Tell Me You Love Me
7/31/2021
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Summary: Sebastian meets Kurt first.
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(title is a homage to the Galantis song of the same title BUT Demi's without the background story is pretty cool and fitting too)
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AN: Anyone who has read my stories before know that I use Karofsky to his fullest extent in so many different ways. Well, you'll all be happy to note that he's only a footnote in this story! Yay!
AN2: They'd met when Kurt was at his darkest moment. It wasn't the bullying, no, it was way before then, when Kurt had felt so alone, lost, wondering if anyone would miss him. (Season 6 brought this up and I'm going to run with it even though I really don't think KURT would have ever have gone through with it).
AN3: Lima is tiny in this story. Think really small town Midwest. Well... maybe not that small. My dad had 22 people graduate in his class, lol (and that was big for his town at the time) but he still was on the football team, in plays, art classes and shop among everything else. This is going to be more sort of small town in the Midwest. Let's say 30-50 per grade? Enough to warrant extracurricular activities and for things to get unruly and not enough help to deal with all of the kids and for cliches to form. Yeah, that makes sense, because to have 12 people between 4 grades for ND would only be 3 people from each grade. Yep, yep, they'd still feel like outcasts, minorities in the school... or the elite. Unlike my high school which had 555 students graduate in my year, the kids in the underclassman years won't get to split up and attend different classes at different times. Freshmen do every class together, Sophomores do everything together and starting Junior year, they can start splitting up and pursuing their individual interests, except the required language classes, they have Spanish and French and the students can pick between them or both of them or take the other their Junior/Senior year with their underclassmen. Kurt is starting out as a "Freshman" in this story, but it's late November/early December. Quotes explained within the story.
AN4: I skip lines in songs when I write them out – on purpose. A. some lines don't fit the point and B. I don't want to write out the whole song. Often I just write the title and the artist unless I feel certain lyrics make more of an impression or have a reason to be in the story. This is true of this first one. I may or may not have also changed a few lyrics by accident (I was writing what I heard, but looked up the lyrics and things were a little different). Sometimes people do that on purpose, sometimes they don't, thinking they know the words and doing the totally wrong ones, it's become the words they think it is forever. We'll pretend that's what it is here too, lol.
AN5: Sebastian is... pre-Season 3 Sebastian, so he might not be exactly how you all recognize him but he's still in there, he still comes out. He's also just a bit less jaded and hurt and more jaded and hurt. You'll see. So he's inevitably a little different at times. The set up is also VERY different, as you've already probably gathered from AN2&3.
AN6: Dar be time jumps. You've been warned. Arrg. Lol, terrible pirate impression. ;)
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Freshman Year
Chapter 1
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Kurt was busking in Cincinnati. His voice had been stifled at school, only the cool kids were able to participate in Glee with Sandy in charge. Kurt was not one of the cool kids, nobody knew Kurt was alive. He gave in to his feelings and sang what was too close for anyone who knew him to hear. It was just his dad and he never heard Kurt anyway. He didn't even know that Kurt sang. He sang Wonder by Morgxn and Sara Bareilles.
Lately I've been so disconnected. My feet don't want to touch the ground. Can't find my way through this dimension, when all these voices drown me out.
I feel so far from my body. It's hard to find my way back.
Everyone tells me I'm crazy. Maybe I am.
I wonder, I wonder if anyone will hear this. I wonder if I will ever be fearless. I wonder if I'll end up alone, don't know where I'm going. I wonder if anyone will miss me. I wonder if what I sing will matter to someone. Just trying to keep up. I wonder.
Kurt had his eyes closed but heard a strong male lower tenor add to his song.
Some days I'm like a falling a feather. Floating, don't know where to land.
Why are we looking for an answer when the question's too hard to understand.
I wonder if anyone will hear this. Don't know where I'm going.
I wonder if what I say will matter to someone?
If I go broke, trying to keep on.
I wonder if I will ever be fearless.
This life is a mystery, oh, I wonder.
Kurt's eyes opened and he was struck by a vibrant pair of green eyes not a foot away from him.
