Author's Note: Welcome, all to this story where Kyoujurou's dad decides to pick himself back up and became a solid B+ dad instead of where in the original timeline he was very much a shit father!
After reading the incredible story "Indirect Inference" by Crystal_Snow09 on AO3 (which you should go check out!), I decided to partake in the Rengoku family trip of time traveling! But in this story, this mainly focuses on Shinjurou trying to be a much better father to his sons and stopping Kyoujurou's death from his time travel adventures.
Heads up, this story will dwell deep into spoiler territory for those who are only caught up on the anime but it will mainly focus on prior to the Mugen Train Arc right now. (I do have the next arc already in mind but I'm gonna mainly focus on this one for the moment.)
There will also be distressing themes throughout, such as depression, suicidal thoughts, PTSD, alcohol abuse, and alcohol withdrawal to name a few. I will try to update tags regarding the matter but they may slip my mind.
Anyways, please enjoy the story! ^^
Chapter One
They had won the war against the demons but every day Shinjurou regretted not being able to save his eldest son from his fate. The only good outcome from his son's death was stopping the reckless drinking he had started since his wife's death.
How ironic that his son's death would be the reason to stop himself.
He released a heavy sigh as he stared out into the empty courtyard, where the beloved maple tree that shielded both his wife's and son's grave was slowly losing its colorful leaves. The courtyard was so quiet compared to some time ago when Kyoujurou would announce his return and Senjurou would go rushing to meet his brother. His entire body felt heavy as the melancholy was not disappearing and the sky looked dull from the gray clouds overhead.
His heart was still heavy even though the war was now over.
"Father?"
The voice of his youngest caught his attention and he looked over his shoulder to see him holding a tray of tea, staring down at him with familiar gradient golden to red sad eyes. His youngest had recently grown a few centimeters, slowly making his way towards his own height, and his bright yellow hair with red streaks was the one constant with him, always tied back beside the top that flared out and the strands that couldn't make it pulled back.
"Senjurou," He began and straightened himself up as his son placed the tray down next to him as he took a seat. His son faced the courtyard with a distinct forced smile as he too watched the leaves fall.
"It has been almost a year now, father." Senjurou stated and took up his cup of tea, staring at the contents as the reflection of himself wavered in it. His eyes looked uneasy as he took a drink of it and Shinjurou grabbed his own cup, taking in the scent of a flowery aroma from it before taking a sip of it. His eyebrows pinched together at the delicate sweetness of it and looked over to see Senjurou's expression turn to sorrow.
"Is something wrong with the tea?" He asked his youngest who blinked at the statement directed to him before shaking his head slowly.
"No…I am just thinking…of brother." He replied and Shinjurou looked back out to the courtyard, his own thoughts drifting back to his eldest.
How nice would it have been if Kyoujurou was with them.
"I am sure he would be happy that Muzan was defeated." He continued and could imagine his brother laughing and smiling in joy at the Demon Slayer's accomplishment, pride probably would radiate off of him. Shinjurou let a small smile slip onto his face at picturing him sharing the achievement with his family and he could finally rest easy, just spending time relaxing instead of having to go out fighting.
"Let's go into town, Senjurou, Father!"
His smile disappeared as that moment was no longer available to them anymore once his gaze crossed onto his gravestone.
"Father?" Senjurou called to him and he turned back to him, seeing the worry cross over his face at how silent he had been.
"Sorry, I was reminiscing." He explained and his eyes felt heavy, knowing that they could no longer have the picturesque life that Senjurou so desired and deserved.
"I'm sure brother would be proud of you too, father."
Those words always hurt the most.
He could hardly say that he was proud of himself.
"Thank you, Senjurou." He said and his son merely nodded at the appreciation, the two turning back to silence. Shinjurou gripped his cup tightly, small cracks forming on it, as he thought the many different paths he could have taken to have stopped his son's death.
If only he could turn back time and prevent Kyoujurou from going on that mission.
What a wonderful opportunity that would be.
"The tea choice today is good." He commented and his son looked delighted to hear this, now his mind off the discussion of Kyoujurou.
