Apparently I hate myself for some reason, so here we go. I will be ranking seasons two and three at some point, but I'll break them up like this for now. I would like to establish that I have watched every episode of the show, but it has been a while since I've seen some of them, so I may forget details here and there.

Also, this will not be ranked based on objective quality (I mean, come on, it's TOS: half the fun is based on what is objectively not quality) but rather on how fun the episode is to watch, and how much I want to rewatch it. Practically speaking, higher quality stuff will generally be more fun to watch, but there are some standouts.

We will be starting from the bottom with the episodes I don't enjoy watching and working our way up starting with…

Episodes I Don't Enjoy Watching

Number 28: The Alternative Factor - the Enterprise runs into a man transposing with his other self in the… DARK universe!

The Alternative Factor is just… so bad. It achieves a spot as the worst of season 1 by just being… so boring. The concept of the negative universe could have been interesting, and there are clearly shards of greatness in there somewhere. The way that the two Lazerus' switch back and forth with each other is kind of cool but… not enough to carry the episode. The times it shows the other dimension go on for too long, and just look… very bad. And not bad in a fun way, just bad in a boring way. The plot is too convoluted, the execution is sub-par… take your spot at the bottom.

Number 27: Arena - Kirk fights a lizard man

Arena is in a similar place as the Alternative Factor - it's just very boring most of the time. I will grant that I very much like the beginning of Arena when everyone is together, and I actually like every part where Spock and McCoy are on screen. The problem is that Kirk just spends so much time alone, talking to himself with only the lizard man to play off of, and that is not interesting at all. The episode does get some points for charm for the goofy lizard costume - I actually immortalized that fight in fanart in Star Trek Adventures in Chibi!

Sometimes I might actually watch the beginning of Arena and even skip around a little to see the goofy fight, but I wouldn't want to sit through the entire thing.

BONUS EPISODE: The Cage - unused pilot episode with Captain Pike

I'm not going to count this as part of the normal ranking, as the episode by itself is not technically part of the TOS run. Also, I will assess how well it works as part of The Menagerie when I get to those episodes. However, if I were to rate The Cage, it would go here.

Admittedly, it is a lot of fun rewatching this one just for the props and to see the beta versions of the characters. Spock is yelling everywhere and has the most delightful haircut I've ever seen in my life. There are clip-on lamps on the helm for some reason. Everyone has exceedingly stupid costumes, except for the Talosians who look amazing. There's a solid ten minutes of entertainment in this thing just looking at what could have been. But after those ten minutes things start to become rather boring.

There are no characters interesting enough for me to want to follow them. Ever. Pike is boring, Spock is hilarious, but boring when separated from his future self, the doctor is… practically impossible to remember. The closest we come to an interesting character is Number One, who is not on screen for nearly long enough, and is only good because she's a subversion of normal 60s female characters, but compared to modern characters even she becomes much less interesting.

Remember that this is based on rewatchability - I don't remember much about how it felt to get the reveals of the episodes, so I can't say how it would feel to watch for the first time. I can, however, say that watching the reveals play out when you already know what is going to happen doesn't hold much engagement. Some of Pike's interactions with the girl on the planet are interesting, but not terribly so. Toward the end of the episode when everything starts coming together the episode gets more interesting, but you have to sit through a lot to get there.

A lot of time is spent in Pike's visions, and they aren't very engaging. The vision in the field with the horses is probably the best one because it progresses the plot and the characters a little, but the characters aren't engaging enough to make me care very much. The fight in the castle is rather boring, and watching a dancing slave girl is… not what I want to do with my time. It's a very gross sexualization of the other female lead in the episode. In fact, the entire episode is just the aliens trying to set up Pike, and with none of the characters featuring a personality, this comes off badly.

There are good ideas behind this episode, but ultimately nothing to make it engaging enough to make me want to watch all the way through, and almost nothing to make me want to watch it as originally filmed instead of just watching it as part of the Menagerie.

Number 26: Charlie X - puberty but with superpowers

We have now moved from 'very boring' to 'painful to watch'. I've never seen anyone else really complain about watching Charlie X, but I can barely stand it. The second-hand embarressment is real, and while I understand that it is meant to be that way… I still have a hard time watching Charlie make a fool of himself around the Enterprise. Also, this episode is rather boring, although I do like some scenes, like where Charlie breaks Spock's legs and Kirk makes him fix them, or the shot where he steals a woman's was one of the times the visuals of the show really worked, and even if I don't enjoy the scene as a whole I do appreciate the shot.

Number 25 - Where no Man has Gone Before - superiority complex but with superpowers

This was actually the first episode of Star Trek that I watched… or tried to watch. I was so terrified when I watched it as a kid that I couldn't finish it at all. When I was in high school, I rewatched it again and liked it, and watching it now… boring. I literally couldn't even finish it, which very rarely happens to me. Since I love superheroes, you would think that I would like the superpowers episodes more, but… nope.

The reason this ranks so high on the list is that watching this episode to compare it to the rest of the show is fun, and it contains a lot of backstory. It is hilarious to watch the old props they were using, and very interesting to watch the actor's early interpretations of their characters. There's background on Kirk, engaging props, and few things are funnier to me than early Spock doing anything.

That being said, the story moves very slowly, and Gary is not engaging enough of a character to make me emotionally invested in his plight. In fact he's actively unlikable, so I can only feel bad for Kirk, not him. This is an interesting episode for the window it provides into the past, but on it's own two feet I can't say I think much of it.

Number 24: The Galileo Seven - Spock's first command. Nobody gets a happy ending.

