Scully suffers a great loss. What was going through her mind as she walked into Mulder's apartment in S8E1, Within.

The elevator door opened and Scully stepped into the hallway. She walked down the long corridor until she stood in front of his apartment door.

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She ran her fingers over the brass numbers and leaned her forehead on the door, remembering the times they stood where she stood now. In this very spot, more than once, they had declared deep affection and admiration for each other. She turned her eyes back to the empty hallway, the memory of an almost kiss flashed before her eyes. Her heart ached at the vivid memories.

Like she did so many times before, she unlocked the door, turned the knob and walked inside. But this time it was different. It was cold and the silence was deafening.

There was no Mulder.

A chill of loneliness and longing surged up her spine. She wanted to be close to him, so she came to the only place she knew, but as she stood in his apartment it only made her ache for him more and a restless desperation took over her body.

Everything was as he had left it. There were remnants of sunflower seeds and several packages of sweetheart candies scattered on top of the coffee table; signs of his oral fixation. A fixation she benefited from several times. Her breath skipped at the thought of Mulder's lips on various parts of her body; her lips, neck, breasts, stomach and sex were all his claimed territory. She suddenly felt weak at the possibility of never experiencing his touch again.

She scanned the room and her eyes rested on the leather couch.

The couch. It was worn and cracked and she longed to see him stretched out across it again, she had never wanted anything more desperately. As she stood in the middle of his apartment, she closed her eyes and remembered their time together as they sat next to each other rummaging through case files or watching a movie and the other times, the more carnal times spent in each other's arms, exploring, caressing, coming together in moments of despair, love and desire. All three closely intertwined.

She opened her eyes and moved across the room and made her way into the bedroom.

She held her breath and her eyes watered at the sight of his disheveled bed. She had just been here. They shared a beer and laughter over their last case before Oregon. Before she lost him. Their night ended with them in bed together, finishing what they had started on the couch. It wasn't the first time, but with Mulder every time felt like the first time.

She spotted his crumpled up shirt left on the bed and picked it up. She paused at the memory of her removing it from his body and the subsequent love making that followed.

She felt sick. Her stomach turned and she felt lightheaded. How did this happen? It was supposed to be her, he had wanted to protect her and in the end he sacrificed himself. She placed her hand on her womb, to protect them. And the cruel irony, he didn't even know.

She needed him now more than ever, needed him to help her, she felt lost and alone. Scared.

She laid down on the bed and rested her head on his pillow. She gripped his shirt into her chest, memories continued to flood her mind. Their love making, their disagreements, the times they felt frustrated and lost but they always...always found their way back to each other.

But now her fear was greater than her hope, and her tears warmed her cheek as they fell down and soaked his pillow. His scent clouded her mind and the hopelessness she felt consumed her.

How would they find their way back to each other?

Her stomach flipped and she suddenly remembered the gift of life inside of her, a miracle. The result of Mulder and her love. A love destined from the moment they laid eyes on each other. A gift from Mulder, but not only the gift within her but the gift of hope and the courage to believe.

She needed to believe he would come back to her, she needed to have courage for both of them. Her eyes stung from crying and she was weary from heartache. Her body finally took over and she drifted off to sleep. Her dreams saturated with memories,

Mulder.

Don't give up hope.

You're my one in five billion.

I am nothing without you.

My touchstone.

Don't give up on a miracle.