It wasn't part of the song, but a gloved hand reached out and touched his shoulder. "You matter. Someone will miss you."
There was a cheer that went up around them, the people doing their holiday shopping thought that it was planned. That it was a duet on purpose and it was originally a duet but Kurt had planned to sing it alone. "Who... are you?" Kurt asked, totally thrown.
"Sebastian Smythe." He answered with a small smile. "Come on, I'm a good listener and I'll buy you a hot chocolate."
"Could it be a mocha instead?" Kurt asked, putting his travel keyboard back in it's case and scooping up the money he'd made. He made more during his duet with Sebastian than he ever had alone.
Sebastian laughed, not because he thought Kurt was being greedy, but because he found it genuinely funny. "If you drink coffee you won't grow any taller."
"I think that's out of the realm of possibility already." Kurt answered honestly and pocketed the cash. It was more than enough to get back home.
Sebastian shook his head and slung an arm around Kurt's shoulders. "I hope that's not true, you're such a little guy, it'd be hard to keep an eye out for you."
Kurt should have been offended but it was the first person to really connect with him in so long. He'd barely had two words with his dad daily and they suffered through family dinner on Fridays together, not having a lot to say. Frankly, Kurt was craving attention, he wouldn't get offended by things said in jest. There had been no malice in his words.
"Strawberry Cheeks." Sebastian said suddenly and Kurt frowned at him, what a strange thing to say. "You just reminded me of a song just now. You probably don't know it, it's by Ula."
"I don't." Kurt answered.
"I'll have to play it for you." Unknowingly, that would become one of their go-to songs.
The coffee shop was nearby and they walked in from the brisk damp air to the artificial warmth inside. Both sighed in pleasure.
Sebastian bought Kurt his mocha and bought a chai tea latte for himself. He brought them over to the table where Kurt was fidgeting with his case, wondering if he should still be here. He didn't know Sebastian, hadn't even told him his own name. He didn't know what the other male wanted with him. "Sit, relax, enjoy." Sebastian handed him the mocha and Kurt took it cautiously.
"So..." Kurt started then stopped and didn't know what to say. He'd never had someone just buy him coffee.
Sebastian sat across for all of two seconds before he sighed. "Look, I lied, I'm not a good listener. I can try to be, for you, but I'm more a man of action. I just heard what you were saying in that song. I knew something was up." Sebastian adjusted his long legs and purposefully knocked over Kurt's backpack and pamphlets that he shouldn't have spilled out. Sebastian caught sight of the bold print before Kurt could stuff it back in. He'd seen the edge of one pamphlet when Kurt set his backpack down, knew they were in there. "See, I knew it."
"No, no you don't!" Kurt said defensively. "I accidentally picked these up."
"That's not an accident. Accidents don't happen like that. It's not like you dropped the lid of the pickle jar when it was stuck and used a bit too much force. This was an intentional cry for help, as was the song."
"You knew the song." Kurt wrapped his hands protectively around the hot mocha and he wasn't looking at Sebastian.
"Because I've been there. I've felt it." Sebastian reached out and covered Kurt's wrist with now his bare hand. Heat spread through him at that point of contact that wasn't from just the touch alone, but something different, some kind of electric current. Kurt couldn't put a label on it and he raised his eyes to see Sebastian also looking at where their skin touched with wonder. His fingers flexed possessively over Kurt's arm and his eyes moved to Kurt's with determination. "It's going to pass, you have to let it pass though, push through those feelings. I wasn't lying, someone cares. I care. I don't know if you have anyone else, but you have me."
"We just met." Kurt felt his eyes ridiculously fill with tears. This guy was going to think he was crazy. He was just falling into stereotypes, wasn't he? This guy was just being nice, kind, and was totally straight.
"You have me." Sebastian insisted, needing Kurt to believe him. Then he suddenly laughed but didn't move his hand away. "I'm insane. What's your name? I never asked."
"Kurt Hummel and yes, I think you probably are completely certified. Who even does that, goes up to someone singing and sings along with them?"
