His body was numb.
His mind was blank.
His wife had told him she doesn't want to see him anymore. The same woman who he married in secret on Naboo just asked him to get out of her life. How could it have come to this.
On one hand, he probably should be thanking Clovis for not ratting him out and having him be put in a Republic prison cell. But that man seemed to cause problems whenever Padmé was brought into the equation.
He gritted his teeth at the name.
Clovis.
He should've known that this would happen when his wife decided to work with him the first time around. He went to her and all but begged that she not take the mission. It had almost worked too until he made mention that Clovis was possibly, and ended up being proven to be true, working with the Separatists. She all but threw caution to the wind on that one.
Duty comes first.
He knew she used those words out of spite just to throw them back in his face. It made him angry knowing that she could use that and it would have shut him up because it was true. And when they got what they needed, she had the guts to apologize and say how wrong she was to have made him question her. If she truly didn't want to do that, then why take the mission in the first place?
Maybe she was right.
The more he thought about it, she seemed to only listen to him when it would benefit her. She never took his word and used her advanced lessons and teachings she learned to tell him how she knew better than he did. It was almost like she was telling him she was smarter than he was, just in a way it didn't sound so condescending.
Is our marriage really even a marriage?
She told him she loved him, but did she really?
She knew the Chancellor could've had another Senator take her place but she insisted on it. Maybe demanding her not to was a bit too harsh, but damnit, how would she feel if the roles were reversed? She may play the part of a noble Senator perfectly, but he knew she could get jealous and pissed like he could. Hell, he's been on the end of a few tongue lashings himself.
After thinking very deeply and centering himself, he came to a startling revelation.
Their marriage was toxic.
Being gone for months just to come home for a few days before being shipped back out again never really allowed him to see it until now. They never discussed their problems, just tried to live in a happy world where nothing was wrong. Maybe it was a mistake and she was right all along.
His mind and heart came to the conclusion that the only way to fix this would be something they had feared would happen.
Divorce.
He knew she would probably be hurt, but after some time she'd understand. The past two years had only put more strain on their relationship, hidden by a few brief moments of bliss. It would be best to get it over with so they could both move on.
He planned to go to Naboo and make sure the Holy Man that married them could dissolve the marriage as well without her being there. He'd be quick and leave before anyone knew that he'd been gone.
He also was aware that maybe some time away would be good.
She had been right about him changing. He'd been at war and seen things nobody should ever see. He lost sleep because he was afraid to close his eyes and hear the screams and explosions all over again. Force knows what he'd see if he were to actually get some rest. And worst of all, he lost his beloved padawan.
Ahsoka. Snips.
His heart clenched just at the thought of her. He lost men, fellow Jedi, and friends, but losing her left a empty space in his soul. His little sister had been thrown away by the very people who brought her in. They had been willing to let her be executed until he came in at the very last minute to save her.
Listening to the Council tell her that it was the will of the Force that she had went through this made him sick. Were they so arrogant that they couldn't admit that they were wrong? Did they have no shame?
Maybe Ahsoka was right. How could he stay here when they were so blind. They've proven time and time again they didn't trust him, let alone like him, so why should he stay? Would they cast him out just like they did to her?
He made up his mind. He would go to Naboo to settle the divorce then take a leave from the Jedi. He didn't even know if he wanted to come back. He loved Obi-Wan, but did his brother care about him as much as Anakin did for him?
Unfortunately, Anakin's plans never work out the way he intends them to. He had been ordered to go save his wife and help her get off of Scipio because she had gotten herself into another mess. Shaking his head in exasperation, he huffed and set out to play the Knight in Shining Armor again.
He got there just in time to grab ahold of her and Clovis, trying to pull them to safety. Unfortunately, his mechanical arm had been needing to be upgraded and the strain of holding on to Padmé while she was dangling only made to reminded him of that.
He had to give Clovis credit. He ended up sacrificing himself to save Padmé. Anakin may never like him, but that did earn a little bit of respect in his book.
His arms seemed to wrap around her out of pure habit. He could feel how tight she held him as she wept and apologized. He could only muster a soft pat, not finding the will to return the embrace.
When the troopers finally made their way to the scene, he had them escort her back to the ship while he continued to give out orders of what to do. He felt her eyes on him the whole time, but he knew that she had all but sealed their fate. She just didn't realize it.
