Recap to Chapter 31:
It's the day of Charlie's funeral where the town of Forlks will gather to mourn and remember their fallen Police Chief. Bella has decided that her housing will be with the Cullens for the remainder of winter break before the teens will return to FSA. Bella's a shell of her former self, having only lashed out at her mother when she attempted to take Bella back to Seattle with her. She's only able to find some solace with Edward on her first night with the Cullens, but she's lost without her dad. Once Bella and the Cullens arrive to the church in town, it's clear to see Renee did well in gathering up every towns member to remember her ex-husband. Bella's distant to her friends who only wish to be there for her, but she can't find it in herself to accept their condolences just yet. She sits with Jacob, Billy and a couple other family friends while many townsfolk give speeches as they remember Charlie - be it for his many deeds or just heartwarming stories. Renee plays the role of a grieving ex-wife for Charlie, before finally Bella is called to give her speech. Her speech is filled with heavy emotions while she is struck with flashbacks of her growing up with Charlie. After singing a special song for her dad, she steps down from the stage only to break down before his coffin. Nearly inconsolable, Edward is the only one to get her to calm down long enough to return to her seat. They move the second half of the funeral to the local cemetery where they finally lay Charlie's coffin into the ground and Bella's given his flag. When the town leaves, it's just only Bella and Edward in front of Charlie's grave where the two share their sentiments for one another. Bella knows deep down she'll be able to recover - it just may not before a long while.
A/N: Well it's been awhile since I've updated a story with a new chapter. In part, what's to blame is that life's gotten hectic for me due to work eating up my time, as well as some other hobbies. Another part is that I moved from my previous computer to a brand new one - and had no time to try and back up some chapters I was in the process of working on. So many stories I'm having to start over from scratch on some of their chapters. Sad too since I was about half way through a draft for The Volturi Princess, started up the next chapter for Payback's A Bitch, and a couple other works.
But what also can contribute to it is that I was just hitting another writer's block for some stories - and this story was one of them. To say the least, I hit one turning point in the story while I was trying to think of what to put in a chapter in between the previous one (31) and leading into the following one after this one (aka chapter 33). I know I can't avoid it but essentially this chapter's probably going to be a filler before leading into another turning point-type of chapter for this story. In fact we're going to be heading into some very juicy chapters, one that's gonna at least in my honest opinion, spice up the story even more than where we're at currently.
For now, I have to work on leading into those chapters. So let's see where this new current chapter will take us. Onwards then.
Chapter Thirty-Two
January - A Few Days after the Funeral
~Bella~
"Emmett could you please stop squishing me?"
"Puh-lease Pixie! I'm not squishing you one bit!"
"As if! I'm completely smushed here between you two oafs back here!"
"Children please!" Carlisle barked suddenly, causing me to jump from the passenger seat. I glanced behind me to see that Emmett was scowling at Alice who was stuck in the middle between him and Edward. Alice's cold glare as she looked up at the behemoth was unwavering, not even faltering after her adoptive father had all but yelled for order in the tiny space that was his SUV. Edward meanwhile looked annoyed at the two's bickering and took to glaring out the frosted window with his emerald eyes. We were all dressed for the cold wintery weather - heavy jackets, wool caps and gloves - and thus with all of us tightly compacted in this vehicle, the air felt stuffy. It was only worsened by the two arguing in the back. "You two need to learn to either talk to one another in a civil manner or act as if the other doesn't exist. You are siblings and should also know how to talk to each other like you love each other - especially at your age. You're acting as if you're five years old." Carlisle chastised them in an exasperated tone, shaking his blond haired head. "Besides, you can cease the fighting since you two don't have to endure being so close to one another any longer; we're at the school finally."
"Thank god." Edward grumbled, hastily unbuckling himself to flee from the vehicle.
"Can it, Edward." Alice muttered and I sighed.
"Alice calm down please. We lived through the car ride, yes?" I tried to keep her from further reeming into Edward in at least appeasing her with the fact she's not confided to the back any longer. I would've taken the back seat with them if it meant they wouldn't have to argue but Alice insisted with this seating arrangement. In her eyes having Emmett in the front wouldn't work because she felt he would hinder Carlisle's eyes on the road with his hulking frame. Edward would've worked but then the two of us girls would've been stuck with Emmett in the back, and having her in the front would've been the worst case in her eyes as she was only trying to protect me from her brothers still. So to her, having me sit in the passenger seat was the only viable option.
"True... Alright I'll let it go." Alice conceded, which I could see from the corner of my eye Carlisle visibly sighed with relief and I couldn't help but crack a meek smirk.
It had only been a few days after Charlie's funeral. For those few days I was still floating here and there, unable to fully focus on the here and now when I was still grieving. I did what I could to try and be present for the Cullens when it was needed - taking part in some festivities like cooking meals with Esme who felt it would be a good distraction from everything and put my energy into baking, or I would be spending hours in Alice's room preparing for prom. Well, I didn't do much during that. Mostly it was Alice throwing magazines of dresses and hairstyles that would compliment one another, links to dresses, shoes and other various pieces from online that she wanted me to look at, and prattle on and on about what we could do for prom night. It went in one ear and out the other as much as I tried to be present for it, but I just didn't have the heart. I know in the end I would tell Alice she knew more of what would work better for me look wise, but I don't know if I even had it in me to even really want to show up to the damn night prom is gonna be held. The only thing that could make the night tolerable is if I could spend that night with Edward, but that was a dream never going to happen the way everything's going right now.
Remember the promise you made to each other. You'll be telling everyone the fact you two have been dating this whole time, so maybe you'll be able to get to spend prom night with him. Even if that means the whole school hates us... I thought to myself, sighing as I heaved myself out of the warm car and into the biting air. Edward and Emmett were working with Carlisle in unloading our bags from the trunk while I hurried over to Alice who was standing on the sidewalk. She was shivering and holding her phone in her hand.
"I'm texting my mom we made it to the school fine, and I see Rosalie sent me a text saying she and her brother would be arriving soon." Alice murmured to me, as if expecting that I'd ask her what she was doing on her phone. I nodded briefly; truthfully I figured she would be letting Esme know we made it to the school safe but I also wasn't planning on asking her. I glanced up towards the towering main building of the school grounds, seeing that the rooms were all dark. Much like how it was during Thanksgiving break when we all returned to the school, they gave us an extra day to make it back to the campus and settle in back into the school life. The following day is usually when our classes would start again.
"Ah shit!" I jumped from hearing Emmett's shout just as my luggage fell beside me at my feet. I frowned to see my bags were now scattered in the snow-ladened ground and glanced out of the corner of my eye to see Emmett standing awkwardly beside me. He had far too many bags in his thick arms where likely he lost his grip on some of them - by some of them, it seemed it was mostly my bags. "Uh... sorry." Emmett grumbled gruffly at me, shifting the remaining bags in his arms to try and regain some of his balance.
"You big maroon." Alice growled under her breath and I sighed.
"No. It's fine... I appreciate you getting them for me even as you try to get everyone else's. Accidents happen." I hastily interjected. I highly doubt that he would drop them on purpose, even if he's just been nothing but cruel to me ever since we've met one another. Especially after the latest bout of teasing, we were still at odds or at least I assumed that we were. Emmett's been shut in his room for the most part at the Cullen home, and had been once we returned from the ski trip. I shouldn't put it past him to still pull dirty tricks or say mean things because someone like him wouldn't normally turn over a new leaf like that overnight after having the biggest shouting match with his adoptive brother, but I can plainly see he was carrying too many things at once and simply lost his grip.
