Ah yes, Jellyfish fields. On days like those, Spongebob couldn't think of a more delightful activity than to go jellyfishing there, with fishing net in hand and the ocean wind on his back.
Hiding beside a well-shaped bush, the sponge carefully observed the jellyfish closeby, making sure as to not create too much noise. It was a rare blue variation, with four stingers to boot. Putting on his trusty jellyfishing glasses, he crept over to the specimen, putting as much effort as possible to not accidentally step on a stick or pebble. Once he found himself in reach of it, he slammed his net down at it, in hopes of snatching it within the net. As though the sound of the wind against the net was enough to alert it, the jellyfish darted away just as the object fell down on it, leaving the sponge hitting the sand. "Darn. Well at least no one saw me."
Hearing the sound of a young woman with a country accent struggling against something, the sponge found himself walking over to the source. Just at the base of the cliff, he took notice of a…whatsit called again? He took a second to read over his field guide for fish and other animals. Oh, right, a land squirrel. Anyways, he took notice of a female land squirrel fighting off a rather large clam, visibly in danger of being eaten.
"Take that ya old clam. Where'd you learn your manner from, huh? Ohio?" Sandy uttered as she karate chopped the hostile creature's upper jaw. "Hooray, nice one liner!" the sponge complemented her, causing her to lose focus for a second. Within that second, the clam's jaws clamped on her body. "Aw, rats. I won't let ya eat me alive!", she cried out as she began prying its jaws open from the inside out. She heard muffled noises from outside as she did so, but couldn't make out what was being said.
After the clam's jaws were pried open, the sponge jumped into its mouth declaring "You can't take her alive!". The squirrel was halfway out as she watched him do so, realizing his rescue attempts could very much kill him. "Don't worry, square guy. I won't let 'em take you alive!" Snatching the sponge and rushing out of the clam's grip, she kicked the thing a couple couple yards away from the two of them.
"You ok?" the land squirrel asked Sponbgebob, who was taking a second to process what had happened. "Uh, yep. Great karate moves back there. I can do kar-at-e too. Watch." The sponge proceeded to perform a couple of the karate moves he'd been practicing, though albeit it was a bit weak. "So, what do you call yourself?" "Name's Sandy. What's yours?" Sandy ripped a coral out of the ground, tearing it half as though it were made of paper. "My name's Spongebob. Let me show you something cooler." The sponge climbed up the cliff above them and jumped from it on the sand below, karate kicking a stick in half along the way and landing on his feet without breaking a single bone. "Heh, try and top this!" The squirrel approached a boulder sticking out of the sand a couple feet in front of them, and broke it to pieces with just her right arm. "Wow, I didn't know that was possible!" "That's 10 years of karate training for ya. Why, I think we could be tighter than a bark on a tree. Hi-ya!" She then proceeded to playfully karate chop the sponge's head, its spongy material caving in from the squirrel's hand. "Yeah, what you said. I, uh, think I like you. Hi-yah!" He retaliated by attempting to karate chop her head, only to reel back in pain from his hand hitting hard glass. "Ow-uh, why are you wearing a glass bowl over your head?" "It's mah air helmet. I need it to breathe." "Hey, I like air. Can I try it?" "No, silly. Ah'll drown without it." "I don't know what drowning is, but what I do know is that I love air. In fact, some could say air's my middle name. The more the better, if you know what I mean." Spongebob winked. "If ya like air that much, why don't ya come over to my treedome for tea and cookies?" Sandy handed him a map of Bikini Bottom, with a treedome circled in red with writing beside it reading "my house." "Ooh, like a date?", he asked after taking the time to examine the map. "Maybe. Are you 18 or older?" "I'm 16. Is that close enough?" "Nah, can't have a 19 year old like me dating a minor. It simply isn't legal. Just think of it like a get together, alright?" "Alright, I won't be late." And thus, the two went their separate ways.
Spongebob rushed to his neighborhood in a hurry, not believing how he could just come up with a lie like that. No one could possibly like air that much. And plus, he had no clue what air Sandy was referring to to begin with. It couldn't be the ocean air, since she already mentioned she'd drown in it….whatever that meant. He approached Patrick's house, hoping that maybe he could have the answer.
On top of the rock, the spongebob spotted the sea star sunbathing. "Hey, Patrick!" No Response. "Patrick!" "Huh, what was that?" the sea star jolted awake before looking down to see the 16 year old. "Oh, hi Spongebob." "Hi. Do you know what air is? Like, the kind without ocean?" The sea star gave him an utterly confused glance. "What?" "I met this woman earlier, and she wore this thing on her head full of air." "Oh, so she puts on air?" "Uh, probably? What does that mean?" "That just means she thinks she's better than everyone. What you need to do is" Patrick held his right pinky up. "Hold your pinky like such. The higher it is, the more pretentious you seem." "Like this?" Spongebob mimicked his best friend's action. "Not pretentious enough. Put it higher." The sea sponge stretched his arm up a couple inches longer. "Perfect, FancyBob GriffinPants. Hey, can I come with? I'll just stay outside just in case anything goes wrong." "Sure thing." "Thanks!"
