A/N: Hey! I hope you all are well. I'm not exactly pleased with this chapter, but the good news is that I have the next two halfway drafted already. It shouldn't be any longer than a week between chapters. I've decided that I want to focus on this story for a while before updating any others, so hopefully I can get a good bit of this one finished within the next while. Thank you for everything and please let me know what you think!

…

"I just can't get that night out of my head, you know?"

JJ and Maggie had been sitting at a window table in a small café right on the outskirts of town. Their sandwiches were plated in front of them, and JJ had already managed to eat a little more than she had been lately.

"I keep replaying every move I made up until the ambush, constantly reminding myself of what I could've, should've done differently… and please, don't give me the whole 'it isn't your fault and you couldn't have known speech.' I've already been through that with Hotch."

Maggie nodded, giving her a soft and understanding smile. JJ knew she was no stranger to guilt and hearing the same platitudes over and over didn't usually lessen the feeling or change the fact of who was to blame.

JJ knew it was her fault and no one was going to change her mind. "I just keep asking myself why I went with the team. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I had tunnel vision… all I could see was taking that bastard down."

Maggie was staying silent, and JJ appreciated that she was letting her vent.

"The stress of everything that had happened that month… actually Street and I fought about it the week before. He told me the stress was too much and I was putting myself and the baby at risk." The memory was clear in her mind and a lump formed in her throat. "He warned me… and I didn't listen." She stared off into space as her voice took on a grave tone.

"Now, everything is so tense between us. He blames me for what happened, rightfully so. He's never said that but I can tell. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. He's tried to be there for me though, tried showing me love even through everything but I haven't let him. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve his love or his comfort."

Maggie appeared to ponder something and JJ prompted her to speak her mind. "C'mon, Maggie, I know you have some thoughts on all this… whatever's on your mind, you can just say it."

"Always the profiler, I see." She smiled wryly. "You said you don't feel like you deserve his comfort… but maybe he needs yours just as much."

JJ shook her head. "Why would he want comfort from me when I'm the one who caused this whole mess?"

"I'm not going to tell you that everything you did that night was right… I don't know. I wasn't there and I can't say what you should or shouldn't have done… but what I can say is that you can't control the actions of other people. You couldn't help what Peter Lewis decided to do. JJ, if you hadn't gone with the team, who's to say Lewis wouldn't have waited or tried something again whenever you were with them?"

Maggie's gaze turned sheepish and she looked away from JJ. "Listen, before I flew down here, I pulled the file and report from that night. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, but I felt like it was insensitive of me to come down here and try to be there for you while pretending to know more about the situation than I actually did."

JJ smiled the smallest bit as she realized she wasn't all that surprised by Maggie's actions. She reached across the table and gave her friend's hand a squeeze. "It's okay. Actually, I appreciate you doing that."

Maggie squeezed back. "My point in bringing that up, all signs pointed to Lewis specifically targeting you. I know that's probably not something you want to think about but if he was hellbent on getting to you, then he wouldn't have stopped just because of you not being there on that specific night. He would've tried again some other way."

JJ hadn't really thought about it that way. She had considered whether or not Scratch was targeting her specifically, but she hadn't considered what he would've done if she had stayed behind. The thought of him doing to any of her agents what he did to her was horrifying and she couldn't help the chill that ran down her spine.

That wasn't a good direction as it only led to more thoughts of something happening to Street on the job.

Maggie must've read something in her expression. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, then took a sip of water to clear her suddenly dry throat. "Yeah, I just… I know that Street is ready to go back into the field. He's not used to going so long without it… but it scares me. I've always known the risks of his job but ever since that night, I cannot shake the thought of something going wrong and him not making it home." She focused her gaze out the window, watching the people walk past as they went about their lives. "We fought about it last night. He thought I was just upset because of not getting to go back myself… I didn't tell him that I was just scared."

"There hasn't been a lot of talking between you two, huh?"

She shook her head then smiled sadly. "Every time just leads to a fight. We used to be able to talk about anything. Sometimes it would take us a while to open up, but we always did eventually."

"Can I ask why you haven't been able to open up to him?"

JJ paused long enough to ponder Maggie's question and the truth behind the answer. Again she looked away. "Shame. I guess that's what it all boils down to. I've always tried to be so strong for everyone around me, Street included… but now look at me." She scoffed then laughed self-deprecatingly. "The time Street needs me the most, the time I need him the most… the only thing he feels towards me now is blame."

"JJ, look at me." Maggie paused until their eyes were locked on each others. "That man loves you. No matter what is going on in his head or in yours, he loves you so much. I can't tell you right now that he doesn't feel some sort of blame towards you, I don't know. I think that would be normal given the circumstances, but I also think maybe he's just as confused about his own feelings as you are. The thing is, you're not going to find out if you don't give him a little something too. Tell him how you're feeling about his job. Let him know that last night was out of concern. My guess, if you're so unsure of what he's feeling towards you, then he's got to be wondering how you feel too."

JJ knew her friend was right. Of course Street would be questioning her feelings toward him. After the way she had been treating him, there was no way he could know how deep her love for him still ran.

Again, she flashed back to the same memory from a few moments ago… the conversation she and Street had before their world came crashing down. Not only did he warn her that night, he also made her a promise. He promised that he would be there for her through everything as long as she would let him, as long as she would open up to him… they would stand by each other.

JJ felt a sharp pang through her heart as she realized just how badly she wanted that.

…

After their talk, Chris stayed in the locker room with Street for a few more minutes but then she needed to get back out there with Hondo and Street needed to get to his session with Dr. Wendy.

Letting out a deep breath, he stood from his spot on the bench and gave his partner a fist bump. "Here goes nothing."

"You got this."

He made his way to the office, lightly rapping on the door which he found slightly ajar.

