I lied. It's this chapter I couldn't wait to write.
Year Four: Male Bonding
Hudson Residence - 15:36 PM
Xavier lies on his bed about to take a nap until his mother calls him. For a moment, Xavier debated picking up since he figures Angela and the girls would've already stopped by and she filled their parents up to date on his well-being that's, funny enough, not well. He doesn't even greet his mom on the phone call before she, well, started acting like her motherly self.
Peggy: I've been informed that you're miserable amongst other choice adjectives.
Xavier narrows his eyes because of course, that's what Angela decided to tell her. "My job doesn't have scheduled breaks or hours. The only times I'm not responsible for things is when I'm in class which isn't exactly free time."
Peggy: You didn't deny your misery or any of the other choice adjectives.
Xavier groans. "I haven't slept and I'm still healing from Camp."
Peggy: Angela's shown me the pictures. Apollo would've been proud.
Again, he's not surprised. He finds the images haunt him recently since his cadets like to remind him. Daily, he gets a text from his floor's group chat with a photo of his return from camp just to mock him.
"Tell Angela to-"
Xavier immediately sits up at the sound of shouting and thumping coming from his floor. He stands up and opens the door, peering out only to see a group of his cadets crowded around their floor's common area, bouncing off each other and shrieking. As much as he doesn't want to deal with that, he must.
Peggy: Xavier, what was that? Are you okay?
"I don't know but I have to go," Xavier says as he starts heading out. "I'll call you back if you're not on a mission."
Xavier puts his phone in his pocket and approaches his cadets in their common area and communal kitchen. To his shock, they're all holding various items like brooms and umbrellas. He spots a hand-held vacuum, a barbell, some coat hangers, and hockey sticks. As he tries to shove his way to the front, Xavier catches a baseball bat being swung without flinching and the cadet who holds it pales.
That's when all faces turn to him and freeze.
"What the hell are you guys doing?" Xavier asks as he puts the bat down.
"There's a mouse."
"It's under the microwave! Get it!"
Xavier doesn't bat an eye as some cadets start whacking their brooms again. He doesn't know how to react if he's being frank. At the sound of the chaos, Xavier thought his floor decided to start their own Fight Club since they probably assumed he wasn't here. He only hopes nobody breaks the microwave.
"All this for a mouse?" Xavier asks. He's grateful nobody had SHIELD-grade weapons on them or else there would be bullet holes everywhere and he doesn't want to fill out the paperwork.
"Do you have mouse traps or something?"
Xavier sighs. "I'll call Vander."
-o-
Xavier wasted five minutes of his life. He was shocked Agent Vander picked up but not surprised when the man started laughing upon Xavier telling the mouse story he walked into. But no, the mouse is his problem to deal with, even more so when he walks out of his room and his floor is empty.
Doors remain open and rooms are in their usual mess as Xavier passes them. Closets and drawers are open with things out of place so Xavier guesses that his cadets fled instead of dealing with the mouth.
He can't help but smile. He's finally at peace. And that his so-called floor of future Specialist agents can't handle a mouse.
Xavier looks at his phone vibrating in his hand and picks up when he sees Brody calling.
"Hey, I was about to call you," Xavier says.
Brody: A lot of your cadets are seeking asylum on my floor. The hell happened down there?
"Mouse."
Brody: Infestation? Dude, we'd have to clear the building-
"Mouse, singular … at least that I'm aware of."
Brody: You call Vander?
Xavier laughs which explains the failed phone call in one sound. Hell, that was basically what Vander did on the phone before telling Xavier to handle it on his own.
Brody: Thought so. Man would react exactly like that. I think you're becoming him.
Xavier has never been so offended in his whole life, especially because Brody verbalized his thoughts. "What have I ever done to you?"
Brody: I'm kidding… Are you good?
Xavier sighs. "I told my mom that I'm tired, Angela said that I'm depressed, and Mom's now too concerned about my growing brooding personality."
The elevator dings and Xavier turns around to see Brody walking out, hanging up his phone and putting it in his pocket as he approaches him.
"Surely, my relaxed personality normalizes you," Brody responds to continue the conversation. "You're as deep as still water."
Xavier thinks about what that means but gets distracted when he and Brody see the mouse appear on the countertop in the kitchen. It sits inside an open box of boneless chicken wings, munching away as it stares right at them.