This is, I think, my first really contriversial take, and the first place that the difference between ranking by objective quality and rewatchability comes into play. If we were ranking by objective quality, this would be much higher on this list, never you worry. However. I struggle to sit through this one.

I just relate to Spock way too much, so watching everyone be a jerk to him is very difficult to sit through, especially when it comes to McCoy. The main thing that makes it so hard is that at the end of the episode there are never any consequences for the people who were being insubordinate and racist to Spock. In fact, the takeaway at the end is that the humans were right, Spock just needed to learn to be more human, and his recalcitrance to admit this is extremely funny.

I could write an entire dissection of this episode, and I may do so one day, but while this may be a realistic ending for this point in the series, it does not make me any happier. I am very glad this episode exists - it's a great starting point for the Spock/McCoy dynamic and we learn a lot about everyone on the Enterprise. I love stories that build off this episode, and I've even worked with it myself. But I have a hard time rewatching it.

That wraps up part 1! Episodes in this new category are ones that I might rewatch every now and again, but I'm not terribly passionate about them.

Alright but Not Great

Number 23: What are Little Girls Made of? - Chapel is engaged and Kirk fights robots with the power of racism

This episode sees an awful lot of people being idiots and Kirk being isolated. You will quickly realize that I don't like episodes that isolate Kirk much. He works very well with Spock and McCoy, but I don't think he really carries episodes on his own.

When Kirk and crew beam down to Korby's planet the redshirts all die immediate, suspicious deaths, and no one does anything about it. It's very annoying watching these allegedly smart crewman act like idiots so the plot can happen. And then when the plot does happen, a significant amount of it is Kirk flirting with robots and holding very surface level philosophical discussions about whether universal slavery to robots is a good idea.

Chapel is a main character but is so focused on being the 'girlfriend' that she cannot be considered a good character. Kirk's plan to weaponize racism is certainly an interesting one that stimulates interesting discussions, but it could have been handled better. At the end of the episode Spock actually tells Jim that he didn't like being called a racial slur, and Jim acknowledges this, but effectively laughs it off.

Overall, I would say that this episode is structurally worse than some of the lower ranked episodes, but the parts with Spock are generally pretty good, it's not mind-numbingly boring, and it's not always painful to sit through, so it's at the very bottom of this part of the list.

Number 22: Dagger of the Mind - Kirk gets brainwashed by an evil psychologist into getting a girlfriend

There's more good stuff in this - Spock gets his first mindmeld, there's a lot of good McCoy moments and there's an interesting premise. We almost never get to see McCoy pull rank and dictate what the Enterprise needs to do, so this is an interesting window into that concept. Frankly, I like the episode pretty well while it's focused on multiple main characters interacting or on the Enterprise. Despite this, too much of the episode is Kirk alone for me to be very invested.

Furthermore, there's too much romance in this one for my tastes. I don't ever particularly like Helen Noel, but I really really don't like Kirk brainwashed into liking her, and those scenes are integral to the episode. An okay episode, but not one I'd be terribly excited about watching.

Number 21: Mudd's Women - attractive women but with superpowers

This one is… kinda dumb, but there's some good stuff going on. Sort of a discount version of a lot of Star Trek, I guess. So, I like the main woman - she has an interesting character and backstory, with interesting developments along the way. The concept of mail order brides in space is very interesting and given to moral greys, which is cool. Harry Mudd is wonderful and I love him. His costuming is incredible, he's so over the top, and I cannot get enough of him.

While I love the Harry Mudd in this episode, I am still forced to watch everyone on the Enterprise (except for Spock) go crazy for these super suspicious women, and it is very annoying to watch. It's also another instance of women getting sexualized left and right, but this is somewhat saved by the end of the episode talking about how character and intelligence is more important than beauty, and getting on to people who are taken in by looks.

The ending makes no sense, of course - the lady just takes what she thinks is the beauty drug but is actually a placebo and somehow becomes 'beautiful' anyway because 'the real power was inside you all along'. Also she acts like she can't be beautiful and smart as if the two are opposed somehow, so that's odd.

A lot of this is kind-of based in implications, and there are other more progressive interpretations you could make that don't break cannon, so it doesn't bother me too much, especially coming from the 60s. Frankly this episode is pretty entertaining, and I wouldn't mind rewatching it - I just don't enjoy most of the parts with the women as a group, which is a lot of the runtime.

Number 20: The Corbimite Maneuver - Kirk and an alien bluff and avoid hurting each other for an entire episode

I had a very hard time coming up with a summary for this one because… nothing really happens. The Enterprise is chugging along through space, and then a thingy blocks their way. They blow it up easily. They keep going. They get blocked by Balok's main ship. He turns off their ship and threatens to blow them up. Kirk bluffs him out of it. Everyone becomes friends. Very little happens in this episode, but it is elevated by the sheer number of character interactions.

Jim gets some good conversations with Bones and has an interesting character arc, which I appreciate. Also, I really like the spinning dice of death that threatens the Enterprise. Overall an underwhelming plot with an underwhelming ending, but some good comfy character moments throughout.

Number 19: Space Seed - Khan takes over the ship and Kirk gives him a planet

This is one of those episodes that does not hold up on the rewatch, in a lot of ways. There are good things - Ricardo Montalban as Kahn is a presence. When he and Kirk are being passive-aggressive with each other you can feel the tension and sparks flying - they can both command a room and it's great to see. I like the Enterprise getting taken over as a plot beat, I like Kahn's plan to execute everyone one by one.

This episode has one of my favorite Uhura scenes, where Kahn is trying to make her turn something on for him. She refuses, like a boss, and he just decks her in front of everybody. I was really worried that she would cave after that, because 60s and he wasn't even asking her to do anything that would endanger the ship, but she just gives him this death glare and it's amazing. No one ever talks about that Uhura moment, but it really stands out to me.

