Alrighty, our first long-awaited psych eval. Just a note on how the next few chapters are formatted.
The chapter titles are their student numbers that I made up based on the number of chapters they were in Emily's story, Britney's, SA (up to their psych eval chapter), and PNG (up to the final Stark-Banner wedding chapter). Each chapter will start with a little flashback relating to the general gist of their evaluation, and end with the little character snippet that their SO provided beforehand.
I've been excited to write these, especially since the SA group weren't my main narrators in the past (minus Daniel but he had a few chapters for one event). The order of the psych evals are based on how intense their sessions are.
Just some disclaimers, I'm not a professional. I only have some personal experience with this and have taken courses related to the topic.
Year Three: Cadet #191 076 091 102
Seventeen Years Ago - Rogers House
At five-years-old, Angela is already a master in many things. She can do multiple aerials in a row without stopping, perform all the Sugar Plum Princess's dance numbers in ballet, and play Swan Lake's theme on violin. All those were the reasons why she has multiple beauty pageant crowns. A champion in her own right many times.
It never went to her head but Xavier and Apollo didn't care.
"Get her!" Apollo yells.
Angela looks up from the strawberry plants in her backyard garden to see Apollo and Xavier, as usual, ganging up on her. It's not the first time and it's definitely far from the last. She sprints through the flowers amid her mother's yelling; the scolding at her and not Xavier or even Apollo.
Eventually, the boys catch up. Xavier tackles her to the ground and they skid on the lawn. Apollo joins in and Angela tries to squirm her way out but they pin her down. Angela yelps but this is the one time her mom decided to look away. Serves her right since she ran through the flowerbed.
Angela forced herself to cry, bawl her eyes out. Once her sobs grow, Apollo and Xavier pause, backing up from the scene as Angela curls up in a fetal position.
"We're so getting grounded," Xavier says.
On cue, Angela kicks over Apollo since her fake cries caught them off-guard. Once Apollo falls back, Angela pounces on Xavier.
Again, a champion in her own right. Many times.
-o-
Present Day - Academy Counselling Room 1
"How do you want to start?"
Angela pauses, shifting positions in her seat. She isn't sure what to say since she thought her evaluator would want to poke at some interesting things in her file, be it her parents or her upbringing.
Everything else except that question filled her expectations. The evaluator, a middle-aged man in a solid top and blazer, sitting behind a desk between them. It resembles a principal's office, or a professor's office, which makes sense since they're still at the Academy. Nothing's on the desk except an unused computer and a notebook for the evaluator to write their notes. Angela assumed he'd have her file but he probably read it over and picked which parts to prod at her. Maybe he wants her to start the narrative, find which parts she wants to bring to the table.
"I'm not sure," Angela responds.
Her evaluator nods. "Alright, we can start with a Jungian technique. A word-association test that reveals something in your subconscious we can talk about."
"Sure," Angela states. Her arms itch to fiddle with the ends of her hair but she keeps them folded on her lap. She wonders if her evaluator can sense she's tense ... and wonders if he can pick up on her growing paranoia.
"Let's start," he says, looking at a list he scribbled down in advance. "Door."
"Exit," Angela responds instantly.
No reaction. "Wild."
"Jungle."
"Carrot."
"Cake."
"Bride."
"Stark."
An eyebrow raise. "Month."
"September."
"House."
"Brooklyn."
"Brother."
"Xavier."
"Leader."
"Xavier."
Angela knew the test would end soon once she mentioned Stark and she got a reaction, and then her associations started becoming more personalized. Since she said Xavier twice and her evaluator start scribbling something down that she couldn't see, she has a hunch the questions will be centred around her twin brother.
"You associated Xavier with the word leader," the evaluator recaps. "The Council has been eyeing Xavier as team leader, as you and your friends probably know by now. Why do you think that is?"
Angela hesitates. Nobody questioned why Xavier was team leader. They accepted it because it seemed like the best plan for Project: New Generation.
"Because he's the best for the position," Angela states. Her voice almost went up at the end and she couldn't make herself sound like she's questioning it. She's confident in her words, unwary of the context.
"If you had to step up, would you?"
"Without question." Now she didn't have to worry about her intonation.
"So in theory, your father's shield would go to Xavier if he's team leader?"
Angela eyes her evaluator for making the shield seem like a metaphor for her father's love. Then if she agrees, Xavier would "win." She wouldn't be mad, would she?
Angela was the twin who got the most attention, the star of the household. Cheerleading, gymnastics, pageantry, baking, babysitting, violin and ballet, everything. It built and flourished an ego, a level of perfectionism that shaped her today. Did she get the attention because she was the favourite or did she do everything to garner and keep it all? It's not like she hated those activities. She loved every minute of them. Xavier was just left to his devices. She doesn't remember their parents being concerned with him except with football and Britney, more so with the latter.
With that in mind, why wouldn't it go to her? Does Xavier need it more than her?
"It'd go to him anyways," Angela states. "The shield goes to the leader because my dad led The Avengers. Xavier will lead us so it'll be his."
"You won't need it?"
"I can handle myself."
"Angela, being an agent is so much more than what your physical body can do. Based on what I've gotten from your file, you like to take on more than you can handle. Why do that without any limit or barrier?"
Angela pauses. "I don't understand."
"You know you're qualified. You know you can make it and surpass expectations. So why take on so much?"
She really wants to leave this conversation. "… I've got something to prove."
"To whom? Or to what? The shield?"
"The shield has nothing to do with anything," Angela states, sitting straighter. "Has anyone ever considered the pressure they put on us here? Other college juniors are getting psyched for senior year, not psychoanalyzed."
The evaluator starts a new page in their notebook. "You didn't answer the question."
"You didn't answer mine."
"You're here because you're different."
Angela laughs a little, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. She notices her evaluator writing her reactions down.
"People everywhere are different," Angela states. "We're being threatened to our breaking point and I don't have it bad or as bad because I'm benefitting. Thriving, if anyone asks. This is a training school for agents. Yeah, it's cool and heroic but there are cowards and traitors. If people want to get through the Academy, they have to grow and learn why they're here. Heroes don't always win. They lose some battles but that drive keeps them fighting so they come back. They don't give up. I was led here, persuaded with a bountiful scholarship I didn't need, but I want to be here. I need to be here. I didn't follow their ways because I made my choice on who I will be. SHIELD allowed me to see my capabilities and more. Now I have a better understanding of how I work, how the world works, and how we work together. For the rest of my life, I want to fight like it'd be my last battle. I'm proving myself to myself, does that answer your question?"
Her evaluator nods. No reaction. A perfect examiner. He sits there and lets the words break over them like waves on the shore where his pencil streaking across his sheet fills the silence. Angela has to admit that she feels lighter. It's easier to breathe following the weightless rush coming from saying something she can't and won't take back.
"Thank you for talking to me, Cadet Rogers, you're dismissed," he says.
Angela blinks, confused. "That's - that's it?"
"I have everything I need on you."
-o-
[CLASSIFIED EXCERPT FROM SO: Agent Bonnie Moore]
"Cadet Rogers likes to take on more than she can handle, even if it'll kill her. I know she'd make a great team leader, but I don't think she can manage leading people with whom she has many emotional attachments. It'd cloud her judgement to make close calls. She knows her place, her role, not only on a team but in the Academy and her life outside. If she sees something she doesn't like, she will act on it and get rid of it if required. Nobody would even have to ask."
And there was our first psych eval. If you thought this was traumatizing, just you wait.
Also that part about Angela knowing she's not qualified but is more than she believes was me applying to grad school. As I'm writing this, I haven't applied yet and I'm terrified. (Publishing me is working on applications.)