Tsunami's eyes couldn't leave the blue and white marble floor of the summer palace. How could she? How could the dragon look at any of the dragons around her? Her throat was sore and eyes begged to shed the built up tears she had been keeping within her but still, she forced herself to at least try and keep her composure.
"So, is that all?" The voice of her mother lacked the usual sweet and affectionate tone she gave to her children. It wasn't bathed red in anger or doused in blue sadness, but was a simple tone of white nothingness. A brief nod from Tsunami was enough for the Queen to continue. "Why are you telling me this now?"
"You? I only wanted to tell you…I didn't want any of them to be here…why did they have to be here?" It was a form of punishment, like Gill or Orca were playing a cruel joke on Tsunami even after their death. A private meeting turning into a family dinner. Tsunami didn't speak and just let her shoulders push up weakly before falling back down.
She still couldn't look at any of them. Turtle, Seashell, Great-White, Crab, and all of other brothers, her uncle Shark, cousin Moray, and her two little sisters, Anemone and Auklet. Dozens upon dozens of eyes burned past her scales like Peril was raking her claws along Tsunami. She heard some of them muttering to each other, but what they were saying was unclear. Tsunami had faced Morrowseer, looking him dead in the eyes as she prepared to fight him. She had faced Skywings and Nightwings who were twice her size when she was six. She had even looked the Queen of the Seawings in the eye and challenged her to protect her baby sister. Every time she was scared, but she never let her fear take hold…but here, when her life wasn't even in danger, she felt the creeping centipede of an emotion crawl up her body and bite into her heart.
The gruff voice of her war-hardened uncle, the one who had finally started to take a liking to her after their sparring matches as he finally found a relative who could match him, made his mind heard. Tsunami wished they didn't start to get along so the glare of his pained eyes didn't sting so much. "This is not a trial. Speak why you did it." Most of Tsunami's brothers seemed to agree with this and mumbled their furious curiosity.
Before she could choke out a word however, the brother she had grown closest to spoke for her. Turtle looked at his brothers at first before turning back to her. "She did it because she was Tsunami, the great dragonet of destiny." His eyes were full of tears that hid a look of pure fury, like he wanted to tear her scales off one at a time. "How could she lose even one match."
"I-it wasn't l-like-" She tried to speak but it was barely audible. Trying to talk while forcing her tears back was a near impossible task yet only seemed to be struggling at hearing herself as all of the dragons in attendance were primed and open ears "H-he wa-wasn't the Gill you all knew! i-I couldn't…I tried!" She looked desperately from Turtle and Shark to Anemone, the one dragon she hoped may be on her side. The dragon that looked up to her.
Anemone's tail lashed back and forth as she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening her mouth to respond. "Why are you looking at me? I never got to know him…thanks to you." Anemone never brought up Gill. Good or bad, she didn't care. He was a subject the princess simply didn't discuss, but when she thought no one was looking, Tsunami would catch her little sister muttering to the portrait of their father, reciting her day and what she learned. She yearned for the dragon her mother told her she could have had…the dragon Tsunami took from her.
The father Anemone never got to have, the father Turtle and her other brothers lost, the brother Shark lost, and the husband Coral lost. Every dragon in the dining room had a missing part of them, a stain on their family picture that could never be fixed. "Here I thought you just hated sitting for a painting of yourself. I didn't realize you knew you didn't deserve to be in our family portrait from the beginning." Moray's words stung like a snake. The shriveling disciple of orca was, for the first time in Tsunami's life, standing tall as even she loved Gill as the uncle she could turn to and speak with trust.
"That's not true!" Tsunami wished she could growl and put her cousin in her place…but didn't have the strength, and she didn't even disagree. "I WANTED to be in this family! I-it was all-all I ever wanted!" She looked desperately at each member of the royal Seawing family. From her brothers to her uncle, from Anemone to Moray, but still avoiding her mother…until her eyes landed on Auklet. She gave the young dragonet a pleading, no, begging look. If not Anemone…Auklet, the dragonet she saved from Orca's statue. The dragonet who would sit and listen to Tsunami's stories about Pantala and the war, the dragonet who made Tsunami realize just how much she wanted to be in this family.
