Chapter 8

The next few days were hectic and Marcus hadn't seen Abby. She was difficult to track down on normal days and Kane often wondered where she spent her time as she was nowhere to be found when she wasn't on duty. Council meetings were the only times he was guaranteed to see her, but she missed the last two due to medical emergencies and she had just missed another one. Marcus had yet to tell her that he found a solution to Abby's midwife problem, Leanna, but as he hadn't seen her, he couldn't do it, and messaging her just didn't feel right. After their last conversation, he needed to speak to her in person, he hated that he made her feel like an inconvenience, and he wanted to set the record straight.

"Come on, Abby, you have to come," said Niylah as she entered Abby's office.

"I have to finish this first; I'll join you later."

"Go, I'll finish this for you," said Jackson. "It's the first bunker baby and you delivered her, you must be there to celebrate."

"Shouldn't they wait until the mother is well enough to join them? She should be the one celebrating," said Abby exasperated. The Trikru woman who gave birth mere hours ago was heavily pregnant when the bunker doors were locked, and it was only a matter of time before she went into labor. The news of the first child born underground spread fast, and even before the woman and the baby were out of the medical, people wanted to celebrate. The first child born inside the bunker, a little girl, it gave people hope, a reason to celebrate. Not that they needed one these days, there was always laughter coming from the rec room in the afternoons, people found ways to relax and make their lives more enjoyable and moonshine flew freely on some nights, with the council turning a blind eye as long as everything remained peaceful.

"Come on, only for a few minutes, you deserve a break—"

"Fine, I'm done, let's go but only for a few minutes." Abby had no plans of staying but figured it would be easier to just go along and disappear quickly rather than to argue with Niylah and Jackson. The two of them were more difficult to shake off than burs stuck to animal fur.

Inside the mess call, Abby maneuvered her way around people looking for a spot away from the crowds. Someone put some old music on and along with loud chatter and laughter, the noise was deafening. On the other hand, Abby wasn't in a celebratory mood. Slipping past people, she reached her usual spot in the farthest corner of the room, slid down the chair, and placed her glass of moonshine on the table. Being on duty, she had no intention of drinking it but when Jackson handed it to her, it was easier to accept it and nurse it rather than refuse it, she was too exhausted to come up with any excuses. She pushed the glass away, leaned back in her chair, inhaled, and looked around the room. The air smelled of alcohol and something else, something sweet. She took a deep breath, the scent reminded her of that cookie she had before but it wasn't quite the same, she scanned the room trying to find the source of the smell but the colorful sea of people hid it from her. With her arms crossed, she leaned back and watched as people enjoyed themselves, Jackson and Niylah blended with the crowd and no one else bothered Abby, she could leave and no one would notice.

She reached out for the drink, swirled it in the glass, and placed it back on the table ready to leave. That's when she spotted Marcus as he entered the room with the same woman from before. When he noticed the crowds, his mouth fell open in surprise, he leaned towards the woman and whispered something and she replied with a smile, her long hair in elaborate braids, one of which she played with as she spoke to Marcus who smiled brightly at her response, this time the smile reached his eyes.

On his way back from the lowest level, Marcus bumped into Leanna who dragged him to the mess hall to get some food. Kane didn't mind Leanna, he found that he quite liked her company as a friend, nothing more. They didn't have much time for friendships lately and there were so many losses that he figured they were all lonely in their own way, so he welcomed the change of pace. New friends weren't a bad thing and it certainly helped to make friends with Trikru members who seemed to have adapted rather well to life in the bunker and who enjoyed themselves very much.

The mess hall crowd was loud and cheery, and Marcus could hear them before he could see it and as soon as he entered the room, he was faced with a sea of laughing people with drinks in their hands. It would appear that half of the bunker gathered there.

"What's this all about?" he asked Leanna.

"Oh, haven't you heard?" She smiled. "Silje gave birth to the first child born inside the bunker, we're celebrating." She grabbed two drinks from the nearby table and handed him one.

"Where are they?" he scanned the room looking for the mother and the child.

"They're still in the medical, your healer wanted to keep an eye on them."

Kane wondered why Abby hadn't told him but figured it was the emergency that caused her to miss the council meeting. He was meant to answer Leanna when his eyes fell on Abby, she sat at the farthest end of the large room, alone, as always. She was clearly looking at him but the second their eyes met, she averted her gaze, but the expression on her face told him everything he needed to know. She was devastated and Marcus wanted nothing more than to scoop her up and save her from everything, steal her pain away.

"What was that?" he asked Leanna who was clearly saying something, but he was too preoccupied to catch it.

"I asked about your healer, why is she always alone? Is she banished or something?" Leanna asked as she followed his gaze. Marcus furrowed his brows in response.

"Would you excuse me for a moment?" And without waiting for her answer, he made his way through the crowd with his eyes fixed on Abby. He realized how it must have looked to her. First, he dismissed her and then, he showed up with Leanna, she must think he already replaced her, he needed to speak to her as it had all been going way too long and he needed to set the record straight whether she'd listen to him or not.