When he got back to the ship, he told his men that if the Senator asked for him, he wished to not be disturbed as he had to report to the Council. That was only an excuse to allow him to plan when he would leave so he could take care of everything. He could sense her guilt and remorse, and maybe even a bit of longing, but he was past it now. She'd be alright, just need some time to adjust to everything.
He didn't even bother to escort her off the ship back to the Senate building when they arrived back. He had sent a battalion of troops to do so, while he went back to the Temple to pack. He felt like a coward, but he just kept telling himself it was for the best. It's not like anyone knew they were married anyway.
He made his way to the hangar and prepared to leave. He had placed his bags in the cargo area before returning to the cockpit to find Artoo waiting for him.
This was going to hurt.
Kneeling down to his buddy, he explained to him that he'd be making a stop to drop him off at Padmé's for good. He had been a wedding gift and if their marriage was ending, he felt he couldn't keep him. He'd have to leave him and grab 3PO and head out before she returned home. It's not like he had much there anyways. Maybe a robe or two and some flight manuals, all she could get rid of.
His buddy beeped sadly at him and he rubbed the dome of his trusted friend. Anybody else would think saying goodbye to a droid being hard would be crazy but he always treated droids like people. He felt his eyes start to tear up as he moved to the pilot seat and wiped the few tears that escaped before taking off.
When he landed, he counted his blessings that nobody had returned to her apartment yet. He thought they might send her home after such an ordeal, but he had been lucky. He quickly swapped the droids and said one last goodbye to Artoo before taking off.
3PO had questioned the whole time on the way to Naboo about why he had left Artoo and why he didn't have his Jedi fighter with him. He quickly explained to the droid that he was divorcing Padmé and that he was uncertain about his future as a Jedi. He could see the droid deflate and it had hurt a little knowing he upset the droid but there's no use in tiptoeing around the subject anymore.
"But you and Mistress Padmé love each other."
He had to hide a grimace when the droid had said that before deflecting and saying that sometimes love just wasn't enough. He wasn't present when they had their conversation so he was totally oblivious to what was going on. Giving a pat to the droids shoulder, he told him that things would be alright and it's the start of a new beginning.
The flight to Naboo was relatively quick and thankfully, he had found the Holy Man. The old minister had been upset to hear about the reasoning for the divorce but he could understand. Anakin signed the documents and the man swore himself to secrecy again, and Anakin departed the monastery without looking back.
He decided to make a stop at her parent's house to finally tell them that he had married their daughter and to reveal their secret. When he arrived, he was greeted by a smiling middle aged woman and was welcomed in with open arms. Her father had joined them when he was ushered in to the family room and Anakin had asked them if they could take a seat as he had some explaining to do.
He told them about how they fell in love and about the incident on Geonosis. Explained to them when they married and why they had to keep it a secret. He told them about the good times and the bad times and finally, about why he was there in the first place. He could see them deflate as he brought up the decision to divorce her and felt his heart strings pull. These were good people and he didn't want to be the cause of their pain. He apologized for not being able to be the husband Padmé needed and that he couldn't as a man live with himself for running away and not telling them the truth.
Ruwee Naberrie placed a hand on his shoulder and told him that he had his respect for being honest. He could never be angry at him and that he was right; sometimes it just doesn't work out. Jobal wiped away her tears and brought him into a hug and told him that she was grateful that he could bring her daughter joy for the brief time they were together. And when he declined her initial offer for food, she just shook her head and told him that a guest never leaves her house on an empty stomach.
He ate the food offered to him and thanked them for being so kind. He could see where Padmé had gotten her kindness from and smiled as they told him he would be welcomed any time he wanted to stop by again. He couldn't tell them that this had been his goodbye, so he just nodded his head and thanked them once again.
When he left the Nabberie house, he took of once again for the galaxy to find a place that he could balance himself out. He put the ship on autopilot and asked for 3PO not to disturb him as he sat down to meditate. It was never his favorite thing to do, far from it actually, but he knew to find where he needed to go, he must center himself and submerse his mind in the Force. Minutes passed by as he slowly started to drift into peace. He always struggled with this form of meditation, preferring to tinker and build things, also known as moving meditation.