"Technically, I added to the song, didn't sing with you." Sebastian had a nice smile and he used it to disarm Kurt. "I don't, usually, but I felt your pain and knew it as if it were my own. I had to reach out to you, let you know you weren't alone. I knew if I didn't, I would always regret it."
"Now that I know... what's next?"
Sebastian didn't have an easy answer for that. "How old are you?"
"15." Kurt didn't think Sebastian could be any older than him, though he definitely looked older than Kurt and his perpetual youthful face.
Sebastian nodded. "I'm 15 too. I have a driver, we could take you home."
"That's ok, I took the bus in, I'll take the bus out." Kurt didn't want him to have to drive all the way back to Lima because he'd had a whim and ran to escape it all. He'd wanted to sing and Cincinnati was the only place he could think of that wouldn't judge him for busking on the street. They didn't know him and even if they judged, he didn't know them and so he didn't care. Now he had someone he knew.
Sebastian was accepting of that answer. "I think we should get together again, talk some more. Talk weekly, if not more often."
"You said you went through this?" Kurt asked turning his wrist and leaving his hand open on the table. Sebastian took the invitation as such and his hand slid up Kurt's wrist to his palm and slid his fingers around Kurt's hand, palm kissing palm. They had barely talked now.
"We're 15, we don't have the corner on teenage angst all to ourselves. I had a nuclear meltdown when I was 12, opened my mouth then I thought the world was ending and I was unloved and unlovable. I was too stubborn of a mule to end it all. It took me time to get there but I figured if they didn't love me, that was tough for them and their own problem, they could just suck it up and deal with me anyway. I wasn't going anywhere and they would have to just face me or pay me a lot of money to go away."
"You're talking about your parents?"
"Close, my grandparents. My parents emigrated to France when I was 10 and I had to live with my grandparents because the visas they could get couldn't include me. We dealt and things are... tolerable. They mostly just throw money at me to go away and it lasts... for a little while. My parents say they love me and all of me, but I see them twice a year when I go to France to visit them. They don't have to face the recriminations of high society. I have an aunt I see randomly who helped me see I was loved." Kurt looked sad on his behalf and he squeezed their joined hands. "Hey, I pushed through it, I'm better now. I don't know you, but I think you can too, something in me is telling me you can."
"I don't... want to end it all." Kurt answered honestly. "I just feel... like I shouldn't exist or that my existence is wrong somehow. I have all these dreams and I live in this tiny cow-punk town and don't think I could ever get out of it. That I have all these aspirations but no where to try them out, no safe place to just be or have anyone accept me."
"I think we can work on that, together." Sebastian squeezed his hand quickly and with his other hand gestured toward the street they came in off of. "You were singing just now. You had an audience. You can keep doing that."
"Cincinnati is a bit far." He answered honestly. "I don't feel comfortable doing it any closer to home, though."
"How far is too far?" Sebastian asked, crestfallen.
"About 2 hours. I live in Lima."
Sebastian's eyes lit up. "Oh, Lima, that's perfect! My aunt lives out there, I can come visit you."
"Are you sure you want to put yourself through that? Lima is not as accepting as Cincinnati." Who knew that would be a sentence anyone would utter? "Cincinnati at least is a big city, Lima is, tiny, in comparison."
"Let me worry about that, gorgeous." Kurt's mouth moved like a fish out of water and Sebastian paused, looking from his shocked expression to their hands linked. "Too much? Too far?"
"I thought you were straight." Kurt answered breathlessly.
"Ha!" Sebastian tugged on their hands. "I wouldn't have done this if I wasn't interested. I don't do this. Woman have tried to flirt with me but they're totally climbing on the wrong tree. You didn't answer the question though, too far?"
"No, no, I just wasn't expecting it. It may take me a minute to wrap my head around another guy liking me – but I am gay too." Kurt reassured quickly then paused and shook his head. "Wow, first time I've ever said that out loud."
Sebastian smiled softly. "Felt good though, didn't it?"
"Yeah, it did." Kurt returned the look. "It really did."