The small green dragonet was clawing at the ground, clearly unsure of what was truly going on. She saw Tsunami's face then buried her head in Anemone's side. "M-mother says f-father was great…e-even Orca didn't kill him…a-and she was a mo-monster…" Anemone pulled her little sister into a hug, a hug that Tsunami would have gladly given on any other day but today. "S-so what does that make you?" She whimpered in her tragic voice.
Tsunami never knew Orca but she swore her sister was cackling from beyond the grave as the dragon who had stopped her murder spree was now being judged by the dragons she tried to kill. Tsunami swallowed back her tears and tried to plead with Auklet, trying to think of the right words but Seashell was already talking. "At least orca was only killing those that could pose a threat to her throne. It isn't right, but she was just horrible." He narrowed his critical gaze on her, the dragon that was closest to her in age looking betrayed. "But you're the real monster."
She couldn't hold it in any longer and the water Tsunami had been holding back for so long flooded down as she bent her head in defeat. She knew she would get no pity from the dragons she took Gill away from, but maybe they would at least consider her side. "I didn't want it to happen! I tried to save him! I did!"
"Then why isn't he here?" Turtle asked, his voice trembling. Tsunami wasn't sure if he was expecting an answer but Crab gave him one as he stood up to leave, unable to finish his dinner after this. "Because she'd rather have looked like the supposed hero she was born to be than force Scarlet to spare our father."
She felt like a bright spotlight was pointed at her while the dragons watching her had glowing eyes of hatred. She wished Clay was here. She didn't know how he would fix any of this, but he would always keep her safe when she couldn't do it herself…but there was no one for her now. "I'm sorry!" Her tears burned as she tried to look at the crowd of dragons in front of her. "I-I swear I didn't know! I-I-I tried…I told her to spare him! S-she didn't say he was my father!"
Shark shook his head and began to walk towards Tsunami before moving past her, his eyes full of fire but unable to look at his niece anymore. "That's because he wasn't. Not yours at least." Her brothers slowly followed suit, one by one getting up from their seats at the table and walking in different directions to the many exits but none following Shark to the garden. That was until the last of her brothers stood and began to make his way towards her. Tsunami looked up at Turtle desperately, hoping the dragon she had traveled to Pantala and back with would spare her at least one sign that he might understand one day.
All she got was a cold glare back telling her he would no longer be 'bothering' her with his new stories. "I trusted you." He didn't growl, hiss, or anything like that as he said it, he just sounded broken. His tail was solidly planted on the ground as he made his way out, Tsunami looking back but knowing he wouldn't do the same. Moray ignored her as she left as well, following Seashell and Crab. Finally, Tsunami was left with her sisters and mother.
One sister she saved from Whirlpool and another she saved from Orca. Two dragons who never even met the dragon that she had taken the life of. The two dragons that should have been on her side, yet they were just as destroyed by this as everyone else. Tsunami lifted her head from the table she had buried it in, already knowing there was nothing she could say to even get one dragon on her side. "I-I tried…please, I-I would do anything f-for any of you…I-I DID do everything to protect you two! I-I would n-never hurt him if I-kne`" She couldn't bring herself to finish it as she heard her youngest sister crying.
Auklet huddled close to Anemone, bawling her eyes out as she was starting to comprehend what was going on. Anemone continued to glare at Tsunami, the sister she always wanted…but not anymore. Anemone stood up, taking Auklet as she began to walk out of the room. "I preferred the sister mother made up in her stories."
Finally she was alone with Coral, the way she wanted this discussion to go. She couldn't even look at her yet, the younger Seawing needed time to collect herself…but it didn't help at all. In the end, she was still staring at the pearl white table that she sat on the guest end of. It was the side Tsunami was always given since she didn't live at the castle. She was also by far the most popular among her family. She was close to her sisters and knowing she had no intention of ever becoming Queen, they never felt worried about her. She was also the only one of Coral's daughters that actively tried to hang out with her brothers. She loved learning about their interest and she found herself spending lots of time with Turtle so she could give him ideas on how to write his stories…something she likely wouldn't be doing anymore. She wiped her eyes and forced herself to look at her mother who sat opposite to her.
Coral had lost most of the color in her face after Tsunami explained the events of the arena and how Gill was killed specifically. The worst part seemed to be that the daughter that was taken from her was the one to take Gill away in return. Staring into Coral's eyes was like staring into the sun, burning Tsunami the more she tried to match her mothers gaze. Coral moved her tail from one side of her chair to the other, seeming to try and find the words she needed. "So, you wanted to save that traitor, Webs, because you fancied his son but not your own father?"
