Nathan stood just outside the schoolhouse, his hand poised on the door. Taking a deep breath, he stepped inside.
Elizabeth looked up from her desk, and for a moment there was the new comforting ease between them – he could tell she was glad to see him, relieved that it was him and not someone else. He knew immediately that she was hiding here, and he thought he knew from whom.
"Hi," he said, his voice echoing in the emptiness of the room.
"Hi," she replied, on an exhaled breath. A tiny smile caught the corners of her mouth.
She stood and moved around to the front of the desk, and so many memories flooded back to him. How many times had they done this? The thought that moved to the forefront was of the day he had brought her the apple. He had stopped by to let her know he was going out of town, for no other reason than that he wanted her to know. She was already his touchstone, his home, even then. "Safe travels," she had said, and he had ridden out with her sweet voice in his head for miles.
Now, unsure of what he was going to say, he faltered as he spoke. "I… I was worried about you…" Not again, Nathan thought. It seemed he could talk coherently to anyone but Elizabeth. He could feel the familiar and unwelcome stutter as his vocabulary left him. "I saw you… at the announcement, and you seemed…" He searched in vain for the right word, so settled on one that just barely sufficed. "...unhappy. You seemed unhappy."
Elizabeth narrowed her eyes slightly and took a deep breath. He knew her so well. She was wavering between saying a clipped "I'm fine" – or telling him what was really bothering her. He began to walk slowly toward her, hoping for honesty.
His hopes were rewarded. "I'm going to miss this schoolroom," Elizabeth finally said with deep sadness, looking down at the floor and moving the sole of her shoe lightly across it.
"So you've decided to leave Hope Valley?" Nathan asked, his heart hammering suddenly in his chest.
A long sigh escaped her as she looked up at him. "He will get elected, Nathan. It's already a foregone conclusion. Lucas knew if he announced his candidacy that it meant a move to Union City." She pursed her lips and swallowed. "For both of us." Then she suddenly said, amending herself, "For all three of us."
Nathan stopped halfway down the aisle, rooted to the spot. The possibility was always there, but this suddenly felt very real. He looked down and said softly, "So, you will become a Governor's wife." A small edge came unbidden into his voice. "Giving teas and parties, shaking hands, wearing fine clothes. As if you were back in Hamilton…"
As always seemed to happen with them, she matched his tone. "Yes, Nathan. I will need to follow my husband." She knew it would hurt him to say it that way, but it surprised her that using the word husband gave her so little joy.
Nathan looked up, his eyes focused sharply on hers. He wondered when her engagement and marriage would stop feeling like a slap in the face every time he heard her say it. Then he softened, as he always did, with his love for her. If this is what will make her happy, then this is what I will endure.
But she didn't look happy. And she hadn't looked happy out in the town square. Nathan frowned slightly, and pressed on.
"And then what? What about… what about teaching, what about these kids? I mean, is this what you want?"
He stepped closer, slowly, as if he was approaching a frightened animal. No sudden movements, almost noiselessly, but steadily inching up the center aisle of the schoolroom.
"Nathan, this is bigger than me." She sounded defensive, through clenched teeth, as if she had rehearsed the phrase in her head and it sounded foreign even to her.
He was nearly there, close enough to see that she was shaking slightly, at war with herself.
He softened his voice even further. "Elizabeth, you make a difference here. I'm asking you to be honest with yourself. Is this what you want?"
Her breath was coming faster, becoming more shallow. Nathan could not push away the thought that she had never looked more beautiful to him than she did in this moment.
"What other choice do I have?" Her voice was constricted, sounding trapped, as if the walls were closing in on her. It took everything he had not to take her in his arms. He wanted to scream out, choose me, choose us, choose the family we can have together. Here, in Hope Valley. But he moved back to the most important question. After all this time of wanting her, his feelings still weren't as important as what she wanted.
Nathan spoke slowly, in a whisper. "Elizabeth. What…do…you…want?"
As she looked at him, her eyes darting back and forth, he felt the pain emanating from her before he saw the tears begin. He stood in silence, knowing that if he spoke again, she might push him away or run. He could see her fragility, her armor down, allowing herself to truly hear his question.
Finally, in a small voice, her lips trembling, she looked down at the floor and said plaintively, "Please don't ask me that."
He knew she was close to breaking, so he spoke gently, evenly. "I'm asking you to ask yourself. You don't even have to tell me the answer." She stayed silent, and he gave her time, as he listened to her breath rise and fall between them.
Then, feeling he'd pushed too far, Nathan sighed. "I can leave if you want…" He made a move to turn, and he suddenly felt her hand in his, cool and trembling.
"I don't want you to leave." He turned back and looked at her, and now the tears were glistening in her eyes. "I don't think I can do this alone."
Nathan quickly took her hand in both of his, willing his strength to move into her. "Then we'll do it together," he said gently, moving her over to the bench.
They sat in silence for a long time, both looking at the chalkboard, lost in memories. Nathan finally spoke.