"This is a personal attack," Brody says.
"This is war and we need all hands on deck," Xavier states.
"You know a guy?"
"Not an exterminator but he's pretty smart."
Xavier takes out his phone again and dials, holding the phone to his ear as he looks at Brody.
"You calling your mom?" He asks.
Xavier looks at him strangely. "Why would I call her?"
Brody shrugs. "You were talking to her before all this. Should get back to her since she's concerned."
"I'm not calling my mom - hey, Daniel, you busy tonight? It's Friday."
Daniel: … yes.
Xavier narrows his eyes at Daniel's response despite his friend being unable to see him. "You hesitated."
Daniel hangs up and Xavier looks at Brody.
"Let's get him," Brody suggests.
-o-
Outside Edison Residence - 16:28 PM
Xavier and Brody sprint across campus at the same pace just in time to see Daniel attempting to drive away from campus. Xavier picks up speed and jumps on Daniel's front hood. He slides off as Daniel slams on the brakes and Brody catches up.
"Epic," Brody states.
"Fucking hell…" Daniel mutters, reeling from the fact he almost hit Xavier with his car despite his friend jumping in front of him intentionally.
"I just know you're not busy," Xavier reprimands from outside the car. "It's an emergency."
"Call Vander or your mom!" Daniel yells from the safety of inside his car.
"That's what I said!" Brody exclaims.
Xavier ignores Brody and focuses on Daniel. "It's that kind of emergency."
"I don't know what that means," Daniel says.
"You were driving away. You know what that means."
"I drove off because I don't want to know what that means."
"It's not that bad."
"You jumped in front of my moving vehicle!"
Brody opens Daniel's driver's door. "How about this. Give me your keys and I'll drive your car back to your spot while Xavier explains everything to you on the way back to his floor."
Daniel groans as he hands Brody his keys. "Fine!"
-o-
Hudson Residence - 16:41 PM
Daniel listened to Xavier's story starting with wanting to nap to jumping in front of his car. Xavier probably thinks that Daniel is strategizing some plan to get rid of the mouse, but he knows that the whole story went in one ear and out the other. Brody barely listened when he was updated on the news about their dorm.
"This is my one day off," Daniel says as the elevator stops at Xavier's empty floor.
"Cute…" Xavier mutters as the doors close behind him. "I don't get a day off!"
"I should've hidden in a library."
"I would've dragged you out."
Daniel scoffs, leaning forwards a bit before looking at Xavier. "As if you know where it is."
Xavier doesn't respond because he doesn't know where the library is. Not like he really went to it, even Operations has their own "library" which is really a place for them all to hang out and talk about classes. It's basically another Howling Commando's Lounge. Sometimes, cadets do their light workouts there like yoga or review foreign languages in military fashion (aka just screaming phrases and repeating them to each other). In the rare case he would find himself there, he was always with someone and following them more so than paying attention to where he was heading.
Either way, he has no clue where Sci-Tech's libraries are on campus. He probably should.
Brody walks out of the elevator. "Banner's got a point."
Daniel gestures to Brody. "I have an idea. Let's call an exterminator."
"No money," Xavier responds.
"Get a mouse trap."
"Again, no money."
Daniel groans. "Why am I here? What could I possibly contribute to this fiasco?"
"Don't you have a Ph.D. in animals?" Brody asks.
Daniel looks at him offended. Biochemistry and Nuclear Physics. "Not even close. What about Orchid? She lives on a farm, doesn't she?"
"We thought of that but she's not here," Brody informs him. "She went with Angela and others to a girls' weekend in Brooklyn."
Xavier shakes his head. "No, Manhattan. They're at Merida's."
Brody looks at him and shakes his head piteously when he notices how serious Xavier is about their location. He puts a hand on his shoulder and pats comfortingly. "Oh, mate, they're at your place."
Xavier's heart drops. Angela lied to him to use their car. He's fucking stranded here with that mouse and she'll return their car with no gas. And to think his mother didn't tell him about it on the phone because, now that he thinks about it, Angela and the others were already there when she called him. Some nerve she has for centring the conversation on him.
"Mouse!" Daniel exclaims.
Xavier's focus returns and follows where Daniel's pointing. The three of them sprint towards the small mouse running down the hallway.
