I was at a loss for words as I looked at the scene in front of me.

Kazuma rubbed his chin. "If this is what we're up against, then did we even need to worry?"

Chris shook her head. "This trap was set up in a hurry, probably because the creators wanted to get a headstart. Those who are taking their time might have better designs."

We had just entered the forest, only to run into the first of the competitors' traps right away. If it could even be called a proper trap, that is. It was a cage held by a rope above the wolfberry bait, along with a trigger to release it when the bait is taken. At least, that's what we're assuming it was.

Even a goblin wouldn't fall for something so obvious. So naturally, the trap should've remained untouched.

But it wasn't. Something took the bait. And it was something strong enough and smart enough to knock over the tree the cage was attached to, leaving the bait free to get.

Kazuma glanced over at me. "Is something wrong? You've been pretty quiet since we got here."

I walked over to the broken tree, where massive claw marks, still wet with fresh sap, were visible.

"... I'll tell you what's wrong. What's wrong is THIS STUPID FUCKING CAT!!!"

I kicked the tree stump, shattering it into splinters of wood.

"I told that dumbass it needed to leave the area, but not only is it still here, it's even acting cocky again and taking berries from traps! It almost got itself killed before and it still didn't learn its lesson! I've got half a mind to forget this mission and just bash that useless cat's head in for causing us so much trouble!"

I turned back to my companions. Kazuma was staring wide-eyed at the remains of the stump, while Chris seemed lost in thought. Seeming to decide on something, she spoke up.

"Kiriya-san, how did you say you found the Rookie Killer last time?"

I let out a sigh. "It just walked right up to me while I was carrying some berries. Honestly, there should be a limit to how arrogant an animal can be."

The thief nodded. "Alright, how about this: you take the berries and see if you can lure it out like last time. Kazuma will stay nearby as backup, and I'll scout around for other traps and sabotage them. Sounds good? Great! Lurk."

"Oi, hold up— aaand she's gone. Tch, is she always like this, Kazuma?"

And that's the second time today I've been pawned off on Kazuma. I only thought I'd be having a single conversation with him in this world and then parting ways with him forever, but I just can't get away from him, can I?

"What can I say, she's a free spirit. Here, your berries."

He handed me the berries, then looked around. "I guess we can try heading to where you met it last time?"

"Sounds like as good of a plan as any. It was this way..."

We walked in awkward silence for a bit. The forest was pretty quiet, aside from the occasional adventurer party setting up their traps. It'd be nice if we could just take them all out, but we probably don't have enough firepower for that. Not to mention the enemies we'd make.

Eventually, Kazuma broke the silence. "By the way, I was wondering about something."

"What's up?"

"How far did you get with that guy?"

"... who?"

Kazuma glared at me. "The fuck you mean, who?"

"... OH! You mean that senpai. He cheated on me after a month."

"Pft."

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up. You know, it's funny. I only went out with him for his bike, but somehow seeing him making out with another girl still stung. And yeah, I see the irony."

I grinned. "So what about you? Are you actually serious about Megumin?"

"Eh? I, uh, well... it's a little complicated..."

"Really? She was pretty unambiguous when she said you were her man."

"W-Why do you even care, anyway?"

"I was just thinking it'd be nice if at least one of us had a happy ending."

He scoffed. "You think I'm happy in this stupid world?"

"Yep. After all, you're smiling right now, aren't you?"

He hurriedly turned his face away. He really is a tsundere to the core.

Suddenly, I had a different thought. "By the way, how'd you die? I don't see how your life could've been endangered while you were living as a shut-in."

I walked a few more steps before I realized Kazuma had froze. "Oi, you okay?"

"... let's stop wasting time chatting. We should hurry."

He suddenly ran past me. Oof, sensitive topic it seems.

"It was here."

I led Kazuma into the opening where I fought Mitsurugi. I could see the tree I crashed into before, with my dried blood around the base.