I began to gather my bags just as I heard Edward's footsteps crunching through the snow and coming over to lift my bags for me. "Uh... let me help you with that." He murmured to me, his strong hands easily lifting my heavy suitcase. I could feel my cheeks warm in the slightest to a blush through the biting cold air while I let him gather my bags together for me dumbfounded. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Alice's jaw drop at the small act of kindness he was doing for me, while Emmett raised an eyebrow at his brother. "What?" Edward asked indigantly to the two of them, scowling. "Is it not something I'm allowed to do? Just pick up bags?"
"Uh..." the two of them stuttered out and I wanted to burst out into laughter from the absurdity of this scene. I can tell that Edward was slowly starting to test the waters in the boundaries we've had to keep for the facade that we despise one another - in leu of the 'feud' - and I knew that even something as mundane as being courteous and picking up my fallen bags for me would be enough to stir these two up into thinking there was a double meaning behind the act. Merely seeing Edward standing there scowling at the two of them who were staring at him gobsmacked as if he had knelt down and proposed to me, it was utterly hilarious. I think what was icing on the cake was seeing Carlisle standing behind Emmett as he observed the small space that was our group, and looked just as peeved that two of his children were making this to be bigger than it was.
"Thanks." I murmured to him, giving him a small smile. Edward turned his attention back to me once he heard me speak up, and I nodded up to him to further express my gratitude for the help. Edward smirked and nodded back in response.
"Alright, lets get your things back to your dorm room then kids. I'm sure you all would love to be out of this cold so let's get moving." Carlisle ordered, slamming the trunk to his car once he had gotten the last bag out of the car. Emmett had most of his things and some of Alice's belongings and he was already beginning to trek through the snow with the bags. Edward took my heaviest suitcase and his belongings before he followed after Emmett. Carlisle had grabbed the extra bags and caught up to Alice and I where we gathered our bags we had gotten.
"But dad, I was hoping to wait for the Hales to arrive." Alice pouted and I rolled my eyes at the look she had on her face.
"I know you want to dear, but I'm sure the Hales would also understand that you'd want to retreat to somewhere warm and not stand out here freezing to death." Carlisle teased her with his blinding signature Cullen smirk, to which I giggled at her face when she further frowned.
"Your dad has a point Ali. I'm sure Rose would understand." I soothed her and then began to follow after the boys with Carlisle and a sulking Alice taking up the rear. I moved carefully and slowly through the thick snow, entering the school grounds huffing and puffing. I looked around to see that very few returning students were outside at the moment. Most were in clusters of a few students, likely all who were reuniting with their friends and catching up of what all during their Christmas and New Year's breaks. Some were playing in the snow, while a few others were like us - hurrying as quickly as they could to their dorm rooms seeking that glorious warmth from either the heated building or their blanketed beds. I looked ahead to see Emmett and Edward were at least twenty-feet ahead of us trekking through the snow, shouting their 'hi's' to some of their friends. I adjusted one of the bags I was carrying in my arms with a huff and continued to try and wade through the snow.
What would've usually been a short walk from the entrance, around the school and to the back where all the dorms sit, became a long walk thanks to the heft that was the winter snow. We all shambled into the girls dorm first since the boys were carrying a mixture of our belongings and Carlisle had ordered to his two sons that they should help us carrying it up to the Junior level. Edward and Emmett let Alice, Carlisle and I walk ahead of them on the stairs to which we made it up to our level relatively quickly. The three of us entered our dorm room and settled our bags down just as we heard a commotion in the hallway. We rushed out the door only to see that Edward was now sprawled on the floor with his and my bags thrown about in front of him. Behind him, I could hear Emmett groaning.
"What on earth did you two do?" Alice gasped out while Carlisle chuckled. We hurried over as Edward slowly pushed himself up to his feet.
"Emmett tripped behind me going up the stairs because he has too many bags still and that threw off his balance. In the process of tripping, he managed to throw one of the bags and it caught me in the back of my feet which led to me tripping." Edward grumbled, rubbing at his abdomen which likely was sore from his fall. I grabbed my suitcase that he had been carrying while giggling to myself and Edward minutely glared at me but I could tell he wasn't angry at hearing it. While Carlisle and Alice were bent down getting the bags picked up, Edward winked at me to which I reciprocated with one of my own to him.
"If the pixie didn't feel like taking more than half of her wadrobe with her back home and then back to school, every single time we went on break..." came Emmett's grumbling as he appeared from behind Edward, arms full of bags once more. Alice huffed loudly at him to which Carlisle clucked his tongue.
"Remember what I said in the car you two." He chastised the two of them, hoping to quickly silence them and prevent another argument from breaking out. They both muttered under their breaths but thankfully didn't let another argument begin. We finished getting our bags under control in our room, where Alice immediately began unpacking her things. "I'm going to be taking your brothers to their room Alice, so come say goodbye since I'll be heading out afterwards." Carlisle announced to the two of us, Emmett and Edward standing out in the hallway behind him.
Alice and I walked over to him, where Alice gave him one of her signature "bone-crushing pixie hugs". I looked away to give them privacy, if not feeling a minor note of jealous at the sight. Don't think like that, Bella. I know it's fucking sucky that you can't truly have that anymore with dad gone... But there's no need to suddenly be selfish. I tried to scold myself internally when the nasty jealous, intrusive thoughts wanted to suddenly come forward. It's petty and childish for one thinking that it's unfair that Alice gets to hug her father while I can't have the same thing with mine. It's ridiculous more than anything, but there's that small irrational part of my brain just wishing that could be me with my own dad. Once Alice stepped away Carlisle turned to me with an expectant smile. I looked at him confused and my cheeks aflame.
"Come on now Bella, give me a hug too." Carlisle murmured. A small cry lodged itself in my throat and choked me, but I meekly shuffled over to him and gave him a hug. Carlisle squeezed me and I laid my head on his shoulder. "You're as much of a daughter to me as anything, more than you realize. Just remember you can call up Esme or I if you want to talk. Don't forget to rely on the others during this time. They care about you and want to see you get through this smiling." Carlisle whispered in my ear; man if that didn't want to set the waterworks off for me. I could feel my eyes tear up but I shoved down the tears that wanted to escape and nodded my head to his sentiment in acknowledgement. He kissed the side of my head before releasing me. Alice rushed over and wrapped her tiny arm around my waist, glancing up at me with a sad smile. "Alright ladies, have fun unpacking and take it easy for the day! I'll let you know when I make it back home so you're not worrying. Love you both!" Carlisle said to us with a smile before he turned with the boys and left us to our room.
Alice and I went back inside where I flopped down onto my bed and watched as the tiny terror worked on unloading all of her clothes. "Aren't you going to unpack too Bella?" Alice casually asked me while she was folding her pants back into her portion of drawers.