"Thank you, father. I received this batch from Takada-san. She informed me of the taste when I asked her about finding a tea that might suit both of our tastes." He informed him and even a small hint of a blush crossed his cheeks at mentioning one of the three girls from the Butterfly Estate. Shinjurou smiled at this act, relishing in the fact that Senjurou was perhaps getting his first crush.
"Perhaps as a thank you, you could invite her over for dinner sometime." Shinjurou suggested and Senjurou's blush increased tenfold, practically covering over his entire face and even his ears.
"Eh? Are you sure that's alright, father? I don't want to push her into accepting if she's uncomfortable though!" He said and Shinjurou jokingly chuckled a little, placing his cup of tea back down on the tray.
"It was merely a suggestion, Senjurou. If you are not comfortable asking her, then it's of no trouble to me. You can just tell her of my gratitude." He replied and Senjurou just stared down at his tea in embarrassment, knowing full well his growing affections towards the girl he visited often at the Butterfly Estate.
"…ok." He mumbled and took another sip of his tea before noting the clouds were starting to shift into a darker color, "It looks like it might rain. Did you want to head inside, father?"
Shinjurou stared at the clouds momentary before nodding, slowly standing up as his son followed and took the tray up.
"I think I will actually head to my room now." Shinjurou decided, his thoughts still heavy, and figured solitude might solve it better than staring at his remaining son, "If you prepare dinner, Senjurou, you can leave it outside my door. I'll fetch it once I get hungry."
Senjurou looked at him for a second before giving a curt nod and headed into the estate but stopped to glance back at his father for a second.
"Could we perhaps go into town tomorrow, father?" He asked and Shinjurou nodded, knowing Senjurou enjoyed walking into town with Kyoujurou but now that he was gone, Shinjurou would have to do.
"Of course. I need to get a few items from some stores so we can go get them together." Shinjurou replied and Senjurou smiled at this.
"I'll make sure we have a decent breakfast for tomorrow then. I will let you know when I leave your dinner outside of your room as well. Have a good night, father." Senjurou stated and Shinjurou nodded, muttering a small good night to him as well as he trailed back to his room. His feet padded on the floor and his head was hung low, knowing that he should not wallow in his thoughts or he might even miss out his youngest grow up.
But sometimes it hurt too much to be with him without reminding himself that he had failed as a father.
His thoughts bounced back and forth between missing his eldest and how he had failed as a father to his children.
And how he failed his wife in watching over everyone.
He released a deep sigh as he opened the door to his room, staring at it. It was practically empty besides his futon and the few ancient books that lined the walls. Although he had stopped drinking the smell of sake remained tangent, he knew he had spilled the drink over multiple times and refused to clean it when he was drunk.
He was a terrible human being.
He closed the shoji behind him and stood still, still picturing the last hazed moments he remembered of his son who promised him he would return. He let out a battered breath and closed his eyes, already remembering the blurred sight as he choose to look outward to the courtyard inside of his son. He opened his eyes again and sank down into the futon, finding the novel he had been reading from the night before. He flipped to the last page had read, which was about his third great-grandfather who had died gallantly in a battle between a demon who had the ability to change the senses while his son, his second great-grandfather, could make note of the change because he had been deaf in one ear and blind in another eye. Overall, the read was fascinating but it did nothing to help the heaviness of his heart.
He sighed as he flipped a page, noting a beautiful ukiyo-e piece of his forefather, wielding a blade while his wild hair was pulled away from his sharp face, and golden to red eyes stared right at him as if he were judging him.
No wonder he destroyed the books, he could feel the gaze from the piece directly starring at him.
He flipped to the next page and noted that the story shifted onto his second great-grandfather, describing his honorable acts of taking revenge on the demon that slayed his father along with slaying a demon that killed two of his three sons.
If only he could do that as well.
He choose to end his reading there, sensing if he were to go on reading, his thoughts would swirl even darker.
"Excuse me," The voice of his son said, snapping him out of his thoughts, "Father, I have brought you dinner. It is some tempura, rice, and shredded carrots. I hope you enjoy it. You can leave the tray out when you are finished with it and I will go fetch it."
There was silence for a second before Senjurou said sorting else, "Please get some sleep tonight, father. Brother would want you to be healthy."
