Chapter 10

Worrying was starting to seem like a well-practiced skill by this point. In the few days that followed our outing to the lower levels, it was all we seemed to do. With no word from Talon yet, we had little choice but to be victimized by our own speculation. Mica's face kept playing through my mind. The malice that I felt burning behind those seemingly calm eyes. I didn't want to suspect him, but I couldn't shake the bad feeling.

A feeling that only seemed more justified when we received word from Corran…

"Did you take the proper measures to calmly reprimand him?" Luke asked as he stared down into Corran's holo image.

"Of course, and to his credit he seemed to take the lecture well. He's accepted his extra disciplinary lessons gracefully and has excelled at them."

"Why doesn't that do much to reassure me?" I cut in dryly.

"You're not alone in that, Mara," Corran agreed. "He has amazing ability, but with his emotions so volatile, it will only take him so far. He must learn to control them."

Luke nodded sadly, something seeming to strike a cord inside of him. "Thank you, Corran, please keep us informed…"

With a final nod, the image of Corran faded into stray particles of light. Which just left Luke and me to make some sense of everything that had been happing lately. Not an easy task.

"Two students coming to blows?" I mumbled, baffled. "Not even I did that during my training."

I watched as Luke paced over to the couch and sank slowly onto it. "I thought I could reach him," he whispered slowly. "But clearly I'm missing something…" A pang of guilt played out over his face. "I should be there to train him myself, I'm the Master, I should know what to do…"

"Hey, ease up on the shoulds, we've both tried to do our best for all the students. But in the end, we're only human. You've been a little busy trying to figure out who's trying to off us as usual."

"I know Mara, but when I heard what Corran said about Mica, the ability and the volatile emotion, it…" He hesitated. "It reminded me of something Ben once said about my father." Something raw and intense appeared behind his blue eyes. "If the New Jedi Order isn't able to help someone like my father, then can we say we've really learned from the past, that we've really achieved true balance?"

I felt the sigh hiss slowly from between my teeth. "Luke, in the end…everyone has to make their own choices. We can do our part to make it an easier choice, but still, no one can live someone else's life for them."

"I know…" he whispered softly. "But I don't want to fail him…"

In a way, I wasn't sure if he meant Mica or…his father. Vader may have been responsible for bringing balance back to the Force, but it was Luke's role to maintain it. And sometimes, that felt like an even harder assignment…

Kneeling down beside him I met his eyes without flinching. "You failing someone isn't possible."

He scoffed. "Anyone can fail, Mara."

I placed my hand over his, adamant. "Not you. Because doing your best means you can't fail, and your best is better than anyone else's in the whole galaxy." It wasn't like me to dispense with cheesy Jedi platitudes, but I meant it. And it made me mad to think he couldn't see it.

"Look," I added. "I care about what happens to Mica too, but at the end of the day, he has a lot of issues only he can face for himself. Trust me, I know how that goes."

After a few moments of silence, I felt him softly squeeze my hand back. "Thank you…" he whispered meekly. "For always believing in me."

I reached to touch the side of his face, a little smile coming to me. "Anytime, Farmboy, anytime…" Leaving a kiss on his cheek I stood again. "But stop putting me in a good mood, I had a lot of worrying scheduled for later," I teased, half serious.

Seeming to regain his center, Luke stood. "Still, it might be wise to go back to Yavin soon. As much as I don't want to believe it, Mica might have some vital information about what's going on."

I folded my arms. "He just might, but I highly doubt he'll want to share any of it with us. The truth, if we let ourselves just come out with it, is pretty ugly, Luke. If, and it's a big if granted, but if Mica really is in on this then his training is just a farce. The mission to bring him to Yavin was just the setup for a death trap. Except, no one's dead, which means their mission failed. Mica doesn't seem like the type to take failure lying down."

"We're still assuming a lot, Mara. We don't even know for sure that Becro is involved."

"I know…" I whispered, heaving a heavy sigh. "And I don't want any of them to be involved, believe me. I'd rather it just be some Hutt or two-bit criminal gang with a preference for famous targets. But something in my gut is telling me it's not that simple."

It wasn't typical for a Jedi to rely on their gut more than the Force, but the two were one and the same to me.

"I feel that too," Luke admitted. "It's why I think I need to go back."

"Maybe we should, but I think we're better off waiting a while. Let's give Talon a chance to dig up something about Blent. I don't want us going into this blind, we need the upper hand only the right information can give."

Luke seemed to mull it over before he nodded in resignation. "You might be right. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to wait a little while on Coruscant."

I smiled at him a little, if just to dispel the heavy gloom lingering around him. "I'd say we should take the time to relax a little, but that's getting really hard for us in our old age, isn't it?"

A tiny grin flickered on his lips. "Are we really old already, Mara…" he mumbled, in playful contemplation.

"You've seen Ben," I said with a chuckle. "Isn't it obvious? We're almost washed up, Farmboy."

A sweet smile spread across his face. "I wouldn't mind enjoying a quiet retirement with you if I'm honest."

I scoffed softly. "Why aren't I surprised…? Still thinking about revisiting Marcus' little wooded shack?"

