WARNING: Damian is dead. Mentions of Suicide.
~.~.~.~.~.~
Shit. Shit. Shit.
This can't be fucking happening!
A male figure is seen running through the dark forest at lightning speed– well, as fast as his legs can take really. He wasn't The Flash after all and it was clear as he evaded the trees. But it was a moonless night, he still clearly was practicing caution as he sped through the place.
The tall trees blended into the darkness, making it very difficult to see who was running through the forest as if he was being chased by a murderer.
The figure continued his pace then slowed down as he approached a wooden cabin that was in a small clearing. He panted and from the back, his shoulders rose and fell in a tight rhythm. He had pitched black hair on the back of his head that almost blended into the darkness of the forest.
He slowly approached the cabin with uneven steps. He kicked a rock at the corner of the steps to reveal a key and he squatted down, his faded jeans folding in the action.
He took the key and walked to the door, unlocking it as he tried to calm his breathing.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He instantly muttered when he stepped in, pushing the door close with little to no effort that the door was left ajar. He walked ahead as he broke some things and swore.
"Shit." He stopped at a wall with photos hanging and the man turned his head a little to one side to reveal a family picture. It was of a man with black hair in a suit, with two black-haired boys in either of his arms.
Suddenly, the man punched the wall, and the sound of glass shattering echoes through the empty cabin.
Blood dripped from the fist that came into contact with the glass from the frame. The other hand of the man was resting on the wall too, his back arched as his head was bowed in what appeared to be shame.
"Fuck." He whispered.
~.~.~.~.~.~
Damian was a headache. He kept everyone at a distance and was rather grouchy. He became known to be like that. But he was a terrific leader and to Raven, he was simply someone who was greatly misunderstood.
Somehow the two started dating.
That was what really mattered.
Then Damian was no longer as grouchy as before and smiled even more.
Raven was the one who understood him the best.
It was kind of disgusting at first because it was unusual. But Damian glowed when he was with her and that was undeniable.
Everyone saw how he'd hold her fingers just a little bit longer when he could before they parted. How his eyes would wander to her figure the moment she entered the room and then he'd just gravitate towards her. His feet were always firm and slightly behind her, as if ready to catch her if she ever fell down.
It was clear how he wanted to bathe in her beauty and kindness and her touch.
But no one pointed it out. No one could. How could they?
They didn't want the little demon to throw a tantrum. He'd clearly deny it anyway.
But fuck was it clear as the difference between night and day.
And Raven? She was the same. And she couldn't hide it just like her boyfriend.
How her eyes always lingered at him even when he had long looked away. How her lips would smile a little when her twinkling eyes locked on her boyfriend. How she'd squeeze his fingers in comfort before he would let her go.
They couldn't hide how in love they were even when they were trying so damn hard to keep it on the down low. It wasn't hidden enough because everyone knew, but respected their privacy.
And as teenagers were and always are, Raven and Damian were horny little shits too.
They thought no one noticed how they'd sneak off into whatever corner they could find to exchange saliva. God, Bruce hoped it was nothing but saliva that they were exchanging.
This is why whenever Raven was in the Wayne Mansion Bruce had his sons find a way to make sure Damian and Raven couldn't be alone together for longer than five minutes. The brothers get to tease the shit out of their youngest. After all, he was the baby in the house.
Damian would obviously be upset, but he couldn't for long, not when Raven would smile at him and coax him so perfectly well. Who could get mad at someone who'd look at you the way Raven did with Damian?
It could make anyone feel envious, really, even the most heartless would waver when faced by that loving gaze.
No matter how hard Damian tried to look like a stone-cold block of ice, that fucking bastard isn't anything close to that in front of her. He'd willingly be the coat that covers a puddle of water just to make sure her feet didn't get wet when she crossed. He was a simp for her.
But he loved her dearly.
And then the day before everything changed happened– well, to be honest, it was the day that everything changed. The day before the tears and chaos. And the painful loss.