"I will eventually." I murmured, shrugging my shoulders. I wasn't really up to doing much work at the moment, in part of still feeling depressed and apathetic. I was too caught up in everything still, as naturally I would be after suddenly losing Charlie. My motivation to move about normally again, and even complete simple chores, was at an all time low. I wasn't sure when I would get my normal energy back to be able to get through the day again, to push through and smile again. I may take days, weeks, months or maybe longer than that. Measurement of time to grieve isn't going to be uniform for every single individual mind you. I don't know when I'll snap and go into a sobbing fit, or a tantrum when someone tries to push me to do something I'm not ready for, or worse slip into a catatonic coma and be a zombie to everyone like I had been initially. When I was at the Cullen home I tried to be more in the present when I was spending time with them, but it still felt like I was putting on a mask for most of the family. The only one that saw through it was Edward. He just knew what I was going through and knew exactly how I was feeling without even really having to say a word. After the funeral when it was just those last few days before we returned to the school today, Edward still hovered nearby to be there for me. Alice would notice him sometimes hovering nearby whenever we weren't holed up in her room, but rather than picking a fight with him she still left him alone. I think mostly because I wasn't making a fit over it, she read that as I was fine with it as long as we didn't interact with her brother.
Speaking of him, I couldn't help but recall back to two nights ago. It had only been a day after the funeral when I had spent some time again with him...
It was nearly one in the morning when I heard a quiet knocking on my door that I was staying in still at the Cullen home. I was awake still at this hour, having found it to be troublesome to still fall asleep by myself after losing Charlie. Ever since I had come to stay in the Cullen home, Edward tried to always sneak into my room to come and comfort me through my night terrors that I have been having. It's become like a drug for me and it's has been the only cure to my woes. I slipped out of the warm bed and hurried to the door, opening it as quietly as I could to see Edward on the other side. He wore his usual winter nightwear garb - a long sleeve shirt with comfy flannel pants - and his bronze hair was tusseled as ever. His tired emerald eyes glanced down at me and he gave me his half smile that I loved so much.
"I've been waiting for you." I whispered to him with a smile of my own as I stepped aside to let him inside.
"I know. I had a gut feeling you're still having problems trying to sleep." he whispered back while he shuffled inside, letting me close the door behind him. I was thankful none of the Cullen homes had squeaky doors. Once the door was closed I whirled around and threw myself at him. He staggered once I had jumped onto him with my legs wrapped around his waist and arms around his strong shoulders, but he recovered with adjusting to hold me up. "This is new. Where's all this coming from?" Edward whispered back with a small chuckle, looking at me quizzacally.
"I missed you." I breathed and captured his lips with mine. I'll never get over the feeling of his lips on mine. His lips were always so soft and supple but there was a hidden power behind them that was so masculine, it made me feel weak in the knees every time. Edward seemed even more taken aback by the sudden makeout but he was easily convinced to reciprocate the action and held no objections. We made out with Edward walking us over to my bed and carefully lowering us as quietly as he could onto the bed. He hovered over me and kissed me back gently, his strong large hands caressing my cheeks while my hands buried themselves into his hair. He groaned briefly into my mouth from the feeling and hugged me tighter to his body, adding more pressure behind the kiss. I could feel every inch of him and it excited me, stirring up feelings I hadn't felt since the ski trip. I gasped into his mouth when he pulled me closer, and hitched a leg up around his hip to which he grabbed at my thigh and held it there, squeezing it. I felt so small yet cradled and safe in his hold, along with feeling so aroused just being so close to him again. As soon as I let one hand go free from his head and head to sneak under the hem of his shirt, Edward pulled away to bury his face into my neck. I could feel that I was suddenly overheated and flushed, whereas Edward was no better. It had only been a brief makeout but it was enough to stir us both up.
"Bella?" Edward breathed into my skin, looking up at me.
"Edward I..." I whispered out, blushing and gnawing on my bottom lip. My chest heaved while I worked on retrieving much needed air, and glanced down to see that his eyes had darted from my chest back to my face. I knew he had to be thinking of the same thing as I was. I turned in his arms which he let me adjust my position easily, with us now on our sides facing one another. My shirt had pulled down slightly from the neckline while his shirt had ridden up at his waist. He threw his arm on my waist and looked down at me while I continued to bite my bottom lip. I don't know if he was going to reject my request. These past few days had felt like I've had a cloud over me making all of my emotions feel heavy or empty. He has been here when he can sneak away safely to spend time with me, but everytime he's come into my room he's never pushed me to do anything that I wouldn't be ready for. We may cuddle and share small touches or kisses here and there, but it was nothing that would lead into our usual activities. But tonight it was like something finally woke up within me, stirring up those familiar feelings that had been muted for a little while. And I know just now he felt the same way based off how his body reacted. Taking a deep breath, I looked back up at him with meager determination in my eyes. "Sleep with me." I stated quietly.
Edward's eyebrows almost shot up into his hairline. "W-What?" he stammered out.
"Sleep with me. Please?" I whispered back, biting the inside of my cheek now. Oh please don't say no...
"Bella... Are you sure?" Edward asked back, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. "You know I won't say no to ever being with you, but I don't want you to suddenly feel like we have to... ugh fuck how do I say this..." he stuttered out awkwardly, looking up at the ceiling as if it would have the answers he needed. He pondered for a minute before blowing out a breath. "I don't want you to feel like you have to be obligated to fulfill my physical needs or feel pressured into sex. I don't want to push you and I'm fine with just kissing you and cuddling you tonight."
"Edward, you dork." I snorted, and he frowned at me. "I'm saying I want this - there's no pressure that I'm feeling, and I don't feel obligated to do anything or jump back into it while not being ready. I'm saying I'm ready and honestly need you. I know I haven't been myself for a few days and I'm so thankful that you're just here for me, doing all that you can to make me feel loved and cared for. But this also would help me too you know, returning to some sort of normalcy for us." I tried my best to explain to him my thoughts. "My feelings kind of just... woke up again once you and I kissed now. They never went away, rather I've been so clouded from mourning. Yet once you and I had made out, you... you really turned me on." I murmured, feeling the blush come on once I admitted it out loud. I glanced up at him to see him smirking but his own cheeks were pink too. "I felt you got turned on too."
Edward chuckled while rubbing my side with his hand. "You can simply turn me on just by staring at me sweetheart." he muttered and I giggled. "Are you positive though? I can go get a condom from my room if you're absolutely sure." he asked again, shifting to sit up now. Biting my bottom lip to hold back the laughter again from his reaction, I nodded my head to him. Edward smiled, his green eyes lighting up. He bent down to peck me on the lips and whispered he'd be right back before he quickly jumped up from my bed and raced out of the room. I laid there on my bed waiting patiently, and thankfully I didn't have to wait long for him to return. He had a wild look in his eyes once he returned, shutting the door quietly behind him. In his hand was a couple packets of condoms, which I gave him a raised eyebrow for. "In case you wanted to go for a few rounds." He muttered to me, his cheeks now bright red.
"You're such a boy, Edward." I snickered at him while he set them on the bedside table and climbed back onto the bed. He merely shrugged his shoulders to shake off my teasing, smiling like the cat ate the canary once he was hovering back over me. Our lips connected before I could make any more snarky remarks to his antics, but I welcomed the feeling once more of us kissing. Our hands roamed over one another, our breaths mixed together with both sighs and quiet groans. Edward's shirt disappeared and I was grazing the bare skin that was his muscled chest, while my sleep pants had vanished shortly after and Edward's hands were caressing my cool skin. He hesitated though on my shirt and pulled back from our makeout to look down at me once more, his eyes swirling with questions.