After what felt like forever, he felt the Force pull him to a planet way out past the Outer Rim. He could feel the Force almost singing for him to go there. As he sat there and listened, he could feel himself become at peace the more he felt the planet. It was almost like an extension of the Force as he felt the harmony and bliss coming from it. He opened his eyes and got up to take over the controls again and set off to the planet the Force revealed to him.
The flight there took longer than he was expecting. Granted, it was beyond the Outer Rim, but he felt like it was taking days to get there. As he entered the atmosphere, he was met by the beauty of the planet. Lush green fields, oceans as far as the eye could see. It even had mountains that disappeared in the clouds. Even 3PO was in awe of the planet and he had spent a good amount of time on Naboo. There were major cities and towns and even small villages outside that seemed to hold a few houses. In his mind, this place put Naboo to shame.
He decided to land in a field close to a waterfall and exited the ship. He took a long look over the landscape and could feel the peace around him. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and focused on centering himself. He reached out with the Force and was astounded at how powerful it was here.
Opening his eyes, he made his way to the waterfall to sit down and meditate. He found himself doing that more often than he ever had before and couldn't help but to chuckle. As he sat on the rocks, he took one deep breath and submerged himself in the Force. He could feel himself already being filled with peace and wondered at how it was possible for him to have this feeling. No matter where he went, he was never able to reach this amount of peace. Not even Naboo could make him feel this light.
After some time, he opened his eyes and felt a presence approaching. He turned and saw a woman making her way towards him at a slow pace. His first thought was it could be a Spearatist, but that was quickly shot down. He could feel no malice or anything close to the sorts coming from her. The only thing he felt was peace and interest.
When she was finally close enough to make out her face, he couldn't help but gawk. She had a tan complexion with dark hair pulled back in a ponytail and brown eyes that shined like amber. She had lips that were full and curved into a smile as she approached him.
Beautiful
If he thought Padmé was an angel, this woman was a goddess. She couldn't be much older than him, as she still looked quite youthful. When she finally reached him, he could help but to give her a small smile in return.
"Hello."
Even her voice sounded like bliss. He nodded his head at her and returned her greeting. He watched as she studied him and couldn't help but to shrink a little bit. It wasn't as if she was determining if he was dangerous, just what he could be doing out here.
"My name is Sakina Allamani. What's yours?"
He watched as her smile seemed to grow a tiny bit as she tilted her head at him. Clearing his throat he answered her.
"Anakin Skywalker."
She looked him over and her eyes landed on his belt. Glancing down, he realized he still had his lightsaber attached to it.
"You're a Jedi?"
He winced slightly and scratched the back of his head.
"For the time being. Not sure if I really want to go back to being one."
Her face scrunched into confusion and he couldn't help but notice even that made her look beautiful. He mentally shook his head and berated himself. He had just filed for divorce from his wife. What was he doing thinking like this about a stranger?
She made a gesture for him to sit where he had just stood up from and she lowered herself as well. He watched as the dress she wore moved with every movement she made and he couldn't help but notice how elegant it look. Diamonds lined it entirely and shined every time they hit the sun. The dark blue material looked soft like her skin and he could see a little bit of her leg peek it's way out as she crossed her legs.
Sitting down beside her, he told himself to breath. This woman held some sort of power over him and he couldn't figure out why. It wasn't a terrible feeling though. Almost like a connection he felt with her.
"What makes you unsure of going back?"
He turned his gaze out to the waterfall and watched as the falls crashed into the water below. The breeze brought calmness to him as he gave her his answer.
"They've changed."
He could see her studying him again out of the corner of his eye. He watched as she moved her eyes over his figure and landed on his arm. He could feel himself stiffen as she studied it and couldn't help but feel shame the longer she looked at it. Just when he was about to hide his hands in his lap, she reached out and took hold of it.
He slowly turned to her as he watched her take the glove of his right hand, revealing his prosthetic. She placed the glove to the side and slowly ran her fingers over it.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of."
He felt his mind go blank. How could she know what he was feeling? Was he really that easy to read?
"You need not to worry of how people will see you here. This is a place of peace and love. We do not judge others for what they see as their imperfections."
She slowly put his hand down and looked back up at him. Her smile had returned and he could see her eyes shining as he looked into them deeply. Unable to help himself, he returned her smile and felt the tension seep out of his body like water flowing down a river.