"Marcus." Jaha appeared in front of him, cutting off his path. "It's a joyful day, isn't it." He raised his glass in a celebratory manner.

"U-huh." Marcus lost sight of Abby and by the time got rid off Jaha and got to her table, she was already gone, only her glass, still full, remained on the table. Hoping to catch her in the medical, he rushed there but she wasn't inside, and he had no idea where else could she be so he slumped his shoulders in resignation and dragged his feet towards his office.

Abby couldn't deal with Marcus, she didn't feel strong enough, she knew he didn't do anything wrong but her heart was aching and she had to go. As he was getting closer to her table, his eyes were fixed on her, his intense gaze burned a hole in her body and she couldn't handle it. She knew she was breaking him, and she hated herself for it but she couldn't handle the look in his eyes, him feeling sorry for her. She wasn't right for him, she hurt him so much already and she only had more pain to give, she was broken and the last thing she wanted was to destroy him more. It didn't feel right but it had to be done, she was cursed and only brought pain to those she loved.

By blocking Kane's path, Jaha gave her the perfect opportunity to escape, Abby took the chance and slipped away through the side door. The hall was empty and quiet, her steps echoed loudly as she made her way to the hidden corridor, not many people knew about. She spotted it on the bunker plans and used it whenever she needed to get away from people, so far, she'd never seen anyone else using it, not even patrol guards. She wondered if Kane knew about it, but she figured, he surely must have as he studied the same plans and since the blueprints weren't accessible to everyone, he probably didn't feel the need to send patrols inside, so she shrugged it off and never mentioned it to anyone.

These days, Abby didn't trust her own emotions and those desolate corridors provided the perfect escape from the busy main halls. Her anger subsided, she couldn't be mad at Marcus for saving her, she forgave him and understood why he did what he did and yet, she couldn't bring herself to talk to him, she needed to be away from him. Pushing him away hurt the both of them but she knew the pain would only be temporary and he'd heal and be able to move on, but if she got close to him, she was bound to hurt him or get him killed so staying away was for the best. So she pushed him away, farther and farther as she stood on the side, watching him move on. That's what she wanted, wasn't it? Her mind said yes but her heart hurt, refusing to accept it.

Blinded by emotions, she made her way to level E and headed towards the room she spent most of her time in lately. It was yet another storage room filled with inventory that needed to be counted, a mind-numbing task, perfect to take her mind off of other things. Sure, she could stay in her office after hours but it was too easy for Marcus to find her, and Jackson and Niylah needed more independence so she allowed them to run things without her peeking over their shoulders. Staying in her room wasn't an option either, it was too tempting to just open the door when Marcus knocked on it. When she needed time alone, she wondered the halls of the lower levels, and one night, she stumbled upon this room and decided to help out with the inventory, and when she was sick of counting, she worked on some council stuff, sometimes she'd fall asleep, too exhausted to keep her eyes open long enough to make it back to her quarters. It was easier to fall asleep there, uncomfortable and she woke up in pain, but at least she didn't lay awake for hours hoping for sleep to come.

"Doctor Griffin, report to the medical immediately, repeat…" Abby jumped and pressed her hand to her chest as the loud sound of the speaker startled her. They rarely used the bunker-wide speakers, they were reserved for emergencies. Crap! She thought. She sprang into action, turned on her heel, and sprinted through the corridors as if she was being chased. What the hell happened? Worried, she ran faster, gliding on the slippery floors, trying to catch her breath as people moved out of her way when they saw her coming. She pushed the door to the medical open and barged inside, Jackson turned around to see her.

"What happened?" She pulled her blue coat on.

"It's Rosa."

"Fuck."

"The antibiotics you gave her didn't help, she lost consciousness during the celebrations. It looks bad." Jackson updated Abby with a somber expression.

Abby pulled her hair into a ponytail and made her way to the examination room. Rosa was one of the Trikru people and like Marcus, she was crucified in Polis. Unlike Marcus, she hadn't received medical treatment and her wounds got infected. She hid them, trying to heal them with herbs but was unsuccessful. By the time Abby found out, the infection had spread, and she tried to treat them aggressively with antibiotics, unfortunately, after decades in storage, the old medication lost its potency and the infection kept spreading. As a last resort, they had to amputate her arm. Abby took it hard; it was personal. She could handle a lot, but crucifixion wounds weren't one of those things, not after City of Light, not after Marcus.

Inside the room, Rosa lay on the bed and Abby jumped into action, she removed the bandage and yellow pus oozed from the wound. A nauseating smell hit Abby's nose, tickling her throat. "Why hasn't she come to see me." Abby wondered.

"Come on, Rosa, you can do it," said Abby to the unconscious woman as she cleaned the wound. Quickly, she cut off infected flesh as it couldn't be saved. Abby's breath quickened as Rosa's vitals spiked, beads of sweat glistened on her forehead.

