Note: Surprise! Here is the third (and last) chapter of this drabble-turned-one-shot-turned-three-parter :) Hope you'll enjoy!
Things seem to be going back to normal on month 1.
He stays a few weeks in the hospital, because his leg seems to be acting up in addition to his heart, and Webber and Bailey (and of course Catherine) want to make sure everything's fine before releasing him. April stays by his side whenever she can, between two shifts. She's been rehired by Owen, and she tries her best to ignore the reason the hospital had enough budget to extend her contract in the end. Lexie's funeral is excruciating, between Meredith and Mark's loud sobs and Jackson showing absolutely no emotions, and she feels guilty for crying as much as she is when she was not that close to her as the rest of her peers.
They decide ('they' being Catherine and April, who have become Jackson's unofficial recovery team) that it would be better if he didn't live alone, at least for now, so she stays in their apartment when Alex moves out. She cleans it from top to bottom the day before he leaves the hospital, stocks up the fridge with all his favorite meals, and makes his bed, adding more throw pillows than he'd deem acceptable, but she doesn't care.
He's coming home.
His first few days out of the hospital are full of winces (his), encouraging smiles (hers), and nights spent watching TV on the couch. They're both masters of avoidance, so they don't talk about anything of substance. He asks about patients and her boards prep, she randomly comments on his decision not to go to Tulane, but that's the extent of their serious conversations. When it feels like they might mention the crash or his injuries, he puts his arm around her shoulder, she puts her head on his chest, and not another word is uttered.
He quits physical therapy during month 2.
It comes out of nowhere. One day he's doing his sessions with the specialist Callie recommended, and the next he blows off his appointment, acting like it's no big deal. When he cancels the remaining sessions, April tries to ask why. His only answer is that it doesn't help with anything anyway, and no cheerful encouragement from her or stern reprimand by his mother is enough to make him reconsider. April wonders if she should just drag him by the ear to the hospital, or trust him and wait until he's ready. Waiting is all she does nowadays, so she decides to go that route and hope for the best.
Jackson's too stubborn, though. And he's never been one to share his feelings or talk about himself, but now he's dodging questions and redirecting conversations like a pro. He still never mentions the crash, won't say anything about what happened during these five days in the woods, but now he keeps insisting he's physically fine, even though she can see his limp always comes back when he stays on his feet for too long.
She's stubborn, too, so one night she gets tired of waiting and tries to prompt a serious talk with him. She comes prepared, because she's April Kepner, so in addition to his favorite meal, she has bullet points written and arguments ready, she even has some statistics on the outcomes of therapy on his types of injuries, and it's possible she rehearsed a speech in the shower that morning. When he comes home from work, she starts talking, but he just smirks and kisses her, backing her up against the wall, and well, she's not responsible for what happens after that.
He becomes a stranger on month 3.
It happens gradually, one night here, one weekend there. But after a few weeks, he starts spending his evenings at Joe's or some other bar, and only coming home in the middle of the night, sometimes not at all. He's never blind drunk, he still seems in control of himself, but he ignores her texts more often than not and rejects her offers to hang out more and more. One morning, she sees a half-naked girl coming out of his room and leave their apartment, and her breath stops. It's not like they're officially anything, they never really talked about their relationship enough to qualify it, but there's an oppressing feeling in her chest she absolutely hates. She's a soldier, though, so she holds back her tears, rubbing her eyes until they burn, and leaves early for work.
She still tries to take care of him as best as she can, so later that day, she asks if he's okay, because he has a maxillofacial reconstructive surgery and she just wants to make sure he's not on his feet for too long, not when his leg is still bothering him.
His "I'm fine" is colder than she expects, and he turns to Sloan as if to signify the conversation is over, but still, she pushes, asks if he's tired and offers to scrub in if he needs it.
"Why? Passed your boards and became a plastics surgery expert lately, Kepner?" he sneers, and she freezes, because she has never heard his voice so full of venom, especially towards her. These kinds of snarky remarks usually come from Alex, and she knows how to deal with them, but she would have never expected him to join in.
She's trying to convince herself that maybe she's misheard him when he adds, "Well, why don't you ask my mom? You two seem to be quite the team lately. Maybe you can plan my professional schedule together, meddler to meddler."
She's not going to let him see how hurt she is by his words, so she mumbles something about a patient she needs to see and a quick apology to Sloan and heads towards the attendings lounge. As she walks away, she misses Mark smacking him in the back of the head and Jackson's yelp when he weakly protests.
She considers moving out on month 4.
She feels guilty, because she doesn't want to abandon her best friend, who already has abandonment issues, to give up on him so quickly instead of helping him process his trauma. But between the tense silences, the cohorts of girls coming in and out and the way he snaps at her every chance he gets, she cannot call their place "home" any longer. For her sanity, she has to move, put some distance between them, and then try to see if there's something left to salvage.
She finds that she misses the Jackson she knew. Her best friend is still alive, but she mourns him all the same.
She calls Catherine to apologize, and feels even guiltier as her mentor sighs and tells her she understands. She protests when Catherine says she'll give a talking to Jackson, as if he were 10, and when she hangs up, she shakes her head, wishing the situation was this simple to fix.
He doesn't even blink when she tells him she'll be out in a few days. He shows absolutely no reaction, shrugging as he goes back to his bedroom, and she lets herself cry, feeling that the plane crash is not done claiming other victims.
She packs her things on month 5.
She focuses on labelling, wrapping, tidying, so she doesn't think. She's busy going through her clothes and sorting them when he appears in her bedroom's doorway. He stares at her, but doesn't speak, so she shakes her head and goes back to her task.
"Don't leave."
His voice is so low, so frail, that she thinks she's misheard him.
"Don't leave. I– We– Please don't go."
His voice breaks, and then his body follows, folding onto himself. She's never seen him cry, not even after the shooting, but he's full-on sobbing and wheezing now, begging her, so she lets the sweater she was holding fall on the bed and goes to him.
Between two sobs, she hears confessions that break her heart. That he's broken and doesn't know what to do, that he's only going to bring her down, that he knows he's no longer worth it but can't live without her, that he just wants the pain to stop. She puts his head on her chest, so he can let everything out, and she stays on the floor for hours, holding (on to) him.
The next morning, she takes his face in her hands. Staring at his bloodshot eyes, she tells him that she'll stay under three conditions: he goes to therapy, he calls his mother (this one is non-negotiable), he stops self-sabotaging and starts sharing, and waits nervously for an answer.
He starts talking on month 6, his hand never leaving hers, and as she slowly finds her best friend back, she feels like the waiting is finally over.