-o-
After trashing three dorm rooms trying to chase the mouse before it escaped into the walls, the boys can safely say that they're blaming the added dorm mess on the mouse. The cadets will believe it, especially if they can hear their constant thumping and things falling from Brody's floor above them.
Brody slides onto the couch in the common room, beside Daniel as Xavier stands behind them with his arms crossed.
"I texted Orchid," Brody says, showing him and Daniel. "No, Rogers, they didn't go through your room yet, in parentheses. Orchid sent me a voice note."
He plays it for them, turning up the volume.
Orchid: Shut up, Merida! God, Emily, you're fucking drunk as a skunk… Oh god, Brody was asking about mice because Bestie has a mouse on his floor to deal with. [Background laughter] Okay, listen up boys. Like rabbits, mice have no verbal speech as we humans do. But all animals have a way of conveying ideas through a language of sounds, signals, scents, and gestures, which are their methods of communication. Get it!
"God, I love her," Brody says as he texts her back.
"I think she has a Ph.D. in animals," Daniel says.
Brody nudges Daniel. "I didn't know your girl would've been there."
Daniel nods without a smile, awkwardly fixing his glasses that didn't need adjusting. Xavier eyes him, keeping quiet. He doesn't recall if Stark and Daniel were going through a rough patch. Neither of them said anything to him directly nor did he hear anything in the grapevine which consisted of Angela and James blabbing. Sometimes, he needed Apollo to tell him when Britney was being weird to him because that's when Xavier knew something was wrong with her: if she seemed fine with Apollo.
"Me neither…" Daniel mutters, clearing his throat before looking at Xavier. "I can't believe your mother never told me."
Xavier grins a little. "Fuck off. That's a later problem. What are we supposed to do with Orchid's information?"
"We now know Emily's location."
"I don't care about her location."
Daniel's offended again for the — Xavier's lost count — time tonight. "I do."
"I'm talking about the mouse information!" Xavier yells before calming. "None of us could even get near that mouse without it scampering away."
Daniel raises a brow. "We can't."
Xavier studies the growing grin on Daniel's face as he looks at him. "… Jesus, we're desperate."
Brody claps Daniel's shoulder which makes him jump a little in his seat. "See, Banner, this is why you're here. All the bright ideas."
-o-
Keith sighs from inside the elevator. "So you're telling me a bunch of Operations cadets who mostly went to military schools before this and who are now training to run into open fire are scared of a little mouse?"
James stretches his arms. He came dressed in his Operations training uniform for this stupid mission. He felt flattered to be considered "perfect" for this quest when Brody called him up, despite being third if counting Brody himself and Daniel in terms of who to call. James is partially offended considering he shrinks, flies, and shoots bioelectricity amongst other abilities.
"Yup," James responds.
Keith laughs in disbelief. "Losers."
The doors open and Keith and James walk into the messy common room that's completely trashed. Brody and Daniel sit on the couch as Xavier walks out of the kitchen.
"Girls get a sleepover and we get a mouse," Keith states disappointed. "Have you tried cheese?"
"Didn't work," Brody responds.
Daniel sighs. "Mouse just took the cheese and ran, probably laughing at us as it disappeared in the walls and furniture."
"Same, though…" Keith mutters.
"I hate this job," Xavier says, sitting on the floor in front of Brody and Daniel on the couch. He stretches his legs under the table.
"It's been two months and you were at Camp for a month…" Brody pauses when he does the math in his head. "Oh god, you poor dude."
Keith can't help but laugh. Even James and Daniel snicker despite Xavier's misery. His mother was right.
"Should I have brought cat ears?" James asks, holding two fingers on each hand above his head to mimic the feature.
Xavier can't tell if James is being sarcastic because he would bring them had he thought of it earlier. "Let's surrender."
The mouse scurries by and James immediately lights his fists.
"I got this!" James exclaims, shrinking and flying after it.
The room goes quiet as they wait for James to return with a dead mouse. They're not sure how long it's supposed to take so they stay amongst themselves.
"I wanna go home," Xavier mumbles.
"The girls are there probably raiding your room by now," Brody responds, hiding a grin.
"Lucky," Keith says. He walks over to the fridge and helps himself to a soda, opening it as he walks over and sits on the other couch.