There's other good stuff - we have that awesome Bones moment where he doesn't even blink with a knife to his throat, I can't get enough of Kirk being thrown into the terrible death-trap of the washing machine… there's good stuff.

Despite these things… yeah. There are some serious problems here. I actually talked about this in depth in chapter 10 - Space Seed and the Wrath of Kahn, so if you haven't read that chapter this would be a good time. It boils down to: this episode is weirdly into dictators and eugenics, and there's some serious physical abuse that gets played off as normal.

Kahn's relationship with McGyvers is abusive and awful: he hits her, controls her actions and manipulates her and they wind up a couple at the end of the episode.

Khan is a murderous dictator who committed war crimes, and Kirk gives him his own planet at the end of the episode.

There's other issues as well - obviously the episode has no idea how to portray whatever race Kahn is supposed to be and there's lots of inaccuracies that shouldn't let McGyvers ID him right off the bat. The ending is also very anti-climatic, just a big punch-em-up between Kirk and Kahn.

Overall, a very mixed bag but undeniably engaging, especially with The Wrath of Kahn in mind.

We now move into the section of episodes that are actually pretty good! They aren't my first go-to when I want something to watch, but I enjoy giving them a rewatch every now and again.

Pretty Good

Number 18: The Enemy Within - 1 Kirk 2 Kirk Bad Kirk Good Kirk

This time we actually have an interesting premise that lasts throughout the episode, some hilarious props (unicorn dog, my fave!) and lots of character bits throughout the whole episode. This one would probably be higher on my list if I didn't dislike stories that nerf the heroes (angsty injury notwithstanding) and create evil duplicates so much. Some stories can pull off evil versions of the heroes and make it very cool or entertaining, but I can't say I enjoy this attempt too much.

The main thing that evil Kirk does is try to assault Rand, and while the actual scene is handled pretty well and I don't take structural issue with it, it not fun to watch. And then they fumble the aftermath of that situation hard. I just… they interview this woman. With her alleged attacker. That's just such a terrible idea! And then Rand says that she wouldn't have reported the incident if there hadn't been a witness, and no one ever mentions that this, while understandable, is not an attitude you want to encourage. You should not be encouraging your crewmen to hide assault by superior officers.

Also Spock makes a joke in extremely poor taste to Rand and it's one of those things the fandom collectively pretends didn't happen because 60s.

Still, the episode does have a lot going for it. Kirk hasn't actually been split into a 'good' and 'bad' Kirk - it's more like the aggressive and passive aspects of himself have been separated, and the episode makes interesting points about how all these parts of a person are necessary, in moderation.

I like that the 'bad' Kirk isn't just the opposite of normal Kirk - everything he does is actually stuff that part of Jim actually wants to do. I get into this more in my chapter on the Mirrorverse, but I very much like the idea that Jim could have been a terrible person, but that he has chosen to master that part of himself. Star Trek talks a lot about how the ideal future is not one where humans no longer have bad parts of themselves, but one where those parts are being mastered. Jim tends to be the poster boy for this concept, and I like that this idea starts early in the show. He's not perfect - he has terrible parts of himself, he just doesn't give those parts power over him.

Overall, aside from the 60s fumbling of some very serious topics, this is a very well constructed episode, but not one that I want to immerse myself in very often.

Number 17: The Return of the Archons - People are getting absorbed into the collective and go crazy once a day

This episode has a lot of talking. Like, so much. And maybe I'm just so used to Star Trek episodes that I can't get into the mysteries in them anymore unless they're really good, but… I can't get into it. This is a very linear, plot based episode, without as much time as I'd like dedicated to character interactions.

That's not to say there aren't any of those interactions - Bones getting mind-controlled is a character goldmine. Those dungeon scenes are the best part of the episode. Jim puts psychological distance between himself and mind-controlled McCoy by calling him 'Doc' instead of 'Bones'. Spock tries to break him out with a mind-meld, and when he can't he's visibly frustrated… and punches a guy out instead of using a nerve pinch. Even Kirk calls him out on it!

There are a lot of scenes with the Big Three interacting with each other, which I like, but there aren't many scenes dedicated to their development as characters, which is disappointing. If you can get into the plot, this you'll like this episode more, probably. If you can't get that into the plot, there's still some good stuff worth watching for - and the plot isn't terribly boring. Just a little underwhelming.

Kirk talks another computer to death, which is either very funny, or very underwhelming depending on how you think about it. Spock wears a very funny outfit. There's good stuff here.

Number 16: The Conscience of the King - the only episode to get into Kirk's Tarusus IV tragic backstory

This one is… interesting. It's one of the only times we learn anything about Jim's background, let alone Tarsus IV. Notably, I think the mystery element of this episode actually works very well. This is largely tied to the fact that I actually care about this mystery because it directly links to our main character's feelings.

The twist with Kodos's daughter is very well done, Spock and McCoy teaming up to help Kirk is fantastic and I like getting to see a bit of strategy in the way Jim deals with his problems. This is also, tragically, the last we see of Kevin Riley.

I can only hope that they bring my boy back in SNW, because that would be perfect. He's funny, charismatic, likable and has relevant history to work with, while having so little appearances that he's practically a blank slate. Since we never see him again after season 1, he could even die eventually in some future property - writers are sleeping on some great chances here!