Those words always struck him and he shoved himself up, hearing Senjurou shuffle away. He waited a little longer before opening the shoji to be greeted with a tray full of food that was prepared for him. He reached down and grabbed it, carrying it in, and rested it near the entrance that could view the courtyard. The shoji was closed off as he could hear the soft patter of rain and he let a smile on his face at how considerate his son is, knowing he was far lucky to have one that still wanted to spend time with him after everything he had done to him.
He constantly self-wallowed in his own thoughts.
He ate his dinner in silence, merely thinking of tomorrow and how Senjurou and himself would go into town to receive both food for the week along with some supplies he wanted to get to update the Rengoku records.
His son had to be memorialized in these books like all their forefathers as he would be the last in the succession of Flame Hashira. There was no need for them as the war has been over for nearly a year.
Kyoujuro would be the final Flame Hashira.
He was full but hardly ate over half his dinner. He stared at the three pieces of tempura left and the plate of shredded carrots, knowing Senjurou would make a comment of it tomorrow but made no movement to complete the meal. He released a heavy breath and brought the tray over, opening up the shoji and placing it right where it had been placed earlier. He made his way back to the futon and sinking into it, pulling the sheets right below his neck.
Perhaps he would have a pleasant dream. His last few had begun pleasantly before shifting tones into past memories of fellow soldiers dead, his son's corpse arriving at the estate, his wife's lifeless body under the futon that she had been begun to wither away into, or Kyoujurou's body standing over him, bleeding onto him while staring down at him with lifeless eyes.
He rubbed his eyes and cradled his body towards the courtyard, hoping if he faced them, it would help solve his sleepless nights. His thoughts slowed down as he felt sleep drift over him and he released a yawn, knowing it was time to close his eyes.
Perhaps this time he could see them again, even if it was from afar.
His head pounded against his skull and he groaned, pain-inducing in his eyes as he adjusted to where he was. He merely blinked at the sight of his room, clearly this dream taking place back when he had favored sake. He groaned at the smell and sight of the bottle that lingered near him, knowing his dreams would tempt him into drinking but he would stay strong. He slowly moved himself up and noted that it was awfully quiet but choose to accept it in favor of the headache that was continuing to grow. He got himself off the futon and proceeded to slowly make his way to the door, struggling to open it but eventually the small tremors in his hand stopped.
The shoji opened and the pleasant smell of sweet potato filled the area which was itself a surprise. Sweet potato treats had always been a treat Senjurou liked to treat Kyoujurou with every once in a while after a long mission. He rolled his rolls and shuffled down the hall, noting that Senjurou's room was quiet but most of the time he never really saw him in his dreams. Once he entered the kitchen and sunlight beamed through, he winced at how bright it shined through but began to look through the cabinets to hopefully find some ginger tea that would be sufficient.
So far, this dream had been very quiet, and overall, that was quite a gift he could receive.
He grabbed the jar that was labeled for the ginger tea then grabbed the pot so he could begin preparing the tea. As he worked his way through the kitchen, he noted that some items were displaced differently but then again, this dream seemed to be placed when he was still drinking so his muddled memories from back then could be confusing where everything was. Brewing and making the tea seemed to have eased his headache back to a due pain and he grabbed a cup to pour it in, staring at the contents before taking a sip of it. He winced at the grassy taste but choose to accept it as he then made his way over to the courtyard.
He hoped that his view wouldn't be greeted with two graves opened up and corpses making their way towards him.
He opened the door slowly as the light filtered in and a beautiful blue sky greeted him. He looked towards the tree where the graves normally laid but blinked at the sight of just one appearing there.
Oh, he was dreaming of the time when Kyoujurou was perhaps still alive.
He smiled at this and sat down on the edge, admiring the view and drinking the tea. He could just enjoy this dream even if he just simply sat there and drink his tea. He lifted his lips and looked down to the tea again, his taste buds still not clearly enjoying it but he would manage.
"…Father?"
He nearly dropped and spilled the tea over himself at the voice, having not properly heard it in almost a year. He placed the cup down and looked over his shoulder to see his eldest son stare at him. His wild long bright yellow hair with red streaks was pulled back in his normal fashion and golden eyes that faded to red and met with a white pupil stared at him intensely. He bore the familiar Demon Slayer uniform on but the infamous haori passed down to flame Hashira was nowhere on him. On his face was not his normal smile but one that looked at him with confusion, as if he did not expect him to be there.
