A/N: Throwing out potential TW for grief, loss, pregnancy, etc. Reuploading this in the hopes that it stops saying the story is unavailable

It's embarrassing how much she misses him. It's always like this anytime he's away. It doesn't matter how long he's gone, she's left with this ache in her soul. The weight of him not being by her side so heavy it almost suffocates her. It makes her question how she ever lived without him. She relates to every cheesy line in romance movies she once made fun of. Kate Beckett swore she would never be that girl, she would never love a man so much that it felt like she was drowning when he was gone. That was before a man like Richard Castle loved her.

He stayed in a hotel last night. She tossed and turned in their bed missing the warmth that, even after a devastating case, could always lull her to sleep.

She begged him to stay. Yes, that's right. She begged. He just chuckled and kissed her. He murmured hushed promises in her ear, promising her forever. He slipped out of the loft just minutes before midnight. She hated that he was superstitious, hated that he insisted they spend the night before their wedding apart. "They had forever together, they could make it one night". She repeated his words in her head, steadying her breathing as she watched sunlight peak through the loft. She was getting married today.

The shrill of her cellphone was loud enough to cause her to jump. She hastily grabbed it from the nightstand, a smile breaking out across her face when she saw his name scroll across the screen. She answered the phone blurting out an "I missed you so much" so quickly he barely caught what she said. He gave her a small laugh that made her stomach flutter. "I missed you more. You ruined me, I could barely sleep without you next to me." The words rolled off his tongue, slower than he would normally speak, the sleepiness still evident in his voice. "Seven hours until you're mine forever. I cannot wait to see you, kiss you, marry you." Kate inhaled deeply, tears starting to well in her eyes. She listened as he filled her in about meeting the lawyer at noon and let her know Martha and Alexis would be swinging by the loft to pick up his cuff links. "I love you, Kate. Thank you for making me the happiest man alive. Now, go get ready. We're getting married today." Kate giggled, something she reserved for only him. "I love you too, Rick. Always."

She rolled over to his side of the bed, grabbing his pillow and inhaling its scent. One that was uniquely him and her at the same time. The smell of their home, their life together. When the tears filled the corner of her eyes again, she let them fall. She was getting married today. To a man she loved. To a man that loved her. A man who invited her into his home, his life, his family and had only offered her unconditional love.

Her heart pounded in her chest, a sudden revelation so terrifying she immediately shot out of bed. She needed to text Lanie.

Kate had just stepped out of the shower when Lanie showed up. She ushered her friend inside, pulling her in for a quick hug. "Kate Beckett, you better tell me why I get an SOS message at 8am, the day of your wedding, saying you need me to pick up a pregnancy test." Lanie stared down her friend, digging into her purse to fish out her latest drugstore purchase. Kate's face immediately flushed. She grabbed Lanie's hand and all but pulled her into the privacy of her and Castle's bathroom. "It's just a feeling. I've…felt off lately. I thought it was just the stress from the wedding and moving back from DC and my cycle has never been regular so I didn't think anything of it." Kate rambled, her hands shaking. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous. This was something her and Castle had agreed they eventually wanted. Hell, it was Castle who suggested to let "fate" happen when he had forgotten to buy another box of condoms when they ran out. Kate let out a groan, mentally trying to calculate when this could have happened. Lanie rolled her eyes before turning on her heels to give Kate privacy. "You better hurry up and pee on that stick, we need to be heading to the Hamptons in 30." With that Lanie closed the door and left Kate alone with her thoughts.

Three minutes. Why the hell did three minutes feel like an eternity when the entire trajectory of you life could be changed by a plus sign? Kate placed the test on the counter, washed her hands, and paced a hole through the floor. She let her mind wander to Rick and how great of a father he was to Alexis. Five years ago, Kate would have told you kids would never be in the cards for her. She wasn't a baby person. Her job was too demanding, too risky. But having a baby with Rick? Everything was different with him. He washed away every fear that poisoned her mind. As long as Rick Castle was by her side, she could do anything.

She started picturing him with a son. A little boy with his father's bright blue eyes and mischievous smile that would melt her heart. Or maybe they would have a daughter, a sister for Alexis. A tiny little thing with her curly hair and Castle's humor. They would have lazy Sundays, staying in bed until a little body would worm it's way in-between them, demanding to have pancakes. Afternoons would be spent in the park, their park. Voices would shriek and beg to be pushed higher on the swing and she would flinch and give a reminder to "hold on tight" when her husband obliged. Rick would carry their sleepy child back to the loft, whispering in their ear whatever story he could think of, one hand locked tightly in hers. They would crawl into bed every night knowing they were finally in the place they fought so hard to get to. She would fall asleep with a smile on her face, because how could being married to and having a child with Richard Castle make you anything short of the luckiest woman in the world.

Kate had to force herself to push all of those thoughts away, refusing to let herself get excited before she knew for sure.

She knew.

She knew her body, she spent hours looking into the mirror, mapping every scar that marked her pale skin. If she hadn't been so busy, she would have realized it sooner. The fatigue, the bouts of nausea that seemed to come out of nowhere and the tears. She had cried more in the last month than she had in years. But she was getting married to the man she loved. She was finally letting herself be happy. The tears seemed rational.

Until they didn't.

Kate took a deep breath and picked up the test.

She was going to be a mom.