I walked into the center, threw the berries on the ground, then sat down and waited. After a moment's hesitation, Kazuma sat down across from me.

There was a light breeze blowing through the clearing, and the sun was high overhead in a cloudless sky, bathing me in warm sunlight. I couldn't help but close my eyes and enjoy the moment.

Maybe my first life could've been like this. I imagined a life where Kazuma and I started going out in high school. During summer break, we head to the mountains, leaving behind our worries, and relax together just like this. He resists at first, wanting to stay home and play games, but once I drag him out his face turns from a scowl into an honest smile, like it always does.

It sounds nice, but...

I opened my eyes. Kazuma must've gotten bored, since he was fidgeting with a berry now. When we were little, I'd always notice him watching me closely wherever we went. Now, in this world, he's found new love, not to mention a successful life that he couldn't have dreamed of in Japan. And even I'm feeling a lot happier here than I ever did before. We might not be together now, but maybe this life is perfect just like this.

That said, even if he doesn't have his eyes on me, he shouldn't be staring at the ground so absentmindedly.

"Looks like you've gotten a new friend, Kazuma."

Kazuma froze, then slowly turned his head around to look behind him.

Our favorite red-eyed feline was standing there silently, gazing at the wolfberries between us.

It slipped past the stunned Kazuma and approached the berries, but before it could reach them, I stood up and barred its way.

It looked at me curiously.

What's wrong? You put those here for me, didn't y–

BAM

I didn't think a slap would have any effect against its thick skull, so I brought my fist down on its head, slamming my knuckles into its forehead. It recoiled, then stared at me in shock, still processing the fact that I hit it.

What was that for!?

"Do you remember what I told you last time? Well?"

Uh...

"You should be far, far away from here by now. Right? And yet you're still here. Isn't that strange?"

Well, that strong guy with the sword wasn't going to be chasing me anymore, so I thought–

"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!"

I roared at the giant cat that was several times my size. It could kill me if it tried to, but I don't care. I'm tired and pissed and this stupid fucking cat needs to learn its damn lesson.

"You know what you are? You're a dumb punk in a small pond. You think you can just sit outside the food chain without a care in the world. And guess what? You got caught once and sold, and then you were almost killed by an asshole with a big sword. You had to be bailed out both times, and instead of learning your lesson, you're now going around treating traps like they're games!"

I stepped closer and put my face right in front of it, looking directly into those crimson eyes. "Since you're clearly incapable of being left to your own devices, here's what's going to happen. You're going to come with me and get registered as my mount, and no human will ever be allowed to attack you again, except in self-defense. Are we clear?"

It paused for a moment, then let out a quiet growl.

... and if I don't want to be your mount?

I raised my eyebrow. "Then you'd be missing out on an all-you-can-eat supply of wolfberries. Well, wherever they're in season, at least."

The Rookie Killer went silent for a while this time, seriously pondering my offer. I already knew what its answer would be, though. I figured out something after thinking about its actions. No matter how cocky it is, it'd normally be a massive waste of time and energy to break through those traps just for mere handfuls of berries. Despite that, this beast is throwing caution to the wind just for those handfuls.

In other words–

... fine.

– this cat is a total wolfberry addict.

I stood aside to allow it to eat the berries on the ground.

Kazuma, having regained his composure, shook his head. "I knew you were reckless, but scolding a monster like that is just insane."

I grinned. "Says the guy who robbed the royal princess."

"Touché."

I watched the Rookie Killer eat, its crimson eyes narrowed in bliss.

I walked over to the Rookie Killer, grabbed the scruff of its neck, and jumped, swinging my leg over so that I was straddling it. Even though I've never ridden a horse, or any other animal, it felt completely natural, even without a saddle. This must be the effect of the Riding skill.

I waved Kazuma over. "Hop on."

He shook his head. "I'll scout ahead for enemies and hidden traps."

"You can use your skills from up here, can't you?"

"Let me rephrase: I'm not getting on that thing."

I shrugged. "Alright, your loss. Forward!"