He let a smile drift over his features at being greeted with such a pleasant sight of his smile and he greeted him, "Kyoujurou, hello."
The soft and gentle tone of his voice seemed to throw the Flame Hashira off balance as he knew he would normally be greeted when he was still lounging in his futon and yelling at him to leave him alone. Kyoujurou blinked at this before letting a smile slip onto his features as well, hoping that perhaps even if for a moment his father was in a good mood.
"Good morning!" He exclaimed and Shinjurou cringed at how loud he was, forgetting how loud his son's volume could go to.
"How about we talk?" Shinjurou suggested and his son nodded, happy to have his father in such a bright mood and even willing to talk. He chose to sit down not directly next to him but close enough to be familiar. Shinjurou took another sip of his tea and stared out to the sky, seeing some clouds slowly moving in.
"What would you like to discuss, father?" Kyoujurou asked and Shinjurou just smiled at him.
"Anything that you are willing to share. I would be happy to just hear you talk, Kyoujurou." He said and his son simply stared at him as he tried to think of something that might be appealing to his father.
"Senjurou made candied sweet potatoes from when I returned back from my mission! They were absolutely delicious and I hope that he will make some again!" He announced and Shinjurou merely nodded along, just enjoying being gifted with such a simple discussion with his son.
"He certainly knows how to cook much better than the both of us." He commented and Kyoujurou turned to him at this comment, "You inherited my cooking skills while Senjurou was gifted with your mother's ability."
Kyoujurou froze at the mention of his mother and Shinjurou took a sip of his tea again, staring down at it.
He would probably wake up soon and the dream would be shattered to the reality he did not wish to return to.
He should tell Kyoujurou how proud he was of him.
"Kyoujurou," Shinjurou began and snapped his son out of his thoughts. He placed his tea down and looked at him, a soft smile blossoming over his face and even tears began to bubble to the surface.
"You make me so proud." He said and Kyoujurou's eyes grew wide, clearly not anticipating this comment at all. Surprise crossed his features and his mouth parted slightly, clearly unsure of what to say. Kyoujurou's face morphed to pure happiness as a smile broke across his features and he clenched his hands tight, looking back out not the courtyard.
"Thank you, father!" He announced and Shinjurou nodded before gazing back out as well.
"I am sure that Ruka is proud of you as well." Shinjurou also said and Kyoujurou's expression of happiness turned to that of confusion. His eyelids fell and he could remember the soft smile that crossed his wife's face when caressing their sleeping children after waiting for him to arrive back to the estate.
Oh, how wonderful would have it been to have been greeted with her as well.
"…is something the matter, father?" Kyoujurou asked and Shinjurou sadly smiled at this, knowing that the dream had to be nearing its end.
"I am going to dread waking back up." He said and his son's eyebrows pierced together, "Every day waking up has been a struggle. Senjurou has been the only one keeping me functional."
"Father, what do you mean?" Kyoujurou questioned and Shinjurou looked back up to the sky, staring at how bright the sun beamed down on them.
"I'll have to wake up from this pleasant dream and have to face reality." He replied sadly and then the sound of flapping wings and a caw from a Kasugai crow emerged in the sky, dipping down towards the father and son.
"Mission for Rengoku Kyoujurou. Please make your way to a town to the south to defeat a pack of troublesome demons." The crow called out and Kyoujurou nodded as it landed next to him. It glanced at his father with interest as to why the former Hashira was being so quiet.
"I shall go pack and leave on my mission then!" Kyoujurou exclaimed and stood up, arms crossed over his chest in anticipation. He turned towards his father and Shinjurou felt the wheels in his head turn, confused as to why a Kasugai crow, especially Kyoujurou's, was giving out orders.
His dreams only had the Kasugai crow informing him of his son's death. Announcing a mission was something very different compared to his normal dreams.
Something was off.
Shinjurou opened his mouth to say something as a chill ran up his spine but Kyoujurou had already left to pack. The crow looked at him and he stared down at it while it tilted its head, clearly, something was unsettling it.
"You are not drunk, Rengoku Shinjurou." The crow bluntly stated and he blinked at this, curious as to why the bird sounded so confused at this.