All this aside, some of the plotting is rather clunky. While the homages to Shakespear are quite aggressive, the ending of the episode has always felt rather forced to me. McCoy also has a very weird line where he basically encourages Kirk to let go of the idea of Kodos, because even if he is alive he'd just be 'a poor old man now, Jim, now why would you go dredging up the past over something that happened so long ago? He's probably very sorry, and even if he isn't, what will revenge help? What will you do if you find him?'

Well, he'd bring him to justice, that's what! I don't think the statute of limitations runs out on genocide!

Actually, while there is no statue of limitations on genocide now, that decision in America is as recent as 2009. In the 60s when this was written, the statute of limitations on murder was 20 years, which is about how much time had passed between these two things. So… maybe that had to do with it?

In any case, it's a very weird and unsettling take. There's also some awkward plot beats like McCoy taking sensitive calls where Kevin Riley can hear them so the plot can happen.

Still, this episode does have the cleaning squirt bottle that the murderer uses to try and kill Riley, which will never not be hilarious.

The concept of a traveling Shakespear troop is also a neat bit of worldbuilding for the Federation in general, and Uhura's song is a lovely bit of development for the culture of the Enterprise, as are Kevin Riley's professional woes over the episode.

Overall, there are a lot of great elements to this one, but it can be somewhat disjointed at times.

Number 15: The Man Trap

This episode is a pretty solid opener for Star Trek. With a solid design and premise behind the salt monster as well as creative designs for the effects on it's victims and clever cinematography to convey when someone is being impersonated, this episode actually has a strong visual presence. It also has some of the funniest Starfleet uniforms I've ever seen, with the hilarious shiny tinfoil uniforms popping up every now and again.

The episode does have a few issues. There doesn't really seem to be a reason for them to want to kill the salt creature so badly. While it should maybe go to jail for it's crimes, it was only trying to survive. It isn't a mindless murderer - it can communicate, and ultimately it just wants to live. They could have at least tried to capture it alive and make it serve a jail sentence for killing people. This is what they do with other murderers they encounter.

Also, for an episode that allegedly wants to focus on McCoy, my man sure does spend a lot of the time asleep and replaced by the alien. The focus on McCoy seemed hazy at best, and really needed to be more focused in order to be an effective centerpiece.

McCoy also seems to take a while to cotton on to the shapeshifting nature of his antagonist while it's killing Kirk, but this may be because audiences in the 60s were less used to sci-fi tropes like shapeshifting. The audience may have needed things to be more spelled out back then, and we can say McCoy himself was just still groggy from the medication.

Despite this, The Man Trap is a great example of an engaging mystery that doesn't need to be directly tied to a character payoff. It certainly helps that the salt creature plays on the pasts and emotions of so many different characters, but it also helps that she maintains such a threatening presence the entire episode. The stakes steadily escalate from her mysterious appearance, to the murders on the planet to the infiltration of the Enterprise.

A solid episode with a few slow or confusing points.

Number 14: Shore Leave - Daydream planet. McCoy dies for five seconds and Kirk fights his school bully.

Such a ridiculous episode - you just have to love it. Apparently Shatner actually wanted to wrestle a tiger on camera for this one, but some killjoy talked him out of it. Something about basic standards of safety. Also, apparently an elephant was supposed to be involved, but that didn't happen either. This is a weird episode.

The worst part of this episode is when McCoy gets drafted into the godforsaken trope where a woman is like 'Now I'm going to change, and I'm trusting you to not turn around and watch me' and McCoy is all 'Whaaa? Me? Peek? Would I do a thing like that?' and then he does. Ugggggh.

I can't say that any part of it is particularly amazing - just that if you want to watch something ridiculous for 50 minutes then this is gonna be a great time. Sulu finds a random gun lying around and starts shooting immediately. A couple characters almost die in a strafing from a fighter pilot. McCoy dies tragically and uselessly and Kirk forgets about it in like two minutes when he goes to have a grand old time getting beat up and beating up on his school bully and tearing his shirt off between shots. And then at the end everyone comes to have shoreleave on the traumatizing murder planet because they promise not to daydream too much.

Incredible stuff.

Number 13: Miri - puberty but with spontaneous death

Miri is an episode of highs and lows. Highs: lots of triumvirate interaction. We get a lot of Spones character development, with an emphesis on McCoy, which is very cool. We get a lot of great contrast between our three main characters, with plenty of drama, tension, arguments and banter for everyone.

Lows: almost every single scene with lots of kids in it. Much blah blah blah. The kids are not that interesting. The main kid appears to be played by a 40 year old man. They are very annoying and abrasive. Kirk is (generously) a borderline pedophile in this one. "Oh, officer, she only looks 13 years old. Physically she's actually quite ancient…"

Nope. That scene at the end where it's implied Kirk actually had feelings for her this whole time… nonono. No thank you. Accurate to what William Shatner would do, perhaps, based on reports from some of his appearances to fans, but still.

The concept behind the kids and the whole plague is actually rather good. I even like the functions the children play in the story and the ways they mess with the adults on the planet - they just aren't much fun to be around in large doses.

This is an episode that I would like much more if the kids didn't drag it down so much. If I'm watching it, I'll probably skip the kid parts. Also this is one of the few episodes to really lean into the Kirk/Rand romance they were trying to set up, and boy is it no fun. There is not a single good thing about the Kirk/Rand interactions in this episode, except, perhaps, that Kirk does not hit on her in return. Small favors.

Still, I can't not appreciate all the Triumverate moments, and they alone nearly elevate this episode to the next section of the ranking.

This next section is dedicated to episodes that are quite good. I'll probably rewatch these several times and consistently get a kick out of doing so. It's time to have a good time!

