Chapter 1 – What do you want?
Nathan slowly walked toward Elizabeth. He couldn't believe what he had heard in town. He needed to confront her about it and let her know that she was important to people. That she was important to him. Just like she had confronted him when he had been offered that promotion, he couldn't let this slide. He knew that he would regret it if he never said anything.
"Lizbeth." Nathan said softly. "What … do … you … want?"
Elizabeth continued to stare at Nathan as he stood just a few feet in front of her. She could see his chest hair peeking out from his unbuttoned shirt and henley. She was not thinking clearly. She was an engaged woman and here she was thinking about running her hand across his chest, slipping her fingers past the buttons and feeling his bare skin. She was thinking about kissing him. She couldn't believe where her brain was going. She was an engaged woman and there she stood having thoughts of another man. But if she was honest with herself, it was the man that she had wanted for the last few years, but was too afraid to let him know. She was sure that she missed her chance with Nathan and the only thing she could do was to move forward with the plans, even if it wasn't what she wanted.
Elizabeth shook her head and looked at Nathan. She could feel the heat rise in her cheeks because it was like he could see what she was thinking. She turned and walked behind her desk to put some physical space between them. As she turned around, Nathan advanced. He put his hands on her desk and leaned forward.
"Lizbeth." Nathan said, again softly.
He spoke in a soft tone almost like speaking in a louder voice would send her running. He could tell she was scared, but he needed her to understand. He needed her to hear him. He needed to let her know that he was still there for her if she chose to be brave.
"What happened to the brave woman you used to be?" Nathan said. "The woman who defied her father's wishes and came west to teach. The woman who stood up and helped the widows fight for their homes. The woman who helped fight when the railroad was threatening this town. Where is the woman who went into the mine to rescue a child? Where is the woman who stood up to the Tolliver gang? The woman who braved single motherhood while still working. The woman that I have heard the stories about. The woman who was brave enough to live a life in service. What happened to that woman? Where did she go?"
Elizabeth had backed up against the blackboard as Nathan spoke. She didn't want to think about that woman, because in so many ways that woman died in the street five years ago. Elizabeth didn't feel brave. She felt like a failure for not being strong enough to resist Lucas and turn him down when she knew he would never have her heart.
"I … I don't know." Elizabeth stammered. "I don't know if I ever was that woman. Maybe I could pretend to be her because I had the support I needed. But I don't have that support now do I?"
"I don't believe that and neither do you." Nathan said. "You still have a choice. You can change your direction. You could still have that support if you would just choose to."
"But …." Elizabeth stammered, but just dropped it as she got lost in Nathan's blue eyes again.
"I asked you before." Nathan said. "And I will ask you again – what is in your heart?"
Nathan stood back up and took a step back from the desk. He turned to walk down the aisle, but after a couple of steps, stopped and turned back to look at Elizabeth again. She looked like she was going to cry and that broke his heart.
"You told me when we first came here." Nathan said. "That you thought Allie pushed people away so she wouldn't get hurt again. I now know you recognized the behavior because you do it as well. If you would just let people in and be honest with them, things would be better. I want you to be happy, if you are truly happy marrying Lucas and moving to Capital City. Then I will find a way to be happy for you. But looking at you right now, I can see that is not where your heart is. You might not be able to admit it, but I can see it and I am not the only one. Think about it, decide what you really want and then take action to make it happen."
Nathan didn't say anything else, just turned and walked from the schoolhouse. Elizabeth listened as his boots clicked as he walked away. She stared at his retreating figure and the moment he closed the door, she crumpled to the floor and cried.
…. …. …. ….
Nathan didn't dare look back as he walked away. He knew that if he did, he would run to Elizabeth and kiss her and that just couldn't happen. She needed to make the decision. He had said his piece and now he knew that she needed to come to him. Nathan stood on the top step and he heard Elizabeth crying. He wanted so badly to go back in there and gather her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't. He had to walk away and let her come to him. She had to be the one to say that she was staying, that she chose him.
Nathan walked down the steps and straight to his house to change. He knew that Bill had given him the day off, but he needed to do something, so he changed into his serge and headed back to town. He went to the livery and saddled Newton. He was going to go on rounds and make sure that Montague's men were not back up on Bill's land. He had chased them off a couple of times. Bill had filed paperwork to stop them and had been granted an order saying that they hadn't met the requirements to seize the land. Montague and the Governor were challenging the ruling, but it didn't look good for them at the moment.
Nathan took a deep breath, mounted his trusty steed and headed out of town. He not only wanted to make sure the men were gone, but he needed time to think.
…. …. …. ….