"Bella..."
"Edward, I'm sure." I whispered immediately, stopping him from asking his question yet again. I raised a hand to his cheek, smiling when he leaned into my touch. "I know I haven't been here fully for some time, but I can assure you that over time your old Bella will return to you. It's just going to take awhile for me to come back. Spending time with you will certainly speed up that process, as well as hanging out with the others.. I don't think I'll ever fully be the same as I was before, but I can sure try to get back to our normal as long as you're here with me." I whispered to him, feeling my eyes prick with tears as I relished in his touch. Edward gazed down at me after hearing my small speech of conviction, and his own green eyes looked watery once he heard me.
"You'll always be my Bella, you never truly left." he whispered back gruffly, turning his head slightly to kiss my wrist. "I know you likely won't ever by fully and completely the same after this, and I will never force you to fake your emotions. If you're not feeling happy, then don't push yourself to be happy for others. I will love you all the same and I will always be here for you darling." Edward murmured, giving me a small smile. I returned one of my own to him before leaning up and kissing his lips once again, nodding my head to encourage him that I was ready.
I think a part of me came back that night, and I was glad it was Edward who got to see a small part of me return back to normal.
Needless to say, he was right to assume in bringing a couple extra condoms with him. We were both exceptionally tired the next day, and we couldn't keep from stealing glances with one another when no one was paying attention to us. A small smile slipped out onto my face when I recalled that night.
"Now that's a sight I've been missing - a sweet little Bella smile." I jumped from my musing and turned over to see Rosalie was stepping into our dorm room. She had her bags in her arms and a smirk on her face while she was dressed in a perfect ensemble of winter fashion. Behind her I could see her brother also carrying a mixture of her bags and his own, while next to him was their tall father carrying some of their things too.
Jasper looked over at me once he heard his sister say this out loud, and I couldn't help but feel a bit scrutinized under his calculating blue eyes. Jasper's always had that weird way of staring at you like he's staring into your soul sometimes, but it was rare to see when most of the time he's acting like a jackass - basically copying Emmett's mannerisms. But the few times I've ever seen him away from Edward and Emmett, he gets that look in his eyes as if he's trying to read every single detail about your life from merely staring at you. I resisted the urge to squirm while I pushed myself up from my bed to greet Rosalie. Alice had already tackled her into a hug once she heard her enter the room, and once I was near Rosalie pulled me into the hug. I squeezed back and laughed when she kissed my cheek. "Missed you Rose." I murmured to her before we pulled away from one another.
"I missed you girls too."
"Alright Rosie, lets get your things in here. Jasper still needs to take his things to his room too." I heard Rosalie's dad say behind her and I glanced over to see him smiling at his daughter. Rosalie nodded her head to him where Alice and I then side-stepped to let the Hales into the bedroom. The men laid all her luggage down by her bed before Rosalie was hugging her father tightly. I quickly went over to my things to try and appear busy, trying to avoid that same feeling from before when I had saw Alice and Carlisle hugging to rear its ugly head, and once again could feel that same burning-in-the-back-of-my-head feeling; Jasper was staring at me again.
"Alright Jasper lets head over to your room." I heard Mr. Hale say then, and once I glanced up I could see the two of them leaving the room. Rosalie closed the door behind them and turned to roll her eyes.
"What was up with your brother?" Alice questioned out loud as she pulled out some shirts from her bags.
"You saw that too didn't you?" Rosalie asked back, glancing over at me. I felt myself blushing once I was being looked at.
"What? I don't know why your brother was staring at me." I muttered, frowning.
"I'm not trying to accuse you of anything Bells, trust me. I found it extremely weird that my brother was looking at you on and off." Rosalie back tracked, shrugging her shoulders. "I didn't like him looking at you like that and if my dad hadn't been here, I surely would've punched him for it." she added; I relaxed and snickered. "But it's honestly so great to see you smiling and giggling again."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I know. I'm sorry for that-"
"Don't you dare apologize Belly!" I jumped from Alice's shrill cry and looked over to see her frowning. "You have nothing to say sorry for, especially for being in the funk that you've been in. None of us was going to force you to smile or feel something that you can't feel geniunely." she said, where I was getting a small sense of deja vu; she and Edward were more alike than they'd like to admit.
"I know though I wasn't much fun to be around, especially when you've been trying to plan prom..." I murmured, sighing.
"I didn't mind! Bella, I just tried to include you but I knew you weren't really there and your heart wasn't fully in it at the time. I could tell at some points you clued in on what I was saying, but for the most part I didn't expect you to hear everything or know everything I said verbatim. I'm not going to quiz you on the difference between organza and silk-taffeta." Alice teased and I shook my head at her, smirking. "All I wanted to try and accomplish was that - a smile. I can't ever force you to forget your pain nor can anyone else for the matter, and we're definitely not going to push you to feel happy if you're not ready. You need time for yourself to heal, but we don't want you to forget that we're here for you." Alice continued, and I sighed once more.
"I know, and I appreciate you guys being here. I am healing - slowly but surely I am." I began, dropping the shirt I had in my hands back into the bag to breathe in deeply. Once I exhaled I smiled sadly up at my two best friends. "Just being near you guys and us doing our normal routine - that is definitely helping with the healing process."
The two of them made 'aww' noises at me and rushed over to engulf me into a tight hug. I hugged them back, feeling content.
Slowly but surely, I'll get back to some sort of normalcy.
The Next Day...
BEEP! BEEP! BE-
I heard the alarm being shut off before a light turned on in our dark bedroom. I could hear two distinctive groans that echoed with mine and one high-pitched clucking of a tongue that belonged to our pixie friend. "Now now ladies, I know we've been on break but it's time to get back into the routine of waking up and getting ready for school!" Alice's chirp broke through the quiet of our warm bedroom. I shifted around in my bed to see Rosalie slamming a pillow over her head in hopes to drown out Alice.
"Should've known that this would come back." Angela muttered to my left. Glancing over I could see her rubbing at her eyes before putting on her glasses. Angela had joined us sometime mid-evening yesterday, since she had a huge family to see off from the holidays. I knew she was probably more exhausted than the rest of us so this was definitely something she didn't want to deal with.
"But it's Alice - can you expect any less?" I countered back to her and she laughed in agreement.
With our short drill sergeant giving off orders, Rosalie and Angela set about getting dressed first. They didn't have the need to shower since they did so the night before. Alice also didn't feel the need to shower this morning since she was the task-master of the heated tools so that left me on my own to head to the showers on the Junior level. I had grabbed my underwear, robe and towel along with my usual toiletries before I shuffled out of the room and down the darkened hallways. I checked the time on my phone to see it was about quarter to six in the morning. Leave it to Alice to still wake us up at the ass-crack of dawn to get ready. Once I made it into the showers and had turned the lights on, I set my things down and picked a shower stall to start warming up the water. I stripped and made sure my phone was hidden (in case I had some weird random snoop that wanted to go through my things) before I got into my stall and began to bathe. The hot water jarred me at first but I adjusted quickly to the heat since I was feeling a little cold after leaving the sanctity of my warm blankets from my bed.