She tried to shake her head, to show her mother that wasn't the case at all. But her head just wouldn't move, it was locked in place so that she was forced to stare at Coral. "No! I-I didn't want Riptide to lose his father like how I lost mine!" She cried out, the shadows of her brothers, sisters, cousin, and uncle remaining in the room as if they were enjoying her misery.
Coral didn't seem to acknowledge her daughter's words as she finally turned to look at the family portrait. All thirty two of her sons sat happily in the background as Anemone and Auklet were in front of the Queen and right next to Coral was Gill. Obviously the Auklet sections were new but there was a distinct lack of Tsunami. Coral had always tried to persuade her to sit down and get herself into the picture, to show the Seawings she was Coral's daughter yet each time, Tsunami refused. The princess could always see the pain in her mothers eyes but she knew that if her secret ever came out, the paintings would be ruined forever as the dragon who killed Gill would be seen smiling right in front of him.
Tsunami wished the shadows would disappear but they just wouldn't…she swallowed back what little hope she had left and began to speak in her tormented and broken voice, desperate for Coral to hear her. "I k-know what I did…e-ever since you told me…I've never let myself live it down…n-nothing you can do to me is worse than what I've lived with, but I-I promise I'll do anything to make it right!" Tsunami recalled reading "The lost princess" about four times a week, especially when Kestrel was particularly horrible. Webs wasn't great…but he was the closest thing she ever had to a father. Sunny, Glory, Starflight, and Clay were the perfect siblings any dragon could ever ask for. She would gladly welcome more and knowing she was losing the ones she had found hurt more than any wound she had received from the war or Pantala…but a mother was something she never had. It was the ONLY thing she wanted. Her favorite part about the story wasn't the feast, the battle scenes, or the happy ending…it was the princesses mother embracing her after spending a life apart. "I-I love this family. I-I promised I would protect it, I-I would do everything I could to keep it safe…I don't want to be Queen…but I swear I won't let anything happen to Anemone and Auklet. I-I want to be there for my brothers…I-I never wanted to hurt any of you…" She couldn't think of what else to say but her mothers silence was hurting her each second. She closed her eyes and bowed her head, wishing to hear her voice. "Please, just say something! Yell at me, banish me, make me spend a month in the dungeon, I-I'll fight a dozen sharks if it makes you talk to me!" She didn't know the extent to Seawing punishments but she would take any of them, because there was nothing worse than what she had to live with already. She slowly opened her eyes and looked back to Coral, her eyes pleading. "Please…m-mother-"
"Coral." The word was cold and full of sorrow mixed with hatred. It was a frozen punch to Tsunami's gut that kept her stuck in her seat as the Queen stood up, turning her back to Tsunami and walking towards the door she came in from before this horrible dinner started. "You may call me Queen Coral." And the great door was shut, leaving Tsunami completely alone.
Alone…Tsunami was never truly alone. The shadow of Gill and Orca were a constant ringing in her ears anytime she thought about the kingdom she was born to. Every conversation with her family masked a cackle from the two ghosts who were permanently bonded with her. Tsunami wished she didn't deserve it…but she did. She knew she did. No matter what Clay told her, no matter how much he consoled her before she turned him away as usual, it was her fault Gill had been killed. It was a secret between the dragonets of a destiny and no matter how many times Sunny tried to get her to open up, Tsunami would never even tell Riptide…this was her burden to bear and she would bear it…forever.
The ground opened up below Tsunami's chair and she began to fall into the abyss, the noise of her fathers neck being snapped beneath her growing louder as she fell. The crowd's cheering was faint in her ears as the only thing she could think about was the horrible feeling of guilt she had earned on that day. Gill, her own father, was the first and only dragon she had ever killed. The cheering grew louder…louder…the howling, the joy of watching one dragon kill another…she just wanted it to stop!
"TSUNAMI!"
The princess was shaking as the void disappeared. She tried to move her claws but they were being held by someone. Her vision was blurry for a reason she didn't know until it hit her, she was crying. "W-who-wh-" She could barely speak from how heavy she was breathing.
A calm, loving voice spoke back to her, keeping a firm but not-painful grip on her claws. "It's Riptide, it's me! Just breathe, ok? You were just sleeping."