If giant cats could make sarcastic expressions, this one would definitely be doing so now. Regardless, it began walking in the direction I pointed, taking us back to Axel.

From there, it was a very uneventful trip back to the Adventurer's Guild, where I officially registered the Rookie Killer as my companion and everything was wrapped up with a nice little bow.

It would've been nice if that had been the case. The traps seem to have multiplied greatly in the short time we were in the forest. Strangely, there were even hidden traps set up without any bait, like pitholes and buried bear traps in the middle of game trails. And these traps were very uniformly made.

Kazuma tossed another disabled trap aside. "I'm guessing our noble friend isn't trusting the adventurers to get the job done."

"If he fills the forest with hidden traps like this, isn't there a risk that a person might get injured?"

"He's gone off the deep end. We need to hurry up and end this. Good thing we're on the home stretch now."

Kazuma pointed forward, where the treeline was visible. From there, it's open ground to the city.

"I'll go on ahead, catch up when you can!"

I urged the Rookie Killer on, and it set off sprinting, approaching the gate at an astonishing speed. While I don't know how good its endurance is, at the very least it can keep up with a horse in the short term.

As the gate came into view, I saw the guards there come on alert and bar the way through the gate. Once I got closer and they saw that the beast had a rider, though, they seemed to ease up, although they remained in place blocking the gate. I pulled back on the Rookie Killer's mane to slow it down, and it came to a halt before the gate. I hopped down and had it sit.

"Oi, I just tamed this thing, so let me through."

"U-Um, I-I see, but with m-monsters you need to g-get them approved before t-they can come into the c-city. I'll c-call over a guild official."

With that, the guard ran away, leaving Guard B alone with us. "Tch, that bastard... but, damn, you really tamed a Rookie Killer? It's the first I've heard of something like that. They're usually too sinister."

I patted my new mount affectionately. "Don't worry, we came to an understanding."

Suddenly, I felt the beast's chest start to rumble as it growled.

"Came to an understanding, you say?"

Ah, of course. Lord Fuckwad has arrived, with his driver lackey in tow. The remaining guard backed away, clearly not wanting to get involved.

I gave him a beaming smile as I flipped him off with both hands.

"That's right. This lovely creature is my mount now, so unless you want to be sued by the Adventurer's Guild, you can just fuck off."

Rather than get mad, though, he just shook his head. "Tsk, tsk. I thought it was suspicious that all my plans were going pear shaped, but I didn't want to believe that a human would actually aid that savage beast. Though, I suppose it's debatable whether a ruffian such as you counts as a human."

"Yeah, yeah, complain all you want, it doesn't change the fact that you can't attack a registered monster companion."

He tilted his head. "That's certainly true, but I don't see a registered monster companion around here, do you?"

So, this is what it comes to. He snapped his fingers, and the driver stepped forward, drawing his weapon. I drew Malkuth as well, and took a stance. The noble laughed.

"You realize that if you fight now, you'd be attacking another person to protect what is still legally a wild monster, not to mention what would happen if my man was harmed by that beast as a result of your interference. And I doubt your lawyers are as good as mine."

"So that just means we need to avoid attacking. Piece of cake."

I thrust Malkuth into the ground. "I call you forth!

Rise!"

My golem appeared once more, this time composed of grass and dirt. Its limbs were practically crumbling apart.

"Obstruct!"

Following my orders, the golem shambled forward, spreading its arms out in an attempt to block the driver from approaching.

The noble scoffed. "Honestly, what a pathetic display. Just kill that cat so we can go home!"

"Yes, sir..."

The driver stepped to the side, trying to walk around the golem. The golem moved to block him.

"Sir, it's blocking me."

The veins on the noble's forehead bulged. "JUST KILL THE GOLEM THEN!"

"Understood."

Suddenly, the driver's sword flashed forward in a glittering arc, and cleaved my golem neatly in two. It crumbled into a pile of dirt, with Malkuth stuck in the top.