Number 12: Tomorrow is Yesterday - The Enterprise kidnaps an airforce pilot and puts him back

I can admit it- this episode is ranked higher than it's quality deserves because I'm a sucker for time travel. That army guy getting stuck on the Enterprise and freaking out at food synthesizers - classic. Pilot man being dumbstruck by seeing Spock - wonderful. I could watch people react to their first alien all day. Kirk's goofy fight and interrogation scene - perfect.

The conflict of this episode, that they can't return Air Force Man because he doesn't contribute to history is pretty silly - have none of them ever heard of the butterfly effect? If this guy goes missing someone has to replace him in the army. You're telling me that can't affect anything in the future?

I don't really have a lot of deep analysis for this one - it's a silly, underthought episode with so many fun moments that I still get a kick out of watching it.

Number 11: The Squire of Gothos - Admiral Trelane appears as the proto-Q

Yes indeed, we're having fun now. Such a delightful episode, with so many ridiculous shenanigans. It is not scientifically possible to not have a good time when watching this one. Goofy costumes and sets, delightful acting and a fun twist ending make this episode a romp and I am here for it.

Kirk does a clever by outsmarting Trelane, Trelane manipulates Kirk by threatening Spock (I'm a sucker for this trope), the episode takes shots at people who reduce asian characters to stereotypes by making Trelane's stereotypical view of Sulu blatantly ridiculous and mocked in-universe… IN THE 60S… what more could you want?

The ending where Trelane is revealed to be a kid is a great twist, thematically and plot-wise. I also like it when super-powerful entities get annoyed with Spock because he's 'too boring' and 'no fun'.

Overall this episode feels very light - sometimes it feels like you're just floating along on the ridiculousness train with very little driving the plot forward, which holds it back a bit, but if you like shenanigans, this is a good pick for you.

Number 10: The Menagerie Pt 2 - Spock uses recycled footage to drop off his former captain and avoid the death penalty

This episode is hard to rank, because at no point am I ever going to watch just part 2 or part 1 of The Menagerie. If I had to only watch one episode, it would not be part 2, and this would be ranked much much lower. However, taking into account that I will always watch this as a pair, it's status is inflated by it's predecessor and here it lands.

This is an interesting episode. Most of my criticisms about The Cage fall on pt 2's shoulders, because this is where most of the recycled footage went, so apply those criticisms as necessary. However, the sections in the courtroom are amazing, some of my favorites in the whole series. Kirk's confusion and betrayal, Spock's steadfast earnestness… all amazing.

I also find that The Cage footage is much improved by taking little breaks to hype up the drama and confusion of it all - everyone has no idea what's going on (except for Pike and Spock) and it really elevates the tension and mystery. Further, the back half of the Cage is also, for all it's flaws, still more engaging than the front end, and some of the filler that was there originally has been cut out - for example, the weird sexist line about women on the bridge.

This episode should possibly be ranked a lot lower than it is on it's own merits, but this list is based on rewatchability, and I'm always hyped and encouraged to watch this one thanks to how good pt 1 manages to be. And boy, do the scenes between Kirk and Spock deliver.

This also proves to be fantastic character development for Spock, but I'll talk about that more when we get to pt 1. For now I'll just say that Spock personally escorting Pike to Talos IV alone… is one of the most beautiful images in Star Trek and I will never not love it.

Number 9: Errand of Mercy - Aliens without physical forms stop the Federation and the Klingons from going to war and Kirk is mad about it

This episode focuses on Kirk and Spock hanging out alone for a long time, and am I ever behind it. I cannot get enough of their fabulous LARPing costumes - they look like they belong in discount Middle Earth, and it's fabulous.

There is also a lot of top-tier protective Kirk in this episode, like when he almost throws hands with an entire Klingon for pushing Spock a little. While they're supposed to be incognito. Or how worried Kirk is when Spock gets taken to the mindsifter (something that should have had more repercussions, but I digress).

My boys run around causing chaos and pulling out their hair over the baffling Organian non-resistance, and this is one mystery that really holds up on the re-watch. The first time you watch this episode you're with Kirk and Spock - super annoyed with the Organians for not doing anything. The second time you watch it, those scenes become hilarious because Kirk and Spock are freaking out over absolutely nothing. But the episode doesn't lose all it's tension, because Kirk and Spock are still in danger, so everything still functions perfectly!

This is also the first appearance of the Klingons, and they do a good job of building up their menace as a kind of dark reflection to the Federation. Where the Romulans are mysterious the Klingons are simple - they are everything the Federation stands against, but perhaps… they are not really so dissimilar. The scene where the Organians stop a war before it can really begin is very interesting because both Kirk and Kor are very mad about it.

Even though the Federation has a mission of peace, and Kirk is a good person, he's very offended at the concept that he can't have a war if they good and well wants to… despite claiming that he doesn't want a war! This leads to an interesting reflection about how sometimes we can want multiple things at once - there is the part of Kirk that really doesn't want a war and the death it entails, but there is also a part that does want violence, and there is also a part that just doesn't want to be controlled, even if it is for everyone's good.

Kor is less complicated. Kor wants to fight people. He almost functions as what Kirk and the Federation could be if they let the very-real flaws they have burn out of control.

Obviously the Klingons have changed a lot over the years, and I am glad because there's a lot of very cool stuff that has happened with them. However, I think they make a pretty nice antagonist empire in The Original Series, and this was a good introduction to them.

Well that was a short section! But this is the last section - my favorite episodes. The ones that really get me excited to watch some Trek - so warp speed ahead!

Number 8: Court Martial - Kirk goes on trial so Spock has to play chess against the computer.