Elizabeth lay crumpled on the schoolhouse floor crying. She realized that she couldn't leave Hope Valley, but she also realized that meant that she couldn't stay with Lucas. She didn't love him like she loved Jack. She realized that she didn't even love him like she loved Nathan, but she did love him.
"I love Nathan." Elizabeth whispered.
The revelation seemed to rock her and bring fresh tears. She thought she could pretend that what was in her heart would change, but when he was talking to her, asking her what she wanted in that way he spoke her name, she knew. She just knew that she couldn't live without Nathan. She also realized that even though he said he would find a way to be okay with things if she chose to leave, she knew that he still loved her.
She wasn't sure how she could do this. Her wedding to Lucas was less than six weeks away, but she didn't want to marry Lucas. She wanted Nathan. She knew that leaving Hope Valley was not what she wanted. As she sat there on the floor, she thought about everything that had happened for the last several weeks and realized that even her son had made his choice clear. She knew that Jack had always loved Nathan, but spending time with Allie while she babysat. Then Nathan helping and including Jack made her realize that Jack had already chosen who he looked up to as a father. She knew that Nathan loved the little guy, he had made that clear years ago.
Elizabeth cried and cried until her tears were spent. She then picked herself up off the floor and sat at her desk. She pulled out her stationary and a pen. She stared at the blank page for the longest time before she wrote a note to Lucas. She needed to break things off with him, but she didn't want to wait and he was out of town. She knew it was the cowardly way to do it, but she didn't want him to try and talk her out of it. She had made up her mind that she needed to follow her heart. It had been too long since she had done that.
Once Elizabeth finished the letter to Lucas, she looked at her ring and then slipped it off her finger. She kissed it, put it in the center of the note and folded the note around it. She then grabbed an envelope and placed both items in it, sealing it with a kiss. She then wrote his name on it and set it aside.
Elizabeth then grabbed another sheet of paper and wrote a letter to Nathan. She wasn't sure she would be able to tell him everything that was on her heart without breaking down, so she would get it on paper. The letter to Nathan ended up being several pages long. When it was finished, she put it in another envelope and wrote Nathan's name on it, in her beautiful script writing that he had told her that he liked once upon a time. She then set the letter next to the one for Lucas, but where you could see both their names. She took a deep breath and tried to focus. She wanted to take the letter to Lucas and leave it in his office, but she knew that she had other things that had to happen first. She then started grading the papers that she had planned to work on before Nathan came in to talk to her.
…. …. …. ….
Several hours later ….
Nathan returned to town having ridden a full rounds and out to Bill's land. There were no men there, but he still wanted to make sure. He also checked other routes where they could have drained the water, but all was well so far. Since word had gotten out about what Montague and his men were trying to do, people had been a lot more vigilant about people snooping around.
After taking care of Newton, Nathan headed home. He was surprised the house was dark. He walked in and called for Allie. Not getting a response, he checked her room and found it empty. He was a little worried. He knew that she had been babysitting for Elizabeth, but she should have been home. Nathan quickly changed out of his serge and into the clothes that he had been wearing earlier. He then headed to Elizabeth's house. He knocked and found a worried Allie. She immediately gave her dad a hug and invited him in.
"Mrs Thornton never came home after school." Allie said. "Robert handed Little Jack to me and left. I thought she said she was only going to be there for an hour or two so she could work on some grading."
"I stopped and spoke to her after school." Nathan said. "Are you alright?"
"Yes." Allie said. "I fed Little Jack and he is asleep. I was just getting worried. I mean maybe Mr Bouchard came back and took her to supper, but why didn't she call then?"
"I will go see if I can find her." Nathan said. "You stay here and I will be back one way or another."
"Thanks Dad." Allie said.
After giving Allie another hug, Nathan left the house. He stood on the other side of the closed door and took a deep breath. He decided to check the schoolhouse first. As he walked there, he was trying to figure out what he was going to say to her. Part of him was upset that Elizabeth hadn't let Allie know when her plans changed. But then there was the part of him that wondered if he had pushed her too far before and she just couldn't face anyone. The closer he got to the school, he realized that there was a light on there. He knocked on the door as he didn't want to startle Elizabeth. When there was no answer, he gently called out and still no response, so he opened the door and saw Elizabeth asleep at her desk. He stood there, just inside the door for a few moments, just taking in her beauty.
Finally, he stomped his feet and started walking toward the front. Elizabeth barely stirred. When Nathan got to the front of the desk, he noticed the two letters. He then noticed that there was no ring on Elizabeth's finger and his heart leapt. He tried not to get his hopes up, but he couldn't help it. He reached out and gently brushed the hair from her face. Nathan just stared at her beauty for a moment. He wanted to lean down and kiss her, but he knew that it would be wrong.