They sat there and talked for hours. She told him that the planet was called Imara and that they were an independent system that refrained from taking part in the war. They did have an army just in case of an invasion but so far they haven't had to worry about one yet. Her father had been in the army when she was a young girl and had been killed while he was off fighting against an invasion from another planet called Kherra. After the invasion, both planets agreed on a peace treaty and hadn't had any issues since. She told him of how she had studied at the university in the main town of Pravia where the capital was. He chuckled inwardly when she said she studied politics when she was there.
Falling for another politician.
He told her of how he grew up on a planet named Tatooine and was a slave. He told her of how him and his mother were owned by Gardulla and then Watto. He could see how her features had softened as he told her about his life on Tatooine, not out of pity, but of genuine sympathy.
"I'm sorry you had to grow up in such an environment. No one should ever own another living being."
He thanked her and continued telling her about how a Jedi by the name of Qui-Gon Jinn came to their planet and freed him after he won a pod race. His mother couldn't come with him because Watto would not let her be part of the deal. He told her about going to Naboo and how he blew up a droid control ship at the age of nine and how Qui-Gon had been killed by a Sith. He entailed her of stories about him being a padawan and how he had gone back to Tatooine to save his mother. The nightmares he had been having. Feeling her pain as she had been captured and beaten.
He felt the tears trying to work their way out as he told her of how he had gotten to her too late. She had died in his arms after telling him she loved him. Slaughtering the village of tusken raiders that tortured her out of pure rage and regretting it everyday since.
She took his hand as he relieved every moment again as if it was for the first time. He looked down at her soft smooth hand covering his robotic one and watched as she traced slow circles on it. He looked into her eyes filled with unshed tears and could see the pain behind them. It was almost as if she could feel what he was feeling.
He told her about Geonosis and how he lost his arm. Becoming a Jedi Knight and how proud his master had become of him. Getting Ahsoka and the bond they shared. Her trial and how she was almost executed only for him to save her.
He felt so tired and drained when he finished and couldn't help but to sigh. Everything that he had relived brought back the overbearing weight of helplessness that he had been feeling. He looked down into his lap where their hands remained together and stared as if in a trance.
"Stay here."
His head turned sharply to look at her and he could see the sincerity in her eyes. She gripped his hand a little harder and leaned closer to him.
"You've been through too much hurt and pain. Stay here and let us help you."
He stared at her in shock. He had met this woman only a few hours ago and her she was offering her home to him. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. If there were more people like her in this galaxy there wouldn't be a war going on.
"Please."
The conviction in her voice almost broke him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded his head in agreement. Smiling, she leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck. He was stunned and took a second to respond, but he returned her embrace and felt his pain and suffering melting away. With tears threatening, he squeezed his eyes shut and took a shaky breath.
"Thank you."
He felt one of her hands reach up and stroke the back of his head in a soothing manner. The peace he felt when he first found the planet returned to him and he felt himself smiling. Breaking the embrace, she leaned back and smiled at him.
He stood up and offered her his hand which she gladly took. They stared at each other and became lost as if nothing else existed. It stayed that way until they heard a ship approaching and looked up to see it land close to his own.
Stepping out was a tall green humanoid with blonde hair that reached his shoulders and a shorter figure with short brown hair. They were in black uniforms that looked military and made their way over.
"My queen, you should really start telling people where you're going when you go on your walks."
Anakin snapped his head to her in confusion. She was a queen? Was he really falling for another one?
You really know how to pick them.
He saw her redden slightly for a brief moment in embarrassment before regaining her composure. Clearing her throat she addressed the green man.
"My apologies Bray, I didn't think I would be gone for so long."
Bray, as he now figured out, shook his head in amusement before turning to him. The brown haired one also had his eyes on him as well as he looked on in curiosity. They didn't seem threatening, but you could never be too sure.
Sakina cleared her throat to get their attention.
"Anakin Skywalker, these are my friends and bodyguards Bray Olomon and Devan Reveille. They are the two Majors of our army. Bray and Devan, this is Jedi Anakin Skywalker."
Anakin looked at them impressed. They look to be as old as him and already were that high of a rank. He stepped forward and stuck out his hand between the two of them.