So… do Kirk's lawyer's defense choices hold up very well? No, not really. Is the way that they solve the problem kind of contrived? Yes, yes it is. Is the way they track down the villain completely ridiculous? Absolutely. Is a big punch-em-up a boring and uninspired way to end this episode? Yeah, I'll agree to that. So why is this ranked so high? …Well, because I like stories geared around the main characters protecting each other, even in a legal battle.

Everyone's so worried about Kirk this whole time, and Bones and Spock are making nice to try a find a way to help out. Spock's testimony at trial is hilariously illogical and beautifully touching. And frankly… I just like getting a chance to see what the starbase is like, getting a chance to soak it all in. Even though the plot may not be technically great, we barely spend any time not on the Enterprise and in space in this show, so the chance to see a little more is much appreciated. It makes the world feel much bigger. If this was ranked by quality, this would be much lower down on the list, but it feels like a cozy episode to watch and I enjoy it, so here it sits.

Number 7: A Taste of Armageddon - Kirk makes an alien civilization touch grass instead of waging war with computers

This episode has always been a favorite of mine, although most people don't seem to like it as much. I've always thought it had one of the most fascinating concepts of any episode of Star Trek, drawing attention to how the sanitation of war can actually be a bad thing, and how short term benefits can cause terrible long-term effects.

I like the sneaking around everyone does as a team, I like how annoyed everyone is with the ambassador, I like Scotty being awesome and refusing to put the Enterprise in danger.

Actually, that scene was inspired by something James Doohan actually did. He was in the army and a colonel told him to order his men into a training exercise that would kill some of his men … and he refused to do it. Thankfully his superior officers agreed with him so he didn't wind up in trouble.

I also very much like Spock doing a quippy nerve pinch "Sir, there is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder," which I have to believe he got from McCoy somehow.

Everyone runs around outsmarting everyone, the 'villains' of the episode are complex and interesting, and there are so many different ways you could modernize the message. After all, as we get better with drone and remote technology, you could argue that we're getting closer and closer to fighting our wars remotely, even if we never end up in the exact same state as Emeniar VII.

This episode has always been very engaging to me, and I tend to turn it on if I want something that stimulates the imagination a bit.

Number 6: Balance of Terror - the Enterprise meets the Romulans and nobody is happy

Now this is a good episode. I'd personally consider it the best action episode TOS has to offer in the entire series, although that isn't saying too much as TOS's strengths do not lie in incredible action scenes. Now, there are several aspects of Enterprise functionality that have been redesigned and changed to make this episode work, particularly in the way that firing… happens.

But that, while a problem with inter-episode continuity, is easily ignored over the course of a single episode. And it is a good episode. The reveal of the Romulans is very interesting. We know so little about them, but they seem so complex, with a sympathetic leader who doesn't really want to fight, but a culture rooted in the emotions Vulcans now repress.

Frankly it's kind of incredible that Romulans stayed the villains while the more one-note Klingons got the cultural redemption arc, given the differences in how the two sides are portrayed.

There's even a bit of expansion on the culture of the Enterprise in this one, what with the attempted marriage scenes.

Of course, this episode is also famous for it's racism subplot with Spock. I've always found it a bit odd that everyone was so freaked out by the Romulan's appearance - have they seen how many species look exactly like humans in the galaxy? Is it so weird that another species with pointy ears and slanted eyebrows is running around out there? They don't even know if these are the only similarities that exist between the two races: for all they know there's no relation and their appearances are just a coincidence.

Despite this, they are related, and we actually get to see Spock advocate for violence, an interesting reversal of his usual position, but perfectly in character given the circumstances.

This episode does a great job of keeping the tension high and really showing off Kirk's strategic abilities. There are so many back-and-forth examples of the Enterprise and the Romulans going back and forth and each getting the better of the other. The Romulan commander is a fascinating figure, with standout acting and a surprising amount of detail and character development for a one-off antagonist.

This episode also has Kirk's clap-back against racism, and while I would have liked to see some official disciplinary action to back it up, the sentiment is much appreciated. I feel like the closest metaphor that scene probably could have had was to the anti-Japanise and Chinese sentiment that was so rampant only a generation ago (for them) in WWII. After all, the racism comes because Spock happens to look like their enemies, which would make a nice direct metaphor. In any case, this is probably one of the anti-racism examples from Star Trek that holds up the best, and you love to see it.

Overall, this episode features character drama, action and some fabulous character development to top it all off.

Number 5: The Menagerie Pt 1 - Spock steals a captain and a starship like a boss

We've broken the top five! Man, but this is some good stuff. Despite being brought down by the recycled flashback scenes, this has some top-tier character interactions. And it comes at a perfect time, too! As the 11th episode of the show, you have a solid enough grasp on Spock's character to be shocked at his actions, while being early enough to provide a lot of important information about Spock's character for later episodes.

When Kirk and crew arrive on the spacestation and are informed that there was no message sent even though Spock received one… you never even consider that Spock isn't being completely forthright. And then, as the episode moves on, you slowly start to maybe… doubt. Just a little. A little more. And then BAM everything is crazy and these stupid space nerds are doing the wildest stuff you've ever seen both physically and emotionally. Incredible.

Lets talk about McCoy during this episode. We don't actually see him in pt 2, which is a crying shame, but he makes up for it by being great here. He provides such an attempted voice of reason, such an everyman perspective, in a situation completely unsuited for the everyman. This is a great episode to establish some of his early feelings about Spock - McCoy is insistent that Spock is physically incapable of lying, that because he is a Vulcan it isn't even possible for him to have faked that message. It's a shame that we never see the fallout of him learning that he was wrong, but that leadup is great character work.

