After her weekend off Sam reached for her car keys and stepped outside, closing her front door.
On the way to her car she checked her mail box. The promotional flyers she stuffed directly into the garbage can.
There were also a few bills and an official looking envelope.
As she was late already she took the mail with her, later she would have time to go over them.
She made it through the check point and found herself waiting for the elevator as another person approached her.
"Morning Carter!"
"Morning, Sir!"
"So, you really did leave the mountain for the weekend? No rescue calls at all?" he asked surprised. He knew had she been called in she wouldn't have gone back home.
"Nope, Sir. A whole weekend just me and my bike." she smiled brightly. She loved her old Indian and enjoyed to tinker with her.
"What about you? What did you do?"
"Oh I had a hot date! First cinema, then dinner and after that a lot of stargazing. A wonderful night."
Sam's gut flinched at the thought of the Colonel with another woman. She knew she had no right to be jealous, but she thought after their confession and leaving it in the room they had a silent agreement to wait for each other. Not that it would happen anytime soon. But apparently she thought wrong.
"And in the morning I made her pancakes, hot chocolate and drove her back to Janet, because Cassie had to study for her math test today."
Wait! What?
"Oh...you had Cassie over?"
"Yes, we do this from time to time. You know, I'm the closest she has to a father and I'm enjoying it being around kids. And that kid in particular."
This time she smiled at him. Yeah, she knew how Jack O'Neill felt about kids and that only makes him more attractive to her.
With a *pling* the elevator arrived and he pressed the button for the locker room level, as they both needed to change onto their BDUs.
"See you at lunch, Major?"
"I do habe to ran some tests, but I think I can make it. Give me a call when you're heading there."
"I'll do that. See you later, Carter."
"Bye Sir."
She quickly got changed and headed to her lab. Starting the first simulation, that gave her time to take a closer look at her mail. Bills... Bills... A postcard from Mark and his family and an envelope from an authority.
Her heart stopped. Not just any authority, an adoption authority.
She was familiar with that particular adoption authority and had hoped the letter wouldn't contain what she was trying to ignore for the last 16 years.
With trembling hands she opens it and unfolded the letter.
/ Dear Miss Carter,
we're writing to you because your biological daughter:
Anna Rose Miller
has approached us in order to get to know who her biological parents are.
If you're willing to get to know the girl her contact details are on the second sheet.
Please let us know how you decide.
Yours... /
Sam felt like she couldn't breathe.
17 years she wondered if her little girl was happy and if she would someday get to know that her mother wasn't the one who gave life to her.
Now here she was, wanting to know about her biological mother, probably wanted to know why her mother abandoned her.
Sam felt sick. With shaking knees she had to sit down. She twitched as her phone rang.
She picked up, not noticed that she hadn't said anything.
"Carter? Carter, are you there? Hello?" the voice of her commanding officer got through to her.
"Sir, yeah, sorry. What do you want?"
"It's lunchtime. You asked me to call you. Daniel and Teal'c are already on their way. Meet you in the mess?"
"Already?"
"Yeah, time flies when you're having fun." he laughed.
No answer.
"Everything ok, Major?"
"What? Yeah, I'll be there in a few. Just need to secure the simulation I'm running."
She had already hung up before Jack could say anything further.
He met Daniel and Teal'c at their usual table, wondering what took Carter so long.
"Everything ok, Jack?" the archeologist asked him as he sensed Jack's uneasiness.
"Maybe. I don't know. Have you seen Sam today?"
"No, I haven't had time to check in with her."
"I also haven't been to see Major Carter. Why do you ask, O'Neill?" Teal'c mentioned.
"I met her earlier at the elevator, we arrived together, she was in a good mood, but when I phoned her she seemed so far away..." as soon as he said that the door opened and Sam went to the lunch line.
Ahe sat down with just a bowl of blue jello.
"That's all you're going to eat?" Jack frowned as he stared at her tray.
"I'm just jot very hungry today." she told him and he looked eyes with Daniel.
They ate in silence for a few minutes d then the conversation went on.
"...right. What do you think, Sam?"
Daniel asked her a question and he became aware that she wasn't listening. His hand reached out to hers and she looked up.
"Sorry Daniel. I wasn't listening."
"I noticed that. Are you ok?"
"I have to go back to work, can't leave my lab unattended for much longer."
With that she stood up, carried the tray back to the tray stand and left.
Three pairs of eyes were staring disbelieving at each other. "What just happened?"
"I don't know, Danny. But I'm willing to find out. I'll give her a few hours and then I'll go find her."
"Ok, call if you need anything, Jack."
As Jack strode towards her lab he had a strange feeling. Sam never closes her door. Unless there was an experiment which could cause damage, but if she would do such a thing today he would have known.
He slipped his card through to unlock the door. The room was dark and empty. He turned and accidentally ran into a lab assistant.
"Hey, do you know where Major Carter is?"
"She left, Sir."
"What do you mean 'she left'?"
"She said she was leaving early today."
"Home?" Jack asked confused.
"That's what she said, Sir."
"Thank you."
On his way to the elevator he called Daniel's lab.
"Hey Jack."
"Carter is not here."
"What?"
"I spoke to one of her lab technicians, he told me she left for the day and went home."
"That doesn't sound like Sam at all."
"I know, Daniel. I'm going to talk to her. Maybe she'll speak to me when we're not at work."
"Good luck, Jack. Keep me up."
Jack O'Neill parked his truck right behind her classic Volvo. Ok, she was home. That was at least something.
He took the three steps to her porch in a swift move and knocked.