Before he could proceed, though, I rushed forward and grabbed the hilt of the artifact.

"Icallyouforthrise!"

The dirt golem reformed, good as new. This time, I held onto the hilt, staying behind the golem's back as it blocked the driver from advancing. I repeated the command phrase every time the driver struck, instantly repairing any damage done.

I was stalling him effectively for the moment, but I could feel something within me getting drained. I think I'm running out of mana.

"The hell are you doing now, Kiriya?"

"Oh, look who decided to join the party! Could use a little help here, Kazuma! Oh, but don't hurt him! We just need to hold off until the guild employee gets here!"

Right as I said that, my golem collapsed for the final time; I didn't have enough mana left to recreate it.

"Oh, is that all? That's easy."

Kazuma stepped around to the side of our skirmish, then stretched out his hand towards the driver.

"STEAL!!!"

There was a flash of light– and the driver's sword vanished from his hand. Kazuma laughed as he hoisted the stolen sword on his shoulder and walked up next to me. "Just give it up already."

The driver turned back to his employer.

"I–"

"I don't care if you have to beat them up with your bare hands. Get that sword back and slice that beast's neck, or you're fired."

The driver raised his eyebrows. It's the most expressive I've ever seen of the guy.

"My lord, if I attack them directly, then they can claim self defense and fight back freely."

The noble glared at him.

"Did I stutter, Katsuragi?"

Eh? Is that the driver's name? It sounds like a Japanese name, but he doesn't look it... ah, he's raising his fists now.

In just a few swift steps, he closed in on Kazuma and loosed a left jab at his face.

CLANG

Luckily for Kazuma, I was paying closer attention and managed to step in and intercept the blow with my weapon. I kicked the attacker back, then glanced over my shoulder.

"Oi, focus! You heard the man, it's self-defense now, so fight!"

Kazuma paused, met my eyes, then shook his head. "Nah, screw that. I'm gonna take this sword and run. Lurk."

Kazuma stepped back behind the Rookie Killer as his presence vanished.

The driver sighed. "What kind of man just runs away while leaving his girl behind? How shameful."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Tch, fucking bastard."

He shrugged. "I'd say you should keep better company, but I'm in no position to– nh!?"

He grunted as I landed a surprise jab with Malkuth in his gut and staggered back. I stood up straighter and flipped him off for good measure.

"I was calling you a bastard, bastard! I'm not Kazuma's goddamned girl!"

I charged him again, bringing Malkuth back for a haymaker-like swing. He tensed, prepared for my blow this time as he anticipated my motion.

His attention was entirely focused on me.

"Drain Touch!"

He suddenly flinched as Kazuma grabbed the back of his neck and used some strange Skill. At the same time, I dropped my weapon, pulled my arm in, and transitioned to a tight uppercut, stamping on the ground as I drove the power of my entire body into the jaw of our discombobulated foe.

He actually rose into the air a bit from the force of my blow. I still forget sometimes that I'm already much stronger than I was on Earth. Damn, I hope I didn't shatter his jaw or anything.

He crashed back to the ground and gasped as the air was driven out of his lungs, but that seemed to be a reflex as he showed no signs of stirring from where he lay motionless. After I picked up Malkuth, I nudged him with my foot just to be sure, and got no response.

Something moved in the corner of my vision, and before I consciously registered what it was, I found myself high-fiving my old childhood friend's upraised hand.

"Nice work, man. I don't know what kind of Skill you used, but it must've been nasty to make him flinch like that."

"Back at you. Where the hell did you learn to fight like that, anyway?"

I smirked. "My life wasn't exactly peaceful after we parted ways, you know. You didn't think I've been dressing and talking like a punk just for fun, did you?"

"Well–"

"HEY!! What's going on here!?"

The blonde woman from the guild called out as she exited the gate with Guard A in tow. I think her name was Luna. She was carrying something under her arm.

The noble, who had been standing there speechless since the fight ended, suddenly came to his senses and realized how much danger he was in.