Dr. Wendy looked up from her desk and smiled cheerfully. "Jim, please come in! Welcome back, you've been missed around here."

He awkwardly stepped inside as the door was closed behind him. Looking around, he thought he smelled the faint scent of lavender but he couldn't be sure. Before he could complete his inspection, Dr. Wendy was ushering him over to the couch in the back of the room.

"Have a seat, make yourself comfortable." She was still smiling at him and Street couldn't deny the whole thing was a bit unsettling.

He doubted that 'comfortable' was the right term for him in this circumstance… anxious was more like it, but he took a seat nevertheless.

Dr. Wendy quickly sat in the chair across from him, crossing her legs and placing her notebook atop of her lap. Her eyes, though kind, were intensely studying him and he guessed this was why he always got the feeling of being under a microscope whenever he was in this room. "How are you doing today, Jim?"

"Dr. W-"

"You can just call me Wendy, no need to be so formal."

He nodded, blowing out a deep breath as he leaned forward to rest his forearms on his knees. "Okay, well you can call me Street. That's what everyone usually does now." There were only two people that called him by his first name. One he didn't want to talk about and the other just seemed like a stab to his heart lately.

"Okay. Then Street it is."

The room fell silent as the two occupants seemed to wait each other out. Street tried to avoid eye contact as he clasped his hands in front of him. After a few moments it became apparent that Wendy was just as stubborn as Street, so he eventually was the one to break the awkward silence. "What do you want to talk about?"

"This isn't what I want to talk about. It's what you want to talk about."

Street looked away, knowing there was a lot that he probably needed to talk about but wasn't sure how much he wanted to divulge right now. His main focus was to get clearance for the field, and doing so required opening up a bit… but saying the wrong thing could make Wendy hesitant about giving clearance anyway so the officer wasn't quite sure what to do.

"Street, think of this as an opportunity for you to really be honest about what's going on in your head… not as much with me as with yourself. Even if you're not sure exactly how you're feeling right now, you can still just let it all out… and remember, there's no judgement here and everything stays between us."

"Yeah, but there is a little bit of judgement, right? I mean, I'm here for you to judge whether or not I can go back out with my team."

Wendy gave him a soft smile. "I don't want to keep you from your team, believe me. That is not my intention."

He nodded, still unsure of what to say. Wendy must've picked up on that because her next reply was a bit more directional. "Why don't we start with how you felt coming back to HQ this morning."

Street focused his gaze on the coffee table, gathering his thoughts. After a moment the hesitancy slipped away as he realized this was what he had been wanting… an outlet. "I was relieved. I just… I needed to get out of the apartment, going somewhere other than for a run or quick trip to the grocery store."

"What's it been like in the apartment?"

Another pause. "Before everything happened, I always looked forward to going home. The apartment was like my sanctuary because of who I shared it with… now it's just suffocating."

He caught Wendy nodding out of the corner of his eye. Once he started speaking again, the floodgates opened and he couldn't stop the thoughts from pouring out that had been plaguing his mind for so long.

"At first I wondered how it all came to this… but then after thinking about it, it's pretty clear. Every time I have something good going for me, something else comes along and screws it up. That's how it's always been. I mean, I was about to have my own family, something I had always wanted for myself." He closed his eyes and clenched his fist as a wave of pain washed over him.

"You know, when JJ and I first got together I always knew something would happen, that something would go wrong… and it did a couple of times. We failed to communicate with each other, we both had trust issues, I lied to her about my brother… but we ended up making it work even through all of that. So after a while, I started to put that fear to the back of my mind because we always seemed to overcome our issues and I thought that really meant we were supposed to be together. I should've known it couldn't be that simple. I shouldn't have ignored the warnings that told me I'm apparently not supposed to have peace or happiness in my life for very long."

…

Later that evening, JJ's heart skipped a beat as she heard the front door opening. She glanced over at the kitchen and Maggie gave her an encouraging smile. She stood from the couch as Street stepped inside. The sheer relief of seeing him had her quickly closing the distance until she was standing only an arm's length away from him.

"Hi." She gave him a small smile as he looked at her in surprise.

It only took a moment before he was returning the gesture. "Hi."

JJ felt the tears start to form, though she wasn't even completely sure why. Her emotions were in overdrive and Street was suddenly so close. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly against his chest.

She melted into his embrace. It had been so long, and the feeling was indescribable. She heard him sigh into her hair as she wrapped her own arms around his waist. She didn't know how long they stood there holding onto each other, but it didn't matter. All that did matter was that Street was home, and this was the closest they had been in a long time… the most peace she had felt in a long time.

Maggie watched the interaction fondly before retreating to the bedroom to give the couple some privacy. She knew they still had a long way to go, together and individually. She felt like JJ hadn't really processed all of the trauma stemming from the torture, given most of her focus had been on the loss and it would probably take some more time before she felt completely comfortable opening up to Street about it.

JJ was also still dealing with the guilt, and that was a hard thing to get over. Maggie believed the profiler was being too harsh on herself, and while she wanted to tell her that, it wouldn't do any good. While JJ needed to open up about things and she had people to help her through, there were also issues that she would have to work through on her own.

Maggie understood that. While the situations weren't quite the same, she had been through her own share of trauma and JJ had been there to help her deal. She would gladly return the favor… and seeing the interaction between JJ and Street just now gave her a spark of hope that maybe they would make their way back to each other. Even though it wouldn't ever be truly the same, maybe they could get back on track to having a happy future with each other.

Maggie didn't know how long it would take them or how many more trials they would each have to face in order to make it happen but she did know that she watched JJ smile as soon as Street walked through that door just now… and though Maggie wasn't the profiler in the room, and it had been a while since she had last seen her friend, she was pretty sure that one was real.