Prologue: The Woman Who Always Sleeps
Running.
Hiding.
Found.
Lost.
Awake.
Asleep.
Safe.
Danger.
Imprisoned.
Free.
Fight.
Anchor.
The meaning of these words are unfamiliar to me, and yet they are not. I know what they are supposed to mean, but I do not remember why they are so important.
Stuck.
Yes, I am stuck. But I do not remember how I got here.
I do not know where I am.
Trapped.
Yes, I am trapped, but I do not remember if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
I sometimes try to find a way out, but something always happens where I forget, and yet I do not forget.
I do not remember thinking, but I do remember feeling.
I remember images and people. I remember knowledge, I remember everything.
And yet I remember nothing.
I think, but I do not feel. I feel, but I do not think.
What am I running from? Should I be scared? Do I even remember what it is to feel fear?
I do, and yet I do not.
"Can you hear me?" I hear a voice say.
Should I respond, or should I ignore it? Voices come and go as whispers and screams. Sounds of footsteps, laughter, and...other things that I cannot identify...
I always hear them.
And yet I do not.
Imagination.
Yes, I am familiar with that word and its meaning.
Music.
Yes, I know how music makes me feel.
Love?
What is love? Why was that important to me once?
Images flash in my head...the people in the images, the man...the man with the wild brown hair and the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever remembered witnessing.
"She's trying to remember," I hear the voice say.
What am I supposed to remember? Was it important? If it was so important, why did I forget?
"What are you doing?! Back away from her! Now!" I hear someone shout in a rage.
The voice without a name, that is what I know that voice as. The previous one...that one is new.
"Where am I?" I try to mumble, not even knowing if I could still speak.
"She's awakening! Shut her down now!" the voice without a name screams.
"We're doing maintenance!" the new voice answers, sounding fearful and shaky.
"I don't give a damn! She wakes up, we're all dead!"
Who are they talking about? I try to open my eyes but all I see is darkness.
"I can't see," I whisper, feeling my eyes water...but am I already in water?
The air does not feel right. Nothing feels right. Something feels wrong.
"Shh, honey, go back to sleep," I hear...from the voice I no longer know. And yet that voice touches the deepest parts of me, of my heart, my mind and my soul.
Why do I always react to that soothing voice of the voice that I no longer know?
"Are you sure?" I ask, now starting to feel...
Fear.
I am afraid of this voice. It feels like it should be a comfort, but there is something wrong with this voice. It makes me want to hide. It makes me want to run.
"Yes, baby, it's alright. You're okay," the voice I no longer know whispers, almost too close to my ear.
I flinch and whimper, keeping my eyes shut tightly. "Too much," I gasp out.
The voice with no name laughs at me. I know that laugh. It only causes me to cower more.
Why am I such a coward with that voice? Am I not more than that?
"Stop it!" the voice I no longer know hisses protectively. "You need rest, baby. Go back to sleep."
I feel myself drifting back to sleep.
Why am I always asleep? Why live when I am always sleeping?
"Because you must," I hear in my head. "We will find you, I promise."
The voice I no longer know is talking in my head. There is nothing wrong with that voice. It feels different than the other voice I no longer know.
It feels...genuine.
The other one feels fake, like it is not who it seems.
And the voice with no name...it feels too...
Evil.
Why am I here with someone who feels evil? Am I evil?
"We will find you. Just hang on," I hear again in my head.
"Sever the connection, damn you!" the voice with no name demands with authority.
"Don't lose hope!" I hear in my head again before static erupts in my head.
Pain.
I scream, my eyes opening. I see nothing but light. And it all hurts.
Why does everything hurt?
"Get her back to sleep now!" someone yells.
I hear sounds again. Loud voices. Echoes of running footsteps, clopping in a rhythm that reminded me of music. Alarms. I am starting to remember.
Who am I? Am I someone important?
I feel more pain, the sensations of stinging making my limbs feel like I am truly alive. Alarms are still going off. People are screaming, shouting orders.
It's too much. It all hurts too much.
And yet it does not.
I feel power coursing through me in a rush like a giant tidal wave, washing over me and it feels...
Good. It overcomes my pain. My muscles are straining from lack of use, and yet that does not seem to deter me.
I still cannot see but I start to notice movement in my visuals. Slightly less white lines moving around. I roar loudly from the intense pain I feel, on the cusp of remembering who I am.
More pain. More power.
I smell smoke. I smell fire. I smell fear.
The fear of my enemies.
That is what snaps me back to reality before I am suddenly hit with darkness. I scream suddenly in a rage, having almost remembered everything at once. My senses start to dull as the power leaves me. I feel it slip away and no matter how many times I reach for it, I can never grab it again.
I had power. It was in my grasp. But now it is gone.
And my reason for escaping with it.
Words lose meaning again. Why is this happening to me? Am I doing something wrong? Did I do something wrong?
Anchor.
Anchor is important.
But why?
Running.
Hiding.
Found.
Lost.
Awake.
Asleep.
Safe.
Danger.
Imprisoned.
Free.
Fight.
Anchor.
Retreat.
Give up.
Why would I ever retreat? Why would I ever give up? It is not in my nature to retreat. It is not in my nature to give up. I will not accept words and meanings that cause me such offense.
Running.
Hiding.
Found.
Lost.
Awake.
Asleep.
Safe.
Danger.
Imprisoned.
Free.
Fight.
Anchor.
Defeat.
...
...
...
I will not accept defeat.