Once they had the treedome's entrance, Patrick reminded him "Now Spongebob, when in doubt: pinky up." Both put their right fingers up. "Alright pal, just holler if you need any help." "Sure thing."
With hopes high, the sponge opened the first door and entered a coorider between it and the second door. There, he rang a doorbell with hopes high. "Y'ello?" He heard Sandy's voice from inside the treedome. "Hiya Sandy. It's me, Spongebob." "Heya Spongebob. Hold on, just wait a sec. I'll let you in soon." As Spongebob waited to be let in, he watched as the water in the corridor vanished down a drain. "Hey Sandy, why'd you drain the water?" As the door unlocked, he set foot into the treedome and was met with no water there either. "Uh, where's the water? It all feels so dry." "Of course there's no water. It's nuttin' but fresh, dry, air. You said you loved that stuff, right?" Sandy appeared in front of him. The sponge chuckled in fake confidence. "Of course I love air. The dry kind's my favorite." He took a deep breath to prove his lie, only to cough at the dryness of the dome. What kind of oxygen was that anyways? His lungs felt like a desert. "Well, come on. I have tea and cookies ready- Texas style of course." As the squirrel began walking deeper into the treedom, he attempted to discreetly walk outside to get water. Without it, he assumed he'd dry out to death. "Um, what're you doing? Are you ok?" he heard her questioning as she turned back to face him. "Oh, uh, no- of course I'm ok.", he lied to reassure her. He couldn't just let his issues ruin the dat- get together. "You're a silly little dude, you know that?"
Next thing he knew, the sponge was sitting down on a bench, with the land squirrel giving a run down of the outdoor part of her treedome. He couldn't help but stare at the birdbath closeby, a small orange bird blissfully splashing in it. The water seemed nice. "Oh right ah forgot to get the tea and cookies out of my tree. Just stay there for a sec." After she had left into the interior of the home, he gave into his burgers. He didn't think he could go for much longer without water. As such, he sprang into the bird bath, scaring off the bird. There, he soaked all of its water, feeling more refreshed. It wasn't perfect, but it was better than nothing.
"What are you doing? She can't see you like that.", Spongebob heard Patrick chastise him from outside. "It's the only water in here. I'll die without it." "You're making yourself look unpretentious in front of her. When in doubt, pinky out." The sea star held up his right pinky finger. "I can't lie to her anymore! I hate dry water, and I'm not pretentious! Get me out of this hell!" the sponge jumped out of the empty birdbath, and made a beeline to the door. "Spongebob no!", the sea star cried out as he ran into the treedome, closing the door behind him as he stopped the sponge in his tracks. "You can't just blow it for yourself. I mean, don't you think you're overreacting a bit?" Spongebob could only let out pained heavy breaths in response, collapsing onto the ground. "Hey, don't faint on me bud. Everything's gonna be alright." Patrick picked the sponge up, and began trying to lead him back to the picnic table. In the midst of walking, the sea star stopped out of the blue, begging to sweat and cough. Between pained breaths and wheezing, he managed to speak up an exclamation of "What…what kind of place is this?! We gotta get out of here!" "That's what I've been trying to tell you." "You never said it was dry! How can someone live like this?: "I don't know!" The two then proceeded to frantically try to open the door outside, craving the fresh cold water more than ever. However, all they achieved was collapsing onto the ground.
Sandy returned outside, tea and cookies prepared. Spongebob was absent from the park bench, and her home had gotten eerily silent. "Uh, Spongeboy? I have the food ready, if ya wanna- what in tarnation?!" She dropped the tray at the sight of a dried up sponge and sea star laying by the door, their clothes draped on them like blankets. Glass shattered as the cups of tea made contact with the ground, and realization hit her like a train- the sponge had dried up. "Ah should've known sea creatures can't survive on dry air. Maybe that's why he was trying to leave earlier."
Sometime later, the squirrel managed to bring Spongebob, and the sea star she soon learned was his friend Patrick, back to life with a hose. "Why didn't ya just tell me ya needed water to survive? I'd understand?", she asked the sponge as she poured water into their new water containment helmets. "Well, I didn't actually know what you meant, but I pretended to love air so you wouldn't be disappointed.", he sheepishly responded. "That's a strange reason to lie….but ok. Just don't try to pull something like that again. I can't guarantee you'll live if you do." "Hey so what's your favorite old novel?", the sea star chimed in. "Uh, ah don't read old novels. Why'd you ask?" "I thought you people liked old novels because it makes you look more intelligent than you actually are." "You think I'm pretentious?!" "Spongebob told me you put on air." "I don't put on air, I wear an air helmet." "Oh, ok." A moment of awkward silence ensued.
"Uh, well, I propose a toast to new friends!" Sandy broke the silence. The three performed cheers with three newly made cups of tea. As Spongeob moved the cup to his lips, he stopped to notice the water helmet acting as a barrier between him and the drink. "Hey Sandy, how am I supposed to drink this?", he asked as Patrick knocked the cup at his helmet in confusion. "Hold on a sec. A've got an idea." Leaving and re-entering with two tea bags, she placed one in each of their helmets. The sea star put up his right pinky, seemingly out of instinct, before nudging the sponge to do the same. Repeating his best friend's action, they both gulped in a mouthful of tea, and let out sighs of relief.