He closed his eyes, bittersweet feelings dancing through his emotions. The memories of that time would always be so incredibly precious. "I'd love to show Ben once he gets older."

"And we will," I said as if our future were already certain. As if nothing or no one could change it. In my head, I knew that wasn't exactly true, but I couldn't bring myself to even consider the possibility. I'd seen enough of that future while I was on Migo. Now I was determined to shape the future I wanted, needed.

No matter how unlikely, and no matter the cost.

The days seemed to crawl by like a thousand times before. I was used to finding information myself if it needed to be found. Of course, I trusted Karrde, but this waiting game never came easy to me…

Sitting on a bench in one of Coruscant's raised gardens I tried to still my thoughts. I wasn't sure if I was actually any calmer in the Jedi sense of things, but I was thankful just to turn my brain off for a while. I found myself staring aimlessly into the spraying water of the fountain in front of me.

Just ahead, I could hear Ben's laughter mingling with Anakin's antics. It would have been a soothing sound if only we were tucked away on Grairr instead of lost in the bittersweet memories of Coruscant. But as it was, I tried not to let the past get the better of me. Most days it felt like a constant tug of war I was tired of.

On the one hand, a mercenary wanted me dead because I was now a Jedi and a friend of the New Republic, on the other, if Becro 5 was behind hiring him it was likely because I had been an Imperial. It seemed ironic as if everyone were impossible to please. The bigger question had to be when I'd started caring either way. I was never someone who worried about pleasing the masses on either side of an issue.

But being married to Luke Skywalker meant I didn't have the luxury of not being involved. Still, it was more than that… In the case of the Empire, it was much more personal than that.

I watched Ben dip his fingers in the fountain, held safe in his cousin's arms. It was about Ben's future… Or at least, I hoped that was all that was really eating at me. I thought of Mica again, of the look of hatred in his eyes… Did I have a vendetta all my own?

I was taught from an early age that hatred and vendetta could be a source of power. Looking at it now, it felt wrong, even if that grudge was used against something as evil as the Empire. I supposed Luke was getting to me; hatred was never a good motivator. Not too long ago Ben would have been the very one to make me feel the opposite. I thought back to those Echo Driver thugs who had tried to jump us on Grairr. I had been so ready to hate them for trying to harm Ben that Luke had given me another subtle dark side lecture.

But now…

I let go of a sigh.

I was tired of hate, directed at either side. It couldn't change the past, but love was the only thing that could make you want to live in spite of it. That was the lesson I wanted to teach Mica. But if he really was tied up in what amounted to an assassination plot, I doubted I'd ever get the chance to share that particular nugget of Jedi wisdom.

"You're too young to look so dejected, you know?"

I turned to see Karrde's slight smile as he sat down next to me.

"That's funny, I feel about 500 years old at least."

He grinned before glancing at Anakin and Ben playing together. I followed his line of sight before whispering what was on both of our minds.

"Any news?"

"Blent is meeting his employer's contact tonight…" he whispered back. "If we can capture them alive, they'll tell us all we need to know."

I felt my fists curl before releasing them with acceptance. "Then Luke and I will go tonight."

"Isn't that a bit too dangerous to be advised?" he asked frankly. "They are looking for you, after all?"

"Talon a firefight usually only ends one way, if we need them alive you're going to need both Jedi finesse and restraint."

"And Blent?"

I narrowed my eyes, Mica's harsh question still ringing in my ears. "If all goes well, we'll hand him over to the authorities too. I'm tired of spilling blood Talon, even from someone as thankless as a mercenary."

He leaned back and sighed, sensing the aura hanging between us. "Mara, you weren't much different from a child soldier, it…wasn't your fault."

My eyes traced the outline of Ben's smiling face. "I know…" I mumbled slowly. "I only wished that made it easier to forget."

The silence gathered around us, heavy and intimate. The sort of wordless connection that could only be between old friends.

"Would you believe it," he finally whispered to break the stillness. "If I told you I'm thinking of retiring…?"

I turned to face him, no little shock on my face. "You? You're kidding."

He smiled a little, his eyes focused on Ben and yet seeming so far away. "I'm getting old and tired, Mara."

I titled my head as I looked at him deeply. I was a Jedi, so of course I knew it was more than that, but as his friend, I only needed the look behind his eyes to know.

Glancing down, I smiled, saying the awkward truth as I saw it. "You're not thinking of running away with a certain member of your crew, are you?"

He stood, taking a few thoughtful paces toward the fountain. Finally, he turned back to look at me, raw honesty in his eyes. "None of us asked to be born into this galaxy, Mara, this place so full of war and bloodshed. But the gift of life is so precious we've still clung to it even here…" He looked down. "Even if the things we've done to survive are among some of our biggest regrets…"

He looked up at the sound of Ben's laughter. "But in the end…" he went on. "With the war over, we'd all like to start living, wouldn't we…?"

I nodded slowly, the emotion silent but hot inside my chest. "Yes…more than anything."

He smiled, shifting his eyes hopefully to the sky above us. "So I will, just as you've taught me to do, Mara Jade Skywalker…"