Damian had asked Raven to stop by the mansion before he left for a mission for the Justice League. The two sat on a bench in the back gardens of the mansion. They were both wearing casual wear and her legs were over his legs, his feet firm on the grass. The two love birds talked and watching them would make you feel the love from wherever you are standing. One of her arms was over his shoulder as they continued to talk and laugh.
If anything, the two could practically merge if given the chance. There was no such thing as space between. It was like they shared one breath.
In normal circumstances, Bruce would have pulled the two away, but maybe because they were at the gardens, he let it slide. Or maybe because Damian was going away for a while and so Bruce allowed it. Or simply because the two can't possibly think of fucking in a public space, now, would they?
Who knew what was in Bruce's mind, it could even be, he was so fucking busy he didn't even notice. But if only this moment could be replayed and everything else that followed could be changed. Then there would be less pain.
Damian held Raven's other hand lovingly as he likely said sweet nothings to her. The sun that was setting painted the lovers in the most beautiful golden glow. His other hand caressed her bare leg.
Then came the news.
Damian died on a ship that was carrying him and his team across the ocean. He had noticed something wrong, told everyone to evacuate, and said that he had everything under control. And just when the last of his team members got out of that ship. It exploded.
Raven was just never the same since then.
But it made sense. She lost the love of her life. Who could blame her?
And she couldn't be a hero after that. Again, who could blame her?
Three years passed by really quickly but the grieving for her never stopped.
Raven was walking on the sidewalk near the beach, her eyes locked on the waters. Expression is so very distant. And as if she was enchanted by the waves, she started walking towards the water.
And my heart beats rapidly in my chest. This was what Bruce feared. I ran as fast as I could to get to her, but fuck– there were people blocking me, then her black hair just disappeared from view.
When I got to the shore, all I could hear was the faint sounds of the waves crashing into the beach. No one was here.
Back in the darkness of the cabin, and still full of my frustrations. I punched the wall. My boots crunched onto some broken glass.
"Fuck!" I swore, putting my hand down. I had broken a family picture that hung up on the wall. My hand was bleeding. But fuck did the pain feel good. It made me think of nothing for just one damn minute.
"Jason?" A familiar feminine voice called out for me and I turned my head. Eyes wide open.
I was brought back to that beach.
I was riding on my bike when I saw her. Bruce sometimes made us keep tabs on her, it was much tighter the first few months when Damian died. Everyone was hurt, but we couldn't help but feel even more worried about her– for her.
Damian treasured her and she treasured him as much as he did. We couldn't help but worry that she'd do something stupid.
Maybe that was why the moment I saw her, near the beach looking lost, with a voice in my head telling me that Dami's birthday was coming– I did my best to catch her. I forgot where the fuck I was supposed to be.
I just knew I had to be beside her.
But as I looked at the empty waters, I wondered if I was too late. And couldn't believe that Bruce was right to keep an eye on her.
No one was here. Not even a plop at the sea. I was frozen for a moment, eyes searching the calm waters.
The seconds felt way too long. I inhaled deeply trying to remove my leather jacket and then–
"Jason?" I turned to my left and there she was.
Raven looked at me confusedly, she was fully clothed but dripping wet.
The same look she was giving me now. I inhaled deeply, with my eyes closed. She took a step forward and I raised a hand at her, making her stop.
"Jason, you're bleeding." She said hands up in the air in a friendly gesture.
I pressed my back against the wall and she looked back at me confusedly, with those eyes that Damian always spoke about.
I closed my eyes and was brought back to that moment at that beach.
"Jason?" She smiled, "What are you doing here?"
What the fuck was I going to tell her?
My eyes twitched, "I thought you were going to kill yourself–" Fuck, I said that aloud.
Her eyes flickered with several emotions that passed too quickly for me to identify. Then she raised a hand and snapped her fingers. I also just realized that her other hand was holding a familiar black duffle bag.
With the snap of her fingers, she was instantly dry. She smiled again, looking guilty as she tossed the duffle bag in the sand, between me and her.
