It has almost been a full year since my last chapter and for that, I apologize life has been really crazy as of late. I got married this year, switched jobs, and moved out of a house with a toxic roommate and am finally on the mend mentally. so here is a new chapter. with another one close behind. thank you for reading 3
It has been three months since I last encountered Kabuto. Orochimaru personally had seen to my care and testing. I was as I said healthy with a slight copper deficiency which he helped me get under control. I spend most days cooped up alone but I have been given books, writing utensils, sewing, and knitting supplies, and I even have my own little herb garden to tend so I do not grow bored without Orochimaru's company. I will say I am happy that I do not eat alone and even if he is silent and focused on other things at least he dines with me and makes sure that I eat enough if I don't he comments on how I need the proper nutrients. Usually, when I don't eat much it is during my moon cycle I believe he has started noticing this change and therefore he has started making small meals that are very nutritious yet not lacking flavor he never comments on it just does small things to help with the un-comfortability of that time.
I make sure to count my fertile days and those days are the most fun as I spend as much time with Orochimaru as possible. Mostly writhing underneath him. We have our battle of the wits too, we debate, play games, and laugh and joke. When we are not together I am busy with my herbal garden or I am knitting and sewing while he is busy doing whatever he does. There are times when I wake and I see him sleeping at his desk so I creep over and place a blanket on his shoulders before crawling back into bed, sometimes this wakes him and he crawls into bed and curls up beside me, and sometimes he is so tired he sleeps at the desk wrapped in a blanket. I am hoping that this month I take as I so desperately yearn to carry his child to hold this child in my arms. I even have names picked out. I so desperately hope this child brings back that light that I know is within Orochimaru that everyone else so readily turned their backs on, refusing to believe it still is there no matter how dim it is. I hope to rekindle that flame inside of him. All those who try to snuff that light out will meet my rage, especially that cunning cobra Kabuto.
The downside of being here is I still have not earned my freedom and have been confined here in this room. He is still afraid I will run even though I have assured him over and over I won't run from him. I have invested so much time into stabilizing this relationship and pouring out so much love into him that I can't see myself with anyone else. It would completely break my heart to run from him. I have no reason to fear Orochimaru; he has given me none. My only reason to run would be because of that bastard Kabuto. I just have this sinking gut feeling not to trust that cunning serpent. I don't know what he is up to but I damn sure will not let him near me or my child. I guess that the upside of being locked here is that the cursed Cabbage Patch Kid is not allowed in my presence. I have bitten him twice since he interrupted Orochimaru and on that day. Moron tried getting a blood sample from me and I hate absolutely hate tourniquets and IV needles and the ass gave no warning when he stabbed me so I fucking bit him and I bit him hard enough to draw blood which caused a string of curse words from him and then the idiot tried immobilizing me which caused me to bite him again, which caused another string of curse words and an amused chuckle from Orochimaru. Asshole then raised his hand to me in anger which Orochimaru caught. After that incident, Kabuto has been nowhere near me and Orochimaru like I said has taken care of me and my needs.
While Orochimaru makes me feel wanted, loved, and cherished I still can't help but miss my brother. I worry about him and I wonder if he is worried about me. I mean not hearing from me for so long has probably got him worried right? Jiraiya has always been a good brother, he has always looked out for me, and he is the only family I have left. I just want to hug him and breathe in his cypress wood and moss scent the smell of home, the smell of happiness, the smell of safety. I wonder if he is out looking for me or if he is trusting that I am safe and praying that he is right…he does have a habit of doing that, I mean he does it with Tsunade the love of his life so I can imagine him worried about me, yet also trusting that eventually, I will reach out to him letting him know that I am okay. While I love and miss my brother I am absolutely terrified of what he will say and think of me for wanting an intimate relationship with Orochimaru, for wanting Orochimaru's children.
The thought of my brother rejecting me because of my Love for an S-class criminal keeps me up most nights; I mean Jiraiya and I have had our fair share of fights some ending in full-on screaming matches, slammed doors and wounded pride, yet we always come to forgive each other. My fear is that when I do see him again he won't forgive me for my blind love and faith in Orochimaru, a faith he had given up on. The thought of my brother not forgiving me drives a kunai straight to my heart. My brother is the last person I want on my bad side. I know it's probably silly to think that way, but what if it is true what if he won't forgive me? Where else will I go if I can't turn to my brother? What if I have to run? I can't afford to jeopardize my health and safety no matter how blindly I love Orochimaru. I cant go to Hiruzan he wouldn't understand…Tsunade? Forget it she's always MIA when I need her the most. If my brother rejects me I have no one. I am all alone. My mind races what would I do if I had to leave? I would be completely screwed. I guess I need to shut my brain off and trust that what I am doing is right and that when it comes down to it if Kabuto is a problem Orochimaru will defend and protect me and his Child at all costs. If I have to fight the Cobra myself I will. I will do whatever it takes to protect myself and my family.