"Elizabeth." Nathan said. "Come on wake up, you fell asleep grading papers."
Elizabeth slowly raised her head. She was still half asleep, but she looked right at Nathan.
"I love you." Elizabeth said, her voice heavy with sleep.
Nathan stood up, shocked at her words. He knew that he had to keep his emotions in check, she was half asleep and didn't know what she was saying. After Elizabeth spoke, she put her head back down and went back to sleep. Nathan stood there for a moment and then he knew what he had to do. He quickly called Lee to bring his car. While Nathan was waiting for Lee, he gathered the two letters and school papers and then put them all in Elizabeth's basket. He took the basket and set it on the last pew so it would be easy to grab on the way out.
Once Lee arrived, Nathan scooped Elizabeth up in his arms to carry her out. Lee turned down the lamps and grabbed the basket as he followed Nathan out. When Nathan had picked up Elizabeth, she had immediately snuggled into his chest. She slipped her hand in his open shirt and let it rest right on his heart. Her head was resting on his shoulder and once she felt his heartbeat, she let out a contented sigh. Lee looked at Nathan and both men shook their heads. They didn't say a word. Nathan carried Elizabeth to the car. He gently set her in the back seat and then crawled in the front. Lee drove them to the rowhouses without so much as a word. Lee was worried about Nathan, he looked so right carrying Elizabeth, but he didn't want him to get hurt again.
When they got there, Rosemary opened the door so Nathan could carry Elizabeth in. Once again, when he picked her up, she slipped her hand between his shirt and henley, resting her hand on his heart. Rosemary saw it and raised her eyebrow to Nathan, who shook his head. Rosemary just motioned for Nathan to lead the way upstairs. Nathan laid Elizabeth on her bed, but when he went to step away, Elizabeth grabbed his hand. He brushed her hair off her face and leaned down.
"Just go back to sleep." Nathan said, softly. "You are safe."
Then without thinking he kissed her forehead like he would have Allie. Nathan immediately stiffened and left the room without looking at Rosemary. He couldn't believe that he had done that. When he got back downstairs, Lee was waiting for him.
"Everything okay?" Lee asked.
Nathan looked at Allie and then back at Lee.
"I don't know." Nathan said. "She had fallen asleep grading papers. I know that she looked tired when I saw her earlier, but I didn't realize that things were that bad."
Lee nodded his head. Before they could say anything else, Rosemary came downstairs.
"Let's let them both sleep." Rosemary said. "We can talk about things tomorrow."
"I put her basket on the desk." Lee said.
"Good." Rosemary said. "Let's go and I will check on her in the morning."
Rosemary ushered everyone outside, handing her daughter to Lee and pointing toward the house. Lee got the message and went inside.
"Allie." Nathan said. "Run ahead and get ready for bed. It will be an early morning if you still want to go fishing."
Allie looked between her dad and Rosemary, but gave them both a hug and then headed to her house. Rosemary waited until they had seen Allie go inside, she then turned to Nathan.
"What was that upstairs?" Rosemary asked.
"I did it without thinking." Nathan said. "It was what I used to say to Allie when she had a nightmare. I also used to kiss her forehead like that. It didn't mean anything. I did it without thinking."
"And her hand on your heart?" Rosemary asked. "Or the fact that her engagement ring is missing."
"I don't know anything about that." Nathan said. "I also am not talking about this with you. She was asleep and didn't realize what she was doing. Just drop it for everyone's sake."
Nathan then turned and walked to his house, not letting Rosemary say another word. As much as Nathan held out hope, Elizabeth herself hadn't said it and he needed to protect what little there was left of his heart.
…. …. …. ….
Rosemary stood there dumbfounded. She could have swore that there was more than what they were saying. She knew that she was going to have to be having some morning tea with her best friend to figure out what happened and where they all stood. She knew that Elizabeth had been struggling with her deep feelings for Nathan for a long time. She might have tried to hide it and protest that they were only friends, but Rosemary knew her best friend and saw the love the two of them had for each other.
Rosemary took a deep breath, went into her house and was met with a questioning look from her husband.
"I don't know." Rosemary said. "But trust me, I will get to the bottom of it in the morning. She can't keep this up. We both know that she loves Nathan and from what I can see, he still loves her as well."
"Just be careful." Lee said.
"I will." Rosemary said. "Now, let's get this little girl to bed and head there ourselves."
Lee and Rosemary took their daughter and headed to bed. Rosemary was determined to find out what was happening with her best friend. Lee was worried that Nathan was going to get hurt again and then he would leave. With everything going on, Lee knew that they couldn't afford to drive the constable away.
…. …. …. ….