I opened Emily's story to find the counterpart I needed for the start but ended up reading a lot of the earlier chapters. It brought me so much joy.
Year Three: Cadet #119 043 093 092
Four Years Ago - Pym Penthouse
James was happy that when his father dragged him home by the tie of his private school uniform, his mother wasn't home. There's no doubt that she didn't hear about it but she didn't call him, probably because she knew his father would deal with him. He knows his mother would've given his father a big deal over wrinkling and nearly ripping the satin.
"You nearly destroyed your school for a test you didn't want to write?" Hank yells. "You could've written it anyways and aced it!"
"I didn't mean for it to go that far," James responds, throwing his bag on the floor by the door.
"Your school is closed for a week!"
"I didn't pull the fire alarm and activate the sprinklers!"
Hank pauses, taking a breath but that doesn't change his demeanour.
"I didn't do it only for me," James argues. "I had some classmates who weren't prepared so they could use this time. And the school needed some fixing anyways."
"God, James…" Hank groans. "What is wrong with you?"
James looks at his father. A man who has been tired of his shit ever since he was born but this is the first time he's seeing it play out. The anger, the frustration, the conceding because there's no use getting through to him. His dad's chequebook didn't even make an appearance as it usually would to clean up his mess. If he couldn't get through to him in seventeen years, what impact could he make now? Suddenly, James' cheery smile and sarcastic wit fade as he excuses himself to his room without saying anything, yanking off his stupid satin tie on the way. God, he hopes he didn't rip it.
At least his mother wasn't around to see this. He and his father wouldn't dare mention it to her.
-o-
Present Day - Academy Counselling Room 2
James wasn't all too scared for his psych evaluation. He understood it as a conversation about himself which he would love to partake in. It's strangely uncomfortable to be assessed when the goal of the test is unknown but if it was about himself, he could wing it.
"Alrighty," James says the moment he sits down in the chair across the evaluator's desk. "Let's get on with your questions."
The evaluator, a young brunette wearing a sharp blazer, doesn't look up from her notes. "What was it like growing up knowing that your life would've been completely different if you went to public school?"
James pauses as she looks up at him with a welcoming smile, all lips. She looks friendly but he guesses they're all supposed to look that way.
"Wow, you're just getting into it," James states. At least the conversation is about him, as he expected.
His evaluator nods. "It's interesting to think about from a sociological perspective. You know, parallel lives and environmental changes affecting goals and outcomes."
"Huh…" James mutters. "Well, I honestly haven't thought much about if I went to public school. I think I would've still ended up here."
Another nod. "So why are you here, James?"
"I need a psych eval to graduate."
She didn't find it funny. "No, why are you here in the Academy?"
James pauses. He never asked why bother going to the Academy. He just got accepted, showed up, and occasionally went to class. His friends and girlfriend were all here so it was never a big debate for him on where to go to school.
"It's fine not to know the answer," his evaluator says as she scribbles in her notebook. "The worst you could do is bullshit something or lie. Really, in your heart, is all this what you want?"
James keeps quiet, which even he knows is strange for himself. He expected to be in so much psychological pain but this feeling of confusion and existentialism is weird and uncomfortable.
"Can I tell you something?"
"You sound uncertain about whether you can really trust me but believe that we've built enough of a rapport to have a conversation. Tell me more."
James disregards what she says about a lack of trust because it's true. "I didn't go to public school with my friends. My parents sent me to a private school in the city because they had connections and thought it'd be better for me. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong. Sick parties, great memories, lots of dates but nobody was really anyone's friend there. We were all mostly rich kids forced to go there by our parents, friends and lovers by proximity. Once we graduated, we partied some more before going our separate ways. I don't miss any of them, really. I had more of a connection with my friends here so I guess you could say that I came here to go to school with them."
It makes the most sense for him. He notices how he could never say thank god, I don't go to your school because he was there with them.
"So steering back to my first question," she says, getting his attention again, "over the course of your life, have you changed?"
James shrugs. "Not really, I think. Is that a bad thing? Should I be the same - exactly the same - with one minor difference? Or do I start over, reinvent everything, be a person I never thought I'd need to be?"
"Is it a bad thing?" She raises a brow, ready to write something down.
"I don't know, I'm asking you."
She's silent, pencil in hand, waiting for him to answer.
"It's like what you said about the sociobiological perspective," James continues, shifting positions in his seat as she starts writing again. "You know, what if I did go to public school with them or they were at my private school? What if I went to Europe with Stark instead of the Academy? Or some Ivey League school who knows where? My friends have been through things and I just react. I think I was a dick in private school and I should've hung out with them more. I want to be there in a way that shows them things can go back to normal, I guess, that it will all be okay. I'm not there to start a pity party because one-upping pain only adds to, well, the pain."