I was nearly done, finishing off washing the conditioner from my hair when I heard the door open and three new voices broke through the silence of the shower room. "Lauren I don't know why you're honestly trying so hard to break the girl code promise we made for this feud to get at him." Tanya's voice cut through, sounding as if annoyed. My interest piqued when I heard her talking - likely to Lauren who was in the mix of this group - and I worked to try and keep myself as hidden as I could from them and listened in on what they were talking about.
I could hear Lauren scoff. "I'm not breaking it per say. Look, it's not like he's even remotely giving me the time of day when I try in all the classes that I have with him. It's like his head is off in another cloud every time I've tried to get his attention. Either he's just all about upholding the boys' end of the feud, or he's clearly not into me. And I so know it can't be the second option. Just look at me - no guy can resist me." Lauren boasted. I held back my snorts; I can give the girl some credit with her unwavering confidence but I hate to sound nasty. The girl was still faker than fake with her bad spray tan, bleached locks and overdone makeup. I was average still in my eyes, but I always felt and thought Lauren tried waaay too hard for little to show.
I could hear a small giggle before another voice chimed in. "Well I know at least one guy is definitely interested in you. I've seen the way he looks at you sometimes - but you never seem to give him the time of day when you're so locked on Cullen." Irina's high-pitched voice spoke up then and I scowled. Cullen... who else would Lauren be interested in? Certainly not Emmett. So it was definitely about Edward.
"Oh Marcus? Trust me he's cute too - but nothing compared to Edward and his sexy looks. God I could just lick him and never get enough of him." Lauren gushed and I bit back the growl. Goddamnit I didn't come in here to hear this sleazebag moan after my man.
"You can look, but can't have him at the rate this feud is going." Tanya reminded her. As much as these three really irritated me sometimes - one more than the others -, Tanya was the most tolerable of the bunch. Irina had her moments, more so when her mind was focused on sports. She still had her airhead moments. Tanya was the most level-headed of the three, but she could at least throw her looks around to also get what she wanted - a threat but I didn't feel it nearly as much with her as I did with Lauren. Tanya seemed to have eyes and focused on one guy, as did Irina. Lauren had one poor boy pining over her and she was so hard-set on my man as much as she enjoyed stringing along the guy that liked her.
"I know I know. God you don't need to get your panties in a twist reminding me." Lauren's annoying whine brought me back to reality. I had since finished at this point washing my hair free from the conditioner so I figured now should be the time I turn off the water and get dressed. The three of them didn't seem to care they were openly talking to one another about this; they were fully aware an outside were in the stalls here but they didn't know it was me specifically. I set about turning off the water and managed to pull my things into the stall with me: phone, towel, robe, and underwear. I began going through the process of drying of while doing my best to continue listening in on their conversation. "I get this dumb feud is really holding everything back, but trust me if I had my way I'd break the girl code to pounce that hunk."
"I doubt he's even remotely interested in you." Irina countered and I held my snickers in again while drying off. Two of them can clearly see something that Lauren is utterly blind to.
"And what makes you think that?"
"He made it pretty clear within the first few days of school he was put off by you. And seemed to have gunned it for Swan." Irina pointed out; I paused in putting on my robe, gulping. Shit, maybe Irina's more observant than I realized.
"Puh-lease, as if he's interested in her still. She's made it clear she's ice to him throughout this whole thing. They hate each other. They're the leads of this stupid feud and I can see it in their eyes they can't stand to be in the same room as one another. Much like how Hale despises his behemoth brother, and Pixie can't stand Rosalie's twin. The six of them would rather drink battery acid than consider even smiling at one another." Lauren ranted, scoffing.
"And yet it was obvious that Edward still tries to flirt with Bella, even if she doesn't reciprocate and would rather sock him in the jaw." Tanya argued; goddamnit how are these two sisters so observant? I get Edward's been putting up the façade of being an arrogant ass to me still but is Tanya reading into more than I realized and seeing it past the lie? I gnawed on my bottom lip while I continued to get my things on and dry off while they kept on gossiping.
"Big deal. I'm a thousand times more attractive than Swan that honestly Edward just is playing hard to get with me." Lauren still defied what her two friends were saying, ignorant to the truth. I could hear Tanya and Irina sigh in defeat before they had gave up on trying to get her to see reason. Soon the three of them dropped their topic of conversation before sliding into a new one - one related to prom, the latest fashion and celebrity related gossip - and they set about getting into their own shower stalls. I waited until they had gotten into their showers before I slipped out of mine and rushed out of the room with my things in my arms. I scowled behind me, knowing that my gaze wouldn't be felt by a certain slut that resided in there, and then quickly rushed back to my dorm room.
Once I had gotten back to the room, I was relieved the girls didn't pester me on my absence. Alice busied herself with getting me dressed up for the day to which I sat there absently, letting her poke and prod me. It still made her happy to play dress-up with all of us, and currently I wasn't going to rain on her parade to complain and whine that this was all too much to deal with everyday. As usual Alice was ever quick in drying and curling my hair, dressing me up in a fashionable long dark blue sweater with a dark pea coat on top, black pants that were tucked into my black leather boots, and sweeping on light moisturizing make up to combat with the dry cold air. I hugged and thanked her for the makeover - she was giddy as ever to my response - before I added on my dad's charm bracelet. I wanted to add the necklace Edward had gotten me, but I didn't want Alice and Rosalie to question it so I sadly kept it put away with the rest of my things. Once I had been finished, we were set to go to our classes and brace the cold wintery air once again. We walked out together where we ran into Jessica who joined our huddled group. Soon as we stepped outside, we shivered but remained clustered together while wading through the snow. I could see several other students were up and about at this time, some rushing to the main school building for warmth, while others played in the snow with each other.
"Psst, testosterone pack is out." Jessica teased us, playing into the façade of course, and jutted her chin out to point us across the way of the back-quad. I glanced up and realized just who she was pointing out. Our usual group of trouble each morning was walking out from the boys' dorms, grouped loosely together and dressed in various states of winter fashion. I tried to discretely ogle Edward more in particular - of course - noticing he looked handsome as ever with his fitting deep green sweater and coat, form hugging dark jeans and sturdy snow boots while he wore a scarf and beanie to complete the look. We paused in our walk while we watched as the boys began to head towards our path. I was mentally preparing myself for us to slip right back into our usual routine with our morning encounters, and stood there ready for Emmett to start us up as he normally would.
Jasper had elbowed Emmett into his side which earned him a side glare from the behemoth. However once Jasper had jutted his chin in our direction, Emmett looked over at us. I was fully prepared for the onslaught of usual insults to be flung, and I haughtily raised my own chin in his direction - defiant but ready for the inevitable bickering. The guys were all waiting on Emmett also, ready to start up our routine. Emmett simply opened and closed his mouth a couple times, but it was as if we stepped into the Twilight Zone - because instead of falling into the usual bickering we have every morning, Emmett heaved a heavy breath and then turning, stalked off to the school. The four boys left behind stared after him wide-eyed, shocked.
"Uh... what?" Rosalie uttered, just as stumped. I blinked and stared after the hulking behemoth who didn't stop to turn around and play the 'Sike! Got'cha! I'm ready to start the game now!' card. I glanced back at the boys who were staring at one another in confusion, wondering what just happened as well. I looked over at the girls, seeing various states of wonderment on their faces. We were baffled.
Emmett chose to not partake in his usual enjoyment and it had to be the weirdest thing that has happened this whole school year.