Brody takes out his phone. "I'll text Orchid for more drunk advice."
"So, what are you going to do with the mouse when you catch it?" Keith asks.
Xavier looks at him. "Thanks for thinking we'd catch it."
"I'm trying unbelievable optimism."
Daniel's brows wrinkle as he looks at his friend. "Since when do you do anything optimistic?"
Keith shrugs. "Guess I'm having a good night."
"Orchid's back with another voice note!" Brody exclaims.
He turns up the volume on his phone and puts it on the coffee table for them all to listen to. Maybe James could listen in from wherever he is in the dorms, the walls, or the vents.
Orchid: No, ladies, mouse isn't a euphemism or innuendo for anything. Y'all are nasty. They have an actual mouse in the dorm and they're working together to catch it.
Naomi: Aw, Male Bonding. This'll bring them closer together for sure.
Angela: Why are you helping them? Tell Xavier to call our mom or something.
Orchid: Brody says he tried that.
Angela: Mom, Xavier has a mouse in a dorm!
Naomi: I think your mom and dad left already. Hours ago, actually.
Victoria: Don't you Americans keep guns and bombs with you? Second amendment, am I right?
Merida: It's Second Amendment Right.
Victoria: Shut up, American. Gunslinging [unintelligible Sokovian word, likely derogatory].
Naomi: Can't we order them a mouse trap? Like those snapping ones or the sticky ones … or poison cubes.
Emily: Nah, I'm with Victoria on the guns and bombs. Seems like the best option is to go nuclear. I'll send one over.
Angela: Emily!
Merida: Wait a minute, she might be onto something now.
Orchid: Why not a barn cat? That's how we got rid of the mice back home.
Angela: Now that's a euphemism.
[Cheers so loud they nearly break Brody's phone speaker]
Orchid: Angela Samantha Rogers!
The boys are silent as the voice note ends. They're not sure what to take out of that message since so much was happening but nothing really useful to this situation. Also, nobody asks about the euphemism for barn cats, especially Xavier since he's already blocking out that his sister said those words.
Brody nudges Daniel. "Your future wife is wild."
Keith looks at Daniel, eyeing him. "They were all wild on that tape so I'll take a gamble on which one's your fiancée. Is she actually going to send a bomb over because that's a real woman."
"She's studying in Japan so it makes sense. Not to mention where she comes from."
Daniel sits back, slouching back into the couch in hopes that it swallows him whole. "Oh god, I'm marrying into that."
Xavier smiles a little. Maybe there is no rough patch. "So now you realized. Whoever said to send us mouse traps is a godsend."
Keith beams, looking at his soda. "Naomi is a godsend."
Screams grab their attention. They all stand, looking down the halls towards the dorms, flinching at the erratic blasting noises and spots of light.
"Oh god, we forgot about James," Xavier says. "It was quiet for too long and I liked it."
Keith shrugs again. "Oh, I thought he was dead."
Daniel glares at him. "I thought you were trying to be optimistic."
Keith finishes his soda. "That's why I kept it to myself."
James flies out of a kitchen cabinet, growing back to his normal size as he rolls onto the floor. He lands on his back, his uniform torn and dusty. He has scratches on his face, neck, and hands, and his hair is cobwebbed. James gasps for air. Brody runs to the kitchen and dumps a pitcher of water on him. James makes a finger gun with one hand and fires bioelectricity at Xavier who doesn't even flinch.
"I'm gonna drop out of Operations because fuck that," James says. "I've never seen anything so feral and I've been attacked by the stupid hogs at Camp because of you!" He relaxes. "So what now?"
All eyes land on Xavier while his own go distant. Why are they all looking at him? Everything that's happened tonight shows that he has no idea what to fucking do. He didn't even realize he was lying on the floor on his side but here he is crying about much more than the mouse.
Speaking of the rodent, they catch it squeaking in the kitchen.
"Shut up!" Xavier yells at the mouse as it scampers off. He rolls on his back and looks at the ceiling, catching Brody, James, Keith, and Daniel in his peripheral vision around his head.
James taps Daniel's arm and whispers, "what would Britney do?"