Nothing.
It was dark inside, but she must be home.
He knocked again, this time much louder.
He was shocked to see Sam Carter standing right in front of him, her eyes red from crying. Jack immediately took her into his arms.
"Hey, tell me what's wrong and what I can do to help you." seeing the woman you love, secretly love, with puffy red eyes was emotional even for Jack O'Neill.
"No, you won't understand, ever."
"You don't know that, I'm smarter than I let you believe." he tried to lighten the mood with a little joke.
"No, no I'm sure about this, Sir."
"Please Sam, can you drop the 'Sir'? I'm here as your friend, not your commanding officer, because I worry about you. You can tell me everything, nothing can be so serious that we won't find a way to handle things."
"Believe me it can."
He didn't want to discuss this in the entrance, so he directed her back to the living room.
Back to the couch she had obviously occupied before his arrival.
His look stopped at the coffee table. On top lay the letter she earlier got. He wasn't able to read it from afar but was sure this was his hint.
"May I?" he asked as he nodded in the direction of the paper.
Sam nodded defeated. What else could she do by now. He would read the letter and leave.
She knew for Jack children were the most important thing to live for.
He lost his little boy and it nearly killed him. How could he look her in the eyes knowing she gave away her daughter on purpose.
He read through the letter, getting increasingly paler. He looked up and stared at her with wide eyes.
"You have a daughter?"
She nodded in response, not able to form a sentence, while tears were streaming down her face.
He didn't know what made Sam giving up on her daughter, but he knew her that well that it must have hurt her a lot.
"Sam..."
"I was nineteen, I was still a child myself. It was an accident." she laughed bitterly "The smart Samantha Carter wasn't smart enough to use protection. Funny, huh? My Dad wanted me to have an abortion, but I couldn't. This child shouldn't have to sacrifice his life just because of my stupidity. So I gave birth to her and searched for parents who would love her and were able to give her the life she deserves. And then I started in the academy a year later than I originally planned. Her biological father died short before her birth on his first deployment overseas. Now that you know the whole story you can leave, Jack."
Stunned by her story and her request for him to leave he asked: "Why would I leave? Especially now that I know how desperate you are?"
"I know that in your eyes I must be a terrible person. I know children are everything for you and you would give everything to get Charlie back. And now you have to face me, who clearly abandoned her own flesh and blood."
"Sam, you were a kid yourself. What would you have done if you'd kept her? I don't judge you for wanting her to have a better life than you were able to give her at the time. It was a very smart move, but I think I know you good enough to know that you regret it a little every day. Maybe this is your chance. Obviously she wants to get to know you."
"What if she only wants to meet me to see what a bad person I am or insult me?"
"She's your daughter after all, you'll be ok. You two will figure it out. Write her! I'm here for you when you need me. And don't you dare believe I would think any less of you."
He held her for a while and spoke softly as he asked: "Tell me about her."
Confused she answered: "I don't know her yet."
"Sam, you carried her for whole nine months, I bet you remember every detail."
"When I first found out I was pregnant I was scared to death, I cried the whole way through telling my Dad. The first thing he asked me was to have an abortion, I fought him. This little baby shouldn't suffer only because I was too stupid. After that he supported me in every way possible. I felt her for the first time when I was 5 months pregnant. As the pregnancy went along she kicked everything down from my belly what I placed there."
She smiled at the memory.
"I would have loved to see that." Jack smiled too.
"The birth was a long, stressful and emotional. But when she was there they asked me if I wanted to hold her. Most of the women who gave their baby up for adoption didn't want to have a look because it is so painful. But I wanted to hold her so desperately. I even nursed her the first time. I'll never forget this tiny little fingers, her bright blue eyes and the few blond hairs. I gave her to her new mother and that was it. It was the last time I saw Anna and that was 16 years ago."
"Wow Sam, why didn't you ever say anything?"
"It was easier not to talk about her."
"Yeah, I know how you feel. But I want you to know, you can always talk to be about this, ok?"
"Thank you."
"And don't believe my feelings for you would change because of this. They're still there. Sealed in that room. But one day, Sam, I promise you one day we're able to be together and then secrets won't be necessary anymore."
"I'm looking forward to it. I think I will write her a letter. I'm ready to meet her if she wants to. Thanks for checking up on me. "
He kissed her on top of her hair.
"Call me if you need anything. I'll always be there for you."
Two weeks later Sam searched for Jack and found him in the mess, sitting in front of a piece of cake.
"Hey, you said you would be there for me if I need you."
He only nodded.
"She lives in Denver and wants to meet me later today."
"I'll drive you up there."
"Thank you, Jack."
A few hours later his truck came to a stop at a parking lot in front of a playground. On the swing was a teenage girl looking like she was waiting for someone.
Even from apart Jack could instantly say it was Sam's daughter.
"I'll wait around the truck. Come and get me when you're done."
Sam exited the car and went to meet the girl. Anna smiled shyly as she saw Sam walking towards her.
"Hi, I'm Anna."
"Hi Anna, I am Sam."
Jack watched them carefully and was relieved as he heard laughter coming from the two women.
Two hours he watched her back before she said goodbye to Anna and came to meet him at his car.
He leaned with his back at the car and Sam stepped in front of him, wrapping her arms around his waist she snuggled into him and he placed his chin over her head.
"Thank you for giving me courage. She's a great kid. She wants to see me again."
"That's good news, I'm really happy for you. You deserve this. How about we celebrate? You, me, O'Malleys? I'll pay."
She looked up to him and smiled.
Yes, for once life was good.