"Try telling your parents before I see you next. You'll feel a relief off your shoulders and you can breath a little easier. You'll feel a little less invisible and alone." Sebastian paused and took Kurt's hand off the table and wrapped his other around it too. "Unless of course, you think they'll hurt you. Then definitely don't do that. Or if you think they'll kick you out of the house, then don't do that either without telling me to come pick you up first."
"Hurt? No. Be disgusted or disappointed, yeah, maybe. But hurt, physically? Never." Sebastian's lips quivered as if he were trying to hold back a laugh. "What?"
"You sound like Alan from Jumanji. The whole – my dad would never hurt me, he could barely touch me or stand to be in the same room – bit. Is that your relationship, with your parents, Kurt?"
"No. My mom was so incredibly loving before she died, I felt loved and safe and connected. Her hugs were the best and often. My dad, well I know he loves me in his own way, but since she died he's tried to step up and fill both sets of shoes, but he doesn't know how and it's awkward because he doesn't quite fit them. I remember he even did tea parties with me the first couple of years after she died, but slowly that went to the wayside."
Was it because he'd outgrown them or had his dad stopped attending, making sure he outgrew them? He wasn't sure, it was all so long ago and it was a bit fuzzy in some ways and so clear in others.
Kurt squeezed Sebastian's hand. "I'm a complete downer."
"No, it's only fair, we both shared our troubles. Feels better now, doesn't it? I certainly feel better now that I've told someone my woes with my grandparents."
"Why don't you just move in with your other set?" Kurt asked carefully, not wanting to offend.
"Can't, they're dead." Sebastian shrugged, unconcerned. "I have a plethora of aunts and uncles though. Maybe I'll seek one of them out, but then again, I'm going to this fancy boarding school, so it doesn't matter much. I don't see my grandparents all that often as it is."
"And your aunt, that lives in Lima?"
"She's not capable of taking me on full time. My parents don't trust her." He snorted at that thought, something he hadn't shared yet with Kurt made him think that was amusing.
"She's single?" Kurt asked carefully. "Often parents don't want to leave their kid with someone who doesn't have backup."
"So many do it alone, though." Sebastian pointed out.
"And it's a struggle for both parent and child." Kurt spoke from experience. "But then again, raising a kid is hard, I've been told, no matter the dynamics."
Sebastian nodded, then stood as he glanced at his watch. "Lima is two hours away, so is Westerville. I know if I don't head out soon, I'm going to miss curfew. Do you have a curfew?"
Kurt glanced started at his own watch. "Oh, yes, and it's in about two and a half. Crud." He'd been here longer than he'd thought, he had been pulled into the music so completely. Then he and Sebastian had talked for what seemed like only a few minutes but was more like an hour. How had that happened?
"We can drop you off." Sebastian pointed out again, by car it would be only two hours, by bus it would be at least be 3, depending on when the next headed out and it's stops.
"I-" It was a foolish thing to do, but Kurt felt like he could trust Sebastian. Kurt dug the papers out of his bag and binned them with the empty cups. "Ok."
Sebastian nodded and held out his hand and Kurt's fingers wrapped around his and they headed out to the waiting car. "Change of plans, Lima first."
"You'll be late, Master Smythe." The driver pointed out.
"That's fine." Sebastian would deal with whatever came his way, this was more important. He didn't think anything was more important to him than seeing Kurt home safely.
They spoke in the car as they drove and exchanged phone numbers. Burt didn't call or text him wondering where he was, though he was always home.
"What are some things you want to do, but have been putting off?" Sebastian asked, sitting back in his seat, their hands still linked between them though they sat three feet apart.
"Um..."
"I won't tease you, I genuinely want to know. Maybe I can help you start crossing some of that list off, closer to home?"
"Mostly sing, and dance. I love musicals and I love going to them but I end up going by myself because I don't know anyone to go to them with. A lot of times I just wait until they're on DVD and pick them up or now with the streaming service, that way."
Sebastian winced. "I think you still don't. I abhor musicals. You'll have to find someone else for that. What else? Though I'm more than happy to help you with the singing." He broke out into a Chorus Line song.