"Um... Well then." Alice muttered, shivering. "I guess uh... we just should go to class?" she surmised, the statement almost sounding like a question rather than something she was sure in. We didn't know how to react to not having to endure the usual bombardment of insults and jeers from Emmett, and it was like we joined an alternate timeline. I shook my head to shake the stupor off before I nodded my head firmly. I wasn't going to let this opportunity slide by - we should take it in stride and just go on about our day. We needed to at least just take advantage of this oddity and move on. It was weird but a small part had high hopes for there to be change now. The ski trip and the subsequent argument that had occurred between Edward and Emmett, with Carlisle then having to step in, must've had a lasting impact on Emmett. There was something definitely different about him - namely he's just backed off entirely from bullying me, and now after this display, it cemented the notion that perhaps Emmett will no longer bother me. I wonder what Carlisle could have possibly talked about with him to make him stop - that or he was still weighing all of what Edward had lashed out at him for, on his mind.
"Let's just go to class. It's too cold to be sitting out here honestly." I murmured. This roused the girls to wake up from their stunned states and they nodded in agreement with me. The boys also began to thaw out from their surprise at their friend's behavior and once again glanced over at us but otherwise left us alone, splitting up into their respective groups for classes. I went along with Rosalie where we hurried to our first class together, giving each other smirks. We felt liberated, free almost. We were free from the merciless torment that was the jackass Emmett Cullen - at least for the time being.
The first day back to classes passed by in a blur. We returned to teachers greeting us warmly - more or less with most, some with lesser welcoming gestures - and easing us back into the curriculum. Many had at least offered me condolences in regards to me losing my dad which I did my best to take it in stride. They weren't the only people to offer me some semblance of comfort as many fellow students also had done the same to some degree. It was again weird being the center of attention and for something that wasn't of great news either. Thankfully no one would drag out their condolences with me; they kept everything short and sweet, doing what they could to make sure I wouldn't have to dwell on it before they'd move onto a topic that was mundane but successfully distracting. By the time I had made it to the music group after school to practice for our competition, I was sure everyone in the school had come up to me today to give me a hug and a 'sorry for your loss' statement.
"Welcome back my lovely students!" Mrs. Idle called out to our rowdy group once we were all seated in the theater seats. "I hope you all had a safe and wonderful Christmas and New Years," she paused to glance down at me with a sympathetic smile to which I nodded shortly to. "But now it is time for us to get back into the swing of things with our competition. As you know that will be happening in just a few months and we still have a lot to go over. I have some news to announce in that the categories at this point have been changed slightly -"
Mrs. Idle was interrupted by most of the group crying out in annoyance, anguish or shock. I glanced discretely over to Edward who didn't look surprised whatsoever. I guess it helped that Mrs. Idle months ago came to us privately and told us there would be changes namely because Aro Volturi - the record tycoon that had set us up in this competition in the first place - felt that it would be better to do away with some categories and overall change things up. It's why we're suddenly singing our duet of Journey's Faithfully after all. Mrs. Idle wanted us to keep it to ourselves however - both the duet and the changes - since she needed confirmation that for certain things would be changing. Aro had mentioned these changes to our rival group - the Harmonicals - and he was waiting to hear back from the teacher running the group. According to Mrs. Idle who overheard things from Aro, it would seem the Harmonical's lead singers - Candance and Reid I think were their names - were quite the prima-donnas and they needed to make sure their arrangement was perfect. So there was quite a bit of things changing at their school that the teacher couldn't give a straight answer at the time that they'd agreed to these new terms.
"Now settle down everyone!" Idle all but screeched out to try and put an end to the outburst from the others. "I know this not exactly something you all wanted to hear - to have all of our months of practice basically thrown out the window. But please, have faith in me and our esteemed music coaches! We will adjust to this quickly and perfectly. I have already sorted out our new arrangements for the competition and have them all printed out here on these papers. Please, take one and pass it around so we can go over it right now." She produced a stack of papers and came down to start handing them out to us. Taking the sheet, I glossed over the songs.
From what I could see, Mrs. Idle still had done it to where we could show off our talents as a group and as our own groups. I could see a couple songs groups just for the girls and the same for the boys. Finally it would still lead into at least 2 group performances - Edward's and my song that we would be duetting together on was grouped into a trifecta of songs; Faithfully, Anyway You Want It and then ending on Don't Stop Believin'. Ironic that we'd be singing that since that's one of the first few songs Edward serenaded me with when we started to see each other in secret. Beyond the ending performance - basically our three songs that we'd be singing back to back as a group will be our closing performance for the competition -, we'll also be singing You Can't Stop the Beat.
I looked over to see the girls' reactions, waiting for someone to start the arguing against the whole arrangement. Mrs. Idle had put that literally for our group performances, she listed that Edward and I would be the main lead vocals for the duets. Most likely when she gets to showing off our songs printed out she'll give the other roles of accompanying vocals to whomever - but it was in plain sight that she let the secret out that we would be duetting together. And I knew that people were not blind to the fact the Faithfully was a love ballad.
"This is what we'll be working with when we head into the competition and I fully expect that you all are going to give it your best shot to work together still like you have been for months. I know this is a lot to take in when we've just barely returned from break but please do your best to take it into stride!" Idle continued on with her explanation, clapping her hands together. "Take a few moments to look over the song arrangements we'll be doing now; I will be back in a few but once I return, we're going to start working on our new songs!" After her suddenly announcement, Idle left us in the theater to mull over this change.
I once again glanced over at Edward while our group looked over the list of new songs we'd be doing. He quickly looked over at me and gave me a discrete grimace. We were likely thinking the same thing - expect the worst between our friends arguing the choices and likely question us if we'd be uncomfortable singing the duet. I didn't know whether if we should let it slip that we're fine with the song we were given or if we should play it up that we aren't; if we disagree on it the others may push us to argue with Idle about it which would only lead into more confusion of problems. There was no easy way out of this if things were to go south.
"I can't believe that this is happening." Rosalie grumbled, slamming the paper into her lap.
"All of our hard work and practice just wasted." Lauren whined behind me, with several girls in our group making noises of agreement.
"And they're forcing Bella into singing a love ballad with my brother." Alice complained; I wanted to shrink into my seat since her comment had the girls once again making noises of agreement and each reaching over to offer me their pity. If only they really knew...
"Come on girls. It's not the end of the world." I muttered, grimacing when Rosalie and Alice scoffed in disgusted.
"It totally is Swan." Lauren countered. "We had to do so much work and practice with what we had worked on for half of the school year just for it to be pulled out from under us like that." she snapped her fingers for effect, groaning in annoyance.
"Our coaches know about our feud too and our songs originally let us have some originality, but not to also mention we had our space from the guys in not having to sing with them on every piece." Tanya continued, casting a disgusted side-eye glance over towards the guys a good distance away. "Now we're being pushed into more of a group than we had planned for."
"What happened to the fact we talked it over in the beginning that we needed to work together more on this, and try to put our differences aside with the boys?" I weakly asked, glancing around to see mixed reactions, ranging between grimaces, indifference yet mostly still disgust. "Look I know this change isn't welcomed but we have to roll with the punches, stick to it as a group and work past the issues. I know we still don't like the guys but we've been able to work as a group despite the feud which I'm happy you all are still upholding the deal we made. Now we just have to still keep that up and adapt to the changes."