A nightmare…that was all it was. Another nightmare. She tried to calm herself, blinking back her tears so she could see the dragon who woke her up. She breathed in and out, letting the air flow through her as her body slowly steadied. "I-I'm fine, Riptide. B-bad dream." She tried to sound honest but it was clear this was much worse than she was making it out to be.
"This happens too much to be a simple nightmare." He waited for her to respond but all she did was tighten her own grip around his claws before she closed her eyes, letting the last of her tears fall off of her face. Riptide bit his tongue lightly then looked to the small table by Tsunami's bed where he had placed a small amount of fish. Knowing she wasn't going to answer him, he decided to change topics to try and cheer her up. "You uh, missed dinner so I brought you something to eat. Angler told me the wrestling match yesterday got pretty rowdy so none of us wanted to wake you." Tsunami gave a small nod of acknowledgement. "Freshly caught clown fish. I uh, figured you'd prefer it over the eel." Tsunami filled in the dots that he walked in on her trembling or muttering nonsense and dropped what he was doing to help her. Finally, he let go of her claws, and was about to gesture to the fish. "I can give you some spac-!"
The moment he let go of her, Tsunami wrapped herself around him and buried her face in his chest. She kept her eyes shut tight as more tears flowed down them. She didn't say anything as she clung to him, wishing she could stop the flooding of emotions that made her feel weak but with Riptide, she didn't mind showing them if she couldn't stop it.
It took the dragon a moment to realize what had just happened and soon, his wings wrapped around Tsunami like a protective shield. He didn't ask her anything as she cried into his scales, letting him run his claw down her back in comfort. After a minute or so had gone by, he felt her start to calm down and spoke soothingly to the dragonet of destiny. "It's alright, I'm here."
Finally, Tsunami let her voice be heard. It was just as cracked as the one she had in her nightmare. "I-I want to go back to Jade a-academy." She moaned regretfully.
Tsunami had wanted to spend the week with her family at the newly constructed Summer palace, taking part in the games and events Queen Coral had planned but…she couldn't. Not after that. She had even convinced Coral to let Riptide join. "And I won't even tell him why I can't do it." Thankfully for the dragon, Riptide wasn't inclined to disagree. He gently put his tail over his, nudging it a little. "Ok, I'll tell them and we can head out as soon as you're ready." He waited until she let go to pull himself off of the seaweed-filled bed. He was about to close the curtains for her to have some privacy but turned at the edge of the exit, giving her one last smile but lined with worry. "Tsunami? I promise, you can talk to me about it. You are the strongest dragon I've ever met…but sometimes it's better to share some things. I'm not Clay or Starflight or Sunny or Glory…but I just…" His smile turned to a sincere frown at the look of sorrow in her eyes. "I just want to know you'll be ok. I think it would be best if we talked."
Tsunami rubbed her right eye pitifully, her tail curled around her back claws as she tried to steady herself. Her head shook weakly while she swallowed back her heart aching pain. "I-I can't…not this…" She moved her claw and tried to look into Riptide's eyes but she couldn't do it. She bent her head down to look at the seaweed that acted as her bed. "I-I'm sorry…I can't, not y-"
"Hey, don't apologize." He tried to reassure her, giving a small smile once more. "I'll be back soon, alright? Just rest a bit and eat." The hidden tone told her that he didn't want to push her for an answer, but he clearly wouldn't forget this, especially since it kept happening. Finally the curtain closed and Tsunami was alone in her room once more.
"Why…why does it get harder?" Every time it was a different version with the same outcome. Every time she was left falling into an empty void with the snapping of her fathers neck ringing in her ears. Every time she would wake up in a cold mess…but every time it got harder to hide. She finished rubbing her eyes and pushed the fish further away from her, the thought of eating not on her mind. "I'll tell them…I will, I just…I can't yet…" She wasn't saying it to make sure it happened. Tsunami was saying it to remind herself why she deserved to have these nightmares more than four times a week. She wished she could tell them, but she knew there wasn't anything they could do to her that was worse than what she was already doing to herself by keeping it a secret. The fear of anyone finding out she had hid it for so long, the thought that the lost heir would claw out a member of the portrait with her own claws, the pain of going to bed knowing what was to come…there was no punishment that could top any of it…there was nothing worse.