"Fuck!" The scalpel hit the floor, Abby kicked it away her foot and grabbed a new one from the tray. Her eyes darted to the monitors, Rosa's vitals spiked again. As she dipped the scalpel into the flesh, she held her breath. "Hold on Rosa," she repeated like a prayer. A long sound penetrated her ears, the monitors. Rosa's vitals collapsed as she went into sudden cardiac arrest. Abby dropped the scalpel in a metal tray, pushed the small table away, and jumped on the bed. She folded her hands and pressed on Rosa's chest as Jackson ran inside the room and grabbed the defibrillator.

"Come on," she shouted pressing on the woman's chest. As Jackson made his way to the bed, and got the handles ready, Abby removed her hands from Rosa. The woman's body jerked up, Abby looked at the monitor. Nothing.

"Again!" she said.

Rosa's body spasmed.

Nothing.

"Again, again, again…" Abby repeated in her head when she collapsed on her bed later. She couldn't save Rosa; she was too late. Tears streamed down Abby's face as she struggled to catch her breath, her chest tight, her stomach twisted. She squeezed her eyes shut but Rosa's body immediately appeared in her vision only to be replaced by Marcus' body seconds later. It could've been him! Her eyes shot open, but she couldn't see, tears blinded her. Her body shook over and over again as sobs escaped her. "It's all my fault."

Marcus was on his way back to his quarters with Abby still on his mind. He heard the announcement earlier and wondered what happened.

"Chancellor." Marcus stopped and turned around, he ran his hand through his hair and stifled a yawn.

"Yes, Hugo?" he asked the young man who called him.

"We've found a broken vent on the lower levels; it seems to be stuck and we don't know what to do with it?"

"Have you told Jaha?"

"No, we couldn't find him and I saw you and figured that maybe you knew where he was."

"He's up in the rec room playing chess."

"Thank you, sir!" the young man smiled brightly.

Marcus watched as Hugo walked away and once he disappeared behind the corner, he dragged himself toward his own quarters barely noticing anything around him.

The hall was dim and empty as Marcus dragged his feet towards his room, his eyes focused on the floor when he noticed light coming from the door next to his, Abby's room. He lifted his gaze; the door was ajar. Unusual. His mind was on high alert, he straightened his back and quickened his step. That's when he heard her. Abby was crying, her sobs breaking the silence of the place, her breath strained as she choked on tears. His chest tightened as he stood there listening, feeling like a trespasser who overstepped her boundaries. But he was worried about her, and it was unlike her to leave the door open, she sounded completely broken, devastated, like she'd never be able to pick herself up. Another sob reached his ears as she gasped for air. Boundaries be damned, he thought. Without knocking, he pushed the door open and shut it behind himself. Determined, he crossed the living room and reached for the handle to open her bedroom door. He couldn't care less whether she'd get angry, shout at him, or slap him, he had to make sure she was okay even if that'd make her mad.

Kane pushed the door open and the sight broke his heart. Abby lay on her bed facing him, her eyes red and puffy, open but unseeing, her face wet with tears. Lost in thoughts, her mind was elsewhere. Without thinking, he crossed the distance between them, sat on the bed, and took her in his arms. She didn't protest and clung to him with all her strength and he enveloped her and held her tight. She clutched his shirt and sobbed into his chest, Marcus gathered her to him and she didn't protest, unable to gather strength to, not wanting to. She needed him there.

It pained Kane to see Abby in this state, he wanted to ask what happened, make it go away but she was in no condition to speak so he resolved himself to hold her as he planted small kisses on top of her head over and over again, hoping that she'd calm down soon.

After a while, her sobs started to subside, and Abby lifted her head as she realized who was holding her. Without a word, she grabbed his hand, lifted the sleeve of his shirt and stared at the crucifixion scar on his wrist. She needed to see it with her own eyes, to confirm that it was healed and not infected, and when her eyes fell upon his healed scar a new wave of sobs shook her body. Marcus gathered her to him and rocked her, his eyes filled with tears and he squeezed them shut to stop them from falling.

With his hand, he caressed her hair and repeatedly planted small kisses on her head, held her until her breath evened out, her sobs stopped and she fell asleep. After that, he held her for a bit longer, making sure she was sound asleep. He wanted nothing more than to hold her and never let her go, wished that he could stay with her but knew that it would be selfish. Abby never asked him to stay and he had to respect that. Her boundaries were clear and the last thing he wanted was to cross them, especially when she was this vulnerable. He'd hate for her to think that he was taking advantage of her state so with a heavy heart, he removed her from his arms and placed her light body on the bed. He noticed that she was thinner than before, her spine bones under his hand and it worried him. He covered her with a blanket, kissed her forehead, and made his way out of the room, locking the door behind himself.

Marcus dragged himself to his own quarters and, still in his clothes, and with a heavy sigh, he collapsed on his bed hoping to fall asleep quickly but he couldn't stop thinking about Abby, her scent lingered on his shirt, and he could still feel her skin and he longed to hold her again. His own bed was empty and cold. Kane tossed and turned, eventually settling on his back, he lay there staring at his ceiling, listening if any sound came from Abby's room, worrying that she'd wake up. Eventually, he fell into a restless slumber only to wake up in the morning more tired than the night before.

End of Chapter 8