"Sebastian!" Kurt smacked Sebastian on the shoulder for messing with him.
Sebastian laughed and took Kurt's hand again and squeezed it, the warmth that radiated from their touch spread through their whole bodies and it never lessened with intensity. They wanted to hang on for forever. "I know musicals and like them. I'll go with you."
"Will you go shopping with me too?" Kurt could just think of a million and one things that would look good on Sebastian. His style... could use some help, right now from what he could see, it was lacking a clear direction. Kurt changed his up all the time, so he didn't know if Sebastian did as well or if he just threw on whatever was comfortable and around. He was slim so he probably had a nice build underneath the layers. Also hard to tell under the heavy outer layer that he was wearing underneath. They hadn't exactly stripped more than gloves in the coffee shop. Maybe if they had planned to stay an hour it would have been different.
Sebastian smirked. "You and my mom... both trying to get me to wear nicer clothes. I'm happy with what I'm wearing. But I'll go with you, sometimes. We'll find you a shopping buddy, that should be pretty easy now that girls are growing up and are going to start caring more about what they're wearing. You'll be a hot commodity, especially as you're a fashionista, so I wouldn't worry about that one so much."
"How do you know that?" Kurt asked with a lifted brow, but the smile destroyed any intention of looking overly quizzical or concerned.
"I see it on you. I know those labels, grown up around those labels." His eyes skimmed Kurt's form and another heat spread through Kurt. "And a few pieces I don't recognize."
"I've made some of my own clothes." Kurt answered honestly, a little embarrassed by that.
Sebastian blinked in surprise and before Kurt could defend himself or talk around it, Sebastian raised a hand. "Wow. I totally thought it was a new designer I haven't had the pleasure to meet yet. Stop. That's a compliment and I guess I was right too, sort of. It is a new designer I hadn't heard of until today." He sank into his seat with a soft smile as he looked over at Kurt. "Kurt Hummel, designer, singer, fashionista, amazing."
"Coffee drinker." Kurt added with a tease, leaning back against the seat too while angled to look at Sebastian. "Don't forget that all important one."
"Coffee drinker." Sebastian nodded, amused. "Life aspiration, fulfilled. I wonder if you can make a career off of that."
"I'm sure you could. Coffee is the new wine, you know."
"I didn't know." Sebastian laughed. "But I'm sure you're right. It was once cigars but that's gone a little more back room, less popular except in some niche markets. All ages most of the world over can enjoy coffee at least, making it a big competition with lots of 'experts'. Except coffee, wine, chocolate,that's all up to consumer to enjoy and everyone is different."
"Cheesecake." Kurt commented idly. "That's a weakness."
"Cheesecake." Sebastian grinned. "You're in the wrong state then."
"I've always said so." Kurt agreed, they were playing with each other's fingers on the seat between them, not noticing it at first and now they were both looking at how they twisted within them, linked, slid between. Kurt smiled softly as he watched both of them kind of subconsciously do so, that strange warmth spreading through him, lighting him up. Things suddenly seemed brighter and less gray and gloomy around him even though it was dark outside of the car. His eyes lifted to Sebastian. "What do you want to do?"
Sebastian opened his mouth and then thought better of it. Then a wider smile spread across his lips. "Oh, you're probably not going to like it. There's a car show I want to go to."
Kurt's head lifted off the seat in excitement. "Really? International or Domestic? Combination?"
"Easy Killer." Sebastian tugged on his hand and Kurt plopped back against the seat again. "It's actually old cars that need restoration."
It was one thing to be into new cars, even if Kurt hadn't seemed the type, but maybe everyone could get behind a sleek looking car even if they didn't know anything about them besides the surface things. It was another thing to take on a passion project with a vehicle that needed a lot of work and love before it was even possible to run it much less drive it or show it off to others. "Do you need help restoring it?"
Sebastian blinked at him. "You'd do that?"
"My dad owns a shop, I've gotten grease beneath my nails, I don't know how many times. I'm an expert in getting it out of pretty much everything."