"But you're singing a duet now with Edward, B." Alice pointed out the obvious once more, frowning.
"And? Alice you know that we were picked as the leads for the group and basically are the group leaders. We can be mature enough to sing a duet or two."
"I totally would expect you to argue more on it rather than rolling over." Lauren sneered, raising a blond eyebrow at me.
"I'm not happy about it Lauren. But I'm not going to throw a fit over the changes; if Mrs. Idle feels this arrangement would do us better to win the competition then I'm willing to give it a shot." I stated, holding my chin up in a small sign of defiance to her weak attempts to try to get under my skin. Lauren rolled her eyes and held her hands up, giving up.
"It's not like Bella's enjoying the change either Lauren." Jessica rose to speak up now, defending my choice to not argue this change. Angela hummed to back her up, and Lauren scoffed again.
"Alright fine, let's let our 'fearless' leader roll with it then." Lauren relented. I turned away from her then, noting that while settling back into my seat, Rosalie was squinting her eyes at me. Why is it that all the girls are now making these assumptions about this change? Just because I'm not making a big show of it do they think I'm into singing with Edward when we're still supposed to hate each other? I honestly thought my argument about the fact we had agreed together as a group to put aside our differences and the feud for the competition just so we can beat the competitors was sound enough for them to accept. I thought to myself, ignoring Rosalie's scrutinity for the time being.
Mrs. Idle returned to the stage and clapped her hands to call us back. "Alright everyone! I hope you all had enough time to look over everything about our new arrangement for the competition. I know it's a lot to take in but I know that we'll be able to adapt to this well enough!" she called out to us. Soon she called us up to the stage and got us working on our new songs or at least what we could fit into our limited time for the day. We were sore and tired as usual after our practice and welcomed our chance to leave to return to our warm dorms. The girls and I hurried through the snow and made it into our dorm building, shaking off the snow while we ascended to our dorm.
"I so wish I could get that time back." Rosalie muttered, griping about our practice for the competition. Part of our practice for today was some of the new songs of course, but that included the changes; some of the changes were that the girls had to sing and dance with some of the guys. And Rosalie's part involved her having a small duet with Emmett along with some choreographed dancing together, much of which she wasn't too pleased to deal with now.
"Tell me about it. I really didn't want to have to be singing now with your brother, let along dancing with him more than I did before." Alice agreed, shuddering for effect. I bit the inside of my cheek whilst peering over at Angela who was trying to cover the smirk that was threatening to come out on her face. Both of us knew these two friends of ours might never admit it or subconsciously knew it that they had possibly the slightly crush on the two guys in question. They just couldn't look past their deep-seeded disgust for them to see it. Besides I highly doubt it was the worst thing in the world for them to be closer to them during the practice today. I had observed the four of them throughout the rehearsal, noting that while for the most part they seemed alright during their dancing and singing, at times they'd cast each other mean looks or childish sneers. They really made it out worse than what it really was.
"Can't be nearly as bad as poor Bella having to dance with Edward though. They have probably the most amount of touching and close dancing during our songs than the rest of us." Rosalie pointed out just as we entered our dorm room. I tried to keep my face as blank as possible while dumping my coats off on the back of the chair towards my bed while I heard Alice made a noise of agreement. "I'm guessing you want to burn your skin off after today huh Bells?" Rosalie continued, snickering.
Personally it was the opposite for me. I had to try and keep myself in the right headspace anytime I had to sing or dance with Edward during our rehearsals in the past since anytime I was near him or touched him, my body wanted to naturally react to him and jump his bones. After all that we've been through, but even more so after our time together at the Lodge, it was becoming increasingly harder and harder to hold back on giving into my desires to out our relationship too soon. However it's not like I could tell Rosalie any of this that naturally I wanted to jump Edward today and devour him - that would surely pan out so well. So I cleared my throat slightly and shrugged my shoulders to her. "Not really. It wasn't the worst thing in the world." I tried to lie smoothly, and turned back to see both her and Alice giving me raised eyebrows. "What?"
"Hello? Earth to Bella!" Alice called, tilting her head. "This is the same brother of mine we're talking about right? The one you hate? The one that's honestly the biggest ick I've ever seen?"
"How can you not seriously want to scrub yourself down with bleach after every practice when you've been working with him as closely as you have?" Rosalie questioned me, looking at me like I've grown a second head.
"I think you two are making a bigger deal out of this than it really is." Angela tried to step in then while she was seated on her bed. I was always grateful for her anytime I felt like I was being ganged up on by these two.
"Angela, seriously. You should know too that this is weird even for Bells. You know how my brother was to her at the start of the school year. He's such a tool and in no way should any chick be comfortable with him or okay with him acting the way he has been."
"Alice you know that's not entirely true." I grumbled, crossing my arms. "You've seen how he's been for the past few days since we've returned from our trip. He hasn't made any snide remarks towards me, hasn't made any moves to flirt with me to put me in an uncomfortable spot, or done anything that makes me want to punch out his teeth. He's become... tolerable." I continued, grimacing when the two of them made noises of shock at my admittance.
"Now I know this isn't the same Bella we're talking to." Alice muttered, shaking her head.
"Seriously Alice, just think and look back at how he's acted from the trip to now. Can you even recall a single sleezy pick up line? Or a gross smirk of his that's directed at me? Even Emmett's... different." I remarked at her while crossing my arms in a weak attempt to protecting myself, hoping she'd see reason.
"Different, yes - those two are definitely not the same since the trip. But I wouldn't put them in the tolerable category. I'd never put Emmett in the same realm of space first of all, and Edward is definitely right up there along with him." Rosalie countered, crossing her own arms defiantly and holding her chin up. "We've still got our feud to uphold against them and if we show any signs of letting down our boundaries just because two of them seem 'nicer' now, you know they'll just pounce on that opportunity to strike us with a prank or any attempts to make us feel lesser about ourselves."
"But that's just it - have they really done much to us girls during our feud beyond mostly pissing us off?" I cried out, feeling cornered. "Sure they have definitely pissed us off, annoyed us, tried to flirt with us when we make it known their advances aren't welcomed - they've done a lot to try and get at us. And a lot of that has also involved pranks or things done to us that are highly inconvenient. But really, what have they done beyond that? What's been so bad they make us feel lesser about ourselves? They insult us sure but honestly we have thicker skin than to let some words affect us." I continued, shaking my head. "But that's all they've done, and we have done about as much as they have to prove to them we're 'better' than them. What all is this proving? Is this even proving anything?"
"It's proving that we're above their ways, that we won't give into them and that we're overall the better sex. They've tried to push us down into the ground since we've came onto the campus just because they feel that since they were here first and it was their school before it became co-ed, that they feel they have the right to act like they're above us." Rosalie stated with a growl in her tone, as if trying to remind me the reason we pushed for this sex-war to begin with.
"And did either of us really prove anything?"
"Uh guys...?" Angela tried to interject, sensing the tension between the two of us and wanting to try and calm us down.
"We have proven it over time we're better than them Bells, thanks to your perseverance with us." Alice cut Angela off, backing up Rosalie in this argument.