Xavier looks at Daniel for an answer. If he had to guess, Britney would've put on cat ears and meowed for thirty minutes before running all over the dorms when she could just cast a spell. But she'd never do that because where's the fun in using magic when she got to wear cat ears and dance around? God, he misses her. Maybe that's why he's crying. All the pent-up tears he's held on to for nearly four years, time longer than his relationship with her, pouring out of him because he yelled at a mouse and pictured her wearing cat ears.
They're not coming back, are they?
" … wrong Asgardian," Daniel responds, kneeling on the floor beside him. He takes Xavier's face in his hand and turns it so he's facing him. "Xavier, answer me this. What would Apollo do?"
Pop-Tarts flash in Xavier's mind. Most of his memories with Apollo had Pop-Tarts in them. He always had them in his locker and his backpack instead of books. He sat through an entire car ride with Apollo telling him why cookies and cream was his favourite flavour at the moment because he was always changing his mind. One time, Apollo yelled at Stark in blasphemy because she dipped a piece of a Pop-Tart in her espresso.
Apollo would've been proud.
Xavier sits straight, taking a breath as he rolls his shoulders back. Daniel looks at James as he and Brody pull them both up. All eyes are still on Xavier.
What would Apollo do? Aside from fucking off to Asgard with a seemingly indefinite return, he'd be against making Pop-Tart trails to lure the mouse since that would be a bigger waste than Emily dipping it in espresso. Instead, they're going with Hammer of the Gods, a classic strategy he created and they used all the time in paintball or laser tag.
Full force.
Xavier points at Keith. "Get a cardboard box. One at least bigger than the mouse and that has no holes." He points at Brody as Keith scampers off. "Get a baseball bat or anything that can be used as one." He points at Daniel as Brody collects the various items the cadets used as weapons earlier. "Pop-Tarts. Check the cupboards or raid my desk. I should have some boxes. I'll search for pots and pans, or even fucking cymbals."
"What about me?" James asks.
"You're going back in."
James whines. "I should've snuck in Angela's pocket or Merida's hair to go to their sleepover."
-o-
The Pop-Tarts are merely a formality as an ode to Apollo and for their enjoyment. Daniel found a box of strawberry ones in a cadet's room which they'll blame the mouse for its disappearance despite Xavier making a mental note to buy a replacement box after all this.
"Ready?" Xavier asks, holding an old frying pan in one hand and a metal bowl in the other.
The boys nod. Keith holds an open box of boneless wings while standing on the stove. James was supposed to locate the mouse and chase it back under the stove five minutes after they ate their Pop-Tarts as an energizer. Brody stands about five feet in front of the stove, armed with a hockey stick.
"Now!" James screams, blasting from underneath the stove.
Xavier clangs the pots and pans as Daniel covers his ears from behind him. The mouse runs out from under the stove, straight towards Brody. Brody uses the hockey stick and taps the mouse like a puck, sending the mouse flying up to Keith's box. The moment the mouse lands inside, Keith closes it shut and James grows back to his normal size.
Everyone exhales in relief. Nobody has the energy to cheer. Xavier's going to text his cadets tomorrow because he doesn't have the mind power to watch them move back in from escaping upstairs.
Brody goes into the fridge and pulls out beer for everyone except Keith who gets another soda.
Keith hugs the box. "If you kill the mouse, it wins."
"No," Xavier says. "If I kill the mouse, it's dead. Let's burn it. Actually, we should've set the dorm on fire and used smoke to lure it out. I'm writing that down for next time."
"Jesus, Xavier," Daniel says, "Let's take it to the lab."
"You two are fucked up," Brody states. "I'm going to blame the excess sugar we had with the adrenaline from finally catching this stupid mouse."
"I'm still dropping out," James murmurs, sitting down at the kitchen counter.
"I'm keeping it," Keith says, hopping off the stove and holding the box.
"If you lose that stupid mouse in our dorm, I'm dropping out."
"I'll pay you to lose it there," Xavier whispers to Keith.
"Name your price," Keith says.
"No!" Daniel exclaims. "We'll ship it to the girls' sleepover."
"Even better," Xavier says, "except that thing's probably going to end up in my room as revenge."
"That can't be better than them raiding your room," Brody says.
Xavier weighs the two options in his head. "This is giving me a headache."
Tag yourself, I'm currently Tired Xavier crying on the floor.