"A-Ah, thank goodness you're here, these ruffians attacked my poor–"

"Can it, bozo. I saw everything." He was interrupted by Guard B, who had been silently watching the entire time. The noble's jaw dropped as realized he had completely forgotten that there was a bystander. To be fair, he had slipped my mind too.

Guard B walked towards Luna, gave Guard A a quick glare for one-sidedly leaving him behind earlier, then turned back to the receptionist. "I can prepare a full report later, but the long and short of it is that the young man and woman there acted in self-defense. Oh, and that the two aren't an item, apparently." He grinned at me as he added that last part.

Luna nodded as she took in the scene of the shaken noble, his unconscious companion, and the giant cat patiently lying down behind me.

"Okay, I understand. I'll be contacting the Dustiness house shortly to inform them of this incident."

The noble opened his mouth to protest, but Luna's angry stare forced it closed immediate. He knew he was beaten.

Luna turned to me as she held out the clipboard and form she'd been carrying. "Kiriya-san, I'm told you wish to register this... lovely beast as your mount. I'll have to call in a Tamer's Guild associate for a proper certification before letting it into the city, but for now, if you can demonstrate it listens to basic commands, you can register it provisionally and keep it here outside the gate."

I nodded, taking the clipboard as I looked at my soon-to-be partner. "Alright, you heard the nice lady. Sit up."

It gave me an impression of raising its eyebrows, but obediently followed my command.

"Good, now roll over."

Oh come on, that's demeaning.

"Three wolfberries."

The fearsome monster that strikes terror in the hearts of newbie adventures immediately flopped back down to the ground and rolled over in record time.

I turned back to the receptionist. "Is that good enough?"

Luna nodded. "I'll accept that. Now you just need to fill out that form and we'll be done."

I read it over real quick. It was pretty straightforward, I just have to fill in the creature's species, sex, and name.

First one is simple. Second one... I almost pulled a Kid G*ku, but then I realized there was a less embarrassing way.

"Hey, are you male or female?"

Male.

"Alright, and now for the name. I don't suppose you have one already?"

I do not.

"Any name you'd like?"

No.

I sighed. Naming things is not my forte. I glanced over at Kazuma.

"Hey, any ideas?"

"Nope. Also, you should be thankful Megumin's in jail right now or your cat would already be stuck with a shitty name."

I pondered for a minute. A name for this guy that I'll be riding across the land, feeling the wind in my hair... ah, I got it.

"I'll go with Suzuki."

Kazuma snorted with laughter. "Seriously? You're naming it after the manufacturer of your bike?"

"Well I can't just name it GSX-R, can I? That's not a name! Hey, what about you, cat? You like Suzuki?"

Suzuki (provisional) tilted his head, then purred.

It sounds nice.

"Suzuki it is, then. Okay, I'll bring you food so just hang out around here until we can get that official registry or whatever done."

I went ahead and wrote Suzuki on the form, then handed it to Luna. Suddenly, I let out a big yawn.

"Shit, I'm exhausted. And hungry."

Kazuma sighed exaggeratedly. "You know, Darkness got ahold of a ton of Snow Crimson Crabs. They're absolutely delicious, but I don't know if just the four of us can eat them all..."

I gave him a playful punch on the arm. "C'mon, dude, just drop the tsundere act and invite your old pal over!"

Kazuma stiffened, then laughed. "Yeah, sure. Come on over! Well, after we pick up Megumin of course."

Heaven

I watched the two old friends as they headed into town. The heavenly fugitive, and the man who absconded with a goddess; they really do make quite a pair. That said, based on what I saw, I think I can tell Megumin she doesn't have anything to worry about. Both of them seem content with their current distance.

... but, there's still one thing that bothers me. Maybe I just missed it, but... I didn't hear anyone mention the name "Chris" this whole time.

Did they... actually forget that I went into the forest alone!? Is this that neglect play that Darkness is always going on about!? It doesn't feel very nice at all!