"I would love that." Sebastian squeezed his fingers. "I would really love that." He hesitated. "But I sell them afterward."
Kurt shrugged. "It's your car, do with it what you need to."
"You're full of surprises." Sebastian's eyes were dancing green flames as he looked at Kurt's face. "I'm going to enjoy learning about new depths that I thought I'd already plundered, again and again."
"Ditto." Kurt sighed and gave directions to the driver now that they were within Lima City limits and reluctantly prepared himself for departure from this strange little interlude he hadn't been expecting.
"The show is on Wednesday next week, is that going to be a problem?"
"Where is at?" Kurt asked, starting to tug on his gloves again. It was only a few feet but it was still cold out there.
"Pittsburgh?"
Kurt gasped and spun toward him. "That's a long drive."
"Which is why we won't be driving there?" Sebastian's sentences all ended in a question and Kurt narrowed his eyes. A drive home was risky enough, he didn't know what Sebastian was thinking or planning. "We'll be taking a helicopter?"
And that cinched it, Kurt couldn't say NO to a helicopter ride, he'd always wanted to go up in one and never knew if it was going to be possible. "Ok, but we can't tell my dad. All we can tell him is that we're going to a play in Columbus or something, agreed?"
"I'm going to meet your dad?" Sebastian teased. "This is sure moving fast."
"Shut up." Kurt smacked him lightly on the arm again. "He won't let me go anywhere with you if he doesn't meet you first."
"See, he does care." Sebastian pointed out softly and Kurt nodded, he knew that too. He had just been feeling like a burden on his dad who could have moved on years ago if he wasn't saddled with a strange kid too. That turned a lot of women off. He would have had it much easier without Kurt. Sebastian linked their fingers again and shook his head. "None of those thoughts. You can't assume how someone else feels or thinks. You have to talk to them first. You'd be surprised by all the things people hold in and keep to themselves, afraid of saying anything out loud."
Kurt tipped his head and held Sebastian's gaze for a moment, those eyes were mesmerizing and then he slowly nodded. "Ok. Thank you for the lift."
"Wait, we're not done making plans. Can I see you this weekend?"
"Yes. I would like that." Kurt didn't know he was so brave but he reached out and ran his thumb along Sebastian's chin because he couldn't help himself from touching the other boy.
Sebastian's eyes burned brighter and Kurt was sure his were just as bright and intense. His skin felt like it was on fire and he was being pulled toward Sebastian. "Is it too soon?" Sebastian asked a little worried, leaning forward, his breath playing with a few hairs that were in Kurt's eyes.
"If it's right, it's never too soon." Kurt breathed back and wondered if his breath smelled like coffee, dark and bitter and if that was a turn off. It would be his first kiss, his first anything. Kurt wasn't going to be afraid of this, he wanted it, Sebastian wanted it. Like he said, it was right even if they just met. There were crazier stories out there, this one was pretty tame.
Sebastian's mouth was light at first against Kurt's. Kurt pressed in so it was more than a brush against each other and then Sebastian's was on his firmer still. It didn't go further than a closed mouth pressing of lips but it was everything for the two boys.
The driver cleared his throat. "The father is coming."
Kurt pulled back and unbuckled his seatbelt. "Call me, or text me or whatever."
"Ok, I'll do the whatever." Sebastian winked at him and Kurt opened the door. "As long as you at least text me."
Kurt glanced back at him and the happy smile on his lips was so at odds from the melancholy boy who he'd first seen on the city streets of Cincinnati, singing a sad song. "Ok."
Sebastian had done that. Warmth flood through his veins even though the door was now closed and Kurt was talking to his dad with his back to the car and they were pulling out of the driveway, the driver not wanting to deal with an upset father or Sebastian's grandfather if he was too late.
Even before they were out of the neighborhood, Sebastian was texting Kurt.
Such a pleasure meeting you, join me in sweet dreams tonight?
His response was less than a minute later.
Of course. We haven't known each other very long, but I think I'd join you just about anywhere.