"Do you remember when I received the promotion and was considering leaving Hope Valley?"
Elizabeth smiled and sighed and he felt her body relax next to him. "Yes. It was at Christmas. We found your tree together. You and Allie and me."
Nathan smiled too. "And we decorated it."
Elizabeth turned and looked at him, remembering the cardinal on the top branch, and her confusion at his closeness. But not just confusion, it was when she had begun to realize that he had made his way into her heart as more than just a friend.
Nathan looked back at the front of the schoolroom, remembering. "You came to my office and made me realize that the last thing I wanted to do was leave Hope Valley. It was already my home, and most important, it was Allie's home. You helped to change my mind that day."
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow as she looked down and plucked lightly at her skirt. "And you hope to return the favor with me now?"
"No," he said quickly, turning back to her. "I don't want to change your mind." He waited until she looked up at him. "I want you to know your own mind. You seem to feel like you're in a river rushing downstream and that you have no free will."
Nathan suddenly realized that they had never released each other's hand and they were still entwined between them on the bench. He looked in wonder at them, and held them up.
Elizabeth wasn't wearing her engagement ring.
Nathan tilted his head slightly, and she moved her hand away and stammered, "It's on my desk. It was bothering me… I sometimes take it off when… it feels… heavy."
The silence lingered between them, and finally, Elizabeth let go with a sigh. "Everything feels heavy right now." She looked back at Nathan. "You're right about the river. I don't feel like I can get out of it."
Nathan smiled. "Just swim to the shore."
She laughed and shook her head. "Why does everything feel so simple when you say it? It can be infuriating at times, you know that?"
He shook his head. "Oh, no, I don't think it's simple at all. I'm just saying you can do it if you really want to."
Finally, on a deep breath, Elizabeth said. "I don't want to leave Hope Valley."
Nathan turned on the bench and looked at her with infinite tenderness in his eyes. "Then don't."
In the warmth of his love, the openness and honesty of his gaze, and the release of the tension that had been coursing through her for weeks, even months, Elizabeth had to fight off a desire to throw herself into his arms. She was longing to melt into him, feel his strength, to listen to his heart as she had that day in the square. It had never been the same with Lucas, the feeling of utter safety and protection, of unconditional love that she had always felt with Nathan.
But if she moved toward him, she knew that she would never let go, and she couldn't make that decision in this moment. So instead, she stood up quickly and gave herself some distance. Elizabeth immediately felt the cold away from him and shivered.
It didn't last long, because Nathan stood too and walked toward her. She could see the same look in his eyes that she had seen out by the log, and though she'd been strong enough to resist it then, she knew she couldn't now.
She felt so raw, so torn in every direction, knowing that whatever she decided would hurt someone she cared deeply about — and she looked up at this man, this good man who had been there all along, and she realized that he was the only thing she needed.
Without a thought, she reached her hand up to his face as his eyes closed with the tenderness of her touch. A soft sigh escaped his lips.
Elizabeth stroked his cheek, and ran a finger across his chin. "I thought if I pushed you away, I wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing you the way I lost Jack. But I realized something when you were out at that cabin. It doesn't matter if I convince myself that I don't love you. I would feel the pain just as deeply." A tear escaped and ran down her cheek and Nathan wiped it gently away. Elizabeth's voice was choked as she looked up at him. "But it would mean I would have the pain and none of the joy that loving you would bring me."
Nathan reached down and took her left hand, completely bare without the ring. His eyes were pleading with her in his need to kiss her, but his sense of honor was struggling with the fact that she was still an engaged woman.
Elizabeth mercifully saved him from the dilemma. Her tears falling freely now, she circled his neck with her arms, and reached up, pulling herself toward him. When their lips met, finally, they were taken back to the moment they had first touched in the Library, when the shock of connection had caught them both by surprise. But this was connection with heat, fed by longing, as Nathan's hand in the softness of her hair drew her even closer.
This time, they didn't flinch and pull away. The years of wanting closed in on both of them as Nathan pulled her tightly to him, deepening the kiss and feeling her respond in a way he had never allowed himself to hope for. For a quick moment, his disbelief got the better of him, and he pulled away slightly, touching her face, her hair, her lips with his fingers, willing her to be real and not just part of the imaginings that had so long been in his dreams.
Elizabeth smiled at him and knew that this was what she needed. This was so different from anything she had ever felt with Lucas. So right. So natural. She knew she wasn't going anywhere else. She could never leave Hope Valley. She could never leave Nathan.
"Say it again," she whispered, her eyes sparkling. He knew exactly what she meant and he smiled and whispered back, "I love you, Elizabeth. I'm in love with you."
She took his face in her hands and whispered back. "I love you, Nathan. I'm in love with you. I always have been."
Before she moved to kiss him again, she said on a sigh. "What do I want?" She reached up and tenderly moved a lock of hair from his eyes.
As her lips pressed urgently against his, she spoke the word he had been hoping for.
"You."