It was dark. The lack of light was somehow blinding, rendering all other senses that much more potent. That potency served only to highlight the lack of sound, of sensation. There were no smells, nothing to touch. Monika couldn't even feel the resistance of air against her skin, though she was relatively sure that at this point she didn't have a body. No matter which way she turned, not that she could tell whether she was successfully moving in the first place, everything was the same.
It had been dark for so long that Monika was beginning to think this would be the rest of her existence. Her mind, raw from the overwhelming nothingness, wandered through infinite topics, never dwelling in one place for too long. She knew from experience how easy it was to get stuck, trapped in a loop of endless repetition that would drive her closer to madness. Or was she already mad? It could be so hard to tell when there wasn't anyone else around with which to compare one's sanity. She supposed it would be nice to have some company once in a while.
A flare of white-hot pain flashed through her consciousness. If she'd had a physical form, she would have winced or flinched, but she was unable to react to the sudden feeling. Once it passed, she tried to return to her previous line of thought. Ah yes, company. She felt like something was missing here. Like there was something she was forgetting. Perhaps not something, but someone? The pain came again. This time she was able to recoil, a cry tearing from her half-formed throat, but she couldn't escape the intrusive sensation.
Her scream was elongated, her voice modulating and flickering between the static. She felt like she was being rent in two, pieces of her snapping as they were pulled far past their breaking point before being compacted back together with such force that she was sure she would be crushed. She could barely think through the pain and her existence became nothing but excruciating agony and her own shrieking. Her joints cracked as they extended and bent in impossible angles, her skin prickling with what felt like millions of shards of glass. Her lungs heaved, trying to gulp down air that simply didn't exist as she choked on her own ethereal tears.
She was becoming delirious as visions of the club members–mangled and mutilated beyond recognition–surrounded her as though displayed by projectors onto massive screens. The sudden light and color was blinding, and she slammed her eyes shut in a vain attempt to block it out. Even so, the visions continued, their voices layering over one another until they were indistinguishable from another and became nothing but noise, deafening noise that threatened to burst her eardrums. Then, as suddenly as they had come, the light and sound were gone again, returning her to that cold, unfeeling darkness.
Echoes of pain still pulsed through her until those too died away. The flow of time had become increasingly convoluted. Moments felt like they lasted for days, and yet years flew by in a matter of seconds. All that remained was the darkness, the void. Anxiety loomed–a terror of the unknown and a fear that the pain would come again. Eventually, it did, and she was dragged back–clawing in desperation–to the cacophony of tortuous sensation. She begged for mercy in the fragmented shards of her mind–begged to be released into the beautiful, unfeeling darkness once more with a promise that she would not search for the light again. Just as she thought she couldn't possibly take any more, there was sudden, blissful silence.
In that dark void she ceased to exist. No sensation could reach her; no thoughts could form. There was nothing; she was nothing.