anael. "I could teach you, if that interests you."

"Could you teach me to make pie?" said Anael.

"Because you like pie, right?" he said, suddenly worried that she wanted to bake for him.

"Mainly because you do." she said, confirming his fear.

"Is that a problem?" said Sarah.

It shouldn't be. Didn't he enjoy making breakfast for her? But that was him, not her. He felt a need to please and impress her, to justify her feelings for him.

He regretted saying anything. Both women looked troubled. Worse, he could think of no way to pretend it wasn't a problem or to explain why it was. "Ignore me." he said.

Anael looked helplessly at Sarah, as if only she could fix this. She'd been back in the room mere minutes and already he had said something dumb.

Sarah sat at the table. She fixed him with her clear blue eyes and said, "You look like you're sat outside the principal's office. Do you still not feel safe here?"

"It's not that. Believe me, it's not that." he said.

"Good. We both love you, Dean. You can talk to us."

It's not that I feel I can't. It's more that I'm not good at the whole talking thing."

"You're eloquent when you talk about people you care about." she said.

"Maybe."

"So, take your time and tell us."

He wanted to change the subject and move on, but neither of them seemed likely to go for that. He could withstand torture, but gentle interrogation by two people he loved was more difficult. "It makes no sense." he said.

"Feelings hardly ever do." said Sarah. Then, calmly, kindly, she persisted. "Why does the thought of Anael baking pies for you trouble you?"

"Well, obviously, it's not the pies." he said.

"Is it because I'm an angel?" said Anael.

He was glad that he could at least dismiss that. "No, believe me, it would be the same if you were human." Saying it, he realised that it was as much a surprise to him as to her. It was also true. It wasn't that she was an angel, it was that someone wanted to do something for him. "I am so messed up." he said.

"Nobody finds this easy." said Sarah.

"Truth is, it feels wrong, letting anyone do stuff for me just because they like me."

"Love you." said Sarah.

"And it makes no sense, because I love it when you bake for me. I'm okay when Cas cooks a meal."

"Just okay?" said Sarah.

"Sometimes that feels weird too," he said, "But it makes him happy to do it." He looked at Anael and knew instantly what she was going to say. "I know it makes you happy too," he said, "And that means I need to get over it and be grateful."

"No. If it bothers you, I won't do it." said Anael.

And that should have pleased him, but it didn't. It felt like a loss. He looked at Sarah, wondering if she knew better than he did what was happening. He didn't know what to say or even what to want.

It wasn't going to work. How could he navigate such an exotic relationship when he didn't even understand himself? Maybe, he never had but before, it had never mattered enough to force him to try, but this did, so he tried.

"It bothers me," he said, "But mainly because it doesn't."

"I don't understand." said Anael.

"Don't worry. I'd worry about you if you did. I don't understand either, so I'm just gonna talk until it makes sense to one of us."

"Good idea." said Sarah.

Encouraged by that, he went on, "The thought of it's so good. It's great. The idea of you making stuff for me, just because … Well, I love that, but then I start thinking what that says about me. I don't wanna start expecting anything from you or to have you feeling like you need to do anything for me."

"You do things for me. You helped me get a car. You got me a hat. You made me breakfast." said Anael.

"But you shouldn't feel you have to do anything in return."

"There's a big difference between reciprocal and transactional." said Sarah.

"Yeah, dumb it down." he said, "I never went to college."

"Playing dumb doesn't work with me, remember?" she said.

"Maybe I really am dumb." he said.

"Fine, let's make it really simple. Is this because you don't think you deserve tobe loved by anyone?"

He took a deep breath. "Yeah, that's simple." he said.

"Is it accurate?" said Sarah.

"Is it even worth trying?" he said.

Sarah nodded at Anael and said, "I don't know, is she?"

"She is, but am l? I keep telling her, she can find better."

"That's a rejection."

"Because I care about her. Because I don't want her jumping through hoops for a guy who can't even… " He stopped talking.

"Can't even what?" said Sarah.

"The normal stuff. The couple stuff. The chick flick stuff. I don't want her trying to carry the relationship on her own."

"Then you have two choices and rejection is probably the wrong one."

Rejection was cruel and he hated it, but it was finally and ended the harm he could do. However, he barely gave it a moment's thought. Even if it hadn't been the worst thing he could do to her, he couldn't do it.

"Right or wrong, not an option." he said, "I guess it's time I grew up. I feel weird about it, but that's because I'm weird. I hate how much I need it, but I also needed to cook her breakfast and she ate it, even though she doesn't need to eat." He turned to Anael and said, "I'm bad at this, at all of it, but I can get better. Thanks for your patience."

"You're worth waiting for." she said.

"Teach her everything she wants to learn." he said to Sarah.

"She's a good influence on you." she said.

"You both are and I'm gonna need all the help I can get."