"…I stopped nearly a year ago." He responded and the crow shuffled its feathers at this, clearly not believing him.
"Are you sure?" The bird questioned him and he held his breath as he looked down to his hands, seeing them tremble.
He was shaking because he knew the dream was ending.
That had to be the reason; not because he had not had anything to drink in over a couple of hours.
"I am ready to head out!" Kyoujurou announced, donning the infamous haori and carrying his nichirin blade by his sword. Confidence radiated off of him as he approached his crow, smiling at it while looking over to his father, staring at him as he noted the tremors in his hands.
"Take care of yourself, father! It was wonderful to have talked with you!" Kyoujurou said and Shinjurou's breath hitched into his throat as a possible realization crossed his mind but he dared not voice the thought. Kyoujurou began making his way to leave and Shinjurou simply stared at the back of his son as he walked away.
Would this be like every other dream and he would only see his son's back walking away from him straight into the arms of death?
"Kyojurou!" He called out and his sons stopped before turning to face him, surprise crossing over his features.
"Come back safe."
He choose a simple statement, knowing its significance probably meant the world to his eldest and being unsure if his whirling thoughts were actually leading him somewhere he doubted was true.
Kyoujurou flashed a brilliant smile at his face and replied, "Of course! I shall return back shortly!"
Then he turned his back towards him again and Shinjurou just watched him disappear from his line of sight before he stared down at his hands. His stomach felt like it was knit in knots and nausea started to form in the back of his mouth.
He had to be wrong about where his thoughts were leading him.
He could not be in the past.
He was positive his tremors now covered his entire body as he made it his best to keep himself calm even if the situation were possible. The thought had been brought up earlier before he had gone to bed and this had to be a silly dream in the form of his past.
It had to be.
He stood up and walked into the kitchen, glancing around to see if he could find a blade to test his theory. The counter held a knife block and he grabbed one, not even caring about the size of the blade or the handle.
Whenever he dreamed and choose to bleed, he could never feel any pain before his mind had made it numb.
The shelve of his yukata fell down to expose his arm, which he noted the small scars that were scattered across it from his time as a Hashira, and he brought the blade to his arm. His hand continued to shake and he scowled at this, irritability building up in him from being unable to perform such a simple task.
This reminded him far too much of his withdrawal symptoms after he had promised himself to stop drinking himself away.
He swore and he slammed the knife down on the counter, holding his head in his hands. He was being paranoid and the idea of traveling to the past was simply insane. His lungs felt like they could not take in any oxygen although he had mastered Total Concentration Breathing back when he was younger than Kyoujurou. It seemed useless to him now. He fell to his knees and brought his hands to his chest as he attempted to breathe but nothing was working.
Maybe it was a heart attack?
He had no idea would a heart attack could ensue nor any of the symptoms. His thoughts were draining and he did not even realize he had collapsed on the ground, his face planted firmly on down and he could not turn his head.
Was he finally dying?
Perhaps, he could finally be reunited with his beloved wife and son.
"Father!"
The muffled sound of Senjurou barely echoed in his ears and his vision was blurry but he could tell it was him from the black hakama pants that stood next to him. Senjurou was shouted something else to him but he could no longer register it as the whole world faded to black.
EndNote: Ayy, this was honestly a blast to write! I feel like we know very little about Shinjurou as a person so I decided to take some creative liberty and broaden the horizon of himself as a character and his past. I wanted to show that he is clearly not over Kyoujurou's death even though Senjurou seems to be doing a lot better than him. A lot of stories that I have read seem to have Senjurou as the one constantly mourning over him and I wanted to change that up. I feel like Kyoujurou had been at Senjurou's side since their mother had passed so his footing would be stronger in properly grieving and accepting his brother's death, having seen his brother move on and accept it. Shinjurou on the other hand clearly never got over mourning for his wife, barely able to accept the fact that she is gone. Shinjurou struggles with grief, not properly being able to deal with it, so his coping mechanisms are damaging to mainly himself and others that care for him.
Anyway, hopefully, that short burble makes sense! Shinjurou will have to face the facts and learn to move on, even though Kyoujurou is now back in his life. So, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and will be excited to see the next one!