And then he slowly gets more and more suspicious when Spock drops an entire crippled captain on him and informs him he can't tell anybody anything or ask questions, and then there's a mysterious shuttle following them despite running out of oxygen that Spock won't even let them look at… and he confronts Spock about it… and Spock just owns up while still being in complete control of the situation.

Spock is having so much fun messing with McCoy and it's incredible. My poor doctor is just blown away here, he knew something was up, but he wasn't expecting this and this might be the first time he's been in command as a ranking officer, and Spock is just explaining how McCoy needs to put him in space jail and he's just so flabbergasted. Peak writing.

And then, of course, we have Spock's incredible chemistry with a guy who only speaks in 'yes' and 'no' - a guy who can't emote or move, and who he's only interacted with once in one episode where Spock was practically a completely different character. And also no one at the time had seen that episode so to them this was just a random guy.

This is an episode that breaks out all the hearstrings, and as long as we're in real-time, the hits start coming and they don't stop coming. Watching Kirk slowly realize what Spock's done is heartbreaking, as is seeing Spock try so hard to save Pike even though Pike doesn't want him to risk it. And then there are a few moments where Spock is impersonating Kirk with the recordings and he looks about as nervous as we ever see him in the show, because he's alone and doing possibly the most risky thing he's ever done.

And then we have Kirk chasing Spock down even to the point where he no longer has enough fuel to get back to the base, and Spock knowingly risks throwing away his own life and the mission to save him.

If the entire episode kept up this energy, it would be ranked even higher, but unfortunately we do have the flashbacks to get through. Again, see my section on The Cage for my feelings on this bit. The first half of the cage is certainly the most boring one, especially on the re-watch. Barely anything happens the entire time, and there are no interesting characters to follow. About the only entertaining thing about it are the anachronisms, and those only support the episode for so long. Thankfully the rewatch does cut out some of the filler in The Cage, along with some lines like the sexist comment about a 'woman on the bridge'.

Thankfully there's a lot of real-time in this episode compared to the flashbacks, and that real-time business is good stuff.

Number 4: The Naked Time - When I feel friendship for you… I feel ashamed

You know this episode, you love it - it's a classic for a reason. This episode is a bit of a slow burn, and can drag a little toward the beginning, but never too badly. You've got an engaging mystery on your hands with the crazy people, and then you spend a surprisingly long amount of time with this ensign who slowly goes crazy and commits suicide - very dark.

Despite this, the tone of this episode is all over the place. It can get dark, like with the suicide and deaths, it can be very tense with the ship on the verge of exploding, you've got these wonderful heartfelt moments of connection between the characters - the first time in the show that we really get to see them interact like this, and this is one of the funniest episodes of Star Trek as well. Sulu with his sword, anytime Kevin Riley graces us with his presence… we're all over the board here. And yet, the episode's tone never feels disjointed - it always transitions smoothly from one emotional beat to the next without creating any dissonance.

There are a few weak points - the way the crewman gets infected, by removing the glove of his admittedly wonderful spacesuit and touching his face is hilariously awful. Christine's love confession to Spock is… not good. On a variety of levels. First of all, great job introducing Christine's nigh-sole personality trait of 'likes Spock'. Love that. Secondly… her entire speech about how she likes him is just… entirely based on racial stereotypes. "Oh, Spock, I know Vulcans are awful and treat women terribly, but you're HUMAN and you would NEVER would you?"

Like wow, that's an impressively bad declaration of love, right there. Real low point of the episode.

Thankfully we get better stuff for everyone else. Bones never gets infected, unfortunately, but that's probably because he actually observed proper medical protocols like a responsible person. Be more like Bones.

But we get lots of lovely stuff from Kirk and Spock. Jim introduces some elements of his character about being tied to his ship in a love/hate relationship and wanting more… although this is dragged down by being tied to the stupid Kirk/Rand arc they were trying to set up.

Meanwhile Spock is laying down aces, with incredible acting, trying to repress his breakdown and expressing himself to Kirk. It's a beautiful look into his character that really solidifies early on what makes Spock such a beloved character. Also the bit with Kirk ineffectively trying to hit him followed by Spock backhanding him over a table is fantastic.

Their entire conversation is both heartwrenching and comedy gold, actually. Kirk is all like 'we're all gonna die you gotta do impossible math to save us' but Spock won't shut up about his feelings, so Kirk hits him in the face a bunch of times until Spock hits him back and then Kirk won't shut up about his feelings, and it makes Spock so uncomfortable that he spontaneously solves the impossible math problem to make him stop talking.

I'm aware that there are other valid interpretations of this scene, but I like this one.

Overall this episode is a real emotional rollercoaster with some great trivia. Did you know that Sulu was originally supposed to wield a katana, because asian typecasting, but George Takei wasn't about that life, so he told the people in charge that he knew how to fence, so could he use a foil? And they went for it. The only problem was that George Takei actually had no idea how to fence, so he went to go take crash courses in the art so he could perform.

Also, originally Spock's breakdown was supposed to happen when a crazy crewman drew a mustashe on his face, but Nimoy realized that this would make Spock the butt of the joke, and wouldn't respect his character. So they wrote Spock's breakdown scene and now it's a, if not the, highlight of the episode.

This episode has a lot of highpoints, great emotional beats, and is always a great time. 10/10 would recommend.

Number 3: The Devil in the Dark - the Federation accidently commits genocide against rock-carpet aliens

I feel like I might get some hate for placing this above The Naked Time, but hear me out. While Devil in the Dark doesn't hit the same emotional highs as The Naked Time, or have the same emotional range, it is a far more consistant episode that does still have very good character interactions. The Devil in the Dark immediately introduces a strange and intimidating villain before quickly transitioning into our characters trying to hunt it down and keep everyone alive.