"I often come here." She said as she walked close to me and sat beside the bag. I followed her lead and sat on the spot beside the opposite side of the bag.
Her gaze was at the ocean, and the longing was so very clear.
She turned to me, her eyes filled with grief, "I admit, I think of it often." Then returned her gaze back to the ocean as she pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them in comfort to herself.
"I would walk into the waters, and think of him. And as I stay under, I think of him even more. Then I think that he'd want me to live. And so, I walk back to shore, even when I wish to just be with him." She inhaled sharply, "I often wondered what his last thoughts were. He must have known something was wrong the moment he told everyone to leave. He must have known he wasn't going to make it." She whimpered and buried her face into her knees then looked back up to the waters. "I always think about it– following him into the water. Then…Maybe my body could drift back to where he is." She closed her eyes and I waited in silence.
With opened eyes, she added, "I know no one found the wreck and everyone says it because it was incinerated—that… they say I should move on too. But I don't think I'll ever love anyone else. If they found his body, I would have resurrected him somehow, but there was nothing left." She rested her head on her knees as she looked at me. "I could never love anyone else."
I wish I knew what to say, but her faint but clearly pained smile told me she didn't need words of comfort now. So, I kept my silence.
"I worry though, if maybe I got it wrong. What if he does want me to follow him?" She whispered and then pressed her lips.
Then we were back at the cabin. Still the dark but now messy cabin in the woods. And it's been five years since Damian died. Five long and excruciating years for Raven.
"You're bleeding, Jay, please let me help you," Raven said, attempting to come nearer but I pressed my back further into the wooden walls. How I fucking wished the walls would swallow me.
I know it was futile but she understood I didn't want her to come any closer. So, she stopped and sighed, putting her hands down, "Okay, I won't come close, but why'd you run away?"
All I could do was stare.
God. I fucked up.
Fuck!
My hands were shaking as I clenched my fists tightly.
How could I do this to my baby brother? He fucking loved her so much.
Fuck!
She peered at me, trying to understand. And I knew she'd figure it out soon. The fucking problems with empaths.
I remembered the day before Damian left for the mission that killed him. When this young couple that had so many more years for them were in a garden talking. I was by the window on the second floor watching the two young lovebirds on the bench, or demonbirds as my brothers and I would like to tease them with.
They looked so in love. From where I stood, I could see it so clearly, because he was facing my general direction, how Damian was rubbing her empty ring finger.
And all of us batboys read lips well. Even from that distance, I knew what he said.
"After this mission, I will put a ring right here." Empty promises now.
I'm sorry Dami. I'm such an awful brother. I couldn't help chastising myself as I looked through the darkness of the cabin.
I stared at Raven and our eyes met. And then I could tell that she knew what exactly was wrong now.
Her breathing became ragged. Her lips open.
"No. Don't say anything." I demanded and she locked her eyes on me, with the tinge of horror this time.
I could tell even through the darkness.
Her lips were quivering. Her eyes were pooling with water.
I shook my head, "Please, let me say it."
Raven was shaking her head, silently telling me not to. But it was clear she was lost and confused.
Before she could find her words, I said, "I'm in love with you, Raven."
I watched carefully as she bent forward a little bit, her eyes no longer on me. I couldn't miss it, even in the darkness, how a tear fell from one of her eyes.
Then she took a shaky step back.
I was the asshole.
Raven was the love of Damian's life. I knew how important she was to him– my dear baby brother. My dear dead baby brother.
And yet, here I was wanting her. I fell for my dead brother's girl. I don't even know when this started or how this emotion came to be.
I am an ass.
I'd get it if he came back from the dead to beat me. I deserve it.
FIN.
~.~.~.~.~.~
A/N:
I will admit, I kinda love how this is written. Hope this was shocking
and intriguing.
How did you guys like it?
I wanted to try and give it a similar vibe as the following, especially the first.
The Engagement, Heart Of Stone, Pillow Talk. All three are in my Collections of DamiRae fics.
Tumblr:Eleanore-Delphinium (I post there first and make polls)
: karencow