"Pleasure to meet you."
Devan was the first to shake his hand and gave him an easy going smile.
"A Jedi huh? Don't see many of those around here."
Anakin returned the smile before shaking Bray's hand.
"What brought you out here?"
At this Anakin seemed to deflate slightly and the other three could see it. Quickly regaining his composure, he shrugged his shoulders and replied.
"Just need to start over. The Jedi aren't what they used to be."
The two men took his answer and nodded. Glancing over at their Queen, they could see how her eyes seemed to follow Anakin the whole conversation.
"Well let us take you to the castle. It's not far from here. As a Jedi, we'll trust you to keep our Queen safe on the flight back over."
Anakin could see their shared smirks as they turned back to their ship. He looked to Sakina who was trying to fight a blush and gestured for her to lead the way to his ship. His eyes followed every move she made and trailed down her body. Mentally smacking himself, he forced his legs to move and follow after her.
She apologized for not telling him about being a queen as she didn't want to receive any special treatment. He brushed it off, telling her he understood and there's no problem with it.
The flight to the castle allowed her to meet C-3PO and watch him go into his standard ranting about how exciting it is to meet someone new. She watched with a fond smile as Anakin tried to get him to go away as he was getting embarrassed by the droid. She asked where he came from so he told her of how he built him when he was younger to help out his mom. When he came back, he had gotten the gold platings and after she had died, he took the droid with him as it was the last piece of his mother he had left.
Her eyes softened as she reached over to take his human hand. She comforted him telling him that his mother would be proud of the man he's become and how much he's accomplished. He may have done some wrongs but he was still a good person. His smile seemed to light up the room and she returned it. Not much longer, they arrived at the castle. Anakin could only stare in awe at the massive structure and beauty from it.
Docking in the hangar bay, she placed her hand on the crook of his elbow as he stood. When he looked at her questioningly, she tilted her head and smirked.
"You're escorting a Queen. It is only common practice that you give me your arm."
He chuckled and shook his head as he lead her down the ramp and into the bay. He saw two beautiful women make their way to Bray and Devan, figuring them to be each other's respected lovers. Seeing where his eyes were looking, she helped fill him in.
"The black haired one is Bray's wife Rosaé. She's an officer in our army. The tanned one is Alia and she's Devan's fiancée. She's our governor and has been my friend since childhood."
The two made their way over to the group and were greeted by the women. They shared hugs with Sakina and shook hands with Anakin. After being introduced, the women shared smiles as they saw what Bray and Devan could see at the waterfall. The Queen and Jedi definitely had something that pulled them together.
Anakin was given a tour by the group and was shown the beauty and history of the castle. Marble walls with golden trim and deep purple rugs lined the hallways. He couldn't help but glance at the paintings that hung up and showed pictures of different landscapes and cities that were bathed in the sun and glowed in the night. He could tell that Bray and Devan had been friends for a long time as they would joke and laugh during the tour. He couldn't help but smile at their banter, reminding him of the clones.
His heart clenched at that. He didn't even get to say goodbye to his men. If there's one thing he could've done differently is that he would've made sure to let them know how much he cared about them. He just had to get out before he was called on another mission.
Sakina stayed hooked on his arm the entire tour. She could see how he marveled at what he was seeing and saw the knowing looks by her friends as she watched him with a smile. A few times she had to fight down her blush as she could tell they knew she had taken a fancy to him. Anakin however was too busy looking around and remained oblivious.
At the end of the tour, Anakin was shown where he could stay and keep 3PO in his room as well. The room was huge and the bed in the center looked like it could fit a small battalion in it. He stepped in and looked around at the deep red walls and took it all in. After leaving everything behind, he was amazed he could feel so much at peace.
The two couples left him to his room while the queen stayed to watch him. He could feel her eyes on him while he looked around. When he was satisfied with his viewing, he walked over to her to thank her. She just smiled and told him he was welcome here as long as he wanted to be. He looked into her shining eyes and couldn't help but return it.
She told him when dinner would be ready and that he was welcomed to eat with them. After telling her he would, she gave him one last smile before leaving him to his room. He watched her walk down the corridor and disappear before walking to the middle of the room and sitting down to meditate. One thing was for certain, he was sure he would see that smile more often in the near future.