The design for the Horta is creative and sufficiently strange for the episode. The scenes of it attacking people are shot with a great amount of tension, and lead to a great set-up for the rest of the episode.

There are never any sections of this episode where the episode really feels like it's dragging, or any parts that are terribly hard to sit through. There's some fantastic interpersonal interactions between Kirk and Spock regarding how to deal with the Horta: Kirk wants to kill it immediately to protect everyone else, but when the moment comes he's willing to find a way to connect with her. Spock originally wants to protect the Horta's life, but the second Jim is in danger that all goes out the window.

This is also one of the few examples we have of Spock and Kirk being in strong disagreement about something (that isn't who gets to sacrifice themselves this episode) when Spock initially overrides Kirk's intended orders to kill the Horta. This leads to a fantastic conversation where Kirk tries to give Spock an out from the mission since it makes him uncomfortable, and Spock fights tooth and nail to stay with Kirk on the mission.

Spock has a super unique mind-meld with the Horta, we get a great Bones moment of him getting to be a creative space-doctor, and there's a great message about how the fear of the unknown can make us into the very monsters we're so afraid of.

Unfortunately, it doesn't take much work to read in a bad-faith interpretation of the ending - it's easy to say that the Federation effectively enslaved the Horta because the Horta had no way to turn down a deal that got them out of being killed. However, I think the intended interpretation is that the Horta really don't mind sharing the planet, and they know the Federation would leave them alone if they didn't want to be bothered.

Ultimately, I think this is a very strong episode thematically, plot-wise, and regarding character development. And it stays a very strong episode the whole way through without ever really dropping off.

Number 2: The City on the Edge of Forever - Time Travel! McCoy makes the Nazis win WWII so everyone goes to the 1920s to ensure some humanitarian dies.

We've reached what many hail as the best episode of Star Trek, and for good reason. This episode is transcendent. You will never have more fun than watching Kirk try to explain Spock's ears to a suspicious policeman. You will never experience more domestic bliss than watching Jim bring home groceries (but not platinum). You have not experienced heartbreak until you watch Jim's reaction to Edith's death.

All this, and we haven't even mentioned McCoy's incredible plotline - getting very high, practicing his ninja moves, accidently-ing himself into the past, freaking out some poor homeless guy, breaking down over the concept of (previously) modern medicine and being a gentleman with the hallucination-woman who helps him. There truely are no weak links here.

It's difficult to summarize everything that makes this one so great, as it really feels like I would need a much longer format to work with. This episode is a masterclass in characterization, seemlesly inserting our favorite characters into a familiarly un-familiar environment, and drawing out constant beautiful character beats. This may be the most technically-beautiful episode Star Trek has to offer… so why isn't it number one?

Number 1: - Operation – Annihilate! - Kirk's brother dies, Spock gets infested with parasites and goes blind, everyone has a miserable time for 50 minutes.

It isn't number one because I'm a sucker for angst, that's why. I love this episode more than words can tell. Even though everything about the plot of this thing can kind of be reduced to cheap gimmicks if you look at them too hard, even though the beginning can be kind of slow… this still tops my list because when Spock walks out of that room and McCoy realizes he didn't need to blind him and the Jim almost throws hands and everyone is sad… MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM that's good stuff!

We open this thing on a little mystery - some guy commits suicide in the sun, but the episode really begins when we go to Kirk's brother's house and oh no! Not Shatner in a mustasche! Anyone but Shatner in a mustasche! (On that note SNW fumbled hard by not making Kirk and Sam share an actor with and without facial hair.)

I love that sceen so much for so many reasons. Spock trying to comfort Kirk features high among them, but I also feel so many contrasting emotions when this death is revealed. Originally, I just didn't care about Sam at all, because we knew nothing about him, so this is a comedically obvious degree of emotion-bating. But I do care about Kirk and Kirk cares about Sam, so I felt kind of bad about that. But also it's Shatner in a mustasche, so the scene was also very funny.

Now that I have seen SNW my feelings have become more intense. First of all, I am now more sad on Kirk's behalf because I know more about his relationship with Sam. However, now that I know Sam… I'm just disappointed he didn't die sooner! Now I know that he was actually a useless coward who barely ever contributed to the Enterprise and, worst of all, was racist to Spock! I wish he could've died in SNW! But also… that's still Shatner in a mustasche, and it's still hilarious!

Those are three strong and different emotions at the same time, and there are few things that can elicit that response within me.

Then Spock gets himself stung by one of the parasites, and Jim is just so desperate for him to be OK because he just lost his brother and not Spock too but OH NO HE'S NOT OKAY and Nimoy has some great acting here and everything is wonderful.

From here on out the angst train is making no stops. McCoy can't save either Spock or Peter, the kid. Jim loses his sister-in-law. Spock is in constant agony as his free will is stripped away, causing him to try and murder everyone. Spock goes 1 V everyone on the bridge before being taken down by McCoy. It's great stuff, I could watch it all day.

Of course we've got Spock breaking out of sickbay like it ain't no thing, and trying to bop off to the planet… and then he keeps trying to convince Jim to let him die and kill all the colonists because no one can come up with a plan and Jim would have to execute all these colonists 'for the greater good' just like Kodos and aaaaaaaaaaagggggh.

And then there's the blinding scene… oooooooooooooooh you haven't lived until you've experienced this episode please and thank you.

So no, I do not care if this isn't the most technically perfect episode it wins first place in my heart, and may in fact be my favorite episode of the entire series. Keep your eyes pealed for my ranking of season 2.