I sighed. "I feel like I've done so very little to really push that agenda beyond reminding the girls we made a pact as a whole to not give into the guys. I can't stop the girls though that want to accept the advances of the guys they might like. It's clear to see some girls of the school are not about upkeeping the whole list of 'rules' we came up with, not anymore at least. You can see the amount of girls who don't turn their heads up at some of the guys who greet them or flirt with them, and you can definitely hear the gossip amongst some who gush over their intended guy of the week." I said out loud while letting my shoulders slump. Alice and Rosalie had to at least be that observant that a lot of the girls in the school were reciprocating some of the guys' advances discretely; maybe in the beginning they kept up with the initial pact to turn it all down but nowadays more and more I could see a lot of girls not shying away from the boys.
Alice bit her bottom lip in thought while Rosalie shifted on her feet. "Well maybe they just need a reminder." Rosalie argued weakly and I sighed again.
"Look... I wasn't trying to start a fight over something like this, much less about our rehearsal involving the competition. I'm just trying to get you to see reason maybe in the slightest here that I don't know if the whole feud thing really matters as much anymore. Especially not if many of the girls in the school aren't up for keeping up with the pact we set at the start. I'm not forgetting about what happened between Edward and I," They don't have to know about the fact that I've long since let that go of course. "But just because I didn't have issues with the changes in our songs or the fact I have to dance with him more closely now than I did in the past, doesn't mean anything. I'm putting the competition at the forefront of my mind to focus on and that means we need to do our best in performing each song and dance we have in order to beat out the competitors. Even if that means I'm closer to him. And that's all there is to it, nothing to look into as if there's something else." I finished, looking up at the two of them.
Both of them still looked unconvinced at my statement, and they both looked like they wanted to keep arguing with me. I flopped down onto my bed and threw my arm over my eyes, wishing more than anything that I was curled up into Edward's side at this moment. His presence would at least offer some peace to me. "Let Bella rest you two and please don't worry about her. You know she's capable of handling herself well if Edward were to step out of line at all especially during our performance. You know too that Mrs. Idle wouldn't let that happen either." Angela once again came in to rescue me from their scrutinizing. Eventually that's what won them over because I soon heard their sighs afterwards.
"Alright you have a point Ang." Alice relented. Soon, Rosalie and Alice went about going to shower which left Angela and I alone in our room.
"Thanks Angela." I murmured to her after sitting back up. She smiled at me from her bed and nodded her head.
"You okay though? That was... kind of unexpected to hear that speech from you." Angela admitted and I sighed yet again.
"I'm not sure but I felt like I was just getting backed into a corner with those two. You know though how it is for Edward and I right now. We're still feeling so much pressure to keep up this façade still about our secret, but now we have the added pressure we put on ourselves about the deadline of when we'll out ourselves to the others. Not to mention now we also have everyone's eyes on us over the competition since we're now dancing and singing closer to one another versus before." I reminded her, scratching at my temple. I had told her and Jessica discretely over the last bit of our trip about Edward's and my plans on when we'd come out with the truth about us, to which both of them agreed to the timing of it and that they'd be there to support us too. I didn't want them to take the fall with us over the chaotic aftermath that's bound to happen because I didn't want them to face the same ire that we would be receiving. But they were adamant in standing with us, saying that since Mike and Ben would be standing up with Edward in support it was only right they'd stand right by me too.
Angela hummed to me. "I know Bella but that was a lot for you to admit out loud about the feud, especially to Rosalie and Alice. You know they've been big proponents in the whole ordeal mainly because they've been standing behind you and your judgements in how the girls should act with the guys. They felt you'd be the biggest voice to keep up with the feud and everything we're supposed to stand for. They probably felt like their world's been turned upside down when you spoke your truth on how you really feel about the whole thing now." she admitted to me, trying to get me to see their side of the matter.
"I can see it from their perspective, trust me. They probably feel like I really was replaced by some alien." I lightly teased to which Angela laughed. "I guess that's just a bit of the strain peaking through that I want to go over and shake them hard to get them to wake up and realize we've played this for far too long with very little success like they think we'd have over it." I continued, shaking my head.
"I understand girl. Just be careful still with how much you let out around them; you got to hold out for that right time to come clean about everything. You just have to put up with their concerns for a bit longer is all." she stated and I nodded my head to her on that. We dropped it at that, unsure of when Alice and Rosalie would return so it was best to just end the conversation for now to avoid the risk of letting too much slip out as is. We worked on settling down for the evening, working on the little bit of homework we had and then heading downstairs to get some food. We came back up food in hand to see Rosalie and Alice were back in our room, soon of which we made it a group thing to wind down for the evening with music, mindless chatter and working on our homework we received. There were no revisits on the feud topic thankfully.
Soon I found myself lying in my bed staring up at the ceiling while the girls were quickly falling asleep in their own beds, unaware that I was still awake. I could tell I was restless since I didn't have Edward here like I did on our break; it was easier to fall asleep if I had him next to me so I could cuddle with him. All I had were the pictures on my phone that we shared in private - I always made sure to keep any pictures he'd sent me hidden away that no one could easily navigate to them. Just as if he could sense that I was thinking about him, I received a sudden text message from him. I opened it and smirked at what I had gotten from him. He was in the same situation as I was, lying awake in bed and unable to easily fall asleep unlike the other guys. They were all passed out in their own beds which left him to be able to go on his phone to talk with me. He sent me a photo of himself in the dark in his bed, where he made a goofy face. Attached was a simple message:
Missing you babe, it's so lonely without you here next to me. I hope you'll be able to find some sleep tonight since dreaming about you is the only thing that'll get me through the night. I love you.
I smiled at the message, giddy that at least he and I were on the same wave length with our feelings. I took a quick goofy photo of myself in the dark and replied to him:
Aw I miss you too baby! It's hard for me too to try and sleep right now, I wish I was with you in bed too. You were my good luck charm in falling asleep when we were together over break but now it sucks you're not here next to me. I hope you can find sleep tonight too E; I'll be thinking about you as well. I love you too.
After sending it, I shifted to lie on my side and tried closing my eyes. I kept the image of him fresh in my mind - his sexy laugh, those captivating green eyes, his strong physique and that smooth velvety voice of his - which eased my very being down to the core. I felt myself relax easily just as I kept thinking about him, know the thought of him will eventually get me through the night. It was definitely a weird and rough first day back to school life, but I knew that I'd adjust to everything. Between all of the changes I've underwent in under a month, I had to adapt to everything - change to everything, but mostly heal from everything I've been through. It'll take time, but I know I'd make it through things. Ignoring the remarks from the others, ignoring Rosalie's suspicions over the competition, and focusing on what matters - the competition itself, but mostly the plans to out our relationship - is all that I can do in this time.
I know I'll get through it. It'll take time, but I can get through it for certain.
A/N: Not the most well-written ending but I felt that this chapter was going in a lot of circles and not having a definitive cutoff or really a solid plot line to follow. I apologize if things jumped around a bit. However I am trying to speed up the story a bit since I have a huge plot of a chapter coming up. I was trying to set up the future chapters with this one or at least start up some minor plotlines; I just might not have been able to do it too well but all I can say is that I tried.
Feel free to leave any criticism or any other feedback. I also apologize as usual for any spelling or grammar mistakes. I still try to proofread everything as I go along the chapter and before I post but I'm human so there's bound to still be some mistakes that slip past me.
Until the next one,
~Lady Eleanora~