She gives him a small smile, looking directly at him before turning to a fresh page in her notebook. Everyone here has been through something, in one way or another. The only way that we truly overcome those bad experiences is by refusing to let them change us.
"But do you think you've changed at some point?"
James shrugs again. "Probably."
"You have a steady girlfriend now, don't you?"
James can't help but wonder what the hell was in his file to get that question. Still, the thought of getting to talk about his girlfriend? He'll take it with a smile.
"Yes," James beams, sitting straight in his seat. "Well, we broke up in our second year here after two years together because of me but we got back together after four months. We're great now."
"How come you broke up?" The evaluator asks.
"Before Angela, I had one serious girlfriend. Well, serious for freshman year of high school. Before that and in-between Janice, my ex, and Angela, current girlfriend, I was a serial dater."
"No commitment aside from Janice and Angela? Not even a thought of pursuing something more?"
"Not really."
"Why not?"
James sighs since he's never said these thoughts aloud before. Now they're about to break the surface, they pang against his ribs. "It never had anything to do with the girls. I only ever felt or feel a real connection with Janice and Angela. Relationships are scary, no matter how many you've been in. You're scared to get one and when it happens, you're scared of messing up. Ask any of my exes, even my current girlfriend when we broke up last year, I always mess up."
James pauses, realizing that was the point his evaluator wanted him to reach. She doesn't show it through her face or with writing anything down. Became she knows and wanted him to realize it for himself. At least he thinks. He's only assuming.
But that's who he is: someone who always messes up.
"I see," she says.
"Anything else you plan to talk about?" James shifts in his seat again, desperate to change the topic. Did his voice crack by the end of the question?
She glances back at her notes on the previous page. "I have it written that you haven't completed your first-year requirement of an express Ph.D. Why is that?"
Another topic James wanted to avoid. "Hey, just because I don't do shit doesn't mean I don't know shit. Pardon my French."
"I never said you didn't know your chosen field of quantum entanglement. That's your father's specialty, isn't it?"
That question hits him like a bullet and he knows the feeling through real-life simulations in class. He should've seen this topic of conversation coming: his relationship with his father. If James had to gander, he'd conclude that he always does the opposite of what his dad says, mostly. But then he picked a field of study for his incomplete dissertation on a field his dad invented but didn't work on it at all.
His mommy issues that he's aware of, stemmed from her being easier to please, if they were really issues. His mother was stoked he would the Academy with his friends and that he chose to focus his dissertation on his father's field of quantum entanglement. His father was only disappointed that he didn't even finish his dissertation in the given year.
"Yeah, it is," James mutters, looking down at his shoes. "I joke that he invented the field because he's so damn knowledgeable on it. I tell myself that I chose it because I thought it was complicated enough that the Academy would let me slide on it. Looking back, I think I picked it to make him proud but didn't actively work on it because I would be ruining his life's work, ergo, make him more disappointed in me."
"Would he be more disappointed in you not completing it?"
James laughs a little at the thought. "No. He doesn't think we should finish whole dissertation in a year. Something about needing fieldwork and lots of research."
"So why do you think your dad would be disappointed?"
"Because he knows I could've completed in a year. Not even a possibility, he believed in me. He had hope in me and I didn't do it because I didn't want to let him down. Two sides of the same coin. Lose-lose situation."
The evaluator nods, scribbling down something on a separate sheet. "Here."
James looks at the slip of paper. "What is it?"
"Academic permission to skip your classes till next week on the condition that you go home."
James pauses, not expecting that outcome. He only knew that you'd be asked to leave the Academy permanently, not for a few days. But he doesn't ask. He thanks his evaluator for her time, keeping the slip in his hands as he leaves the office; tears forming in his eyes. He notices an open window and shrinks to fly out. Forget going back to his dorm because he heads straight for his car.
-o-
[CLASSIFIED EXCERPT FROM SO: Professor Nine]
"Cadet Pym exhibits textbook narcissism but, ironically, doesn't fully understand his capabilities. His procrastination and lack of effort aren't laziness, but self-doubt. He needs the reassurance, the encouragement, the praise, the validation. I'm not a psychologist but I think his polarizing superiority complex comes from him needing to reward himself due to the lack thereof from others."
I almost bawled at the flashback because I have a new respect for him and want to give James a hug.
The infestation mentioned in the start flashback (one of my favourite new chapters to come out of the revamps):
Emily's Counterpart - Chapter 91: Pym's Infestation